grain Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious grain puns

My doctor said I need to cut back my sodium intake...

...but I tend to take everything he says with a grain of salt.

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My doctor told me to cut down on my sodium intake.

Ive been taking his advice with a grain of salt.

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Maria had 3 children, snowflake, sand, and brick.

One day snowflake goes to her mom and asks her: Mom, why am I called snowflake? Then the mother replies: Because when you were born, a snowflake fell on your head. The next day goes Sand and asks: Mom, why am I called Sand? And the mother replies: Because when you were born, a small grain of sand fell on your head. The next day goes brick and asks: gyefagcxheufrhd

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70% of dishes are under-seasoned, according to a recent survey by the seasoning manufacturers' association. Obviously, this is biased.

Take it with a grain of salt.

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What's the difference between LSD and LDS (Latter Day Saints)?

one you take with a sugar cube, the other with a grain of salt :P

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A man exclaims, "I would die to fulfill my quest.. to create the perfect grain blend. I would make..

..the ultimate sack of rice."

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Quickly after robbing my bakery, a man got a severe headache

Serves him right. It's not his grain, it's migraine

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What do you call a hockey player in a leaky barn?

Grain Wetzsky

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What's the difference between LSD, and the church of LDS?

One to take with a sugar cube, the other you take with a grain of salt.

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An Israeli, a Brit, a Russian, a Vietnamese, and an American are sitting in a restaurant.

An Israeli, a Brit, a Russian, a Vietnamese, and an American are sitting in a restaurant. A reporter comes by and asks, "Excuse me, but can I get your opinion on the recent grain shortage in the third world?" The Brit asks: "What's a 'shortage'?" The Vietnamese asks: "What's 'grain'?" The Russian asks: "What's an 'opinion'?" The American asks: "What's the third world?" The Israeli asks: "What's 'excuse me'?"

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My doctor said my blood sodium level is apparently too high

but I take everything with a grain of salt.

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The internet is a scary place. It's dangerous to go alone! Take this

.

(It's a grain of salt)

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The Politically correct way to speak about men.. (This one is for the ladies)

1) He does not have a BEER GUT. He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

2) He is not a BAD DANCER. He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

3) He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME. He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

4) He is not BALDING. He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

5) He is not a CRADLE ROBBER. He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

6) He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK. He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

7) He does not act like a TOTAL ASS. He develops a case of RECTAL-ANAL INVERSION.

8) He is not a SEX MACHINE. He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED.

9) He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG. He has SWINE EMPATHY.

10) He is not afraid of COMMITMENT. He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

11) He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES. He has an INTROSPECTIVE GRAPHIC MOMENT.

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Have you heard the one about the grain farmer?

It was corny.

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Satan Visits Three Men on a Boat

Note: This works with any race or ethnic background, but I will tell it as I first heard it.



There are three men on a boat. A Macedonian, a Bulgarian, and an Albanian. Mr. Satan shows up and tells them that he will kill them if they can't throw something he can't find into the ocean. The Albanian throws in a grain of rice. Satan jumps in the water and comes back with the rice after a few hours. He kills the Albanian. The Bulgarian throws a grain of sand into the ocean. After a few days, Satan retrieves it and kills the Bulgarian. Satan looks expectantly at the Macedonian, who then proceeds to throw an Alka-Seltzer into the ocean.

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If u stand in the pouring grain....

Your gonna get all wheat!

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When you go off gluten...

...you really go against the grain!

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What do you call the single grain of corn on the tree?

Acorn

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I hate cereal killers

they go against the grain

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What is worse than a pebble in your shoe?

A grain of sand in the condom.

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What do you call a hockey-player-turned-farmer whose silo leaks?

Grain Wetzsky

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Oldie - -Communist China telegrams Soviet Russia

Communist China:
WE ARE OUT OF FOOD. SEND GRAIN

Soviet reply:
WE ARE ALSO OUT OF FOOD. TIGHTEN YOUR BELTS

Communist China:
SEND BELTS

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In Hollywood, all facts are supposed to be taken with a grain of...

Coke

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I was thinking of making puns about grain...

But most people can *barley* stand it.



Yes, I know. That was pretty *corny*. You're probably thinking, "*Rye* did you do this?" I'm probably going too *farro* with this. I'm sorry

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An African man was found lying on the ground with a grain of rice next to him in the morning, what happened?

He was vomiting the whole night.

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You know, I'm really glad Ben Carson didn't end up being Secretary of Education.

I really didn't want our kids learning that the food pyramid was built to store grain.

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How did the Jewish man make grain into beer?

Hebrew

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If at first you don't succeed...

Try a grain.

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Doctor told me to cut back on my sodium intake...

I'm taking his advice with a grain of salt.

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I'm not the best at giving advice when it comes to tequila

So you'll have to take it with a grain of salt...

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What does a farmer do at a strip club?

Make it grain.

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Why don't hipsters like bread?

Because they prefer to go against the grain.

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I got accused of stealing Sodium Chloride today.

I took it with a Grain of Salt.

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I always take life with a grain of salt

plus a slice of lemon...

...and a shot of tequila.

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Two musicians were hired to drive a grain truck

They were Hall and Oates

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What are the most funny Grain jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Grain? Well, here are the best Grain dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Grain pick up lines to share with friends.

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