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Govern Jokes

109 govern jokes and hilarious govern puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about govern that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Govern Short Jokes

Short govern jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The govern humour may include short preside jokes also.

  1. North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media. When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
  2. What do fetuses, servicemen and gay people have in common in the US? The government stops caring about them once they're out.
  3. The American Government is just like a car... If you want it to go forward you put it in (D) and if you want it to go backwards you put it in (R)
  4. The Government is mandating that I set my clocks back before I go to bed tonight, but I'm going to do MY OWN research, thank you very much. My clocks, my choice.
  5. Cardi B's sister used to spy for the Russian government, but refuses to talk about it publicly They call her 'Cagey B'
  6. Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government? Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
  7. The U.K. government have predicted that Scotland could become a third world country if they gain independence. I don't know if things will improve to that extent but fingers crossed for them.
  8. If Trump is elected president... He will be the first billionaire to move into government housing after a black man.
  9. A son says to his father: "Dad, I'm thinking about a career in organized crime." Father: "Government or private sector?"
  10. A boy says to his dad 'I'm considering a career in organised crime' His dad responds with 'Government or private sector?'

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Govern One Liners

Which govern one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with govern? I can suggest the ones about laws and rule.

  1. Proof that 9/11 wasn't a government plot: It worked.
  2. What is a government mandate? When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.
  3. How do you fix a government....? Try turning them off and then on again...
  4. Yo Momma is so ugly The government extended mask mandates to give everyone's eyes a break
  5. Why is the oval office oval shaped? Because the government cuts corner.
  6. The NSA The only part of the government that actually listens
  7. The United States government.
  8. I'm in so much debt... I could start a government.
  9. How do we know 9/11 wasn't a government plot? Because it worked.
  10. My grandma is kind of like the Chinese government. Visitors only see the nice china.
  11. I like the NSA They're the only government agency that listens
  12. Which dinosaur does the government of the People's Republic of China hate? Taiwanasaurus
  13. What do you call a snake that works for the government? A civil Serpent
  14. My government recently announced they're phasing out Roman numerals... Not on my watch.
  15. What does the US Government use to spy on a high school student? An essay.

Govern joke, What does the US Government use to spy on a high school student?

Heartwarming Govern Jokes that Make You Laugh

What funny jokes about govern you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean administration jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make govern pranks.

The government offered to buy back all my guns

I turned them down
I don't feel right selling fire arms to organized crime.

Do you know why the government is important?

It isn't, now have a landmine.
-Ron Swanson

How many governments does it take to make an Egyptian happy?

I'll let you know when I find out...

The Government

Don't lie..
Don't cheat.
Dont steal.
Don't sell drugs.
Don't kill.
The Government Hates Competition

How can we be sure the government wasn't involved in the kennedy assassination?

Well he's dead, isn't he?
(Adapted from Neil Gaiman's *American Gods*)

Which government organization is involved with protecting Area 51?

The C.I.ayy

The Horses decided to form a Senate to govern themselves...

But they could never get anything done. "All in favor, say Yay. All opposed, say neigh."

The government have announced new measures to stop migrants from getting into England

Henceforth, Chelsea fans will be in charge of security at Calais.

What does your body's government do to a fresh cut?

It boyclotts it

How do government employees wink when they're at work?

They briefly open one eye.

Q.: "Governor, what would you say if Trump picked you as his running mate?"

Christie: "I'll close down that bridge when I get to it."

If the government hates whistleblowers so much,

They should probably stop giving people whistles.

You may not like EVERY government agency...

...but you've really gotta hand it to the IRS.

The US government is taking Samsung to court.

They're being charged with a fault in battery.

The government just built an underground prison. They call it Concave.

It's full of convex.

The UK Government has decided to make l**... legal as a drug for weight loss

It makes sense if you think about it. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it...

Did you know the government puts ground beef in the chem trails?

That explains the meatier showers.

Government - 'Um, we're having big issues with tax evasion. People are stashing away notes with large denominations.'

Modi: 'Have you tried turning them off and and on again?'

The government recent said they wanted to ban Roman numerals.

Not on my watch!

The government forcibly took over MarshallMathers.com

They cited Eminem domain

The US government has been trying to get rid of Fidel Castro for 50 years.

Trump gets elected, and Castro is dead within 3 weeks.

The government bought me a sports car.

It's a coupe d'etat.

Why does the government use microwaves to spy on you?

Because it's the one place you can't put tin foil.

Our government leaders have obviously never played Civ....

If they had they would know that not investing in education science and the economy coupled with an unreasonably large military is a a good way to get worked over by Gandhi later in the game.

The former governor of Alaska is contributing to the manufacturing of new unmanned aircraft for the Afghanistan War.

These quadricopters are going to be named "Strikekirts", which reads the same forwards and backwards.
Why?
It's because they are Palindrones.

A government worker complains...

- With my new team leader, it's impossible to sleep at work.
- Why? Does he watch you?
- No, he snores.
(I thought it was at least good for a chuckle...)

The US Government will be very supportive of NASA's efforts to put humans on Mars.

The only thing NASA has to do is declare war on Mars!

Government can hear what you say

but McDonald can't hear no pickles

How does the Government get info off TOR?

Leeks

What did the government say to the contractor who thought they won the bid but complained when they found out otherwise?

Did you just assume my vendor?

The government will be giving out special glasses for the solar eclipse

It's called the no child left blind

How is the government pranking millennials?

By making them pay into Social Security.

Government and attorneys are the same.

Everyone hates them until you need one.

Our government don't like thieves

They hate competitors

Why did the government of Ethiopia tie a piece of string over their country?

So the kids could play in the shadow.

What government organization only investigates incidents involving frozen water?

The Just-Ice Department.

The government has developed a program to increase the dancing skills of the vice president...

They used an Al Gore Rhythm....

So the government shut down...

I saw my senator with a sign that said, "Will lie, cheat, and steal for food."
Or
now my senator has to lie, cheat, and steal for free.
Or
so will my senator stop lying, cheating, and stealing?
Take your pick or insert your parasite of choice. And don't forget to tip your waitresses.

My government isn't working

Phone Agent: Okay, have you tried turning it off and then back on?
Schumer: It didn't work

The government is full of cuts!

See they even took the n out on that last sentence

Why don't government employees look out of the window in the morning?

So they have something to do in the afternoon!

Your government in action

Management ordered refrigerators be installed in the datacenter before the Easter code freeze

How is the government in 2018 like a diner?

No substitutions!

The US government has resorted to jailing political dissidents using fake accusations

Reports say they were arrested on Trump'ed up charges.

A Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet.

He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold beer right now!" He gets his beer and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful women reside." Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again." p**...! He's back in his government office.

What doesn't the US government update it's privacy policy?

You need to have one first before you updated it.

The government has covered up the existence of monsters for centuries...

The truth is kept under Loch and key.

If you look at our government through a mirror, there is nothing left.

Because if you look at it directly, there is nothing right.

The US Government spent $365,000 to test the effect of c**... on quails' s**... drive...

The study has been met with fierce criticism by guinea pigs.

The US government are now forcing all under 25 year old fit and healthy American males to work for the Bank of America immediately or face criminal detention.

They've decided to become a BoA Conscripter.

The government reveals their new logo today....

The government reveals their new logo today, on a black background sit a magnificent image of a c**....
I guess it makes sense, seeings as how a c**... allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of d**..., and gives you a sense of security while being s**....

The government is like a snooze button

It can't go more than 5 minutes without annoying you

What was the governor of North Carolina criticized for responding to Hurricane Florence so quickly?

Because women don't like p**... evacuations

The government say they're going to tackle gambling addiction.

Bet you a tenner they don't.

A government plane crashes between united states and mexico, where do you bury the survivors?

What plane?

The new government guidelines were getting a bit too high,

We've started calling them guidelights

This government shutdown has made it so TSA agents can relate to artists.

There is a lot of exposure and no pay.

Government is back open but I heard

If trump sees his shadow it's 6 more weeks of shutdown

VA Governor Northam has not made a public appearance since Saturday

This is partly thanks to a tunnel system that connects his residence to his office. It is predicted that when he does resurface & sees his shadow, we are guaranteed 6 more weeks of scandals.

The US Government is having trouble finding o**...'s son.

He's bin laden low

A government run initiative to restore the male geese population is getting a lot of media attention...

Critics are referring to it as proper gander.

The government has started fining its citizens for poorly worded sentences.

It's the syntax

The government swore to shut down Fortnite due to claims of the video game aggravating children and teens worldwide.

Two weeks later, Fortnight was finished.

How can we be certain the government is trying to kill us?

Because we keep living longer and longer, and everyone knows they can't do anything right.

The US government has been there for us through hard times From the great depression, the numerous market crashes, through pandemics of flu and tragedies like the loss of American lives.

I'm starting to think they're bad luck

The government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns. It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquility and normality following the recent pandemic.

Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.

The government have extended the lockdown period for anyone that drives..

Car owner virus

The government will send a martial artist after you if you violate copyright law

IP Man

‪watching the US government deal with the Coronavirus is like watching the Ministry of Magic deal with Voldemort's return.

change my mind.

the government is saying if you survived covid-19 they want your plasma

aint nobody finna take my TV

If the government finds diamonds in your backyard it's theirs...

... but if they find drugs, then it's yours?

My government is spreading obviously false covid-19 info about x-mas parties

Here in Sweden the government lies and says that we can have Christmas gatherings of up to 8 people without any problems. Such obvious bull! Who knows 8 people without any problems?

The government announced that because of Covid, we can have gatherings of up to 5 people without issues.

Where the h**... am I going to find 5 people without issues?

If Government was software how would you describe its issues?

Answer: Too much middleware and a major lack of API functionality.

Governor of NYC Andrew Cuomo is starring in a New Sitcom Spinoff

It will be called: How I killed your Grandmother

Ever since the government lockdown, my neighbor has had to run her business out of her backyard. She bakes delicious pastries.

Google Back Door Cream Pies if you're interested.

Why doesn't the Government let chickens build their own houses?

Because they'll make a coup.
Original... hopefully

What does the US government use to kill flies?

They use a S.W.A.T team

Govern joke, What does the US government use to kill flies?

jokes about govern