Gosh Jokes
73 gosh jokes and hilarious gosh puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gosh that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Gosh Short Jokes
Short gosh jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gosh humour may include short jeez jokes also.
- A man walks up his bald friend, rubs his head and says "smooth. Just like my wife's behind." The friend reaches up, rubs his head and replies "My gosh. You're right."
- A man flashes a woman at the grocery store She says " Oh my gosh ! Thank you ! I almost forgot to get baby carrots
- Hey, you funny fellows, what are some nonchalant jokes to tell people that do not sound like a joke at first? I need to impress my friends with Internet stuff, gosh.
- two sausages are in a pan... one looks at the other and says "Gosh, it's hot in here" and the other sausage says' "GOODNESS GRACIOUS, IT'S A TALKING SAUSAGE!"
- I found Jesus the other day....... and if no one claims him within 30 days, by gosh, I am going to keep him!
- All puppies shucking corn..... Are a litlle Husky... It's a gosh darn corn joke. I am a God!
- A girl shock of wheat A girl shock of wheat went and sleeped
By a boy shock of wheat that was heaped.
On waking, 'tis said,
She found herself bread
And shouted, "My gosh, I've been reaped!" - Oh my gosh! Tommy was planning to shoot up the school! Thank goodness the police caught him beforehand. As we really dodged a bullet on that one.
- Slim walks into his local post office and notices a new sign on the wall: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN MONTANA "Gosh!" he says, "If only that job was in Texas, I'd take it!"
- Being late to the crucifixion, St. Peter asks: "Gosh, what happened to Jesus?" "He died four hours since."
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Gosh One Liners
Which gosh one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gosh? I can suggest the ones about dang and gees.
- What is Heck? It's where you go when you don't believe in Gosh.
- Doctor to blonde "You are pregnant" Blonde "Gosh, I hope it's not mine"
- A wizard steps on someone's foot and says Oh my gosh I am sorcery
- What did the fish say when the river stopped flowing Gosh dam it
- What did the Pope say when a cougar crossed his path? Oh my gosh I almost Puma pants.
- I hate how so many people can be so narcissistic Gosh, I'm so much better than them..
- Welcome back My name isn't Back, it's Dad, gosh
- I Dropped 40 Pounds on Jenny Craig "Oh my gosh is she ok?"
- How I feel every time I visit the dentist Gosh, I love far side.
- What did Godzilla say after eating a Honda? "Gosh, I could have had a V-8!
- Why did the little boy get sent to heck? Because he didn't believe in Gosh.
- What did the French guy say when he forgot to tell his driver to turn left? Oh, gosh!
- Oh my gosh! Did you hear about the corderoy pillow? It's making headlines.
- You know how you get to Heck? Gosh darns you to Heck.
- What did Einstein's Wife say the first time she saw him n**...? -Gosh what a physique.
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Gosh Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about gosh you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean whoa jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gosh pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Prices
So I'm sitting there, talking to my friend about the price of buying new York city. When out of nowhere, this girl screams out "OH MY GOD ITS A GOLF CLUB" now naturally, being the s**... person I am, immediately snap my neck 90° and feel my bones shatter. So I scream "gosh darn I broke my neck over a golf club".
Turns out someone got a golf club stabbed through their chest.
I guess it was a real shattering experience for me!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A die-hard fan was very surprised to see an empty seat at the Superbowl...
He noticed a woman sitting next to the empty seat and made a remark about it to her. "Well, it was my husband's", she said. "But he died." "Oh my gosh!" He said. "I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm surprised that another friend or family member didn't jump at the chance to take the ticket." "Beats me", she said. "They all insisted on going to the f**...."
a pregnant woman and a blonde woman...
are talking, and the pregnant woman says that she is pregnant with twins. So the blonde woman asks, "Oh my gosh! You cheated on your husband?? Who's the second father?"
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs...
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen, "Careful," he said. "Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. Turn them! Turn them now! Oh my gosh! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Don't forget to salt them. Use the salt! Use the salt!"
The wife stared at him, "What's wrong? Don't I know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
Gleam in your eye
A couple was walking across the meadows. The girl looked at the guy and shyly asked, "Would you like to hold my hand?"
"Uh...well yes." the boy said, "But how did you know?"
She said, "By the gleam in your eye."
They walked a little further and the girl said, "Would you like to kiss me?"
"Oh, my yes!" replied the boy, "But how did you know?"
She said, "By the gleam in your eye."
As they got to the stream, they sat on a stump, the girl looked at the boy and asked, "Would you like to go all the way with me?"
"Well, oh, my gosh, yes! (gulp) Yes! But how did you know? By the gleam in my eye?" he asked.
"No," replied the girl, "By the tilt in your kilt."
I don't go on and on about how I can't roller skate
But apparently the whole world needs to know about how this w**... in the river can't swim.
It's an eye
The doctor walks into the room to tell the parents the news about their newborn.
Doctor says, "I have bad news for you."
The mother asks, "What is it?"
The doctor says, "Your newborn is an eye."
The parents are mystified & ask him, "What what do you mean?"
Doctor replies, "It is an eye. No arms, legs, body or anything else. Just an eye."
"Oh gosh," said the father. "What could be possibly worse?'
The doctor replies, "It is Blind."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two whales in the sea
One whale says, "BOY, am I hungry!"
The other says, "Sailors, in the distance you'll see!"
They swim over yonder
They blow their holes and the sailors are gonners.
Amidst in the ocean
One whale makes a motion
"Let's s**... them up!" says one whale to the other
"Oh no not me, brother."
"Why not, they're delicious."
"Well, my sexuality would be suspicious!"
"...I'll blow these sailors, no matter where or when."
"...But gosh darnit if I'll s**... the s**...! That seems like a sin."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you smoke...
The Lady asked," Do you Smoke after s**...?"
I said," My gosh I never Looked!!!"
"Why would you want the D?"
is exactly what I said to my student who I gave an A! Gosh teenager these days.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sandpaper
I've been charged with m**... for killing a man with sandpaper.
Gosh, I only intended to rough him up a bit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A girlfriend and boyfriend are talking...
The girl says, "hey John, how do you spell p**...?'" He responds, "gosh honey, why do you need to know? That's an awfully big word for an 8 year old."
Last night I ate a full package of Cinncinati zoo
Gosh, I must've spent hours in the bathroom.
What did C-3PO say when the falcon landed at Pearson international airport?
Toronto, Gosh!
A blonde goes to court
A blonde goes to court.
Eventually the judge says: I hereby declare the case closed. There is not enough evidence that you stole the 10000 US$.
The blonde is thrilled: Gosh, so does that mean I can keep the money?
Pavlov walks into a cafe...
...and orders a breakfast. "Sure," the lady says. "I'll let you know when it's ready." After a little while, she places his tray on the counter and rings the bell. Pavlov leaps up and exclaims, "Oh my gosh, I have to feed the dogs!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two old couples have dinner together...
...and afterwards, the wives go into the kitchen to make coffee while the husbands sit chatting at the table.
"So, Frank, you been eating out at all?"
"Yeah, we went to a new restaurant last week--you'd love it!"
"Really? What is it called?"
"Oh, gosh, me and my memory...d**.... You'll have to help me out...what is the name of that flower--you know--it's red and has thorns?"
"A rose?"
"Yeah, that's it!" he says, turning to the kitchen. "Hey, Rose, what was the name of that place we ate last week?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a cop pulled me over the other day and..
Cop: ur car smells like m**...
Me: whoever smelt it dealt it
Cop: gosh dangit
Me: ur under arrest
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A magician was asked about the magic trick where someone is put into a coffin and cut in two.
"What can you tell me about that famous trick where you cut someone in two?"
"I obviously can't tell you the secret of how it works, but it failed once. The cutting in two was easy, but I didn't manage to put the poor girl back together..."
"My gosh... how is she doing now?
I've heard she's doing fine. She lives in London and New York now."
A blonde walked into a hairdresser with headphones on...
...And says to the hairdresser, "Do anything with my hair, but don't take the earphones off".
So the hairdresser started to cut but was finding it pretty difficult, so he thinks "What could happen if I took the headphones off?", and he took them off. The blonde dropped dead straight away.
"Oh My gosh" said the hairdresser, puzzled. "What is so special about these headphones?" and he put them on.
Out of the headphones she heard: "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jack and Sally were re-tracing their steps and visiting all the places they saw on their honeymoon, 30 years previously.
Look, Sal, isn't that the little stream we paddled in, and over
there…do you remember I sat you on that wall and we made
love? Come on, let's do it again.
So he put Sally on the fence and they got down to business,
but this time Sally went absolutely wild.
Gosh, Sal, that was incredible, you didn't do that last time
we were here.
No, she replied, but back then, the fence wasn't
electrified.
Two donkeys are walking along when they come across a playground
The one goes "Oh my gosh, is that a see saw?!". Other one turns and says "no, it's a hee-haw."
Counting sheep
Bill: Gosh, you look really tired today.
Phill :I am. I didn't sleep at all last night.
Bill: I'm sorry. Too much caffeine?
Phill I don't know what it was. I just kept tossing and turning.
Bill : Did you try counting sheep?
Phill: I did. But you know how it is. By the time you get up, drive all the way to the farm and then drive back, you're wide awake again
Waiter: What else can I get for the lovely couple?
Girl: Oh gosh, haha no, we're just friends.
Guy: You can get us two checks.
Girl: Excuse me?
Guy: Also please don't forget she had 2 soda refills, I know you guys charge extra.
Julia tells her husband, "James, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome.
Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses.
Now, why can't you do that?"
"Gosh," James says, "why I hardly know the girl."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I loved watching "Leave it to b**..."
Just so I could hear June say "Gosh Ward, you sure were hard on the b**... last night"
I had the weirdest experience.
I'm walking here and I say to myself "my gosh, that's Jimmy Petersen. I haven't seen him since I was nine". And I walked up to him and I slapped him on the back and I said "how's it going, you old rascal?" And he starts crying... And I say to myself, "wait a second, if that's Jimmy Petersen, he would have grown up too!" I mean, sure, now it's obvious...
Cr
A little boy and his sister were taking a bath
They both looked down and said, "what's this?" So the girl came to her mom, and pointed down saying,"what's this?" Her mom replied, "that's your garage, dont let any boy park his car in it. The boy came to his dad, and pointed down, saying, "what's this" the dad said, "that's your car, you park it in a girl's garage. The next day, they took a bath again and the girl came out covered in blood. The mom asked her, "OH MY GOSH, WHAT HAPPENED!?" The girl replied calmly,"oh, it's ok mommy, he tried to park his car in my garage, but I popped his back 2 tires."
Sorry I wrote this on mobile.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[close Reddit] gosh this website s**...!
**[2 mins later reopening Reddit]** maybe it's good now though
How many mice does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
Two, but I still don't know how they got in there!
It's my cake day and I remembered to make a post! (Wait, one thing say today and one thing says tomorrow - it's today gosh darn it!)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two old guys are working at a sewage treatment plant
o**... goes off to lunch and comes back to find his buddy standing above a vat of sewage with a long rake.
"What are you doing?!" he yells
"My coat fell in" his buddy yells back
"You're not really gonna wear that again are you?!"
"No, no. Gosh no, I'm not going to wear it. I have to get it back though, My teeth are in the pocket!"
(Just a silly joke my granddad told me yesterday. Didnt see it when I searched the sub so figured yall might enjoy)
Concerned when one of his most reliable workers doesn't show up, the boss calls the employee's home.
The phone is answered by a giggling child.
"Is your dad home?" the boss asks.
"Yes."
"May I speak to him?"
"No."
"Well can I speak to your mom?"
"No, she's with the policeman."
Alarmed, the boss says, "Gosh. Well then, may I speak with the policeman?"
"No. He's busy talking to the man in the helicopter that's bringing in the search team."
"My Lord!" says the boss, now really worried. "What are they searching for?"
"Me." the kid chortles.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw 3 men standing at the urinals.
The first man, a Jewish guy, was peeing 4 streams.
"What happened to you?" I asked.
He explained "Accident at my circumcision. The rabbi had Parkinson's."
The next man, a big tough trucker, was peeing 6 streams.
"And what is your problem?" I asked.
He grunted "I had a fight with a rottweiler..."
The third man, an elderly, absent-minded looking guy, was peeing 30 streams.
"Oh my gosh, what the h**... happened to you?!?" I gasped.
He looked down, then sighed.
"Oh dear, I forgot to pull down my zipper again."
