Gosh Jokes

73 gosh jokes and hilarious gosh puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gosh that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Gosh Short Jokes

Short gosh jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gosh humour may include short jeez jokes also.

  1. A windy day Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench.
    The first says to her friends "gosh, it's windy today".
    The second says "no, it's Thursday".
    The third says "so am I. Let's get a drink".
  2. A man walks up his bald friend, rubs his head and says "smooth. Just like my wife's behind." The friend reaches up, rubs his head and replies "My gosh. You're right."
  3. A man flashes a woman at the grocery store She says " Oh my gosh ! Thank you ! I almost forgot to get baby carrots
  4. milk and yogurt are arguing. milk: you're just so thick, gosh Yogurt: you uncultured bovine
  5. Hey, you funny fellows, what are some nonchalant jokes to tell people that do not sound like a joke at first? I need to impress my friends with Internet stuff, gosh.
  6. So, two muffins are sitting in an oven.... So two muffins are sitting in an oven and one says to the other,
    "Man, its hot in here."
    The other muffin replied, "OH MY GOSH! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
  7. two sausages are in a pan... one looks at the other and says "Gosh, it's hot in here" and the other sausage says' "GOODNESS GRACIOUS, IT'S A TALKING SAUSAGE!"
  8. Two sausages are in a pan. One looks at the other and says, "Gosh, it's hot in here", and the other sausage says, "JESUS CRIST, IT'S A TALKING SAUSAGE"
  9. Two muffins are sitting in a hot oven. Two muffins are sitting in a hot over. The first muffin sighs and says, "gosh, it's so hot in here."
    "The second muffin exclaims, "Ahh, a talking muffin!"
  10. I found Jesus the other day....... and if no one claims him within 30 days, by gosh, I am going to keep him!

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Gosh One Liners

Which gosh one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gosh? I can suggest the ones about dang and gees.

  1. What is Heck? It's where you go when you don't believe in Gosh.
  2. Heck A place reserved for those who don't believe in Gosh.
  3. Doctor to blonde "You are pregnant" Blonde "Gosh, I hope it's not mine"
  4. What is heck? Heck is where people go when they don't believe in gosh.
  5. A wizard steps on someone's foot and says Oh my gosh I am sorcery
  6. What did the fish say when the river stopped flowing Gosh dam it
  7. What is heck? It's where people get darned to when they don't believe in Gosh
  8. What did the Pope say when a cougar crossed his path? Oh my gosh I almost Puma pants.
  9. You know how you get to Heck? Gosh darns you to Heck.
  10. I hate how so many people can be so narcissistic Gosh, I'm so much better than them..
  11. What is Heck? Where you go when you don't beleive in Gosh
  12. Heck is where you're darned for not believing in gosh... Then you're really frigged.
  13. Welcome back My name isn't Back, it's Dad, gosh
  14. I Dropped 40 Pounds on Jenny Craig "Oh my gosh is she ok?"
  15. How I feel every time I visit the dentist Gosh, I love far side.

Gosh joke, How I feel every time I visit the dentist

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Gosh Jokes and Friends

What funny jokes about gosh you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean whoa jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gosh pranks.


So I'm sitting there, talking to my friend about the price of buying new York city. When out of nowhere, this girl screams out "OH MY GOD ITS A GOLF CLUB" now naturally, being the s**... person I am, immediately snap my neck 90° and feel my bones shatter. So I scream "gosh darn I broke my neck over a golf club".
Turns out someone got a golf club stabbed through their chest.
I guess it was a real shattering experience for me!

A die-hard fan was very surprised to see an empty seat at the Superbowl...

He noticed a woman sitting next to the empty seat and made a remark about it to her. "Well, it was my husband's", she said. "But he died." "Oh my gosh!" He said. "I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm surprised that another friend or family member didn't jump at the chance to take the ticket." "Beats me", she said. "They all insisted on going to the f**...."

A blonde walks into a library..

she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading books. She says, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!"

*whispers* "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."

a pregnant woman and a blonde woman...

are talking, and the pregnant woman says that she is pregnant with twins. So the blonde woman asks, "Oh my gosh! You cheated on your husband?? Who's the second father?"

My cousin was one of the most ambitious people I ever knew. Unfortunately, he struggled with depression. His life motto?

"Gosh darn it, I'm going to kill myself, or die trying!"

A man goes to see a lawyer...

And asks "Hire much do you charge?"
The lawyer replies "$250 for three questions."
The man says, "Gosh! Isn't that expensive?"
The lawyer replies "Yes it is. Now, what's your third question?"

I don't go on and on about how I can't roller skate

But apparently the whole world needs to know about how this w**... in the river can't swim.

It's an eye

The doctor walks into the room to tell the parents the news about their newborn.
Doctor says, "I have bad news for you."
The mother asks, "What is it?"
The doctor says, "Your newborn is an eye."
The parents are mystified & ask him, "What what do you mean?"
Doctor replies, "It is an eye. No arms, legs, body or anything else. Just an eye."
"Oh gosh," said the father. "What could be possibly worse?'
The doctor replies, "It is Blind."


I've been charged with m**... for killing a man with sandpaper.
Gosh, I only intended to rough him up a bit.

A girlfriend and boyfriend are talking...

The girl says, "hey John, how do you spell p**...?'" He responds, "gosh honey, why do you need to know? That's an awfully big word for an 8 year old."

Two muffins were sitting in an oven.

One says to the other, "Oh boy, it sure is hot in here!"
The other says, **"OH MY GOSH IT'S A TALKING MUFFIN"**

A blonde goes to court

A blonde goes to court.
Eventually the judge says: I hereby declare the case closed. There is not enough evidence that you stole the 10000 US$.
The blonde is thrilled: Gosh, so does that mean I can keep the money?

Pavlov walks into a cafe...

...and orders a breakfast. "Sure," the lady says. "I'll let you know when it's ready." After a little while, she places his tray on the counter and rings the bell. Pavlov leaps up and exclaims, "Oh my gosh, I have to feed the dogs!"

a cop pulled me over the other day and..

Cop: ur car smells like m**...
Me: whoever smelt it dealt it
Cop: gosh dangit
Me: ur under arrest

What did Einstein's Wife say the first time she saw him n**...?

-Gosh what a physique.

A magician was asked about the magic trick where someone is put into a coffin and cut in two.

"What can you tell me about that famous trick where you cut someone in two?"
"I obviously can't tell you the secret of how it works, but it failed once. The cutting in two was easy, but I didn't manage to put the poor girl back together..."
"My gosh... how is she doing now?
I've heard she's doing fine. She lives in London and New York now."

Counting sheep

Bill: Gosh, you look really tired today.
Phill :I am. I didn't sleep at all last night.
Bill: I'm sorry. Too much caffeine?
Phill I don't know what it was. I just kept tossing and turning.
Bill : Did you try counting sheep? 
Phill: I did. But you know how it is. By the time you get up, drive all the way to the farm and then drive back, you're wide awake again

Waiter: What else can I get for the lovely couple?

Girl: Oh gosh, haha no, we're just friends.
Guy: You can get us two checks.
Girl: Excuse me?
Guy: Also please don't forget she had 2 soda refills, I know you guys charge extra.

I met a beautiful girl down at the park today

spark flew, she fell at my feet, and we wound up having s**... right then and there!
Gosh I love my new taser

A guy runs into the bar and says, "Quick, pour me 5 shots of your most expensive Scotch."

The bartender pours them and the man drinks them as fast as he can.
"Wow that's the fastest I've seen anyone drink," says the bartender.
"Well you'd drink that fast if you had what I had," the man says.
"Oh my gosh," the bartender says, "What do you have?"
The man replies "50 cents."

Julia tells her husband, "James, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome.

Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses.
Now, why can't you do that?"
"Gosh," James says, "why I hardly know the girl."

I loved watching "Leave it to b**..."

Just so I could hear June say "Gosh Ward, you sure were hard on the b**... last night"

Three blondes walking through the woods...

One of them stops and points at the ground in excitement saying, "Oh my gosh look. Those are like, bunny tracks!"
"Those are so not bunny tracks. They're deer tracks." The second blonde says in a matter-of-fact tone.
The third blonde, with hands on her hips, says "Your both wrong. They're not bunny tracks and they're not deer tracks. They're-"
A train suddenly hits them.

A girl shock of wheat

A girl shock of wheat went and sleeped
By a boy shock of wheat that was heaped.
On waking, 'tis said,
She found herself bread
And shouted, "My gosh, I've been reaped!"

All puppies shucking corn.....

Are a litlle Husky... It's a gosh darn corn joke. I am a God!

The Dr. gave Jim a call and said, Hey Jim, I've got good news and bad news.

The good news - You have 24 hours left to live.
Oh my gosh, doc, what could possibly be the *bad* news!?
The doctor replied, I forgot to call you last night.

I had the weirdest experience.

I'm walking here and I say to myself "my gosh, that's Jimmy Petersen. I haven't seen him since I was nine". And I walked up to him and I slapped him on the back and I said "how's it going, you old rascal?" And he starts crying... And I say to myself, "wait a second, if that's Jimmy Petersen, he would have grown up too!" I mean, sure, now it's obvious...

[close Reddit] gosh this website s**...!

**[2 mins later reopening Reddit]** maybe it's good now though

A man wakes up in hospital after an accident. The Dr says, " Sir, I have some good news and some bad news, which would you like first? "

The man says, "Give me the bad news".
Dr - " I'm afraid we've had to amputate both of your legs".
Man - " Oh my gosh, what's the good news?"
Dr- " The man in that bed wants to buy your shoes."

A clown and a little kid were walking hand in hand down a dark deserted forest path and the little kid says "Gosh, it's spooky in here!"

And the clown says "What are you scared about? I gotta walk back all alone!"

How many mice does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

Two, but I still don't know how they got in there!
It's my cake day and I remembered to make a post! (Wait, one thing say today and one thing says tomorrow - it's today gosh darn it!)

Two old guys are working at a sewage treatment plant

o**... goes off to lunch and comes back to find his buddy standing above a vat of sewage with a long rake.
"What are you doing?!" he yells
"My coat fell in" his buddy yells back
"You're not really gonna wear that again are you?!"
"No, no. Gosh no, I'm not going to wear it. I have to get it back though, My teeth are in the pocket!"

(Just a silly joke my granddad told me yesterday. Didnt see it when I searched the sub so figured yall might enjoy)

Concerned when one of his most reliable workers doesn't show up, the boss calls the employee's home.

The phone is answered by a giggling child.
"Is your dad home?" the boss asks.
"May I speak to him?"
"Well can I speak to your mom?"
"No, she's with the policeman."
Alarmed, the boss says, "Gosh. Well then, may I speak with the policeman?"
"No. He's busy talking to the man in the helicopter that's bringing in the search team."
"My Lord!" says the boss, now really worried. "What are they searching for?"
"Me." the kid chortles.

I saw 3 men standing at the urinals.

The first man, a Jewish guy, was peeing 4 streams.
"What happened to you?" I asked.
He explained "Accident at my circumcision. The rabbi had Parkinson's."
The next man, a big tough trucker, was peeing 6 streams.
"And what is your problem?" I asked.
He grunted "I had a fight with a rottweiler..."
The third man, an elderly, absent-minded looking guy, was peeing 30 streams.
"Oh my gosh, what the h**... happened to you?!?" I gasped.
He looked down, then sighed.
"Oh dear, I forgot to pull down my zipper again."

A 90 year old couple appears in front of the judge to get a divorce.

The judge says, "My gosh you've been married for 70 years and you're 90 years old! Why would you want to get a divorce now? They reply, "We've been waiting for the kids to die."

Gosh joke, A man walks up his bald friend, rubs his head and says "Smooth. Just like my wife's behind."

jokes about gosh