Grade School Jokes
112 grade school jokes and hilarious grade school puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grade school that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Grade School Short Jokes
Short grade school jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grade school humour may include short high school jokes also.
- Visiting my first grade son at school lunch today... Me: How is school going so far?
Son: Good, I had a test.
Me: What was your test on?
Son: Paper. - Pros of my high school years: I graduated top of my class, was voted prom king, and hooked up with the hottest girl in my grade. Cons of my high school years: my twin sister and I were homeschooled.
- New data has claimed that only 52% of students leave school with an acceptable grade in Maths. Safe to say I am part of the 34% that struggled with it.
- What does every frenchmen learn in first grade of school? (sorry France) How to surrender in 6 different languages.
- Last year, 7th grade students were forced to clean the entire school. This year, the principal said, "Last year, the 7th grade student did the cleaning. This year, let the 8th grade students do it."
- My grade school math teacher once asked us what 280 x 18 was I kept shouting "7!" but apparently we weren't on the topic of factorials yet
- Despite my excellence in all other school subjects, I always got bad grades in Greek history. It was my Achille's elbow
- I got pulled over by the police last night They asked me where I was between 6 and 11. I told them I was in grade school.
- I was in a first-grade class, and I saw a cute girl. I asked the girl out, but then I got kicked out of the school.
I am never allowed to teach there again. - I got A's in elementary school. I got C's in middle school. In high school, I got D's and boy did my grades improve.
Share These Grade School Jokes With Friends
Grade School One Liners
Which grade school one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grade school? I can suggest the ones about middle school and kid school.
- What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school? Oh, high marks.
- What grades did Fidel Castro get at school? Full Marx
- Why did the kid drown in school? He got below C level grades.
- What is a snowflake's school grade based on? Class precipitation.
- What grade did Tommy Wisaeu usually get in school? A high mark.
- How many grades are in dog school? Grades K-9
- So I took a programming elective in school My final grade was C+
- How does the russian mother punish her kid who got bad grades at school? Nietflix.
- What are the best grades that can be given in cheese school? Epoisses
- Why is 9th grade so lit? Because it's part of High School.
- I had such a crush on my sixth-grade teacher... I was home schooled.
- What grades would alcoholics get in school? Forties
- I was so disappointed on my second day of school... I was still in the first grade.
- Where do the devil's children attend grades 6-8? Metal school
- Why nobody bullies a first grader mexican kid in school his dad is in the 4th grade
Uproarious Grade School Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about grade school you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean school age jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grade school pranks.
Q: What is long and hard to a blonde?
A: Fourth grade.
Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student.
Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night.
This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes.
15 minutes looking for assignment.
11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.
23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.
8 minutes in the bathroom.
10 minutes getting a snack.
7 minutes checking the TV Guide.
6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science.
She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.
Now it was question time, and she asked, “My name begins with the letter ‘M’ and I pick up things.
What am I?”
A little boy on the front row proudly said, “You’re a mother!”
Chuck Norris's 1st Grade teacher asked him how many stars there were on the American Flag.
Chuck Norris replied "Yes." and was correct.
I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade.
Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...
You seem like the kind of person who always tried to open the wrong side of the milk carton in grade school.
My mom comes into my room with my grades, and one of them have a zero, and she asks, "
Why does it say that this is incomplete?" I say, "It was optional." For me it was optional.
"I see your grades are struggling..." said my mum.
So I said, "Like that button holding your trousers together..."
Why did Michael's grades drop after the holidays? Because everything was marked down!
Why are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!
Why did the broom get a poor grade in school? Because it was always sweeping during class!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Virginity in school
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a v**...."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."
The officer and the speeding Harley
Officer stops a Harley for speeding so he asks the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and give him a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades.
When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.
Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.
Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'
The officer just walks away...
My favorite racist joke is more funny than it is offensive -
On the elementary school playground, there was a group of boys that liked to play basketball. Tyrone, a fourth grader, was the only black boy in the school, and far outperformed his peers in most athletic contests. He could run faster and jump higher than any other student at the school. He could easily outrun and out jump even the fastest and tallest fifth and sixth grade boys. When they played basketball, Tyrone's team could only play three players at a time to be fair, and he was still always picked first.
"You're the best at basketball because you're black, Tyrone," the other boys would say. Tyrone would wonder about this. His mama always told him not to think he was any different than any of those white boys. Being black didn't mean he was any better or any worse than anyone else. But he was obviously better at basketball than any of the white kids at his elementary school, so what else could it be?
Tyrone got home from school one day and asked his mama, "Mama, I can jump higher and run faster than any of the other kids at the school. Even the fifth and sixth graders. Is it a 'cause I'm black?"
"Naw," Mama said, "you's the fastest runner and highest jumper 'coz you's the only one who's twenty two."
Successful entrepreneur
I met an old friend from high school the other day, and I couldn't believe how wealthy he had become. He ran a massively successful business, but could barely get a passing grade in math class when I knew him.
I asked him how he did it.
He said it was easy.
"All I did was find a product I could make for $2 and sell for $4. You'd be surprised just how much 2% adds up over the years!"
A young boy....
A young boy is doing poorly in math at public school. His mother decides to send him to private school to rectify the situation. Lo and behold, after a semester in the new private Catholic school, the boy's grades were straight A's, even in math! Surprised, his mother asked him how he liked his new school. "Oh, it's all right, I guess," he replies. "They must be teaching you some new tricks!" "Not really." "Then what do you think is making the difference in your grades?" "Well", he says, "as soon as I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business!" :s
A high school's star quarterback is about to be kicked from the team.
A high school's star quarterback is about to be kicked from the team because of his bad grades. To try and keep him on the team, the coach takes up the matter with the principal.
The principal , not wanting his team to lose, decides that he will make an exception. He gives the kid one last chance to stay on the team if he passes a test.
The coach, the principal, and the quarterback gather in the principal's office for the test.
"Here's the test. What is 4+7?"
The quarterback thinks for a long while, and then replies "10."
The coach starts to plead "Oh, come on. Give him another chance. He only missed it by two!"
Which tire was flat?
Two students decide to go skiing for the weekend, and are having such a good time they decide to blow off the (calculus, I believe) exam that they have scheduled for Monday morning in order to get some final runs in before they head back to school. They decide to tell the prof that they got a flat tire and therefore deserve to take the exam at a rescheduled time.
Hearing the story, said professor agrees that it really was just bad luck, and of course they can take the exam later. At the appointed time, the prof greets them and places them in two separate rooms to take the exam.
The few questions on the first page are worth a minor 10% of the overall grade, and are quite easy. Each student grows progressively confident as they take the test, sure that they have gotten away with fooling the professor. However, when they turn to the second page they discover that they really haven't.
The only question on the page, worth 90% of the exam, reads: "Which tire was flat?"
School Punishments
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny,Pat?"
"I just saw one of your garters!"
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"
"I just saw both of your garters!"
Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.
"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"
A grade school teacher was asking students...
...what their parents did for a living.
Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a doctor!"
Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!"
Little Johnny stood up and said, "My dad is a professional con artist!"
The teacher couldn't believe what she had just heard, so she made a point of calling Little Johnny's father that evening to discuss the situation.
Little Johnny's father explained, "Actually, I'm a law attorney, but how am I supposed to explain that to a seven year old kid?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the r**... Father walk his kid to school?
They were in the same grade!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the old Russia, bevore USSR a small child comes home from the last day of school
and holding his grade sheet yells to his revolutionary father "Father! You know how you always say how bad our schooling system is? Now I have proof of it!"
Two students go skiing..
Two students decide to go skiing for the weekend, and are having such a good time they decide to blow off the (calculus, I believe) exam that they have scheduled for Monday morning in order to get some final runs in before they head back to school. They decide to tell the prof that they got a flat tire and therefore deserve to take the exam at a rescheduled time.
Hearing the story, said professor agrees that it really was just bad luck, and of course they can take the exam later. At the appointed time, the prof greets them and places them in two separate rooms to take the exam.
The few questions on the first page are worth a minor 10% of the overall grade, and are quite easy. Each student grows progressively confident as they take the test, sure that they have gotten away with fooling the professor. However, when they turn to the second page they discover that they really haven't.
The only question on the page, worth 90% of the exam, reads: "Which tire was flat?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does a grade school bully contact the dead?
With a w**... board.
Little Johnny was having trouble with school...
Little Johnny was having trouble with school and his parents just didn't know what to do. They tried giving him private tutors, remedial classes, and even sent him to a summer boarding school.
Nothing seemed to work and as a final act of desperation, they sent him to their local Catholic School.
After coming home from the first day, Johnny went straight up to his room and began studying. Only coming back down to eat dinner, Johnny stayed in his room and studied till bedtime.
A few weeks later, his parents were overwhelmed to see that Johnny had improved his grades, especially his math grade which had been the worst of the lot.
They praised their son but were also quite interested in what had caused the improvement.
"Was it the nuns? The curriculum?" they asked.
Johnny shook his head and replied, "At first I didn't take them seriously, but when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business!"
When I was in the first grade my teacher could remember my name
Which really hurt since I was home-schooled
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
49ers Fan
On the first day of school, a first grade teacher explains to her class that she's a Seahawks fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Seahawks fans. Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand? 'Because I'm not a Seahawks fan' she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you aren't a Seahawks fan, then who are you a fan of?' 'I'm a 49ers fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you're a 49ers fan?' "Because my mom's a 49ers fan, and my dad's a 49ers fan, so I'm a 49ers fan too!" "Well" said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that's no reason for you to be a 49ers fan. You don't have to be like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a m**..., what would you be?' Janie smiled and said 'I'd be a Seahawks fan.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
r**... Geometry
Dale was the first of his h**... family to make it past the second grade.
One day, Dale's pa asked, "What did y'all learn today in that geometry class?"
Dale replied, "Pi r squared".
"Dadgummit!", yelled Dale's pa, "I knew that there fancy school tweren't no good! Pie are ROUND! CAKE are square!"
When I was in school I wrote a paper about how letter grades should be ABCDEF instead of ABCDF.
My teacher gave me an E+ on it.
Talking about school grades with your parents like...
Parents: Got any A's this semester?
Me: Go fish.
A teenager had just passed his drivers test, and he asked his dad to buy him a car
"Dad, will you be able to get me a car?" Asked the boy
"I suppose a car would be in order *if* you can raise your grades from C's to B's, you study your Bible, and cut your hair." Replied the father.
After contemplating for many hours, the boy decided it was a good and fair compromise. Six weeks later, the father is astonished. His son was excelling in school, he studied his Bible every day, but his hair was still long and shaggy.
"I am very impressed with you" said the father "you are passing all of your classes, and you read the Bible every day. But why wont you cut your hair?"
"After reading the Bible, I have noticed something." Said the boy "Moses, Samson, and Absalom all had long hair. There is even evidence that *Jesus* may have had long hair!"
The father replied back "Did you also notice how they had to walk everywhere too?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did
for a living.
"Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a w**...."
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography.
Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.
Billy's father replied, "Well, I'm really an attorney. But how do you explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old child?"
The Gynecologist had become
fed up with his job and decided to change professions. One day after seeing an advertisment for an auto mechanic school on TV, he decided to sign up. The Dr studied very hard and gave it the same level of excelence as he did when practicing medicine.
The day of the final exam came. The Dr had to completely rebuild an engine, which he did in record time. When the grades were posted, he was surprised to see that he had achieved a score of 125%. Curious, he spoke to his teacher.
"I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth or anything but how can I have gotten a score above 100%?" he asked.
"Well" said the instructor, 'You took the engine apart perfectly, that accounts for 50% of the grade, you put it back together flawlessly, that accounts for 50% or the grade. The extra 25% is because never in my career have I seen that all done through a four inch exaust pipe!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I dissected a cow's eye in grade school.
It was an eye-opening experience.
What's the 4th grade essay in the Detroit School District?
What I want to be *if* I grow up.
A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.
His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A h**... is the First in his Family to Attend Ninth Grade...
Jethro is the first in a long line of h**... and bumpkins to attend schooling beyond the eighth grade. After his first day of high school, the whole family is bursting with pride to see him swaggering up the driveway.
His father says, "Jethro, come tell us about that fancy high school! What'd you learn up there today?"
Jethro says, "Pa, they taught me some al-gee-bra."
His father is dumbstruck. "What is al-gee-bra, boy?"
Jethro says, "I ain't too sure. I think it's a math language."
His father says, "Well, speak some of that fancy al-gee-bra for us!"
Jethro says, "Pi R Squared."
Everyone in the family stops smiling. Jethro's father shakes his head. "No, boy. Pie are round. Cornbread are squared."
A kid is flunking a public school, so his parents move him to a private school
All the sudden inthe private school his grades skyrocket up to A's. Then one night at the dinner table his parents ask,
"Why were you doing so bad in a
public school, and when we switched you to a
private school you did good?" The kid says,
"because I knew they were serious about school.
The first day I walked in they had a guy nailed
to a plus sign."
Mrs. A was my favorite teacher in grade school.
She was by far the nicest of all of the staph at school.
When I was a young boy, I was bad at Maths
I was so bad that I was expelled from my school for failing that subject so often. Because of this, my father sent me to Catholic school and after going for a year, my grades improved. The reason being, the second I walked through that door and saw the guy nailed to the fricking plus sign, I knew this school meant business.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A grade school teacher asks her students what their parents do for a living.
Billy proudly stands up and announces, "My daddy plays piano in a w**...."
The teacher is aghast and promptly changes the subject. Later that day, she calls Billy's mother and explains what Billy said.
Billy's mother says, "Actually, his father's an attorney, but how can we explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
probably the most embarrassing moment of my life was when i soiled myself at grade school in front of the entire class
i lost my teaching licence that day
A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math.
A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math decides to register him at a catholic school. After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He's getting "A"s in math. The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: "Why are your math grades suddenly so good?" "You know", the son explains, "when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a dad say when demolishing the washroom with thier son?
That will teach you to get bad grades in school.
A kid was doing horribly in math class..
He always brought home an F or C- on his report card. His parents decided to put him in a private catholic school to help him improve. All of a sudden his grades improved drastically. He had an A+ on every report card for Math. His parents finally asked, "Son, what changed? How did you improve so much in your Math class?" He responded, "Well, when I walked in to class on the first day I saw a picture of a man nailed to a plus sign, so I knew they meant business."
Finally got off the waitlist for ventriloquy school!
I thought I didn't have the grades to get in, but I managed to pull some strings
Johnny's parents buy a lie detector.
Every time the detector hears a lie, it goes "BEEP!".
Johnny comes home from school and they ask him: "What grade did you get today?"
He says: "An A!"
BEEP!
Then he says: "OK, I got a C."
BEEP!
"Fine, I got an F."
His mom says: "Shame on you! When I went to school, I had straight As!"
BEEP!
Then the dad says: "When I went to school..."
BEEP!
Surprised, Johnny asks him: "Dad, you didn't go to school?!"
Dad says: "Don't yell at me like that! I'm your father!"
BEEP!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a pakistani grade school and an Al-Qaeda training base?
How am I supposed to know, I just pilot the drone
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bartender notices one of his regulars at the bar looked depressed, so he strikes up a conversation
What's got you down? the bartender asks.
Well, the man says sheepishly, I got fired for having s**... with my boss's daughter.
You old dog, the bartender chuckles. I understand why he'd be upset, but i would think what you do on your personal time is none of his business. Did you even know she was his daughter?
Not at all! He says. I didn't even know he had a daughter at that grade school.
A Sunday school teacher was teaching her first-grade class.
"Class," she said, "what were the first words Jesus said when he walked out of the tomb on Easter morning?"
A little girl waved her hand excitedly. "Ooh! Ooh! I know!" she said. "Pick me! Pick me!"
The teach smiled and said, "All right, Susie. What did Jesus say when he walked out of the tomb?"
Susie stood up proudly. "He said, 'TAH-DAH!'"
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when his 3rd grade teacher asked him to be a classical composer in the school play ?
I'll be Bach
Johnny goes to school on the first day of second grade
Johnny goes to school on the first day of second grade. The teacher asks each student to say their name.
Johnny replies, "my name is Johnny Fuckhour".
The teacher immediately scolds him and tells him that such language will not be tolerated.
"But that's my name," he protests. "If you don't believe me, go ask my brother in the fifth grade."
So the teacher marches him over to the fifth grade classroom and asks the fifth grade teacher, "do you have a Fuckhour in here?"
One of the students replies, "oh, no, we don't even have a nap time."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.
Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a Doctor!"
Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!"
All of the class but Little Johnny had answered.
The teacher called on Johnny and he slowly walk to the front.
My Dad is an entertainer he works at night. He is a male stripper some times he doesn't come home after work. This makes my Mother cry because he is sleeping with a man to get enough money to buy us food.
The teacher tells the other kids to go outside for recess. She hugs Little Johnny and ask is that true? No Johnny states he plays baseball for the Baltimore Orioles, but am ashamed to tell the other kids.
Do you know why America has such a strong military?
We start dodging bullets in grade school.
Valentines Day changes a lot the higher grade level you are
In elementary, you got to get and give candies while getting compliments from everyone.
In high school, you get shot.
Asian Family School Letter Grading Scale Explained:
A=Average
B=Below Average
C=Can't eat dinner tonight
D=Don't come home
E/F=Exit the Family/ Find a new Family
American School System
5th grade: You better learn cursive, because in middle school; all your work will be done in cursive!
6th grade: Just write print it's easier to read
Highschool: You better learn these core classes because they'll be required to know before college!
College: You have to retake and pay for these Core Classes for your Degree
The Muslim kid who went to a Christian school.
There was this Muslim family who went to a regular public school. Their child wasn't doing well in school. They thought he needed more attention, so they put him in a private Christian school. When he went there, his grades skyrocketed, and as soon as he got home he would run up to his room and study. When his parents asked why all of a sudden he was so interested in school he answered When I saw the man nailed onto the plus sign I knew the teachers weren't messing around!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Steve comes home early to find his best friend n**... in bed with his wife having s**....
Bob! I mean, come on man! I expected it from her, but you and I have been friends since grade school. We played football together. You were the best man at my wedd.. could you two at least stop while I'm talking?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My fifth grade teacher taught me how to smoke p**... and kiss.
Best hire I've ever made as a school principal.
So I heard this word problem from grade school.....
If you have five crystals, and billy takes four crystals, and sally gives you two crystals, how many crystals do you have?
It was then that I realized the kids were all doing crystal math.
