Graduate Student Jokes
36 graduate student jokes and hilarious graduate student puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about graduate student that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Graduate Student Short Jokes
Short graduate student jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The graduate student humour may include short grad student jokes also.
- I just graduated with a degree in Egyptology. So now I am qualified to teach more students Egyptology. I'm beginning to think this is some sort of pyramid scheme.
- "Hey, graduate student Minotaur, what are you up to today?" "Not much, just working on my Theseus."
- A 2007 study showed that for high school students graduating in the US, 4/3 did not know how to properly use fractions. It might be an outdated study though.
- Q: How many University Graduates does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it may take up to seven years! - What did the student say after graduating from Catholic Seminary? "Stick a frock on me, I'm done.'
- A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
- While watching graduation, I like to think all my students have the same potential. However, when shaking their hands afterwards, I really felt that wasn't true. It was quite shocking!
- Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.
- Post Malone Has Started His Own Student Loan Service in an Attempt to Lift the Burden Off of New Graduates It's called " Post Malone's Post Pone Ma Loans"
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Graduate Student One Liners
Which graduate student one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with graduate student? I can suggest the ones about college student and graduate school.
- When a mathematics student graduates do they get a degree, or a radian?
- What do you call a Med School student who graduates with all C's? A Doctor.
- What do you call the law student who graduates last in their class? "Your Honor"
- What does the average comp sci student graduate with? His virginity
- Who is a Graduate student's least favorite Greek Hero? Thesus
- how do graduate students fight? they fling theses at each other
- Why couldn't the Asian student graduate medical school? "Knee-How?"
- Why does Aleppo have a low graduation rate? Their students keep b**... their tests.
Cheerful Graduate Student Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about graduate student you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grad school jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make graduate student pranks.
Pavlov's birds
An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig!"
Everyone in the bar stops and stares.
Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations."
To which the guy responds as loudly as possible, "What do you mean $200 for a BJ?"
In 2015, while addressing graduates of SMU, George W. Bush said;
"To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the 'C' students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States."
Then Donald Trump came and said Bush has denied us, Americans our right to be POTUS!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call the student with the best overall average in a graduating class at an all girl's school?
vulvavictorian
Old habits are hard to break.
A woman gynecologist decides she wants to become a mechanic. She enrolls in a technical college and becomes an A student.
Before she can graduate she must pass the final exam, which is dismantling a car engine & rebuilding correctly. When she receives the results of her exam she sees the instructor gave her 150 points. Fearing there must be some error she goes to ask her instructor.
"If 100 is a perfect score, how is it I scored 50 points over?"
The instructor explains, "Well you scored 50 points for taking the engine apart correctly."
"And 50 points for putting it all back together correctly."
"You got the extra 50 points for doing all of it through the muffler!"
An engineering student moved back into his parent's house after graduating
He spent a lot of his time hidden away in his room playing games and arguing with strangers on the internet. One day, he was having a particularly heated conversation on a forum about why Kilograms are a better unit of measurement than Pounds. Then his mother suddenly opened the door without knocking. Shocked, she let out a gasp and quickly turned away as he frantically closed all the tabs in his browser.
Maybe that seems like an overreaction. But what would you do if your mom walked in on you mass-debating?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A father and her disappointing daughter
So there's a girl, who just graduated from High School as an honors student but just a few A's away from making Valedictorian. After her graduation, her father walks up to her and says "you've let me down."
The girl goes to medical school. Once again, she graduates near the top of her class but isn't the top of her class. The father walks up to her and says "you've let me down."
The girl was nominated for a big promotion in her hospital but was just a few marks away from securing it. Her father walks up to her and says "you've let me down."
Years pass. The woman has grown to hate her father. One day, she receives a letter saying her father had passed away. Forgetting all of her hate, she gets on the next flight to her mother's home.
As soon as she arrives, her mother hands her a letter detailing one final request from her father.
"At my f**..., I would like to have my daughter lower my body into my grave so she can let me down one more time."
A graduate student submits his thesis to his advisor...
A few days later, the advisor returns in with a single note: Needs Improvement.
So the student makes a few changes and resubmits it. Again, the advisor returns it with the single note: Needs Improvement.
This time, the student pores over it, double checks every word, adds every reference he can find, and adjusts the layout to make it more readable. He walks into his advisor's office and says, "I have done everything I possible can, this is absolutely perfect."
The advisor takes it from him and says, "Okay, I guess I'll actually read it this time."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Student and Doctor!
A student was not found of a job even after two years after his graduation so he decided to open a clinic & wrote
outside the clinic:
Any treatment in Rs.300/- & if we can't treat, we will pay you back Rs.1000/-.
A CLEVER Doctor thought he will make that commerce student fool and comes to do fraud & thinking to get Rs.1000.
He says to the student:
I cant feel any taste on my tongue...
Student asks the Nurse to put few
drops of medicine from box no. 22
After that the MAN shouts: " w**......its u**.....!!
Student says congratulations your sense of taste is back now.
The CLEVER Doctor was angry as he lost Rs.300.
After 2 weeks the same doctor comes back again & this time he thinks to get back his previous 300 too.
CLEVER Doctor : I've lost my memory.
Student: Nurse! pls put some drops of medicine from Box no. 22 on his tongue.
DOCTOR : Wait but that medicine is for sense of taste.
Student: Congratulations your memory is back!
Grad School Interview
Ted Kaczynski was the Unabomber but very few people remember that he was also a professor at Berkley with his own graduate students. Here is a list of his interview questions for the perspective candidates.
1) How are you?
2) Did you find my office OK?
3) Are you a cop? Legally, I think you have to tell me if you are, right?
4) Good. Lets say you find that someone had accidently left, what I think most people would agree is a completely reasonable manifesto in the copier, what would you do?
5) Complete the following sentence; Snitches get…..
6) Using your geometry skills, fit these components into this rectangular wooden box.
7) Take this package to the post office…..this is a timed event.
$200
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"