Government Workers Jokes
15 government workers jokes and hilarious government workers puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about government workers that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Government Workers Short Jokes
Short government workers jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The government workers humour may include short government employee jokes also.
- Did you hear about the bar for West African bookstore workers with anti government views? Liberian Libertarian Librarian Libations
- What's the difference between Dracula and a government worker? Dracula does more work during the day
- What's the fastest animal in the world? The Spanish government worker. The job ends at 3 and he's home by 2.
- TIL the government has a minimum height requirement for workers to receive Coronavirus relief payments. I was so angry... but I'm over it
- A government worker complains... - With my new team leader, it's impossible to sleep at work.
- Why? Does he watch you?
- No, he snores.
(I thought it was at least good for a chuckle...) - My dad is a government worker, working for the government . Specifically the Redundancy Department of Redundancy.
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Government Workers One Liners
Which government workers one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with government workers? I can suggest the ones about government jobs and government officials.
- What do you call a group of non-monogamous bloodsucking government workers? Poly-ticks.
Government Workers Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about government workers you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean office workers jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make government workers pranks.
What did the bank say to the government
Bank: Hey government. I need money to pay my workers or we're gonna go out of business.
Government: Hey bank. Sure. I remember you from Harvard, how are you doing?
Bank: Doing great, actually! I remember you too. Frat bros for life. Thanks for the cash.
Government: Frat bros for life! Hey, no problem. Wasn't mine to begin with, right? Enjoy it.
Bank: Will do. Already bought back half my stocks!
Government: Nice! What about your workers?
Bank: Haha, let 'em starve. No frat, no stack.
Government: Haha! Class act, Bank, you ol' rascal! This was fun. Same time next economic crisis?
Bank: You know it, bro. Thanks. Here's some reelection money
An angel walks into a bar
He walks up to a blind patron and heals him. The formerly blind man stands up shouting "I can see! It's a miracle!"
The angel smiles and walks up to a crippled man and restores his legs. The man does a dance of joy and hugs the angel, who tells him to go in peace.
The angel then walks among some government workers celebrating after work. One of them, a one-legged man with severe diabetes, lupus, and one eye looks at the approaching angel and says "don't touch me - I'm on disability"
A farmer and his family are approached by a government worker.
A government worker comes by the farm and tells the farmer that the government has now decided to improve its agriculture and will now reward all the farmers in the country with a mill to be built at no cost to them. The farmer refuses and politely asks the man to leave his property. The worker insists that the farmer allow the government to build him a complimentary mill, stating that no harm will come from this. The farmer again asks the man to leave and left with no choice, he does. The farmer's wife and son ask him "Why didn't you accept the offer?" and the farmer responds back "There's no such thing as a free mill."
A government worker was sitting at his desk at the Capitol...
when he received a package. He opened it, and found that there was an ancient lamp in it. Recalling stories of magic lamps, he rubbed it, and out popped a genie. The genie said, "I will grant you three wishes, but be careful what you wis-"
"Give me a hundred billion dollars!" The man interrupted.
The genie snapped his fingers, and the man was instantly surrounded by stacks of hundred dollar bills.
The man cried, "Bring me to my own private island with hundreds of supermodels!"
The genie snapped his fingers, and there on the island they were. The government worker was thinking of his third wish when he got a text from his boss.
Groaning, the man said to the genie, "I don't want to do any work in my life."
The genie snapped his fingers, and the man was back at his desk.
Workers and Cats
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist and the fourth man was a government worker. To show off, the engineer called his cat, "T-square, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.. But the accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles with three cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a ten ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. Then the three men turned to the government worker and said, ""What can your cat do?" The government worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff. Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, bit the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers' Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are.
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, “Tsquare, do your stuff.”
T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff.”
Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, “Measure, do your stuff.”
Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that was good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, “What can your cat do?”
The Government Worker called to his cat and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.”
Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, s**... the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
One day a government worker was digging through his office drawers when suddenly he came upon a magic lamp.
(Oh, c'mon, I'm sure there's one buried in your desk too.)
Since he'd heard these jokes before, he knew that he had to rub the lamp and make the genie come out.
So he rubbed the lamp and - oh, surprise out popped a genie.
The genie asked, as genies will, "What is your first wish?"
The government worker thought about it for a second, then replied, "I would like to be rich!"
So the genie granted him his wish, and p**... the man was surrounded by piles of money rivaling the heaps of even Martha Stewart and Bill Gates.
Since the government worker knew the whole wish process, the genie didn't even have to ask for number two before he said, "My second wish is to be on an island with beautiful women surrounding me and obeying my every command!"
And p**..., he was there.
Then the government worker or, as I like to call him, civil servant decided on his third wish, "I don't want to do any work ever again!" and p**... ubiquitous ironic twist he was back in his office.