Grad Jokes
112 grad jokes and hilarious grad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you a grade 8 grad, law grad, premed student, or graduate looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of grad jokes to bring a smile to your face and show off your wit. From the adventures of college to the stresses of adult life, these jokes will make you feel right at home!
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Funniest Grad Short Jokes
Short grad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grad humour may include short degree jokes also.
- How many professors does it take to change a light bulb? None. Thats what grad students are for
- An engineer and a gender-studies grad walk into a McDonald The gender-studies grad turns to engineer and says "Just wait here until I get behind the counter and take your order"
- The average person has s**... 90 times a year. Man this going to be an epic new years eve!
- I wanted to take a grad level Psych class on Freud, in my sophomore year. But the professor wouldn't let me. She said I was too Jung
- Adderall is really dangerous I'm not sure exactly what happened: I took some, and then I must have blacked out or something... all I know is that I'm a grad student now
- Post Grad Plans When my son graduated high school, he wanted to open up a dispensary, but i wanted him to become a doctor. When it came time to choose I told him: "It's my way, or the highway.
- How many grad students does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to make the change, but 3 will claim co-authorship.
- Getting a job right out of college... ENTRY LEVEL JOB OPENING:
Hiring recent college grads.
REQUIREMENTS: 5 years of experience, 6 Olympic gold medals, and super powers. - How do you get a (insert college here) grad off your front porch? You pay em' for the pizza
- What did the gymnast and the grad student have in common? The both had an outstanding balance.
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Grad One Liners
Which grad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grad? I can suggest the ones about grave and grand.
- What's expensive and dirt cheap at the same time? Fresh grad
- How do you get the political science grad off your lawn? Pay for the pizza
- I graduated from a school named after a famous leader I'm a Stalin grad
- How do you get a grad student off your porch? You pay them for the pizza.
- When does a Jewish fetus become a person? Right after grad school.
- Why should I drink Mr. Pibb? He didn't even finish grad school.
- How do you get an Ole Miss grad off of your porch? Pay him for your pizza
- A blonde decided to go to grad school
- Grad School: Because it's better than saying "I'm still looking."
- Why did Sally's parents not make it to the grad? She had none. She was an orphan.
- How does an Alabama State grad know when s**... is over? Someone yells Cut!
- How does a Florida State grad know s**... is over? The director says Cut!
- A college grad offers her boss s**... for a raise j/k she doesn't have a job.
Grad Student Jokes
Here is a list of funny grad student jokes and even better grad student puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the plus side to accepting science grad students from private liberal arts colleges? They come without the B.S. !!
- I recently heard that grad students at Columbia had voted to unionize. Don't they know that ions are important to your body?
- Did you hear about the philosophy grad student who became a s**... worker? For $100, she'll blow your mind.
Cheerful Fun Grad Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about grad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean semester jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grad pranks.
A 21-year-old is hired by a hardware store.
He shows up for his first day of work at 8 AM sharp.
The boss welcomes him, then hands him a broom.
"First, sweep out the store. Then I'll show you where the window cleaning equipment is."
"Sir," the young man protests. "You can't be serious. I'm a college graduate."
"Oh, sorry," says the manager, pointing to the broom. "No problem. I can show you how that thing works."
Q: How many University Graduates does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it may take up to seven years!
Knock Knock
Who's there!
B-4!
B-4 who?
B-4 you take the diploma, shake the dean's hand.
I'd advise you graduates to keep your graduation gown. It's the only outfit you might not outgrow.
The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
One good thing about graduation is that you get to wear a funny hat that makes your brain look larger than it actually is.
I guess the Tupperware lids in my house just graduate and go off to college or something.
Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
Grading System for students
A- Average
B- Below average
C- Can't have dinner
D- Don't come home
F- Find a new family
What do you want to be when you graduate high school?
"No more than 25" from Gary Muledeer
I graduated in zooscatology.
"b**...!"
Got my grades today...
... and I got an A+ in on my Hepatitis test!
Graduations are so immature
You can hardly get to the end without name calling
How do you know if somebody graduated from Harvard?
They'll tell you.
When I was in the first grade my teacher could remember my name
Which really hurt since I was home-schooled
Third grade teacher to her class: "Who can use the word 'beautiful' twice in the same sentence?"
Suzy raises her hand and says: "The girl has a beautiful new dress and she looks beautiful in it."
Teacher: "Very good Suzy. Okay, Billy."
Billy: "When my sister told our father that she was pregnant, he said "Beautiful, just beautiful."
Graduated less than 3 years ago with 110K of debt. Today I paid off my loans in full.
I decided to sell off some of the stocks my dad gave me. People don't know how it is to struggle.
Just got my grades back for my computer science class.
Apparently, I got a C++ on my final.
A first grade teacher asks her students, "What comes after 69?"
One student responds, "Mouthwash"
I'm gradually figuring out what the best lighting options are for my house.
It's a process of illumination.
When I graduated high school I wanted to buy a motorcycle..
When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had an uncle who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle. - Anthony Jeselnik
My grades are telling me to be a trophy wife but my looks are telling me to study harder.
A recent college grad visits a farm one day
A recent college grad visits a farm one day. He approaches the farmer and points to one of the trees.
"You know, with the methods you old farmers use, I'd be surprised if you could get one bushel of apples from that tree" says the college grad.
"I'd be too" the farmer answers. "That's a peach tree."
I graduated with a 2:2 in Sports journalism
It would have been a 2:1 but they equalised at the last minute.
Who is a Graduate student's least favorite Greek Hero?
Thesus
Political Jokes
Hey guys, So next week my sister is graduating with a degree in political science. I decided I want to get a bunch of political Jokes together to tell at her grad party.
If anyone has any good political Jokes please let me know. Thanks!
Graduation unlike before
2 Asian kids graduated from High School. The school had never witnessed this phenomena, but both of them were #1 in their class. Long story short the parents couldn't be happier....it was a Nguyen, Nguyen for them.
Here's one for you recent graduates.
A college grad decides to get a job at a hardware store for the summer. He shows up on his first day of work and his boss hands him a broom.
"Here, your first task is to sweep out all the aisles. After that, I'll show you where the rest of the cleaning supplies are."
The grad looks at the broom and says to his boss, "I don't think you understand, I'm a college graduate."
His boss replies, "Oh, no problem. I can show you how to use a broom."
my grade for geography
will be out of this world.
At my graduation, my friend called me a ranch
Because I be dressing 😏
What grades did Fidel Castro get at school?
Full Marx
A first grade teacher was trying to teach her students about animals
She said "What does the fat Cow give us?"
Her students shouted out "Milk!" Unanimously.
She then said "Well done! Now, what does the fluffy chicken give us?"
Her students responded with "Eggs!"
She then said "Good work! Now for the last question. What does the big pig give us?"
Her students paused for a moment and they all shouted "Homework!"
After graduating and getting that first coveted job
better latte than never
A grade school teacher asks her students what their parents do for a living.
Billy proudly stands up and announces, "My daddy plays piano in a w**...."
The teacher is aghast and promptly changes the subject. Later that day, she calls Billy's mother and explains what Billy said.
Billy's mother says, "Actually, his father's an attorney, but how can we explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
If you don't want your grades to sink like the titanic.....
You should try to keep them above C level
Just because I'm below grade average and my family is poor, doesn't mean I won't be applying to colleges
There's bound to be one college with an opening position as a janitor.
My teacher's grades have a severe curve to them.
She was diagnosed with schooliosis
For my graduating class' 20th reunion, we're digging up our time capsule from freshman year
I cant wait to see how big my dog Sparky got
Why do first graders make terrible gardeners?
Because they can't w**....
I'm graduating from the Pirate Academy!
I'm majoring in getting the b**....
What grade does a good student get in Canada?
Eh+
I would have graduated from Ninja School
But nobody knew I was in the class
A Texan meets a Havard grad. Curious, he asks:
Texan: Where are you from?
Harvard grad: I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.
Texan: Okay – where are you from, j**...?
Grades have been released.
I'm now in grade depression.
What grade did Tommy Wisaeu usually get in school?
A high mark.
My grade school math teacher once asked us what 280 x 18 was
I kept shouting "7!" but apparently we weren't on the topic of factorials yet
What's the difference between an undergrad and a grad?
Grads don't look both ways before crossing the street
What are the best grades that can be given in cheese school?
Epoisses
What grades do you need to join the navy?
7 C's
In eight grade my gym teacher gave me a D.
That's how I got an A.
I graduated in the top of my class.
The top half.
how do graduate students fight?
they fling theses at each other
My grade school teacher said to me "Name two pronouns".
Only half paying attention to the lecture, I replied "Who, me?"
I graduated top of my class at gay conversion therapy
Everyone else wanted to be bottoms
My fifth grade teacher taught me how to smoke p**... and kiss.
Best hire I've ever made as a school principal.
I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in graphic design
I have over 300 confirmed designs and don't have a single job...
How many grades are in dog school?
Grades K-9
I graduated top of my class at Hypochondriac University...
I am valetudinarian
To all those who said I would never graduate high school...
You were right. #classof2020
Grades
My mom is so strict about grades when the doctor told her my blood type is B+, she yelled and told me to do better.
What does a graduate student with a science degree ask? "Why does it work?" What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask? "How does it work?" What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask? "How much will it cost?"
What does a graduate student with a liberal
arts degree ask? "you want fries with that?"
What type of test do you take...
To see if you get into grad school, you take the GRE.
To see if you get into med school, you take the MCAT.
What test do you take to see if you can be a politician?
Lie detector.
What grades did h**... get in art school?
Not C's