The Best 79 Grad Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Grad jokes. There are some grad harvard jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these grad grad student puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Grad Jokes and Puns

A 21-year-old is hired by a hardware store.

He shows up for his first day of work at 8 AM sharp.

The boss welcomes him, then hands him a broom.

"First, sweep out the store. Then I'll show you where the window cleaning equipment is."

"Sir," the young man protests. "You can't be serious. I'm a college graduate."

"Oh, sorry," says the manager, pointing to the broom. "No problem. I can show you how that thing works."

Q: How many University Graduates does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One, but it may take up to seven years!

Knock Knock

Who's there!

B-4!

B-4 who?

B-4 you take the diploma, shake the dean's hand.

Grad joke

The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.

I guess the Tupperware lids in my house just graduate and go off to college or something.


Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Grading System for students

A- Average
B- Below average
C- Can't have dinner
D- Don't come home
F- Find a new family

Grad joke, Grading System for students

What do you want to be when you graduate high school?

"No more than 25" from Gary Muledeer

I graduated in zooscatology.

"BULLSHIT!"

I wanted to take a grad level Psych class on Freud, in my sophomore year.

But the professor wouldn't let me. She said I was too Jung

Got my grades today...

... and I got an A+ in on my Hepatitis test!

You can explore grad student reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean grad highschool dad jokes. There are also grad puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Graduations are so immature

You can hardly get to the end without name calling

Adderall is really dangerous

I'm not sure exactly what happened: I took some, and then I must have blacked out or something... all I know is that I'm a grad student now

How do you know if somebody graduated from Harvard?

They'll tell you.

When I was in the first grade my teacher could remember my name

Which really hurt since I was home-schooled

How do you get the political science grad off your lawn?

Pay for the pizza

Grad joke, How do you get the political science grad off your lawn?

A first grade teacher asks her students, "What comes after 69?"

One student responds, "Mouthwash"

I'm gradually figuring out what the best lighting options are for my house.

It's a process of illumination.

When I graduated high school I wanted to buy a motorcycle..

When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had an uncle who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle. - Anthony Jeselnik


My grades are telling me to be a trophy wife but my looks are telling me to study harder.

How do you get a grad student off your porch?

You pay them for the pizza.

A recent college grad visits a farm one day

A recent college grad visits a farm one day. He approaches the farmer and points to one of the trees.

"You know, with the methods you old farmers use, I'd be surprised if you could get one bushel of apples from that tree" says the college grad.

"I'd be too" the farmer answers. "That's a peach tree."

I graduated with a 2:2 in Sports Journalism

It would have been a 2:1 but they equalised at the last minute.

Who is a Graduate student's least favorite Greek Hero?

Thesus

Political Jokes

Hey guys, So next week my sister is graduating with a degree in political science. I decided I want to get a bunch of political Jokes together to tell at her grad party.

If anyone has any good political Jokes please let me know. Thanks!

Graduation unlike before

2 Asian kids graduated from High School. The school had never witnessed this phenomena, but both of them were #1 in their class. Long story short the parents couldn't be happier....it was a Nguyen, Nguyen for them.

Here's one for you recent graduates.

A college grad decides to get a job at a hardware store for the summer. He shows up on his first day of work and his boss hands him a broom.

"Here, your first task is to sweep out all the aisles. After that, I'll show you where the rest of the cleaning supplies are."

The grad looks at the broom and says to his boss, "I don't think you understand, I'm a college graduate."

His boss replies, "Oh, no problem. I can show you how to use a broom."

my grade for geography

will be out of this world.

What grades did Fidel Castro get at school?

Full Marx

A first grade teacher was trying to teach her students about animals

She said "What does the fat Cow give us?"
Her students shouted out "Milk!" Unanimously.
She then said "Well done! Now, what does the fluffy chicken give us?"
Her students responded with "Eggs!"
She then said "Good work! Now for the last question. What does the big pig give us?"
Her students paused for a moment and they all shouted "Homework!"

When does a Jewish fetus become a person?

Right after grad school.

What did the gymnast and the grad student have in common?

The both had an outstanding balance.

After graduating and getting that first coveted job

better latte than never

A grade school teacher asks her students what their parents do for a living.

Billy proudly stands up and announces, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."

The teacher is aghast and promptly changes the subject. Later that day, she calls Billy's mother and explains what Billy said.

Billy's mother says, "Actually, his father's an attorney, but how can we explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

If you don't want your grades to sink like the titanic.....

You should try to keep them above C level

Did you hear about the philosophy grad student who became a sex worker?

For $100, she'll blow your mind.

Just because I'm below grade average and my family is poor, doesn't mean I won't be applying to colleges

There's bound to be one college with an opening position as a janitor.

My teacher's grades have a severe curve to them.

She was diagnosed with schooliosis

For my graduating class' 20th reunion, we're digging up our time capsule from freshman year

I cant wait to see how big my dog Sparky got

How does a Florida State grad know sex is over?

The director says Cut!

How many grad students does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to make the change, but 3 will claim co-authorship.

Why do first graders make terrible gardeners?

Because they can't weed.

How does an Alabama State grad know when sex is over?

Someone yells Cut!

I'm graduating from the Pirate Academy!

I'm majoring in getting the booty.

What grade does a good student get in Canada?

Eh+

How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Thats what grad students are for

I would have graduated from Ninja School

But nobody knew I was in the class

My New Years resolution is to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off my bills, and learn a new language.

I don't have a clue how I'm going to get all that done by tomorrow.

How do you get a (insert college here) grad off your front porch?

You pay em' for the pizza

A Texan meets a Havard grad. Curious, he asks:

Texan: Where are you from?

Harvard grad: I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.

Texan: Okay – where are you from, jackass?

I graduated from a school named after a famous leader

I'm a Stalin grad

What grade did Tommy Wisaeu usually get in school?

A high mark.

My grade school math teacher once asked us what 280 x 18 was

I kept shouting "7!" but apparently we weren't on the topic of factorials yet

What's the difference between an undergrad and a grad?

Grads don't look both ways before crossing the street

An engineer and a gender-studies grad walk into a McDonald

The gender-studies grad turns to engineer and says "Just wait here until I get behind the counter and take your order"

What are the best grades that can be given in cheese school?

Epoisses

What grades do you need to join the navy?

7 C's

In eight grade my gym teacher gave me a D.

That's how I got an A.

I graduated in the top of my class.

The top half.

how do graduate students fight?

they fling theses at each other

My grade school teacher said to me "Name two pronouns".

Only half paying attention to the lecture, I replied "Who, me?"

I graduated top of my class at gay conversion therapy

Everyone else wanted to be bottoms

My fifth grade teacher taught me how to smoke pot and kiss.

Best hire I've ever made as a school principal.

I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in graphic design

I have over 300 confirmed designs and don't have a single job...

How many grades are in dog school?

Grades K-9

I graduated top of my class at Hypochondriac University...

I am valetudinarian

To all those who said I would never graduate high school...

You were right. #classof2020

Grades

My mom is so strict about grades when the doctor told her my blood type is B+, she yelled and told me to do better.

What does a graduate student with a science degree ask? "Why does it work?" What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask? "How does it work?" What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask? "How much will it cost?"

What does a graduate student with a liberal
arts degree ask? "you want fries with that?"

Post Grad Plans

When my son graduated high school, he wanted to open up a dispensary, but i wanted him to become a doctor. When it came time to choose I told him: "It's my way, or the highway.

What grades did Hitler get in art school?

Not C's

What grades do pirates get?

Usually high C's.

My first grader made this one up: What do you call the northern lights when they're not very interesting?

Aurora Boringalis

The Grade 2 pupils returned to class after the long weekend. Their teacher told them to tell their classmates about the most exciting thing they did during the weekend, but to use adult words in telling their stories.

First Pupil: "I visited my Nana." Teacher: "Please use adult words, you visited your Grandmother."

Second Pupil: I had a ride on a choo-choo." Teacher: "Please, you had a ride on a train."

Third Pupil: I read a whole book by myself for the first time." Teacher: "Excellent. And what was the name of the book?" Third Pupil, with a big grin: "Winnie The Shit!"

first grade level joke

why did the banana put on sun screen?

answer: so it wouldn't peel!

Where do you go when you graduate from a monastery?

To the tuesastery.

"Let us gradually stand and recognize our newest member of Overeaters Anonymous...

...and welcome him into the folds."

How many grades does Dog School have?

K-9

A grade school teacher was instructing her students on the value of coins.

She took a half-dollar and laid it on her desk. "Can any of you tell me what it is?" she asked.

From the back of the room came the answer: "Tails!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the grad yale jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working grad grad school piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes