graduation Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious graduation stories

What are the best graduation puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Graduation? Well here is a complete list of the top graduation jokes:

I didn't know what to wear to the graduation ceremony of my premature ejaculation course....

So I came in my boxers.

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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

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Q: What do you get when you complete science class?
A: A graduated cylinder.

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When I graduated from highschool, I was so poor and couldn't afford college.


So my parents sent me to dog training school.
I learned a lot when I was there.
Sit, stay, roll over.
I haven't quite got the fetching part down.
They say I'm a little rough around the edges.

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Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.

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It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father.
"Let’s try to make this look natural" she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder."
The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"

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I guess the Tupperware lids in my house just graduate and go off to college or something.

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Graduation Trip

This past year, I graduated college, and decided to take a trip with a few buddies. We had some money left over from our college funds, and decided we would visit Europe. We had originally intended to go hiking in different European countries for a couple of weeks.

At my Graduation ceremony, my grandparents showed up, and upon learning that I was going to Europe, and going to HIKE, of all things, my grandpa had this to say:

"Thats no way to spend your time. . . why, when I was your age, I went to the Moulin Rouge in Paris, Drank all night, Fucked the dancers, Pissed on the barman, and left without paying! Now thats how you live a little, grandson."

So I talked with my friends, and we decided we would spend a week hiking, then a few days in Amsterdam, and then stop in Paris the last night to do just that.

When I arrived home, in crutches, mind you, I visited my grandparents again. My eyes were blackened, nose bloodied, and had a few teeth chipped, along with a bruised rib and sprained wrist.

My grandpa says "Sweet baby Jesus, what the hell has happened to you?!"

"I did what you said Grandpa, I went to Moulin Rouge, Drank all night, Fucked a Dancer, pissed on the Barman, and tried to leave without paying, and they beat the shit out of me."

"Oh my, who did you go with?"

"Just some friends, why, who did you go with?"

"The S.S."

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Why didn't the skeleton go to prom? Cause he had 'no body' to dance with.

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What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School? A law-botomy.

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A 21-year-old is hired by a hardware store.

He shows up for his first day of work at 8 AM sharp.
The boss welcomes him, then hands him a broom.
"First, sweep out the store. Then I'll show you where the window cleaning equipment is."
"Sir," the young man protests. "You can't be serious. I'm a college graduate."
"Oh, sorry," says the manager, pointing to the broom. "No problem. I can show you how that thing works."

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Knock Knock
Who's there!
B-4!
B-4 who?
B-4 you take the diploma, shake the dean's hand.

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Late graduation joke inspired by Patton Oswalt

A doctor, a comedian and a valedictorian walked into a bar. The bartender asked the comedian and the doctor why they chose their careers.


The doctor said, because I like to watch people heal.


The comedian said, because I like to watch people laugh.


That help you decide what you want to do with your life? the bartender asked the valedictorian.


Sure, I think I'll become a teacher.


Oh, why is that. 'Cause I like to watch people take tests.

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What did Snoop Dogg say upon graduation as a EE major?

My circuit breaker be trippin and my joint wouldn't solder...

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The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job.


The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for.
"Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
"Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometers, say a Mercedes convertible."
The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited.
"Wow. Are you kidding?"
"Yeah. But you started it."

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Chuck Norris graduated college in one hour.

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the knights

What is the name of the knight who moonlights as a geologist?

Sir Vey

What is the name of the agreeable knight?

Sir Tenly

What is the name of the Knight who used to be a slave?

Sir Vent

What are the names of the Knights who run the graduation ceremony?

Sir Amony and Sir Tiffy Cashien

What is the name of the Knight who is also an OB/GYN?

Sir Vix

What is the name of the Knight on LSD?

Sir Real

What is the name of the Knight who makes pottery?

Sir Amik Vaze

What is the name of the Knight who also works in the OR?

Sir Jen

What is the name of the Knight who is totally radical?

Sir Fer

What is the name of the Knight who is a great trader?

Sir Plus

What is the name of the French Knight?

Sir Render.

What is the name of the Knight who never loses?

Sir Vivyn

What is the name of the Knight who enjoys practical jokes?

Sir Prize!

What is the name of the Knight who is always in the lead?

Sir Pass

What is the name of the Firefly class Knight?

Sir Renitee

What is the name of the really sketchy Knight?

Sir Spishus

(all credit for those above goes to /u/NedryOS)

What's the name of the knight who is always sure of himself?

Sir Ten (creds to /u/loufizzle)

what is the name of the knight who loves snakes?

Sir Pent (creds to /u/Space_Bucket)

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So I wanted to take all my highschool graduation money and buy a motorcycle...

But my mom said no.
You see, she had a boyfriend who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18.
And i could just have his motorcycle.

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A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald.


He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"How do you mean?" says the accountant.
"I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."
"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"
"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.
"Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"
"That," says the man, "is your first worry."

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The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.

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A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

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I'd advise you graduates to keep your graduation gown. It's the only outfit you might not outgrow.

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One good thing about graduation is that you get to wear a funny hat that makes your brain look larger than it actually is.

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Q: How many University Graduates does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it may take up to seven years!

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Engineer's Percentage

A Joke about Engineer's percentage in Projects:

An English and an Asian Engineers were friends at University. After Graduation, the Asian Visited the English... The English Engineer had a Well-decorated Big house and an expensive Car...
The Asian asked him: How did u get all this in such a short time.
English Engr: U see that Bridge?
Asian: Yeah... English: 10% of it is in my pocket

After Sometime, the English Visit the Asian... He was surprised to see, that he had Got a much more expensive car, and a big house than him...
He Asks the Asian: How did u get all this...
Asian: U see that Bridge?... English: No. I dont...
Asian: That whole bridge is in my pocket... :)

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best graduation jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 25 puns about graduation. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty graduation gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these graduation jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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