The Best 58 Govern Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Govern jokes. There are some govern caucus jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these govern how government works puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Govern Jokes and Puns

The government offered to buy back all my guns

I turned them down

I don't feel right selling fire arms to organized crime.

Do you know why the government is important?

It isn't, now have a landmine.

-Ron Swanson

How many governments does it take to make an Egyptian happy?

I'll let you know when I find out...

Govern joke, How many governments does it take to make an Egyptian happy?

What does the US Government use to spy on a high school student?

An essay.

The Government

Don't lie..
Don't cheat.
Dont steal.
Don't sell drugs.
Don't kill.

The Government Hates Competition


How can we be sure the government wasn't involved in the Kennedy assassination?

Well he's dead, isn't he?

(Adapted from Neil Gaiman's *American Gods*)

The government have announced new measures to stop migrants from getting into England

Henceforth, Chelsea fans will be in charge of security at Calais.

Govern joke, The government have announced new measures to stop migrants from getting into England

How do government employees wink when they're at work?

They briefly open one eye.

Why is the government encouraging more American made vibrators?

They want to increase their gross domestic products.

Q.: "Governor, what would you say if Trump picked you as his running mate?"

Christie: "I'll close down that bridge when I get to it."

You may not like EVERY government agency...

...but you've really gotta hand it to the IRS.

You can explore govern rhesus reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean govern euthanized dad jokes. There are also govern puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The government just built an underground prison. They call it Concave.

It's full of convex.

The UK Government has decided to make LSD legal as a drug for weight loss

It makes sense if you think about it. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it...

The government forcibly took over MarshallMathers.com

They cited Eminem domain

The US government has been trying to get rid of Fidel Castro for 50 years.

Trump gets elected, and Castro is dead within 3 weeks.

What is a government mandate?

When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.

Govern joke, What is a government mandate?

Why does the government use microwaves to spy on you?

Because it's the one place you can't put tin foil.

Our government leaders have obviously never played Civ....

If they had they would know that not investing in education science and the economy coupled with an unreasonably large military is a a good way to get worked over by Gandhi later in the game.

The former governor of Alaska is contributing to the manufacturing of new unmanned aircraft for the Afghanistan War.

These quadricopters are going to be named "Strikekirts", which reads the same forwards and backwards.

Why?

It's because they are Palindrones.


Government can hear what you say

but McDonald can't hear no pickles

My government isn't working

Phone Agent: Okay, have you tried turning it off and then back on?
Schumer: It didn't work

Why don't government employees look out of the window in the morning?

So they have something to do in the afternoon!

The US government has resorted to jailing political dissidents using fake accusations

Reports say they were arrested on Trump'ed up charges.

A Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet.

He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold beer right now!" He gets his beer and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful women reside." Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again." POOF! He's back in his government office.

What doesn't the US government update it's privacy policy?

You need to have one first before you updated it.

The government has covered up the existence of monsters for centuries...

The truth is kept under Loch and key.

The US Government spent $365,000 to test the effect of cocaine on quails' sex drive...

The study has been met with fierce criticism by guinea pigs.

The US government are now forcing all under 25 year old fit and healthy American males to work for the Bank of America immediately or face criminal detention.

They've decided to become a BoA Conscripter.

The government reveals their new logo today....

The government reveals their new logo today, on a black background sit a magnificent image of a condom.

I guess it makes sense, seeings as how a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while being screwed.

What was the governor of North Carolina criticized for responding to Hurricane Florence so quickly?

Because women don't like premature evacuations

The government say they're going to tackle gambling addiction.

Bet you a tenner they don't.

A government plane crashes between united states and mexico, where do you bury the survivors?

What plane?

Government is back open but I heard

If trump sees his shadow it's 6 more weeks of shutdown

A government run initiative to restore the male geese population is getting a lot of media attention...

Critics are referring to it as proper gander.

The government has started fining its citizens for poorly worded sentences.

It's the syntax

How can we be certain the government is trying to kill us?

Because we keep living longer and longer, and everyone knows they can't do anything right.

The US government has been there for us through hard times From the great depression, the numerous market crashes, through pandemics of flu and tragedies like the loss of American lives.

I'm starting to think they're bad luck

The government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns. It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquility and normality following the recent pandemic.

Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.

The government have extended the lockdown period for anyone that drives..

Car owner virus

β€ͺwatching the US government deal with the Coronavirus is like watching the Ministry of Magic deal with Voldemort's return.

change my mind.

the government is saying if you survived covid-19 they want your plasma

aint nobody finna take my TV

If the government finds diamonds in your backyard it's theirs...

... but if they find drugs, then it's yours?

My government recently announced they're phasing out Roman numerals...

Not on my watch.

My government is spreading obviously false covid-19 info about x-mas parties

Here in Sweden the government lies and says that we can have Christmas gatherings of up to 8 people without any problems. Such obvious bull! Who knows 8 people without any problems?

The government announced that because of Covid, we can have gatherings of up to 5 people without issues.

Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without issues?

If Government was software how would you describe its issues?

Answer: Too much middleware and a major lack of API functionality.

Governor of NYC Andrew Cuomo is starring in a New Sitcom Spinoff

It will be called: How I killed your Grandmother

Ever since the government lockdown, my neighbor has had to run her business out of her backyard. She bakes delicious pastries.

Google Back Door Cream Pies if you're interested.

The U.K. government have predicted that Scotland could become a third world country if they gain independence.

I don't know if things will improve to that extent but fingers crossed for them.

Why doesn't the Government let chickens build their own houses?

Because they'll make a coup.

Original... hopefully

What does the US government use to kill flies?

They use a S.W.A.T team

Why does government hate organised crime?

They don't like competition

What do governments and modern cars have in common?

1. They're full of airbags.
2. They're full of features that nobody wants.
3. They're impossible for the average person to fix.

The government of Canada is forming a council to determine the merits of decriminalization of all drugs

It will be a High Council

The government has developed machines that will pick litter up from the beach.

I saw one the other day, but unfortunately it was malfunctioning and was grabbing birds off the shoreline instead.

I thought "Well, that took a tern."

How do we know the government wasn't behind 9/11?

Because it worked.

Why don't horse's governments ever get anything done?

Because they always vote neigh

The Government is mandating that I set my clocks back before I go to bed tonight, but I'm going to do MY OWN research, thank you very much.

My clocks, my choice.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the govern primary jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working govern libertarians piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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