Government Employee Jokes
15 government employee jokes and hilarious government employee puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about government employee that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Government Employee Short Jokes
Short government employee jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The government employee humour may include short government workers jokes also.
- Why don't government employees look out of the window in the morning? So they have something to do in the afternoon!
- City officials required all their male employees to socialize with male coworkers after work once a week. They issued a government mandate.
- What's the difference between GTA V Online and a non-essential government employee? Nothing neither one has been working since Tuesday...
- I just talked to a furloughed federal employee and told him McConnell might schedule a vote soon to reopen the government. Was there anything he particularly hoped for? Mitch better have my money.
- What did the Russian citizen say to the government employee when he avoided giving the citizen food? Quit Stalin!
- What do you call a government employee with too much confidence? Sorry, that's confidential
Share These Government Employee Jokes With Friends
Government Employee One Liners
Which government employee one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with government employee? I can suggest the ones about government jobs and employer employee.
- How do government employees wink when they're at work? They briefly open one eye.
- What happened to all the US government employees? AWOL
Happy Government Employee Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about government employee you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean government officials jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make government employee pranks.
A Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet.
He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold beer right now!" He gets his beer and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful women reside." Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again." p**...! He's back in his government office.
A woman walks onto a bus
A woman walks onto a bus holding her baby. As she scans her card, the bus driver looks up to her and says, "Have a sea... Whoa, that is an ugly baby!!".
The lady is shocked and shields the baby with her hand and takes a seat. She just sits there getting more and more angry. The man sitting next to her asks what's wrong.
She says, "That bus driver insulted me the moment I stepped onto this bus. He's a government employee!"
"You don't have to put up with that," the man said.
"You know what, you're right! I'm going to go up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"Good for you! I'll hold your monkey."
A government employee sat in his office, and out of boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing cabinet.
He poked through the contents and came across an old brass lamp.
"This will look good on my mantel," he said, and took it home with him.
While polishing the lamp, a genie appeared and, as usual, granted him three wishes.
"I would like an ice-cold Coke right now."
He gets his Coke and drinks it.
Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish.
"I wish to be on an island with beautiful women, who find me irresistible."
Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous women eyeing him lustfully.
He tells the genie his third and last wish.
"I wish I'd never have to work again."
Instantly, he was back in his government office.
Joke for any South Africans out there...
Mbeki, Jacob Zuma, Geraldine Fraser-Moleketi and Manto Tsabalala Msimang were flying together in the President's jet. Thabo Mbeki suddenly said: You know what. I can throw a R500 right now out of this window and make someone happy.
Jacob Zuma said: I can throw five R 100 notes out of the window and I will make 5 people unbelievably happy.
Geraldine said: I will give government employees 7.25% salary increase and make millions happy .
Manto said : I will can throw ten R 50 notes out of the window and make 10 people very, very happy.
The one pilot looks at the other and says:
Listen to those 4 showoffs at the back… I can throw all 4 of them out of the window right now and I will make the whole country very happy!
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are.
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, “Tsquare, do your stuff.”
T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff.”
Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, “Measure, do your stuff.”
Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that was good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, “What can your cat do?”
The Government Worker called to his cat and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.”
Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, s**... the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.