Following is our collection of funniest Graduate jokes. There are some graduate graduation jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these graduate doctorate puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
"No more than 25" from Gary Muledeer
"Not much, just working on my Theseus."
"BULLSHIT!"
For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.
" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
The redneck won hands down!
If you do 4 years in the field for your Master's, they let you work in the kitchen.
They'll tell you.
Tip him for the pizza.
Pay him for the pizza
So i said... "Is that why you didn't graduate?"
And the graduate answers "well, I think you press ctrl-c."
"Yes, go on," says the teacher.
"Then you press ctrl-v," says the graduate.
Five minutes later it's the graduation ceremony.
You can explore graduate enroll reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean graduate phd dad jokes. There are also graduate puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had an uncle who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle. - Anthony Jeselnik
I told her I wanted a #1 combo with no tomatos or onions.
Because he was always below a C
"Oh, is that why you didn't graduate"
Thesus
A science graduate asks the question why?
An engineering graduate asks the question how?
An arts graduate asks, "Would you like fries with that?"
A college grad decides to get a job at a hardware store for the summer. He shows up on his first day of work and his boss hands him a broom.
"Here, your first task is to sweep out all the aisles. After that, I'll show you where the rest of the cleaning supplies are."
The grad looks at the broom and says to his boss, "I don't think you understand, I'm a college graduate."
His boss replies, "Oh, no problem. I can show you how to use a broom."
The graduate never passed the bar
The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'
It's just that I had an ex graduate from there and she was super pretentious.
Some Texans are mingling at the bar when an Oxford graduate walks in. Howdy, stranger, one Texan says. Where are you from?
The Oxford graduate answers, I come from a place where we do not end our sentences in prepositions.
Oh, I'm sorry, replies the Texan. Where are you from, jackass?
Pay for the pizza.
Graduate: Sure
"A job"
Graduate: I don't get it
"I know you don't."
I mean, no need to dream when you've got the real thing at home, right?
His virginity
They're just K-9.
Everyone in the bar stops and stares.
Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations."
To which the guy responds as loudly as possible, "What do you mean $200 for a BJ?"
A redneck and a Harvard graduate are in a poetry contest where they have to come up with a poem that has the word Timbuktu in it. The Harvard graduate goes first.
Amongst the desert sands
Away ride the caravans
Camels leaving, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu
The audience applauds, thinking that the redneck does not have a chance. Then the redneck goes.
Me and Tim a'huntin' went,
Found some whores in a pop up tent.
They was three and we was two
So I bucked one and Timbuktu!
But nobody knew I was in the class
Pizza can feed a family of four
"I'd like a big mac meal with a coke please"
Get it?
He thought of himself as a branch manager.
Homeless
Washes out the pepper spray.
Would you like fries with that?
Because they always get expelled.
Everyone else wanted to be bottoms
I have over 300 confirmed designs and don't have a single job...
"Oh, high marks! How's your sects life?"
"...Unfortunately it's a gender studies major."
You were right. #classof2020
Whether Pepsi is ok.
What does a graduate student with a liberal
arts degree ask? "you want fries with that?"
it's their responsibility to choose whatever medical school they'll graduate from.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said "Your first job will be to sweep out the store.
But I'm a college graduate! the young man replied indignantly.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that" said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how...
At the living room or the kitchen?
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the graduate journalism jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working graduate university piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.