Grad Jokes
107 grad jokes and hilarious grad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about grad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you a grade 8 grad, law grad, premed student, or graduate looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of grad jokes to bring a smile to your face and show off your wit. From the adventures of college to the stresses of adult life, these jokes will make you feel right at home!
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Funniest Grad Short Jokes
Short grad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The grad humour may include short degree jokes also.
- How many professors does it take to change a light bulb? None. Thats what grad students are for
- An engineer and a gender-studies grad walk into a McDonald The gender-studies grad turns to engineer and says "Just wait here until I get behind the counter and take your order"
- The average person has s**... 90 times a year. Man this going to be an epic new years eve!
- I wanted to take a grad level Psych class on Freud, in my sophomore year. But the professor wouldn't let me. She said I was too Jung
- Adderall is really dangerous I'm not sure exactly what happened: I took some, and then I must have blacked out or something... all I know is that I'm a grad student now
- Post Grad Plans When my son graduated high school, he wanted to open up a dispensary, but i wanted him to become a doctor. When it came time to choose I told him: "It's my way, or the highway.
- How many grad students does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to make the change, but 3 will claim co-authorship.
- Getting a job right out of college... ENTRY LEVEL JOB OPENING:
Hiring recent college grads.
REQUIREMENTS: 5 years of experience, 6 Olympic gold medals, and super powers. - What did the gymnast and the grad student have in common? The both had an outstanding balance.
- What's the plus side to accepting science grad students from private liberal arts colleges? They come without the B.S. !!
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Grad One Liners
Which grad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with grad? I can suggest the ones about grave and grand.
- What's expensive and dirt cheap at the same time? Fresh grad
- How do you get the political science grad off your lawn? Pay for the pizza
- I graduated from a school named after a famous leader I'm a Stalin grad
- Why should I drink Mr. Pibb? He didn't even finish grad school.
- A blonde decided to go to grad school
- Grad School: Because it's better than saying "I'm still looking."
- Why did Sally's parents not make it to the grad? She had none. She was an orphan.
- How does an Alabama State grad know when s**... is over? Someone yells Cut!
- How do you get an Ole Miss grad off of your porch? Pay him for your pizza
- A college grad offers her boss s**... for a raise j/k she doesn't have a job.
Grad Student Jokes
Here is a list of funny grad student jokes and even better grad student puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I recently heard that grad students at Columbia had voted to unionize. Don't they know that ions are important to your body?
Cheerful Fun Grad Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about grad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean semester jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make grad pranks.
Q: How many University Graduates does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it may take up to seven years!
Knock Knock
Who's there!
B-4!
B-4 who?
B-4 you take the diploma, shake the dean's hand.
I'd advise you graduates to keep your graduation gown. It's the only outfit you might not outgrow.
The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
One good thing about graduation is that you get to wear a funny hat that makes your brain look larger than it actually is.
I guess the Tupperware lids in my house just graduate and go off to college or something.
Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
Grading System for students
A- Average
B- Below average
C- Can't have dinner
D- Don't come home
F- Find a new family
What do you want to be when you graduate high school?
"No more than 25" from Gary Muledeer
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I graduated in zooscatology.
"b**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park...
A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the grad student. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes t**...." p**...! He's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the post-doc. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other." p**...! He's gone.
"You're next," the Genie says to the professor.
The professor says, "I want those guys back in the lab after lunch."
Got my grades today...
... and I got an A+ in on my Hepatitis test!
A grade school teacher was asking students...
...what their parents did for a living.
Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a doctor!"
Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!"
Little Johnny stood up and said, "My dad is a professional con artist!"
The teacher couldn't believe what she had just heard, so she made a point of calling Little Johnny's father that evening to discuss the situation.
Little Johnny's father explained, "Actually, I'm a law attorney, but how am I supposed to explain that to a seven year old kid?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Graduations are so immature
You can hardly get to the end without name calling
When I was in the first grade my teacher could remember my name
Which really hurt since I was home-schooled
Third grade teacher to her class: "Who can use the word 'beautiful' twice in the same sentence?"
Suzy raises her hand and says: "The girl has a beautiful new dress and she looks beautiful in it."
Teacher: "Very good Suzy. Okay, Billy."
Billy: "When my sister told our father that she was pregnant, he said "Beautiful, just beautiful."
A graduate student submits his thesis to his advisor...
A few days later, the advisor returns in with a single note: Needs Improvement.
So the student makes a few changes and resubmits it. Again, the advisor returns it with the single note: Needs Improvement.
This time, the student pores over it, double checks every word, adds every reference he can find, and adjusts the layout to make it more readable. He walks into his advisor's office and says, "I have done everything I possible can, this is absolutely perfect."
The advisor takes it from him and says, "Okay, I guess I'll actually read it this time."
A third grade teacher addresses her class
..."alright class" she says, "before I let you go for spring break I want to remind you that I'm getting married this weekend and I'm no longer going to be Ms. Stevens I'm going to be Mrs. Prussy"
She writes M R S. P R U S S Y in big cursive letters on the blackboard and says "whomever remembers my new name when we come back from break gets a gold star for the day"
The ten days comes and goes and she's standing in front of her class early Monday morning and says"good morning class, I hope you all remembered that I got married over the break and my name isn't Ms. Stevens any more it's Mrs" And she writes M R S on the blackboard, turns around to a sea of blank faces.
Then one hand shoots up in the back
"oh! oh! Mrs. Crunt"
Graduated less than 3 years ago with 110K of debt. Today I paid off my loans in full.
I decided to sell off some of the stocks my dad gave me. People don't know how it is to struggle.
I'm gradually figuring out what the best lighting options are for my house.
It's a process of illumination.
When I graduated high school I wanted to buy a motorcycle..
When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had an uncle who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle. - Anthony Jeselnik
My grades are telling me to be a trophy wife but my looks are telling me to study harder.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
First grade teacher asks student what the plural of horse is
"Pregnant w**...?"
A recent college grad visits a farm one day
A recent college grad visits a farm one day. He approaches the farmer and points to one of the trees.
"You know, with the methods you old farmers use, I'd be surprised if you could get one bushel of apples from that tree" says the college grad.
"I'd be too" the farmer answers. "That's a peach tree."
I graduated with a 2:2 in Sports journalism
It would have been a 2:1 but they equalised at the last minute.
Who is a Graduate student's least favorite Greek Hero?
Thesus
Political Jokes
Hey guys, So next week my sister is graduating with a degree in political science. I decided I want to get a bunch of political Jokes together to tell at her grad party.
If anyone has any good political Jokes please let me know. Thanks!
Graduation unlike before
2 Asian kids graduated from High School. The school had never witnessed this phenomena, but both of them were #1 in their class. Long story short the parents couldn't be happier....it was a Nguyen, Nguyen for them.
Here's one for you recent graduates.
A college grad decides to get a job at a hardware store for the summer. He shows up on his first day of work and his boss hands him a broom.
"Here, your first task is to sweep out all the aisles. After that, I'll show you where the rest of the cleaning supplies are."
The grad looks at the broom and says to his boss, "I don't think you understand, I'm a college graduate."
His boss replies, "Oh, no problem. I can show you how to use a broom."
I graduated from a Jewish high school
It included Pomp and Circumcision.
my grade for geography
will be out of this world.
At my graduation, my friend called me a ranch
Because I be dressing 😏
What grades did Fidel Castro get at school?
Full Marx
After graduating and getting that first coveted job
better latte than never
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A grade school teacher asks her students what their parents do for a living.
Billy proudly stands up and announces, "My daddy plays piano in a w**...."
The teacher is aghast and promptly changes the subject. Later that day, she calls Billy's mother and explains what Billy said.
Billy's mother says, "Actually, his father's an attorney, but how can we explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
If you don't want your grades to sink like the titanic.....
You should try to keep them above C level
Im graduating for my biology study in a few weeks..
Im writing a killer fotosynthesis
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the philosophy grad student who became a s**... worker?
For $100, she'll blow your mind.
Just because I'm below grade average and my family is poor, doesn't mean I won't be applying to colleges
There's bound to be one college with an opening position as a janitor.
My teacher's grades have a severe curve to them.
She was diagnosed with schooliosis
For my graduating class' 20th reunion, we're digging up our time capsule from freshman year
I cant wait to see how big my dog Sparky got
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do first graders make terrible gardeners?
Because they can't w**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a poem contest in South Carolina.
It's down to two contestants...one Harvard grad and one old r**... from the Low Country. They each have 5 minutes to come up with a poem, but they have to use the word "Timbuktu" in the poem to win. The Harvard grad goes first.
"Swiftly cross the desert sands,
Strode a lonely caravan.
One by one on camels drew,
Destination: Timbuktu."
The crowd goes crazy, thinking there's no way the r**... can top that. He walks to the mic, spits out his w**... of tabacco, ponders a second and says:
"Me and Tim a huntin' went.
Met three w**... in a pop-up tent.
They was three and we was two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm graduating from the Pirate Academy!
I'm majoring in getting the b**....
What grade does a good student get in Canada?
Eh+
I would have graduated from Ninja School
But nobody knew I was in the class
Grades have been released.
I'm now in grade depression.
"What do I have to do to graduate high school?"
"Who", the principal corrected as he unzipped his pants.
A first grade teacher was giving a cookie to each student who spelt a word right
"Well little John" she said. "Can you spell Pig?"
"P-I-G" John said. "Very well. Here's your cookie!" the teacher said. She then went to the next student.
"Hi little Susan" she said. "Can you spell Cow?"
"C-O-W" Susan said. "Very well. Here's your cookie!" the teacher said. She then turned to the third student.
"Hello little Jim" she said. "How do you spell Crab?"
"C-R-A-B" John said. "Very well. Here's your cookie!" the teacher said. She then turned to the next student.
"Good day Ahmed. Can you tell me how to spell Racial Discrimination?"
What grade did Tommy Wisaeu usually get in school?
A high mark.
My grade school math teacher once asked us what 280 x 18 was
I kept shouting "7!" but apparently we weren't on the topic of factorials yet
What are the best grades that can be given in cheese school?
Epoisses
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just graded a social studies essay on capitalism
Dan, my brightest student, wrote a brilliant essay about how wages and labor are balanced to ensure that a vendor sells his product at a competitive price. I gave him A marks.
Emily wrote an essay that touched upon the fundamentals, but didn't really explain the concepts with the quality and depth I was looking for. I gave her B marks.
Sasha wrote an paper on why capitalism is a disgusting byproduct of greedy fascists who seek to control the population. Needless to say, I gave him Karl Marx.
What grades do you need to join the navy?
7 C's
In eight grade my gym teacher gave me a D.
That's how I got an A.
How to graduate from college with NO debt!
My parents paid for it.
I don't like graduation ceremonies.
Too much circumstantial pomp.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What grades are acceptable for White Supremacists?
n**...'s
My grades are like politics.
I don't care about them, but they affect my life in a very annoying way.
What grades would alcoholics get in school?
Forties
What grade did the NASA employee get on their exam?
A T-minus
I graduated in the top of my class.
The top half.
how do graduate students fight?
they fling theses at each other
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My fifth grade teacher taught me how to smoke p**... and kiss.
Best hire I've ever made as a school principal.
I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in graphic design
I have over 300 confirmed designs and don't have a single job...
How many grades are in dog school?
Grades K-9
I graduated top of my class at Hypochondriac University...
I am valetudinarian
To all those who said I would never graduate high school...
You were right. #classof2020
