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Graduated Jokes

112 graduated jokes and hilarious graduated puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about graduated that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your graduation special by learning a few jokes on the graduated cylinder used in most sciences! From the familiar graduated cylinder to the more specialized ones, there are many funny jokes you can use to impress your friends with an education in your field. Get your diploma in comedy today!

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Funniest Graduated Short Jokes

Short graduated jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The graduated humour may include short graduation jokes also.

  1. My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.
  2. I just graduated with a degree in Egyptology. So now I am qualified to teach more students Egyptology. I'm beginning to think this is some sort of pyramid scheme.
  3. A science graduate asks the question why? A science graduate asks the question why?
    An engineering graduate asks the question how?
    An arts graduate asks, "Would you like fries with that?"
  4. Pros of my high school years: I graduated top of my class, was voted prom king, and hooked up with the hottest girl in my grade. Cons of my high school years: my twin sister and I were homeschooled.
  5. I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children, it's their responsibility to choose whatever medical school they'll graduate from.
  6. For my graduating class' 20th reunion, we're digging up our time capsule from freshman year I cant wait to see how big my dog Sparky got
  7. What do you call someone who graduates at the bottom of their class in medical school? A doctor
  8. Why do University of Alabama graduates place their diplomas on their rear-view mirrors? So they can park in handicap spots.
  9. My dad told me... "When i was your age, i had to walk 13 miles to school"... So i said... "Is that why you didn't graduate?"
  10. What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? "You may have graduated, but I've got hundreds of degrees"

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Graduated One Liners

Which graduated one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with graduated? I can suggest the ones about college graduation and college graduates.

  1. What do you call doctors who graduated online? Google Docs
  2. How to get a liberal arts graduate off of your porch? Pay him for the pizza
  3. When a mathematics student graduates do they get a degree, or a radian?
  4. what do you call medical students who graduated online? google docs
  5. How do you get an art school graduate off your porch? Pay for the pizza.
  6. When math majors graduate, do they get degrees or radians?
  7. What do gender studies graduates commonly say? "Would you like fries with that?"
  8. How do you get a Harvard graduate off your doorstep? Tip him for the pizza.
  9. What did the pop can become when it finished high school? A graduated cylinder.
  10. I graduated top of my class at gay conversion therapy Everyone else wanted to be bottoms
  11. Congratulations 2020 graduating class Reigning senior skip day champions!
  12. What do you call a medical student who graduated last in his class? Doctor.
  13. What do you call a column with a degree? A graduated cylinder
  14. Why do arts graduates like fancy restaurants? Bigger tips.
  15. What do you call a graduated spider? A Web Designer

Graduated High Jokes

Here is a list of funny graduated high jokes and even better graduated high puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Son, as a reward for graduating high-school at the top of your class, we've decided to pool or money and send you abroad! Son: Is she hot?
  • You have to wonder about a country where the bombs ... are smarter than the high school graduates. At least the bombs can find Iraq on the maps.
    (quote by
    Alan Whitney Brown of SNL fame)
  • Why don't farts graduate high school? Because they always get expelled.
  • Post Grad Plans When my son graduated high school, he wanted to open up a dispensary, but i wanted him to become a doctor. When it came time to choose I told him: "It's my way, or the highway.
  • I finally just slept with my high school crush. Now she expects me to go to her graduation.
  • Name your newborn Cylinder so the day he finishes high school he'd become a Graduated Cylinder
  • As the father of a now high school graduate, I think it's time I stopped fantasizing about "college girls." I mean, no need to dream when you've got the real thing at home, right?
  • A 2007 study showed that for high school students graduating in the US, 4/3 did not know how to properly use fractions. It might be an outdated study though.
  • What do you say to a theologian graduate with a good GPA? "Oh, high marks! How's your sects life?"
  • Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Graduated Cylinder Jokes

Here is a list of funny graduated cylinder jokes and even better graduated cylinder puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the test tube go to college? To become a graduated cylinder.
  • What do you call a can that earns a degree? A graduated cylinder.
  • What do you call a can after it completes college? A graduated cylinder.
  • Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder? Because he had more degrees.
  • Q: What do you get when you complete science class?
    A: A graduated cylinder.
  • What do you call a 6 feet tall circle that recently got his diploma from college? A Graduated cylinder.
  • What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
    You might have graduated but I have got many degrees.
  • I like containers that are educated. I only use graduated cylinders.
  • What's the smartest piece of lab equipment? A graduated cylinder.
  • Cringe Incoming What do you call a smart cylinder?
    A graduated cylinder 😜
Graduated joke, Cringe Incoming

Graduated Harvard Jokes

Here is a list of funny graduated harvard jokes and even better graduated harvard puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How many Harvard graduates does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. He holds up the light bulb, and the world revolves around him
    *I'll see myself out*
  • How do you know if somebody graduated from Harvard? They'll tell you.
  • What does a vegetarian and a Harvard graduate have in common? They will tell you all about it!
  • How do you know that someone you met is a Harvard graduate? He already told you so.
  • this is pretty funny Texan: "Where are you from?"
    Harvard Graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions."
    Texan: "Okay where are you from, j**...?"
  • Texan: "Where are you from?" Harvard Graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions."
    Texan: "Okay— where are you from, j**...?"

Graduated Valedictorian Jokes

Here is a list of funny graduated valedictorian jokes and even better graduated valedictorian puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • TIL Steve Harvey was the valedictorian of his graduating class. Oh wait, no he wasn't. My mistake.
Graduated joke, TIL Steve Harvey was the valedictorian of his graduating class.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about graduated can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of graduated puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Graduated Jokes

What funny jokes about graduated you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean graduating class jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make graduated prank.

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

Good Polish Joke

A man walks into a bar and orders a glass of Polish v**.... As the bartender slides the drink to the patron, a man sitting next to him remarks, "That's a coincidence, I, too, am enjoying a Polish v**.... Since
I arrived from the old country, this is the only bar in which I have found it."
To which the first replies, "Old country, I'm from the old country. Let me buy you another!"
As the drinks are being poured, one of the men asks, "What part of the old country are you from?"
"Krakow," replies the other. "This is weird," says the first, "I, too, am from Krakow! Let's get another shot."
After the new round arrives, the first asks, "So, pal, what did you do back in Krakow?'
"Not much, really, I came here right out of high school. I graduated from l**... Walesa Technical Academy in '81."
"This is eerie," replies the other, "I'm Welesa Tech, '81. Let's get another shot." But the bartender says, "Slow down fellas, I gotta make a call."
The bartender calls his wife and tells her that he'll be late getting home. When she inquires as to the cause, he replies, "Oh, the friggin' Liszjewski twins are here again."

Georgia joke

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."

"Hey, graduate student Minotaur, what are you up to today?"

"Not much, just working on my Theseus."

I graduated in zooscatology.

"b**...!"

National Poetry Contest - Timbuktu

For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.
" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a r**... from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the r**... top that, they thought. The r**... calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three w**... in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
The r**... won hands down!

When is a fetus viable?

To a Christian, it's the moment of conception. To a Jew, it's when he graduates from medical school.
-my mom heard this on the radio

Graduations are so immature

You can hardly get to the end without name calling

At my high school graduation I saw a bowl of fruit punch...

So I told a bunch of my friends "I want to make a joke which requires some audience participation."
Then, I proceeded to instruct them to stand, single file, in front of the bowl. Once they had, I told them "Here's the punch line."
This is a completely true story, so I do not regret it.

You guys! I'm so excited, I just hooked up with my crush from middle school.

...but now she keeps calling me expecting me to show up at her graduation.

Pavlov's birds

An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.

When I graduated high school I wanted to buy a motorcycle..

When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had an uncle who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle. - Anthony Jeselnik

So I talkedto a gender studies graduate the other day.

I told her I wanted a #1 combo with no tomatos or onions.

My wife saw her ex high school boyfriend, drunk in the street. She said he started drinking when she broke up with him after graduation decades ago. I said....

....Impressive. .. I've never seen anyone celebrate that long before.

post-graduate plans

My college counselor asked me what my post-graduate plans were, and I told her I was interested in cleaning mirrors. When she asked why, I just shrugged and told her it was a job I could see myself doing.

Here's one for you recent graduates.

A college grad decides to get a job at a hardware store for the summer. He shows up on his first day of work and his boss hands him a broom.
"Here, your first task is to sweep out all the aisles. After that, I'll show you where the rest of the cleaning supplies are."
The grad looks at the broom and says to his boss, "I don't think you understand, I'm a college graduate."
His boss replies, "Oh, no problem. I can show you how to use a broom."

What do recent college graduates and felons have in common?

It takes three to five years before anyone will hire them.

Degrees

The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'

I absolutely can not stand Brown people.

It's just that I had an ex graduate from there and she was super pretentious.

An Oxford Graduate walks into a bar

Some Texans are mingling at the bar when an Oxford graduate walks in. Howdy, stranger, one Texan says. Where are you from?
The Oxford graduate answers, I come from a place where we do not end our sentences in prepositions.
Oh, I'm sorry, replies the Texan. Where are you from, j**...?

My college graduation was held inside the basketball arena and man was it hot

Musta been like 5,000 degrees in there

A gynecologist decided to become a mechanic...

He graduated mechanic school with a 5.2 gpa and asked his teacher how that was possible.
The teacher said "Well, you aced the written exam thats half. Then you reassembled the motor perfectly, and we had to give you the extra credit when you did it all through the Muffler"!

She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig!"

Everyone in the bar stops and stares.
Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations."
To which the guy responds as loudly as possible, "What do you mean $200 for a BJ?"

Poetry contest

A r**... and a Harvard graduate are in a poetry contest where they have to come up with a poem that has the word Timbuktu in it. The Harvard graduate goes first.
Amongst the desert sands
Away ride the caravans
Camels leaving, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu
The audience applauds, thinking that the r**... does not have a chance. Then the r**... goes.
Me and Tim a'huntin' went,
Found some w**... in a pop up tent.
They was three and we was two
So I bucked one and Timbuktu!

My buddy signed up for one of those, "learn to be a plumber in 6 weeks" courses you see on TV and his final exam was at 9am today...

He showed up at 3pm, looked at the test paper and said, "Looks like I'm gonna need a pen for this job. I'll have to pop round to my suppliers for one. Be right back."
Graduated top of his class...

I used to get into fights at the drop of a hat.

Which is probably why I got fired from my job as a graduation photographer.

Did you hear about the circle that graduated college

Apparently it got three-hundred and sixty degrees

An MBA graduate lost his mind and used to go climb a tree at 9 am everyday and sit on a branch until 5pm.

He thought of himself as a branch manager.

I ask my brother if he wanted to watch any war movies.

He said he was tired of watching people getting shot. I said "you never saw anyone get shot, you graduated HS 12 years ago."

What did the arts graduate say to the mechanic?

Would you like fries with that?

I was surprised when a friend said he'll work at KFC right after graduation..

Out of curiosity, I asked him why.

All he said was, "It's in my bucket list."

Letter Z getting removed Joke

After carefully considering and debating the matter for over two years, the Engwish Wanguage Centwaw Commission (EWCC) came to the concwusion that the letter Z should be remowed from the Engwish alphabet.
zero becomes xero
zoo is now xoo
visualize becomes visualise
analyze becomes analyse
zodiac is now xodiac

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.

The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said "Your first job will be to sweep out the store.
But I'm a college graduate! the young man replied indignantly.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that" said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how...

My brother asked me where I'm going to graduate.

At the living room or the kitchen?

what do you call a cruise full of college graduates?

a Scholar-ship !

A dentist graduated from Hogwarts...

He's now known as the Wizard of Aahhhs

I work at IBM as a quantum computer developer and last night i hooked up with a gender studies graduate.

we had nothing in common,
but eventually we bonded over our mutual hatred for binary systems.

A dishonest college graduate wrote PhD on his transcript

I guess you could say he doctored it

We should all stop studying to prevent global warming

Because everytime someone graduates, the world increases by a degree.

A Jewish mother walks by a planned parenthood and sees a protestor who's sign says life begins at conception

She goes up to the man and says that may be true of Christian babies, but a Jewish fetus isn't viable until it graduates medical school!

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with a science degree asks,
"Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree
asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree
asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a sociology degree asks,
"Do you want fries with that?"

Two recent college graduates walk into the mens room at the same time.

They proceed to the urinals to relieve their bladders. When they finish one walks to the sink and washes his hands.
The other about to exit without washing his hands.
Sink guy- at Harvard they taught us to wash our hands after using the restroom.
Other guy- at my college they taught us not to p**... on our hands.

A University of Alabama graduate gets a job

He shows up to his first day of work, and the boss hands him a mop and a bucket.
"Hey! I will have you know I'm a graduate of the University of Alabama!"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the boss said, "let me show you how to use those."

My friend graduated from medical school after 7 years.

He then got a job at his local clinic, but shortly got fired after that for sleeping with his patients!
He was one of the most promising veterinarians in our class

Graduated joke, I just graduated with a degree in Egyptology.

jokes about graduated

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these graduated jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.