Following is our collection of enroll puns and graduation one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Graduate jokes for adults, dirty phd jokes and clean doctorate dad gags for kids.
Some Texans are mingling at the bar when an Oxford graduate walks in. Howdy, stranger, one Texan says. Where are you from?
The Oxford graduate answers, I come from a place where we do not end our sentences in prepositions.
Oh, I'm sorry, replies the Texan. Where are you from, jackass?
Pay him for the pizza
A science graduate asks the question why?
An engineering graduate asks the question how?
An arts graduate asks, "Would you like fries with that?"
A college grad decides to get a job at a hardware store for the summer. He shows up on his first day of work and his boss hands him a broom.
"Here, your first task is to sweep out all the aisles. After that, I'll show you where the rest of the cleaning supplies are."
The grad looks at the broom and says to his boss, "I don't think you understand, I'm a college graduate."
His boss replies, "Oh, no problem. I can show you how to use a broom."
Pay for the pizza.
it's their responsibility to choose whatever medical school they'll graduate from.
So i said... "Is that why you didn't graduate?"
For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.
" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
The redneck won hands down!
It's just that I had an ex graduate from there and she was super pretentious.
The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'
Tip him for the pizza.
Everyone else wanted to be bottoms
He thought of himself as a branch manager.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said "Your first job will be to sweep out the store.
But I'm a college graduate! the young man replied indignantly.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that" said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how...
A redneck and a Harvard graduate are in a poetry contest where they have to come up with a poem that has the word Timbuktu in it. The Harvard graduate goes first.
Amongst the desert sands
Away ride the caravans
Camels leaving, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu
The audience applauds, thinking that the redneck does not have a chance. Then the redneck goes.
Me and Tim a'huntin' went,
Found some whores in a pop up tent.
They was three and we was two
So I bucked one and Timbuktu!
Everyone in the bar stops and stares.
Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations."
To which the guy responds as loudly as possible, "What do you mean $200 for a BJ?"
I told her I wanted a #1 combo with no tomatos or onions.
When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had an uncle who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle. - Anthony Jeselnik
"BULLSHIT!"
"Not much, just working on my Theseus."
Would you like fries with that?
At the living room or the kitchen?
Pizza can feed a family of four
Because they always get expelled.
But nobody knew I was in the class
Because he was always below a C
Graduate: Sure
"A job"
Graduate: I don't get it
"I know you don't."
"Oh, is that why you didn't graduate"
I have over 300 confirmed designs and don't have a single job...
"I'd like a big mac meal with a coke please"
I mean, no need to dream when you've got the real thing at home, right?
And the graduate answers "well, I think you press ctrl-c."
"Yes, go on," says the teacher.
"Then you press ctrl-v," says the graduate.
Five minutes later it's the graduation ceremony.
They'll tell you.
What does a graduate student with a liberal
arts degree ask? "you want fries with that?"
"Oh, high marks! How's your sects life?"
Washes out the pepper spray.
Homeless
If you do 4 years in the field for your Master's, they let you work in the kitchen.
Whether Pepsi is ok.
Get it?
They're just K-9.
His virginity
The graduate never passed the bar
Thesus
"No more than 25" from Gary Muledeer
You were right. #classof2020
There is an abundance of journalism jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 47 funniest jokes and graduate puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any university witze you can hear about graduate.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.