The Best 48 Graduate Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Graduate jokes. There are some graduate graduation jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these graduate doctorate puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Graduate Jokes and Puns
What do you want to be when you graduate high school?
"No more than 25" from Gary Muledeer
"Hey, graduate student Minotaur, what are you up to today?"
"Not much, just working on my Theseus."
I graduated in zooscatology.
"BULLSHIT!"
National Poetry Contest - Timbuktu
For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.
" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
The redneck won hands down!
My local HBCU started a new Graduate Degree Program
If you do 4 years in the field for your Master's, they let you work in the kitchen.
How do you know if somebody graduated from Harvard?
They'll tell you.
When math majors graduate, do they get degrees or radians?
How do you get a Harvard graduate off your doorstep?
Tip him for the pizza.
How to get a liberal arts graduate off of your porch?
Pay him for the pizza
My dad told me... "When i was your age, i had to walk 13 miles to school"...
So i said... "Is that why you didn't graduate?"
How do people finish graduating from a Journalist school? They have to answer one last question. That question is "how do you do an excellent article?"
And the graduate answers "well, I think you press ctrl-c."
"Yes, go on," says the teacher.
"Then you press ctrl-v," says the graduate.
Five minutes later it's the graduation ceremony.
You can explore graduate enroll reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean graduate phd dad jokes. There are also graduate puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
When I graduated high school I wanted to buy a motorcycle..
When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had an uncle who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle. - Anthony Jeselnik
So I talkedto a gender studies graduate the other day.
I told her I wanted a #1 combo with no tomatos or onions.
Why did the scuba diver drop out of graduate school?
Because he was always below a C
"Boy, when I was your age I used to walk fifteen miles to school."
"Oh, is that why you didn't graduate"
Who is a Graduate student's least favorite Greek Hero?
Thesus
A science graduate asks the question why?
A science graduate asks the question why?
An engineering graduate asks the question how?
An arts graduate asks, "Would you like fries with that?"
Here's one for you recent graduates.
A college grad decides to get a job at a hardware store for the summer. He shows up on his first day of work and his boss hands him a broom.
"Here, your first task is to sweep out all the aisles. After that, I'll show you where the rest of the cleaning supplies are."
The grad looks at the broom and says to his boss, "I don't think you understand, I'm a college graduate."
His boss replies, "Oh, no problem. I can show you how to use a broom."
Why hadn't the law graduate and the bartender ever met?
The graduate never passed the bar
Degrees
The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'
I absolutely can not stand Brown people.
It's just that I had an ex graduate from there and she was super pretentious.
An Oxford Graduate walks into a bar
Some Texans are mingling at the bar when an Oxford graduate walks in. Howdy, stranger, one Texan says. Where are you from?
The Oxford graduate answers, I come from a place where we do not end our sentences in prepositions.
Oh, I'm sorry, replies the Texan. Where are you from, jackass?
How do you get an art school graduate off your porch?
Pay for the pizza.
"Hey, wanna hear a joke?"
Graduate: Sure
"A job"
Graduate: I don't get it
"I know you don't."
As the father of a now high school graduate, I think it's time I stopped fantasizing about "college girls."
I mean, no need to dream when you've got the real thing at home, right?
What does the average comp sci student graduate with?
His virginity
Too bad they won't allow dogs to graduate highschool.
They're just K-9.
She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig!"
Everyone in the bar stops and stares.
Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations."
To which the guy responds as loudly as possible, "What do you mean $200 for a BJ?"
Poetry contest
A redneck and a Harvard graduate are in a poetry contest where they have to come up with a poem that has the word Timbuktu in it. The Harvard graduate goes first.
Amongst the desert sands
Away ride the caravans
Camels leaving, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu
The audience applauds, thinking that the redneck does not have a chance. Then the redneck goes.
Me and Tim a'huntin' went,
Found some whores in a pop up tent.
They was three and we was two
So I bucked one and Timbuktu!
I would have graduated from Ninja School
But nobody knew I was in the class
What is the difference between a arts graduate and a large pizza ?
Pizza can feed a family of four
What did the law graduate say to the arts graduate?
"I'd like a big mac meal with a coke please"
So a college graduate with no experience gets a good job!
Get it?
An MBA graduate lost his mind and used to go climb a tree at 9 am everyday and sit on a branch until 5pm.
He thought of himself as a branch manager.
What do you call an Arts graduate with no significant other?
Homeless
What's the first thing a Texas Tech graduate does after having sex?
Washes out the pepper spray.
What did the arts graduate say to the mechanic?
Would you like fries with that?
Why don't farts graduate high school?
Because they always get expelled.
I graduated top of my class at gay conversion therapy
Everyone else wanted to be bottoms
I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in graphic design
I have over 300 confirmed designs and don't have a single job...
What do you say to a theologian graduate with a good GPA?
"Oh, high marks! How's your sects life?"
"Even though I didn't go to college, I make as much as a Graduate..."
"...Unfortunately it's a gender studies major."
To all those who said I would never graduate high school...
You were right. #classof2020
What's the most important question for a philosophy graduate?
Whether Pepsi is ok.
What does a graduate student with a science degree ask? "Why does it work?" What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask? "How does it work?" What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask? "How much will it cost?"
What does a graduate student with a liberal
arts degree ask? "you want fries with that?"
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children,
it's their responsibility to choose whatever medical school they'll graduate from.
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said "Your first job will be to sweep out the store.
But I'm a college graduate! the young man replied indignantly.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that" said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how...
My brother asked me where I'm going to graduate.
At the living room or the kitchen?
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the graduate journalism jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working graduate university piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.