Graduate Jokes

Following is our collection of enroll puns and graduation one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Graduate jokes for adults, dirty phd jokes and clean doctorate dad gags for kids.

The Best Graduate Puns

An Oxford Graduate walks into a bar

Some Texans are mingling at the bar when an Oxford graduate walks in. Howdy, stranger, one Texan says. Where are you from?

The Oxford graduate answers, I come from a place where we do not end our sentences in prepositions.

Oh, I'm sorry, replies the Texan. Where are you from, jackass?

How to get a liberal arts graduate off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

A science graduate asks the question why?

A science graduate asks the question why?

An engineering graduate asks the question how?

An arts graduate asks, "Would you like fries with that?"

Here's one for you recent graduates.

A college grad decides to get a job at a hardware store for the summer. He shows up on his first day of work and his boss hands him a broom.

"Here, your first task is to sweep out all the aisles. After that, I'll show you where the rest of the cleaning supplies are."

The grad looks at the broom and says to his boss, "I don't think you understand, I'm a college graduate."

His boss replies, "Oh, no problem. I can show you how to use a broom."

How do you get an art school graduate off your porch?

Pay for the pizza.


I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children,

it's their responsibility to choose whatever medical school they'll graduate from.

When math majors graduate, do they get degrees or radians?

My dad told me... "When i was your age, i had to walk 13 miles to school"...

So i said... "Is that why you didn't graduate?"

National Poetry Contest - Timbuktu

For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.

" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

The redneck won hands down!

I absolutely can not stand Brown people.

It's just that I had an ex graduate from there and she was super pretentious.

Degrees

The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'

The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'

The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'

The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'


How do you get a Harvard graduate off your doorstep?

Tip him for the pizza.

I graduated top of my class at gay conversion therapy

Everyone else wanted to be bottoms

An MBA graduate lost his mind and used to go climb a tree at 9 am everyday and sit on a branch until 5pm.

He thought of himself as a branch manager.

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.

The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said "Your first job will be to sweep out the store.

But I'm a college graduate! the young man replied indignantly.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that" said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how...

Poetry contest

A redneck and a Harvard graduate are in a poetry contest where they have to come up with a poem that has the word Timbuktu in it. The Harvard graduate goes first.

Amongst the desert sands
Away ride the caravans
Camels leaving, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu

The audience applauds, thinking that the redneck does not have a chance. Then the redneck goes.

Me and Tim a'huntin' went,
Found some whores in a pop up tent.
They was three and we was two
So I bucked one and Timbuktu!

She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig!"

Everyone in the bar stops and stares.
Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations."
To which the guy responds as loudly as possible, "What do you mean $200 for a BJ?"

So I talkedto a gender studies graduate the other day.

I told her I wanted a #1 combo with no tomatos or onions.

When I graduated high school I wanted to buy a motorcycle..

When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had an uncle who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle. - Anthony Jeselnik


I graduated in zooscatology.

"BULLSHIT!"

"Hey, graduate student Minotaur, what are you up to today?"

"Not much, just working on my Theseus."

What did the arts graduate say to the mechanic?

Would you like fries with that?

My brother asked me where I'm going to graduate.

At the living room or the kitchen?

What is the difference between a arts graduate and a large pizza ?

Pizza can feed a family of four

Why don't farts graduate high school?

Because they always get expelled.

I would have graduated from Ninja School

But nobody knew I was in the class

Why did the scuba diver drop out of graduate school?

Because he was always below a C

"Hey, wanna hear a joke?"

Graduate: Sure

"A job"

Graduate: I don't get it

"I know you don't."

"Boy, when I was your age I used to walk fifteen miles to school."

"Oh, is that why you didn't graduate"

I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in graphic design

I have over 300 confirmed designs and don't have a single job...

What did the law graduate say to the arts graduate?

"I'd like a big mac meal with a coke please"

As the father of a now high school graduate, I think it's time I stopped fantasizing about "college girls."

I mean, no need to dream when you've got the real thing at home, right?

How do people finish graduating from a Journalist school? They have to answer one last question. That question is "how do you do an excellent article?"

And the graduate answers "well, I think you press ctrl-c."
"Yes, go on," says the teacher.
"Then you press ctrl-v," says the graduate.

Five minutes later it's the graduation ceremony.

How do you know if somebody graduated from Harvard?

They'll tell you.

What does a graduate student with a science degree ask? "Why does it work?" What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask? "How does it work?" What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask? "How much will it cost?"

What does a graduate student with a liberal
arts degree ask? "you want fries with that?"

What do you say to a theologian graduate with a good GPA?

"Oh, high marks! How's your sects life?"

What's the first thing a Texas Tech graduate does after having sex?

Washes out the pepper spray.

What do you call an Arts graduate with no significant other?

Homeless

My local HBCU started a new Graduate Degree Program

If you do 4 years in the field for your Master's, they let you work in the kitchen.

What's the most important question for a philosophy graduate?

Whether Pepsi is ok.

So a college graduate with no experience gets a good job!

Get it?

Too bad they won't allow dogs to graduate highschool.

They're just K-9.

What does the average comp sci student graduate with?

His virginity

Why hadn't the law graduate and the bartender ever met?

The graduate never passed the bar

Who is a Graduate student's least favorite Greek Hero?

Thesus

What do you want to be when you graduate high school?

"No more than 25" from Gary Muledeer

To all those who said I would never graduate high school...

You were right. #classof2020

There is an abundance of journalism jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 47 funniest jokes and graduate puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any university witze you can hear about graduate.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes