Grade Jokes

Following is our collection of recess puns and degree one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Grade jokes for adults, dirty school jokes and clean grader dad gags for kids.

The Best Grade Puns

My buddy just came to me all depressed and said My son flunked the third grade, and I just don't know how to break it to him.

So I said well…probably better tell him pretty slowly, so the little dumbass will get it."

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th Grade. Which one is the sexiest?

The blonde, because she's the only one who's 18.

A student receives a bad grade on his exam

And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.

He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"

The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".

The student comes home, and his mother asks him "so how did the exam go?". He replies: "the teacher thought it was remarkable!'

I think I'm failing my marine biology class

My grade is below C level.

In my 4th grade class the cutest girl threw away my love letter..

..so I failed her!


The first joke I made up at age 7 - found in my first grade journal

Q: Where do robbers go to the bathroom


A: Arrest-room

A teacher asks her 2nd grade class...

"Who's a Trump fan?"

Not wanting to look stupid for not knowing what that meant, they all raised their hands except for Johnny.

"And why aren't you a Trump fan?" she asked, used to Johnny always trying to be different.

"Because I'm a Sanders fan" he replied.

"And why are you a Sanders fan?"

"Because mommy and daddy are"

"And if mommy and daddy were idiots, what would that make you?" she asked

"A Trump fan"

What grades did Hitler get in art school?

Not C's

A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!"

A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"

Student walks into professor's office

She says, "I'm just not doing very well in your class. I was wondering if there was anything I could do to raise my grade?"

The professor looks her up and down and asks, "What are you willing to do to raise your grade?"

"I'd do *anything*," she answers coyly, playing with her hair.

"Anything?"

"*Anything*!" she repeats with a knowing grin.

"Would you....study?"

At the 3rd grade violin rehearsal ...

... Donnie Corleone Jr. walks in, opens his violin case and unveils, to the shock of all, a tommy gun. The teachers are livid, panic nearly ensues, but Donnie just starts laughing uncontrollably.

"What's wrong with you? This is serious! Why are you laughing?"

"Because I just imagined dad holding up the bank with my violin."


Why don't you fight the black kid that is in the second grade?

Because his father is in the eighth grade.

What soft and wrinkly but gets sharper when you use it?

Your brain! (This joke brought to you by one of my 2nd grade students. I told him it was so good I was going to put it on the internet.)

My friend just came to me all depressed because his kid's failing 3rd grade, and he doesn't know how to break it to him.

Apparently slowly wasn't the advice he was looking for.

A teacher is teaching a 5th grade class on Zoom.

The teacher says to Susie, "Tell the class why you want to be a teacher."

Susie says, "Actually, I want to be a stripper."

The teacher asks, "A stripper? I thought you wanted to do my noble profession."

Susie says, "That was before I saw your tiny apartment."

Hey Prof, what can I do to improve my grade?

Prof: um... it's May

Me: LOL, sorry, what MAY I do to improve my grade?

A first grade teacher was trying to teach her students about animals

She said "What does the fat Cow give us?"
Her students shouted out "Milk!" Unanimously.
She then said "Well done! Now, what does the fluffy chicken give us?"
Her students responded with "Eggs!"
She then said "Good work! Now for the last question. What does the big pig give us?"
Her students paused for a moment and they all shouted "Homework!"

What did Kurt Kobain have such a terrible time in 7th grade?

He was having a mid-life crisis.

Soviet Joke

Moscow, 1985, 3rd grade class

Teacher: Life in Soviet Union is great, all families have a nice apartment, a car, all children have nice toys!

Little Kid starts crying

Teacher: Vladimir, why are you crying??

Little Kid: I wanna go to Soviet Union!!


A grade school teacher asks her students what their parents do for a living.

Billy proudly stands up and announces, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."


The teacher is aghast and promptly changes the subject. Later that day, she calls Billy's mother and explains what Billy said.


Billy's mother says, "Actually, his father's an attorney, but how can we explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

Why can't you bury a man living east of the Mississippi in a graveyard west of the Mississippi?

He's still alive.




(Learned from my 6th grade math teacher Mr. Warren)

What grades did Fidel Castro get at school?

Full Marx

I told my boss that when I get nervous, I like to imagine my audience naked...

... she said I should probably stop teaching the 2nd grade.

Visiting my first grade son at school lunch today...

Me: How is school going so far?

Son: Good, I had a test.

Me: What was your test on?

Son: Paper.

What's the difference between a Pakistani grade school and an Al-Qaeda training base?

How am I supposed to know, I just pilot the drone

I used to pee my pants every time i had to talk in front of my 3rd grade class

It really killed my teaching career.

My grades are telling me to be a trophy wife but my looks are telling me to study harder.

Mike Tyson was arrested at a 5th grade sitting bee his first time judging

The word was Dictate.

[Spelling Bee Contestant] Can you use it in a sentence?

[Mike Tyson] She liked the way my Dictate

What is the average grade of a pirate in college?

High C's

A middle-aged teacher named Mrs. Jackson saw one of her first grade boys making rude faces at the preschoolers on the playground

She said "You know, Liam, when I was a little girl I was told that if I made ugly faces it might freeze and stay like that."
Liam replied "Well sorry Mrs. Jackson, but you can't say you weren't warned.

A blonde student catches her teacher at his desk after class

She puts her arms on his desk and pouts saying "this class is hard, I would do anything to get a good grade on the final. Anything."

He leans in close and says "Anything? Anything at all? Would you.... Study?"

Little Johnny puts a dot on the blackboard (NSFW)

The teacher in her first grade class asks her students to come to the chalkboard and draw something that causes a lot of excitement and commotion. Little Johnny comes up and simply puts a dot on the chalkboard. The teacher asks "what is that?" Little Johnny replies, "it's a period." The teacher says "why does it cause excitement and commotion?" Little Johnny says "it doesn't, but my sister said she missed one this morning and my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the guy next door shot himself"

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:



"What do you want to be when you grow up?"





Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."



The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson . .. . ..



And how about you, Sarah?"



"I wanna be Kevin¹s hooker."

A 2nd grade class just gets in from recess...

The teacher tells the class they're going to do a spelling assignment that relates to what they did for recess. "If you can come up to the board and write the word I give you, you'll get a gold star for the day," the teacher explains. "Tommy, what'd you do for recess?" she asks the first student. "Well," Tommy begins, "I played in the sand box with Suzy!" "Okay great. If you can come to the board and spell the word 'sand' I'll give you a gold star." So Tommy goes up to the board, spells 'sand' and gets a gold star for the day. Then the teacher asks Suzy, "Suzy, what'd you do for recess today?" So Suzy answers, "like Tommy said, we played in the sand box together." "Okay," the teacher thinks, "if you can come up to the board and spell 'box' I'll give you a gold star. So Suzy spells 'box' and gets a gold star for the day. Then the teacher asks the third student, "Tyrone, what'd you do for recess today?" "Well I wanted to play in the sand box with Tommy and Suzy but they wouldn't let me," Tyrone answers. "Oh no!" says the teacher, "That's terrible! Do you know what that's called? That's called 'racial discrimination.' If you can come up to the board and spell 'racial discrimination' I'll give you a gold star."

Johny the Fighter Pilot

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you
grow up?"

Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest Prostitute, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. "And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Johnny's Prostitute."

Why did the robber go to the circus?

To steal the show. This joke was brought to you by my 2nd grade daughter. ;)

So a man dies and goes to Heaven...

In Heaven, he asks God what the coolest things about Heaven are.

God says, "Well, here in Heaven, a minute lasts a million years, and a penny is worth a million dollars."

The man replies, "Oh, cool! Can I have a penny?"

To which God tells him, "In a minute."

My fifth grade teacher told me this joke when I was in, well, fifth grade.

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students.

He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.

My fifth grade teacher taught me how to smoke pot and kiss.

Best hire I've ever made as a school principal.

My father said now that I'm in 6th grade we should probably talk about sex

I said let's just stay friends

What does every frenchmen learn in first grade of school? (sorry France)

How to surrender in 6 different languages.

I knew a kid in grade school who was born with deformed eyelids...

...So they took the flesh from his circumcision to fix his deformity. For the rest of his life he was cock-eyed.

I'm not the smartest student ever so I tried something a little risky to get a better grade...

I got a D- on my recent English test and my dad wasn't very happy with my mark. I asked my teacher if I could do a sexual favour for her to get a B+. She got very offended. My classmates didn't think that was okay either, and they stopped talking to me for a few weeks.

If you guys want, I can tell more stories about my homeschooling

What is a snowflake's school grade based on?

Class precipitation.

The way I combed my hair in 7th grade

is the worst part.

What grades do you need to join the navy?

7 C's

A young computer science student is on the phone with his father...

His father says: "so how have your classes been going?"

The son replies: "not bad. I did really well on my test on hexadecimal today! It was only worth fifteen points, but I'm still happy about it."

"Oh yeah? What grade did you get?"

"An F!"

A woman is cleaning her daughters room when she stumbles upon her diary. She sees an entry that reads: "I lost my virginitty today"

The woman starts crying.

"How can this happen? I've given her everything. Why did she do this to me? She can't be serious about this. She's in 9th grade for gods sake. How does she not know how to spell virginity?"

In eight grade my gym teacher gave me a D.

That's how I got an A.

Last year, 7th grade students were forced to clean the entire school.

This year, the principal said, "Last year, the 7th grade student did the cleaning. This year, let the 8th grade students do it."

What grade did Tommy Wisaeu usually get in school?

A high mark.

My grade school math teacher once asked us what 280 x 18 was

I kept shouting "7!" but apparently we weren't on the topic of factorials yet

What grade does a good student get in Canada?

Eh+

What's long and hard on a black man?

The First grade!

What does my girlfriend say when I tell her "You're as sexy as the day I met you."?

Stop saying that, we met in the 6th grade.

My highest test grade I'll always be proud of is my blood test...

A+

How many grades are in dog school?

Grades K-9

You know, Dwayne Johnson was always a special kid...

In third grade, all the other kids drew a family tree. Little dwayne made a family quarry.

In 8th grade english class I wrote a script titled "The Pun"

The very first set description in the script said that the stage was to be painted over with random words and phrases.


When I handed in the assignment, my teacher came up to me and asked: "Why is your script titled 'The Pun' and why is the floor covered with phrases?"

"Because my script is a play on words!"

3rd grade math

If you have 7 apples in one hand, and 5 in the other, what do you have?

-Really large hands.

I remember my first kiss.....

it was during recess, by the swings. Her name was Liz, she was in 4th grade. We were talking, I don't know what came over me, I grabbed her face and kissed her. It lasted about 10 seconds, we both awkwardly kissed each other, it took us both by surprise.

That night, it was all I could think about. Apparently, that night, she told her parents.

And that's why I can't teach in New York State anymore.

A teacher asked her third grade class to

name things that ended with tor that eat things.
The first little boy said, Alligator.
Very good James, that's a big word.
The second boy said, Predator.
Yes, that's another big word Alan. Very well done.
Little Johnny says, Vibrator.
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything.
Well my mother has one and she says it eats frickin' batteries like there's no tomorrow!

English Class

A teacher was at the front of her 1st Grade English class. She points out a girl at the front of the class. She asks "Suzie, can you use 'Definitely' in a sentence, please?". Suzie says - "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher replies "The sky can be grey or black, but good try". Johnny at the back of the class raises his hand. "Miss, do farts have lumps?" The teacher was completely baffled replied "No Johnny, why?"

"Then I definitely pooped my pants"

Johny was offered a nickel or a dime...

Johny was bullied by all the other second grade students. Every day, they would offer him either a dime or a nickel. Every time, he took the nickel. The kids would all laugh at him every time he took the nickel. One day a kid asked him why he always took the nickel, even though the dime was worth more. He quietly responded, "If I take the dime, they will stop offering me the money. I've made $20 already!"

It's that time of year again...

A female student goes to a male professor and says "I would be willing to do ANYTHING to get a good grade"

The professor replies "Anything?"

The student suggestively replies, " Yes, anything!"

The professor says "Good! Come to class, hand in assignments on time and study!"

What did Sherlock Holmes say when Dr. Watson asked him what grade an eight year-old was in?

Elementary, my dear Watson!

"Did you hear about that actress who killed her self?"

"Did you hear about that actress who killed herself? Her name was Reese something-or-other... I don't remember."

"Witherspoon?"

"No, no... with her knife."

--

A joke my 5th grade teacher told me years ago

What are the toughest 4 years of a football player's life?

5th grade

I wet my pants in the third grade once...

And it cost me my teaching career.

A student who never showed up to class or did the reading asked me to curve his final paper grade. I said yes.

I took a red pen, scratched out the grade on the paper, then rewrote the F in cursive.

What are the four hardest years of a police officer's life?

The first grade.

A teacher decided not to grade the tests her class took, and instead gave everyone an A.

She gave no Fs that day.

I got pulled over by the police last night

They asked me where I was between 6 and 11. I told them I was in grade school.

My buddy Brian had a kid a few years ago. He comes to me this summer and he goes...

"Man, my son just flunked the third grade. I don't know how to tell him he will be held back a year."

I was like, "I guess you better tell him slowly so that he will get it."

What kind of eggs do Canadians prefer?

Grade eh?

A blonde walking down the street sees a young boy smoking."You shouldn't be smoking.What grade are you in ?"asks the blonde.

The child says:"I'm in third grade,weren't you smoking when you were in third grade?" The blonde answers:" Yes, I was, but I was eighteen years old!"

Mrs. Jones was giving a spelling test to her third grade class...

How do you spell the word 'straight'? asked Mrs. Jones.

Little Johnny shouts, S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T!!

Excellent job Johnny! And what does that word mean?

Without ice.

I've never had a real girlfriend, besides that one in fifth grade...

Didn't really work out with me being a sophomore though.

Why did Tupac go to the gym?

To get a sixpac!


(Thank you 7th grade me)

There is an abundance of teacher jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 79 funniest jokes and grade puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any esl witze you can hear about grade.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes