Government Jobs Jokes
27 government jobs jokes and hilarious government jobs puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about government jobs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Government Jobs Short Jokes
Short government jobs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The government jobs humour may include short government workers jokes also.
- So I asked my friend, "I hear your husband applied for a position in the government" Me:"What is he doing now?"
Friend: "Nothing"
Me: "But I thought he got the job!?"
Friend: "Yes he did." - Who else thinks we need to finally have a woman for president? We've got to reduce government spending, and we could staff the white house job for 75 cents on the dollar!
- A kid was talking to his dad because he was considering a job in organized crime. The dad replied with "government or private sector"
- What's the fastest animal in the world? The Spanish government worker. The job ends at 3 and he's home by 2.
- Lately, I've seen a post about red flags to look out for when looking for a job All I can say is dont go looking for a job at chinese government buildings because there's always a red flag
- After I botched a surgery, the entire government is after me and I lost my job. My Korea went south after that.
- Do you know why I don't believe in government conspiracies? Because 7-Eleven was only a part-time job.
- If a pirate had a government job, what department would they work in? The department of treasury!
- My Russian friend recently got fired from his government job... ...apparently they said he couldn't hack it.
- Did you hear about the math club's failed attempt to overthrow the government by gradually filling in vacant civil servant jobs with their members? It was a pseudo-coup.
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Government Jobs One Liners
Which government jobs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with government jobs? I can suggest the ones about government employee and government officials.
- My brother has a government job He gets 42 cents per hour.
- Got fired from my government job today They said I was too efficient
- What do you get when you cross a badger, a wolf, and a Marine? A nice new government job!
- Don't steal. That's the government's job.
- Why wasn't Rome built in a day? Because it was a government job.
Government Jobs Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about government jobs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jobs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make government jobs pranks.
"Yeah. Those animals across our southern border have ruined their own country and our trying to invade and ruin ours. With their rampent guns and drugs... their government has become a shambles of nut job military and rich drug addicts who don't care about anyone!
Eh?"
[Politics] i**... immigrants are lucky
The government is helping them escape the US
...and into mexico, where a booming ladder industry is providing plenty of jobs
Anything is possible.
People are surprised when I tell them I have a 4.0 GPA, work 2 jobs, while doing research, having 4 internships finished, being president of my student government, having a VS model as a girlfriend and having an amazing social life.
I mean, anything's possible when you lie.
I recently saw an interview with an alt-right activist on BBC...
He says that all these immigrants are taking their houses, taking their jobs, invading their government, trying to get them to assimilate their culture, and not trying to be British
Idk man seems kinda British to me
Government contracts
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.
One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.
All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, and then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how our government operates.
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.
Congress said someone may steal from it at night; so they created a night watchman, GS-4 position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"
So they created a planning position and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, GS-12 and one person to do time studies,
GS-1.
Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?"
So they created a Q. C. position and hired two people, one GS-9 to do the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports.
Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?"
So they created the following positions, a time keeper, GS-09, and a payroll officer, GS-11, and hired two people.
Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"
So they created an administrative position and hired three people, an Admin.
Officer GM-13, Assistant Admin.
Officer GS-12, and a Legal Secretary GS-08.
Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $280,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."
So they laid off the night watchman.
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.
One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.