Government Jokes
160 government jokes and hilarious government puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about government that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Can't resist a good joke? Looking for the best and funniest jokes about local, AP, student, and municipal governments? Read this article for some hilarious takes on all branches of government, economic policies, corrupt politicians, and more!
Quick Jump To
- Short Government Jokes
- Government One Liners
- How Government Works Jokes
- Government Jobs Jokes
- Government Shutdown Jokes
- Government Officials Jokes
- Local Government Jokes
- More Government Jokes
Funniest Government Short Jokes
Short government jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The government humour may include short administration jokes also.
- North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media. When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
- What do fetuses, servicemen and gay people have in common in the US? The government stops caring about them once they're out.
- The American Government is just like a car... If you want it to go forward you put it in (D) and if you want it to go backwards you put it in (R)
- The Government is mandating that I set my clocks back before I go to bed tonight, but I'm going to do MY OWN research, thank you very much. My clocks, my choice.
- Cardi B's sister used to spy for the Russian government, but refuses to talk about it publicly They call her 'Cagey B'
- Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government? Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
- The U.K. government have predicted that Scotland could become a third world country if they gain independence. I don't know if things will improve to that extent but fingers crossed for them.
- If Trump is elected president... He will be the first billionaire to move into government housing after a black man.
- A son says to his father: "Dad, I'm thinking about a career in organized crime." Father: "Government or private sector?"
- A boy says to his dad 'I'm considering a career in organised crime' His dad responds with 'Government or private sector?'
Share These Government Jokes With Friends
Government One Liners
Which government one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with government? I can suggest the ones about political and power.
- Proof that 9/11 wasn't a government plot: It worked.
- What is a government mandate? When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.
- How do you fix a government....? Try turning them off and then on again...
- Yo Momma is so ugly The government extended mask mandates to give everyone's eyes a break
- Why is the oval office oval shaped? Because the government cuts corner.
- The NSA The only part of the government that actually listens
- The United States government.
- I'm in so much debt... I could start a government.
- How do we know 9/11 wasn't a government plot? Because it worked.
- My grandma is kind of like the Chinese government. Visitors only see the nice china.
- I like the NSA They're the only government agency that listens
- Which dinosaur does the government of the People's Republic of China hate? Taiwanasaurus
- What do you call a snake that works for the government? A civil Serpent
- My government recently announced they're phasing out Roman numerals... Not on my watch.
- What does the US Government use to spy on a high school student? An essay.
How Government Works Jokes
Here is a list of funny how government works jokes and even better how government works puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What should we do with people who rely on government handouts, but refuse to work? Kick them out of Congress
- Liverpool have won the league, the government is paying people not to work.... Somewhere there's a scouser with a genie in a lamp wondering what to do with his last wish
- It's comforting to know that the US government works the same way as a college student when it comes to deadlines... They both wait until the last minute, then get an extension.
- How do we know the government wasn't behind 9/11? Because it worked.
- Did you hear about the snake who worked for the government? He was a civil serpent.
- I was filling my car with leaded gasoline wearing some comfortable aesbestos boot. As I popped a thalidomide pill into my mouth I thought... "A government ban on assault weapons would never work..."
- City officials required all their male employees to socialize with male coworkers after work once a week. They issued a government mandate.
- My Son asked me to explain how Government work So I told him. They measure with a micrometer, mark with chalk and cut with Axe.
- What's the difference between Dracula and a government worker? Dracula does more work during the day
- My government isn't working Phone Agent: Okay, have you tried turning it off and then back on?
Schumer: It didn't work
Government Jobs Jokes
Here is a list of funny government jobs jokes and even better government jobs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So I asked my friend, "I hear your husband applied for a position in the government" Me:"What is he doing now?"
Friend: "Nothing"
Me: "But I thought he got the job!?"
Friend: "Yes he did." - Who else thinks we need to finally have a woman for president? We've got to reduce government spending, and we could staff the white house job for 75 cents on the dollar!
- A kid was talking to his dad because he was considering a job in organized crime. The dad replied with "government or private sector"
- What's the fastest animal in the world? The Spanish government worker. The job ends at 3 and he's home by 2.
- My brother has a government job He gets 42 cents per hour.
- Got fired from my government job today They said I was too efficient
- Lately, I've seen a post about red flags to look out for when looking for a job All I can say is dont go looking for a job at chinese government buildings because there's always a red flag
- After I botched a surgery, the entire government is after me and I lost my job. My Korea went south after that.
- What do you get when you cross a badger, a wolf, and a Marine? A nice new government job!
- Do you know why I don't believe in government conspiracies? Because 7-Eleven was only a part-time job.
Government Shutdown Jokes
Here is a list of funny government shutdown jokes and even better government shutdown puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It's official Trump's inauguration date is now a National Holiday. At least I assume so because the government shutdown for it.
- Government is back open but I heard If trump sees his shadow it's 6 more weeks of shutdown
- Does anyone know if Donald Trump saw his shadow this morning? Six more weeks of government shutdown coming if he did!
- I read that the Large Magellanic Cloud is going to collide with the Milky Way in 2 billion years. Maybe the government shutdown will be over by then.
- No need to prolong the government shutdown. We've already built a wall. A paywall.
- It's official this government shutdown is now longest ever I guess president Trump is really best at something
- Day 32 of the government shutdown That makes it just over two years since we've had a functioning government
- Your mamas so fat... She could end the government shutdown if we put her on the US/Mexico Border.
- How many are worried about a government shutdown? How many are worried about it starting back up?
- They're going to unplug me if this government shutdown continues any longer Read my name
Government Officials Jokes
Here is a list of funny government officials jokes and even better government officials puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Obama's announcement Today, President Obama announced that, after January 20th, the official title of "U.S. Government" will be changed to include quotation marks around Government.
- What is it called when you rob a government official? A refund!
- What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus? Irritable Brawls in Rome
- TIL: Government officials can sometimes be removed from office with "a vote of no confidence" Which is eerily similar to how many entered into office with "a vote of no competence"
- What do you call a government official that can't leave an airport because of a blizzard? Edward Snowed In
- The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.
- What do you call a government official who overseas regulations on breweries? A Beer-aucrat
- What do you call it when a government official assassinates a citizen? A Car c**...
- The 13th amendment makes it i**... to buy people as they aren't property Apparently, government officials don't apply
Local Government Jokes
Here is a list of funny local government jokes and even better local government puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why don't local government prioritize the concerns of laborers who collect minerals in caves? They're only miner issues.
- Which branch of local government do pigs work at? Porks and Recreation.
- TIL of Shakira's initiative to introduce computers to Brazil to counter deceit by local government bodies. Asked to comment, she said "chips don't lie".
- I was talking to a convicted p**... the other day about how the government funding for the local community has dropped He said the biggest issue now a days is that parks are hard to come by.
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Government Jokes
What funny jokes about government you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean organisation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make government pranks.
North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by their government and the media.
But I know that can't possibly be true. Because every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
(Original) What do you call a feminist government?
A d**...-hater-ship.
People in North Korea are so brainwashed by the government and the state controlled national news thinking their country is great. Outsiders know better.
That is why I am glad to live in the greatest country in the world, The United States of America.
The government reveals their new logo today....
The government reveals their new logo today, on a black background sit a magnificent image of a c**....
I guess it makes sense, seeings as how a c**... allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of d**..., and gives you a sense of security while being s**....
"Thank you for calling the NSA..."
"The only government organization that **actually** listens to you!"
Three boys were talking after school...
Three boys were talking after school while waiting for their fathers to pick them up. The first one boasts: "My dad is a Formula One driver. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:15."
The second boy says: "That's nothing. My dad is a jet pilot. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:05!"
The last boy looks at his companions and says: "Pfff.... amateurs! My dad works for the government. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 4:45!"
Can you call the British PM a fool?
During WW II, a man was arrested in London for calling Winston Churchill a fool.
The next day in the House of Commons, the opposition members were ready to roast the government for this. "Are we living in a police state", they shouted, "where we cannot call the PM a fool"?
Churchill's reply was truly disarming - "The man was not arrested for calling the Prime Minister a fool", he said, "but for letting out a state secret at a time of war".
My government is spreading obviously false covid-19 info about x-mas parties
Here in Sweden the government lies and says that we can have Christmas gatherings of up to 8 people without any problems. Such obvious bull! Who knows 8 people without any problems?
A politician is walking down the street when he is suddenly attacked.
The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."
Why is s**... i**...?
destruction of government property.
Why is s**... i**... in China?
Destruction of government property
24-year old Tai Jinhai came in first during the Beijing Marathon, but they gave the gold medal to the son of a prominent party official instead.
To this day, the Chinese government refuses to acknowledge Tai won.
"I'll do whatever I can for my constituents"
A politician visited a remote little rural village and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.
"We have two big needs," said the village headman. "First, we have a hospital but no doctor."
The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while, and then said, "I have it sorted out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?"
"We have no cellphone reception at all in our village."
Smith & Wesson Joke
A customer came in to where I work told me this one. Thought I'd share:
Have you heard Smith & Wesson is making a pair of revolvers to commemorate the government shutdown? They will be called The Congressman and The Senator respectively. They don't actually do anything and you can't fire them.
Why does the government use microwaves to spy on you?
Because it's the one place you can't put tin foil.
I'm starting to hate the U.S. government
The NSA appears to be the only department which listens
People in North Korea are so brainwashed by the government and controlled news thinking their country is great. Outsiders know better.
That is why I am glad to live in the greatest country in the world, America.
The UK Government has decided to make l**... legal as a drug for weight loss
It makes sense if you think about it. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it...
I think Unilever should print little government conspiracies on their cotton swabs.
They could call them Q tips
North Korean citizens believe they live in the best country in the world because the government and the media brainwash them.
When every American citizen knows that America is the best country in the world.
Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth II and Vladimir Putin all die and go to h**....
Satan decides to let each of them to call their own countries, but at a cost. Queen Elizabeth speaks to the U.K Government for 30 minutes and pays 1 million dollars. Vladimir Putin speaks with the Russian Government for an hour and pays 2 million dollars. Donald Trump speaks with the American Government for 2 hours and only pays 300 dollars.
Upon hearing this, Putin went ballistic and demanded that Satan tell him why Donald had to pay so less but get to talk more. Satan answered simply, "Ever since Donald Trump became U.S President, he has turned America into a h**...-hole, so it's a local call."
4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!
I really hate babies.
What do South American governments and internal combustion engines have in common?
Both are measured in revolutions per minute.
Whats the difference between the government and a stripper?
Strippers don't rig their polls.
A man living in the Soviet union is queuing up for bread...
when he gets to the front he is told there is none left.
Annoyed, the man goes on a tirade, complaining about the poor conditions and the incompetence of the government.
A soldier, hearing this, says to him, "you better be careful. In the old days it would have been...", the soldier points his gun at the man's head, "...bang!"
The man apologises and shuffles off. When he gets back home his wife asks him, "husband, your hands are empty! Have they run out of bread again?"
To which the man replies, "it's even worse than that. They've run out of bullets!"
The US government hired Stanley Kubrick to film the fake moon landing.
...but he was such a stickler for doing it right that he insisted that they film on location.
4 million of these people...
### 4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!
I really hate babies.
Your momma so ugly
Governments across the world conspired to spread a pandemic to get her to wear a mask.
The Italian government has decided to put a big clock similar to Big Ben in the leaning tower of Piza.
Now they'll have the time as well as the inclination.
I was wondering why the book about s**... I bought had positions like the "hammer and sickle" and "government mandated equality"
Then I realized I was reading the c**... Sutra.
My wife thinks my obsession with conspiracy theories is getting out of control.
I wonder how much money the government paid her to say that?
The Nigerian Government is now offering a $3m reward for the safe return of the missing girls.
All you need to do is provide your name, address, date of birth, bank details and mother's maiden name.
Two policemen are walking down the street in Soviet Russia...
...when they spot a guy standing next to the local Party Headquarters holding a paintbrush. On the wall, he's just written "The government is run by idiots!". The first policeman pulls out a pair of handcuffs and asks the second, "Shall we arrest him for vandalizing public property, or for divulging state secrets?".
A Russian man lives all alone in a cabin
One day, someone from the government shows up and tells him that due to a map surveyor's error in the 1940s, the cabin he lives in was mistakenly marked as part of Russia, but in fact, it's actually a part of Belarus.
"Oh thank God!" the man exclaims. "I don't think I would have been able to stand another Russian winter here."
The NSA isn't all that bad
It's the only part of the American government that listens to its citizens!
A Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet.
He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold beer right now!" He gets his beer and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful women reside." Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again." p**...! He's back in his government office.
The government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns. It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquility and normality following the recent pandemic.
Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.
The government just built an underground prison. They call it Concave.
It's full of convex.
The Chinese government is trying to help working women by providing breast milk couriers...
The couriers take the breast milk from the factory where the mother works to the factory where the baby works.
Republicans want small government
So small that it fits in your doctors office and your bedroom
watching the US government deal with the Coronavirus is like watching the Ministry of Magic deal with Voldemort's return.
change my mind.
Did you hear The Pentagon was actually supposed to be an octagon?
but they hired a government contractor that cut corners
Did you hear about the bar for West African bookstore workers with anti government views?
Liberian Libertarian Librarian Libations
This is now the longest government shut down in US History. In lighter news, if seeing who will crack first on the border wall is prolonging it, then this shut down truly is...
a Mexican stand off.
The government announced that because of Covid, we can have gatherings of up to 5 people without issues.
Where the h**... am I going to find 5 people without issues?
A North Korean soldier runs across the DMZ and yells to the US Army "Kim Jong Un is an idiot!" and gets thrown in a labor camp for 16 years by the government.
1 year for insulting the Dear Leader and the other 15 for revealing a state secret.
A DEA agent and a rancher
A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge, show him your BADGE.........!!"
It confuses me why people feel comfortable with government surveillance as they have nothing to hide, so nothing to fear ....
….but get really scared when I ask them to take their clothes off.
The Ukrainian government is opening up a tourist attraction in Chernobyl.
It will be like Disney World, except the six foot tall mouse is real.
America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...
America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian government to express their concern. In a conference room filled with diplomats and astrophysicists, the US delegation protested to the Iranians, Listen. Differences aside, we can't let you send people to the sun. It's s**.... They burn to death even at far distances! Please don't carry out this mission! The Iranians laughed wittily amongst themselves, jabbing each other with elbows and pointing at the westerners as one Iranian says, s**... Americans! They think we're going during the daytime!
A woman walks onto a bus
A woman walks onto a bus holding her baby. As she scans her card, the bus driver looks up to her and says, "Have a sea... Whoa, that is an ugly baby!!".
The lady is shocked and shields the baby with her hand and takes a seat. She just sits there getting more and more angry. The man sitting next to her asks what's wrong.
She says, "That bus driver insulted me the moment I stepped onto this bus. He's a government employee!"
"You don't have to put up with that," the man said.
"You know what, you're right! I'm going to go up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"Good for you! I'll hold your monkey."
The government offered to buy back all my guns
I turned them down
I don't feel right selling fire arms to organized crime.
President Donald Trump and his motorcade are cruising along a country road to Florida after the government shutdown. Suddenly they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump tells his chief of staff to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees him staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 21-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
"I said I'm Donald Trump's Chief of staff, and I just killed the pig."
