Gorilla Jokes

What are some Gorilla jokes?

"How can this idiot possibly be elected as president?"

Says a nation that hasn't gotten over the death of a gorilla in 6 months.

Are You a Gorilla Exhibit?

Because I want to drop a baby in you.

I heard the kid who fell into the gorilla pit was actually trying to get the jewelry his mother dropped.

He didn't get the gold but he got the silver back.

What's worse than beating a dead horse?

Shooting a live gorilla

So there's a child and a gorilla...

...well, there ***was*** a gorilla.

Are Gorillas stupid?

Of course, who else would complain about a 19$ drink but keep coming back to the same bar

For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.

Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.

What do you get when you mix human DNA and Gorilla DNA?

Kicked out of the zoo.

Monkey Business

A zookeeper notices the lonely female gorilla is feeling depressed and needs to cheer her up again. He asks the redneck janitor of the zoo if he'll have sex with the gorilla for $500.
The redneck says that he'll do it under 2 conditions.
Ok, says the zookeeper, what are they?
I don't want anyone to ever find out.
Ok, done! What's your second condition?
The redneck says; "I'll need an extra week to come up with the five hundred dollars."

Gorilla

A young girl hit puberty and her body started to change. One day she noticed she was getting hair down there. She went to her mom confused and the mom explained that's your gorilla and it's getting hair. Very excited the young girl went to her older sister and exclaimed my gorilla is getting hair! . The older sister looked at her and said that's nothing, my gorilla is already eating bananas.

3 steps to fix anything

1. Try duct tape, if that doesn't work, see 2


2. Try gorilla glue, if that doesn't work, see 3


3. Try J.B. Weld, if that doesn't work, C4

What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear ?

Whatever you want, he can't hear you..

WALKS INTO A BAR... FRUGAL GORILLA

A gorilla walks into a bar and says, "A scotch on the rocks, please." The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill.

The bartender thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know the prices of drinks," and gives him 15 cents change.

The bartender says, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here."

The gorilla replies, "Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain't coming back, either.

Zoo

Two policeman on patrol see a man walking with a Gorilla. Of course, they stop to inquire. They ask, "So Buddy, what's up with the Gorilla?" The man replies, "I'm taking to the Zoo." Cops say "OK" be on your way. A day later the cops see the same man and gorilla....They stop. "Sir" the officer directs. "We saw you yesterday and thought you were taking him to the Zoo?" "I did", the man replies, "But today, I'm taking him to the movies."

Guy walks into a bar, sits, and orders a beer from the bartender

As he is sipping his beverage, he looks down and sees a gorilla sitting at the other end.

He asks the bartender, *"What's with the gorilla?"*

The bartender says, *"Oh, that's Mable. She does a trick. Want to see it?"*

*"Sure"*

So the bartender whistles and Mable comes lumbering down the length of the bar.

The bartender pulls out a heavy steel pipe and hits the gorilla in the side of its head. The gorilla drops to its knees and starts giving the bartender a blow job.

*"Wow!"*, says the guy.

The bartender says, *"Pretty amazing, huh? You want to try?"*

The guys says, *"Yeah, sure! Just don't hit me so hard."*

A zookeeper notices his prize gorilla was getting aggressive..

She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. And she constantly kept trying to attack the zookeeper. So, he did some research and found out female gorillas can become depressed and aggressive when deprived from sex.

The zookeeper then looked around for another male gorilla for her to engage in intercourse, but unfortunately the zoo couldn't afford to import a male gorilla just for her to have sex.

Giving his funding situation, he goes up to the janitor and asks him "Hey, for $500, would you have sex with this gorilla?"

The janitor thought about it for a minute, and then replied "Sure, on three conditions. First condition, I don't want to kiss her."

"Okay sure! I wouldn't expect you to!"

The janitor then stated "Second condition. I don't want anyone knowing about this ordeal."

"Sure, fine! Not a problem! What's your third condition?"

Janitor said "Give me at least 2 weeks to come up with the $500"

Gorilla Encounter

Two gay guys are at the Zoo. They come across a gorilla and notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men are fascinated by this.

One of the men just can't bear it any longer, and he reaches into the cage to touch it. The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for two hours non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by. When he's done, the gorilla throws the man out of the cage.

An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.

A few days later, his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?"

"AM I HURT?" he shouts. "Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called! He hasn't written!"

Your mama is so ugly

She fell into a gorilla exhibit and got shot.

A guy walks in to his backyard and sees a gorilla in his tree

He gets online and finds a man who specializes in gorilla removal. When he arrives at the house he has a stick, a set of handcuffs, a chihuahua, and a shotgun.
He tells the homeowner "I'm going to climb up in the tree and use the stick to hit the gorilla until he falls out of the tree. Upon landing, the trained chihuahua will viciously lunge for the gorillas genitals and when he attempts to protect himself we will slap on the handcuffs."
The homeowner, a little bewildered, says "that's crazy enough it just might work, but what is the shotgun for?"
"If I fall out of the tree first....shoot the chihuahua."

A man takes his friend gorilla hunting...

He says :
"All you need is a trained dog, a net and a shotgun. I'll climb the tree where the gorilla is sitting and I will shake the branches as hard as I can ! As soon as the gorilla falls on the ground, the dog will bite and rip off his genitals. When it's done, you will be able to put the net on the gorilla and capture him !"

His friend asks :
" Yeah, that sounds nice, but what do we need a shotgun for then ?"

The hunter replies :
"If I fall from the tree...kill the dog."

A man wakes up from a five year coma...

Doctor: Sir you've been out for a long time and I'm afraid I have some terrible news.

Patient: Oh I don't mind as long as I get to see my favorite gorilla at the Cincinnati Zoo

Why do gorillas have big noses?

Because they have big fingers.

The Gorilla and the Redneck

A small zoo in Georgia obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became impossible to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the gorilla was in heat, and her aggressive behavior could only be relieved with sexual interaction with a male counterpart. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

After considering nearly all possible options, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, a very strong physical man, had little sense but was always bragging about his honky tonk women. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions:

"First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

"Second", he said, "you can't never tell no one about this, and I mean no one." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

"Third", Bobby Lee said, "In the event that there are offspring, I want all the children raised Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed.

And last," Bobby Lee said, "I'm gonna need another week to come up with the $500.00."

Guy walks into a bar and there's a gorilla sitting in the corner.

Guy says to the bartender, "What's with the gorilla?"

Bartender says, "I'll show ya." .

The bartender walks over with a baseball bat and smashes the gorilla right in the nose. The gorilla gets on his knees and gives the bartender a blow job.

Bartender says, "What do ya think?"

Guy says, "That's great."

Bartender asks, "You wanna try?"

Guy says, "Sure, but don't hit me so hard."

One day the male gorilla at a zoo's enclosure dies...

...The female is about to go into mating season so they are desperately searching for a replacement for the male gorilla. So, after trying all of the neighboring zoos they see the Greek janitor raking leaves with his hairy back for all to see. They approach him and ask,

"Will you sleep with the female gorilla for $500?"

He replies,

"I'll need to think about it overnight"

The next day he comes in and walks up and says,

"OK, I'll do it under one condition."

"Anything," they reply.

"Ok, you are going to have to give me a week to come up with the $500."

The prostitute and the gorilla

A prostitute is standing on a corner when a gorilla walks up to her. He grunts and gestures to an alley nearby. Business has been slow lately so she figures what the heck. As soon as they have some privacy the gorilla removes the prostitute's skirt and starts performing oral sex on her.

The gorilla finishes, stands up, and starts walking away. The prostitute says: "Hey! Where are you going? You need to pay me!"

The gorilla just stands there looking confused.

She pulls out her phone and Googles "prostitute" and shows him.

>a person, typically a woman, who engages in sexual activity for payment.

He takes the phone from her and Googles "gorilla" and hands it back to her.

>a powerfully built great ape with a large head and short neck, found in the forests of central Africa. It is the largest living primate. Eats bushes and leaves.

What's the difference between a gorilla and your mother ?

A gorilla is ground-dwelling, predominantly herbivorous ape that inhabits the forests of central Africa, & your mother is a nice lady.



... Also I did not have sex with a gorilla.

Roses are red, I'm feeling blue

There's one less gorilla at the Cincinnati Zoo

What's the difference between a small child and a gorilla?

People actually care if a gorilla dies.

So apparently a gorilla got shot at the zoo for grabbing a kid that had wandered into its enclosure..

And social media went apeshit.

A boy and a gorilla walk into a bar...

The boy says "first shot's on me"

The gorilla replies "nah, I got this"

A gorilla walks into a bar

A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink." So he mixes the martini.
He then walks back over to the give it to the gorilla, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, now the bartender is just at a loss for words. He can't believe that a gorilla walked into his bar, ordered a martini, and then actually had a twenty-dollar bill to pay for it.

So, in amazement, he takes the twenty and walks to the cash register to make the change. While he's standing in front of the cash register he stops for a second and thinks to himself, "Let me try something here and see if the gorilla notices anything."

So he walks back over to the gorilla and hands him a dollar change. The gorilla doesn't say anything, he just sits there sipping the martini. After a few minutes the bartender just can't take it anymore.

"You know," he says to the gorilla, "we don't get too many gorillas in here."

And the gorilla says, "At nineteen dollars a drink I'm not surprised."

Goriilla in heat

A small zoo in Alabama acquires a rare gorilla, who quickly becomes agitated. The zookeeper determines that the female ape is in heat, but there are no male apes available for mating.

The zookeeper approaches a janitor with a proposition. "Would you be willing to have sex with this gorilla for $500?" he asks.

The janitor accepts the offer, but only on three conditions: "First, I don't want to have to kiss her. And second, you can never tell anyone about this." The zookeeper agrees to the conditions and asks about the third.

"Well," says the janitor, "I'm gonna need about a week to come up with the $500."

This guy goes to the zoo one day...

While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless.

When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means "F**k you! " in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the victim feel any better and he vowed revenge.

The next day he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage.

Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorilla's cage, where he tossed a hat, a knife, and a party horn.

Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat.

The gorilla looked at him, looked at the hat, and put it on. Next, he picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla picked up his horn and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half.

The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.

What is the difference between a gorilla and Michael Jackson?

One of them got shot for touching a kid.

A small zoo in Alabama acquires a rare gorilla

who quickly becomes agitated. The zookeeper determines that the female ape is in heat, but there are no male apes available for mating.

 

The zookeeper approaches a redneck janitor with a proposition. Would you be willing to have sex with this gorilla for $500? he asks.

 

The janitor accepts the offer, but only on three conditions: First, I don't want to have to kiss her. And second, you can never tell anyone about this. The zookeeper agrees to the conditions and asks about the third.

 

Well, says the janitor, I'm gonna need another week to come up with the $500.

Best pickup line ever

Girl are you a gorilla exhibit because I'm about to drop a baby in you?

Three spinsters went on safari...

and they came upon a huge gorilla. The gorilla grabs one of the women and runs off into the jungle. The other two patiently track the gorilla for three days, until they come to his lair. Ethel, the victim, is horribly bruised and scratched, without a stitch of clothing. Wilma and Blanche quickly cover her with a blanket and make their way to a hospital.
After a week, Ethel is still crying and carrying on. Wilma says "Ethel, you've just *got* to pull yourself together! It's not healthy!"
"What can I say" sobbed Ethel. "He never calls, he never writes!"

My gf asked me if gorilla meat was forbidden in Islam

My gf asked me if gorilla meat was forbidden in Islam.

I told her, "Yeah, it's haram, bae."

Terms & Conditions

The zoo acquired a female of a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the zoo vet found the female gorilla was on heat and there was no male of the species.

The zoo management discovered that one of their staff
possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.
So the zoo approached him with a proposition, Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for Rs. 50,000?


He showed some interest but said he would have to think.

The next day he announced that he would accept their offer,
but under three conditions:

1. You won't make a video recording,

2. You must never tell anyone about this.

3. I will need at least one week to arrange the money

Hey girl, are you a gorilla enclosure..

Because I wanna drop a baby in you

A fun joke to tell your friends.

This joke is pretty fun to tell, but you need a friend to make it work.

You: A class went on a field trip to the zoo. The teacher stopped by the gorilla cage and said "Can anyone tell me what animal this is?" the retarded kid raised his hand and said "It's a gorilla." Everyone said "Yay for the little retarded kid!" They continue and the teacher stops by the flamingos and asks the same question. The retarded kid raised his hand and said "They're flamingos!" everyone said "Yay for the little retarded kid!" They stopped at another pen with white and striped horses in it. They're white, and they have black stripes... I can't remember what they are. (Act like you really don't know)

Your friend: Zebra.

You: *claps* Yay for the little retarded kid!

What's black, grey, and red all over?

A gorilla with a child in the enclosure.

Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers!

Not mine. Told to me by my late grandfather, funniest pastor ever. :)

Who didn't allow the gorilla into the ballet?

The people in charge of that decision.

My girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess.

So I gave her to a gorilla for him to throw barrels at me.

A gorilla walks into a bar...

And several people get up to leave seeing the possible danger of the situation.

Hey girl

Are you the new gorilla exhibit? Because I want to throw a baby in you.

I just got a new doorbell that when the button is pressed has a gorilla singing about table tennis.

It's called The King Kong Ping Pong Sing Song Ding Dong

fake gorilla joke

a nearly broke zoo had trouble maintaining and caring for the gorillas, so they had to sell them to a different zoo.

to keep the exhibit open, they dressed up a staff member in a gorilla suit.

for the next week, the fake gorilla was placed in the cage and paid to act real, and he loved it!

everyone loved him, thinking he was a real gorilla, but one day he went too far, climbed up the side of his enclosure (electric fence didn't hurt him through the suit) and accidentally fell into the lion pit!

"help me!" "I'm gonna die!" the fake gorilla screamed.

the lion roared, ran over to the gorilla, and growled in his face:

"shut up or we'll both get fired!"

Harambe the gorilla walked into a bar and ordered a drink.

The bartender says, "I don't serve gorillas here."

Harambe says, "you better or I'm gonna do something terrible."

The bartenders say, "oh yeah! Like what?"

Harambe points to a women slumped against the bar and says, "I'm gonna go over there and eat that woman!"

The bartender say, "no you're not!"

So Harambe goes over to the woman, grabs her by the ankles, lifts her up and and proceeds to gobble her up. He wipes his mouth looks at the bartender and asks, "what are you gonna do now?"

The bartender look him in the face and says, "I'm gonna watch you pass out."

Harambe asks, "how's that gonna happen?"

"Cause that's a barbiturate!" Says the bartender.

Larry comes home to find a gorilla on his roof.

After calling several animal control numbers in the phone book, he finally calls a man who thinks he can handle this gorilla.
The man arrives at the house in a white pickup truck with his dog in the passenger seat and a rifle in the back.
He hands the rifle to Larry and says "So here's what we're gonna do: I'm going to climb up onto your roof and scare the gorilla off. Once he hits the ground, I've trained my dog to go bite his nuts and shake them until the gorilla passes out. After that I'll load him up and go release him in the hills."
Larry thinks about it and decides the plan isn't half bad and may actually work.
"But why'd you give me the rifle?"
"If I fall off the roof, shoot the dog."

2016 started with the death of a gorilla

...and is ending with the death of a Guerilla

What do you get when you cross an Italian with a gorilla?

A retarded gorilla.

What do you get when you convince a gorilla to have sex with a pig?

Fired from the zoo, apparently.

The Pink Gorilla

An married couple are out driving home through the country one night when their car breaks down. There was a farm house nearby, so they decided to see if they could find some help. While the husband was talking to the farmer, the wife asked if she could use the man's restroom. The farmer said "Sure thing. Up the stairs, third door on the right. But whatever you do, do NOT touch the big pink gorilla through the door at the end of the hall."

The woman agreed that she wouldn't touch the gorilla and headed up the stairs. After she had finished her business, she started towards the stairs, but her curiosity got the best of her. She quietly went through the door at the end of the hall and found herself face to face with an enormous pink gorilla in a cage, fast asleep. She figured it couldn't hurt to poke him just once, so she slowly reached into the cage and touched his shoulder. Immediately, the gorilla's eyes snapped open, he ripped the door off of his cage, and began to chase the woman. She ran down the stairs, past her husband and the farmer, and out the front door. As she ran through the field outside, she stumbled and fell, and the gorilla closed in. He loomed over her and she watched, horrified, as he reached an enormous hand towards her and said

"Tag, you're it!"

I offered my Muslim girlfriend a bite of my gorilla sandwich but she shook her head and said...

"That's haram, bae."

A gorilla walks into a bar

and says "I'd like a toddler on the rocks, please"

An 800 pound gorilla walks into a bar...

he sits down and the bartender looks at him nervously and says, "What'll it be?"

The gorilla says, "I'll have a Manhattan."

The bartender makes him a Manhattan, hands it to him, says "That'll be 14 bucks," and watches him take a drink. He stares nervously for a minute then says to the gorilla, "Sorry to stare, but you know...it's just not something you see every day."

The gorilla takes another drink and replies, "I agree. $14 is a bit much for a Manhattan."

What do you call an army of gorilla soldiers?

Boko Harambe.

Roses are red, Violets are blue

Gorilla shot at Cincinnati zoo

What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?

You-Rang-a-Tang?

At The Zoo

One day, a man from the Czech Republic came to visit his friend in New York.When asked what he wanted to see, the visitor replied, "I would like to see one of the zoos in America."

To his delight, the New Yorker took him to the Bronx Zoo. They were touring the zoo, and standing in front of the gorilla cage, when one of the gorillas busted out of the cage and swallowed the Czech whole.

Shocked, his friend from New York quickly called over the zoo keeper. He quickly explained the situation and the zoo keeper immediately took steps to save the man's friend. The zoo keeper got an axe and asked the man, "OK, which gorilla did it? Was it the male or the female?"

The New Yorker pointed out the female as the culprit. Quickly, the zoo keeper split the female gorilla open and found nothing of the Czech.

He looked at the man from New York, who shrugged and said, "Guess the Czech is in the male."

A Gorilla walks into a pub

And asks the barman for a pint of bitter. The barman pulls him a pint, and says, "That'll be £6.50 please".

The gorilla takes a sip of his pint, and the barman says to him "You know, we don't get that many gorillas in here..."

The gorilla gulps down his beer, and informs the batman, "Well I'm not surprised at those prices..."

Can we PLEASE...

stop beating a dead gorilla.

What do you call a fight between a human and a gorilla?

A harumble.

A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Gorilla walk into a bar

The Gorilla looks around and says
"I must be in the wrong joke"

What do you call an albino gorilla?

Honkey Kong

A zookeeper was making his rounds one day...

When he noticed the female gorilla was very agitated. Having worked with gorillas for many years, he recognised she was in heat. The zookeeper did not wish her to become more agitated, so he began contacting other zoo's in the area asking if they had a male gorilla.

After many days with no luck, and the female gorilla getting more frustrated, he decided to try his last option. So he tracks down the janitor of the zoo and says to him "Steve, I have to ask you a big favor... I need you to have sex with the female gorilla. It's worth 2000 dollars."

The janitor agrees so long as three conditions are met.

"Condition the first..." says the janitor "is that no one cam ever know."

"Second... I don't have to kiss her."

"Finally... I'll need some time to get the 2000 dollars."

A priest....

A priest, an Irishman, a horse, a gorilla, a twelve inch pianist and an infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The bartender says "Is this some kind of a joke?"

Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?

Under the gorilla.

A man walks into a bar...

As he steps in the tender noticed a big gorilla on his shoulder. Clearly taken aback he asks, Whoa man! Where'd you get that thing? To which the ape says, oh I just brought him in from outside for a drink.

A gorilla walks into a bar.

He's not the smartest gorilla, but ignorance is bliss at the zoo.

Hey girl, are you a gorilla exhibit?

Cuz I wanna drop a kid into you.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a dead gorilla?

There aren't any dead babies at the Cincinnati Zoo.

My girlfriend might be a gorilla...

Everyone is always taking their dicks out for her.

What do you call a North Korean Gorilla?

King Kong Un


(From my younger brother).

What do you call a kid who falls into a gorilla enclosure?

Zoolander

How to make Gorilla jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Gorilla to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Gorilla? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Gorilla pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes