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Goose Jokes

96 goose jokes and hilarious goose puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about goose that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Goose Short Jokes

Short goose jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The goose humour may include short geese jokes also.

  1. I finally, after 35 years, have made my own two line joke What's a gooses's favorite vegetable?
    Asparagoose.
  2. If a very social person is called a "people person"... Then wouldn't a very social goose be called a "geese goose"?
  3. An old guy with a horrible toupee stopped me in the parking lot to tell me this random joke...made me crack up. How do you get down from an elephant??
    YOU DON'T! You get down from a goose!!
  4. What did the goose say to his wife and kids when he spotted a hunter? Let's get the flock out of here!
  5. How do you get down of a horse? You don't, you get down off a goose.
  6. What do you call a goose who has undergone gender reassignment surgery? Transgander!
  7. A Goose Walks Into A Bar... A goose walks into a bar

    To bad it didn't duck
  8. I got attacked by a goose today. Needless to say, I used some fowl language.
  9. Poor Hillary Clinton... I haven't seen someone hit a glass ceiling this hard since Goose from Top Gun
  10. How did Jack know exactly where to find the goose in the giant's castle? He had *bean stalking* her.

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Goose One Liners

Which goose one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with goose? I can suggest the ones about ducks and duck feather.

  1. Animals: winter is here, we need a plan to survive. Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?
  2. A couple of geese fell down from the stairs. They got multiple goose bumps.
  3. What do you get when you run over geese? Goose bumps
  4. How do you get down from a horse? You can't... You can only get down from a goose
  5. How do you get down off an elephant? You don't. You get down off a goose.
  6. Why did the police arrest the Christmas goose? They suspected it of fowl play.
  7. Which side of the goose has the most feathers? The outside
  8. What did the goose say when he found out about flying south? Wanna hear migrate idea?
  9. Ryan Gosling is 36 years old Shouldn't we be calling him Ryan Goose already?
  10. How do you get down from an elephant? You don't. You get it from a goose.
  11. How do you turn a goose into a musician? You boil it until its Bill Withers.
  12. My cousin recently had an operation to become a goose He's transgander.
  13. What do you call a female goose who feels they should've been born male Transgander
  14. Why did Ed Gein keep his house so hot? To prevent the furniture from getting goose bumps.
  15. Is Goose from Captain Marvel a good character? You're flerken right he is.

Duck Goose Jokes

Here is a list of funny duck goose jokes and even better duck goose puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you do when a goose swoops above your head? You duck.
  • How do you know it's safe to feed the ducks the same thing as the Canadian geese down at the pond? Because what's good the goose is good for Merganser.
  • How do male homosexuals play duck duck goose? They play assassin.
  • In Canada, they don't play Duck, Duck, Goose... They play Puck, Puck, Moose.
  • What goes, duck, duck, goose? A taxidermist counting yearly inventory.
  • Chicks by my side, chillin with some grey goose, we so fly Said the duck.

Mother Goose Jokes

Here is a list of funny mother goose jokes and even better mother goose puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Who is the Mexican equivalent of Mother Goose? Juan Ceponataym.
  • Why does society hate birds We call people chickens, silly gooses, ugly duckling, and my mom calls me a mother ducker.
Goose joke, Why does society hate birds

Grey Goose Jokes

Here is a list of funny grey goose jokes and even better grey goose puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why does Peter Dinklage drink Smirnoff? Because he can't reach for the Grey Goose
  • If you go to a Jedi bar, the only v**... that you can get is Grey Goose. Because..only the Sith deal in Absolut.

Top Gun Goose Jokes

Here is a list of funny top gun goose jokes and even better top gun goose puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I heard that Kelly McGillis won't be returning for Top Gun 2. Guess which other Top Gun actor won't have a cameo in the sequel? Goose.

Silly Goose Jokes

Here is a list of funny silly goose jokes and even better silly goose puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I saw a bird telling jokes by the pond It was a silly goose
Goose joke, I saw a bird telling jokes by the pond

Share Hilarious Goose Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about goose you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean goat jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make goose pranks.

Difference between e**... and perverted

You can be e**... by gently s**... your girlfriend with a feather. But its perverted if you take the whole goose to do it.

What are goosebumps used for?

To keep geese from speeding!

Movie theater madness

A young lad did some work for a farmer and when he was done was given a goose as barter payment. He tucked the goose under his arm and began walking home. As he was passing through town he noticed that a movie that he wanted to see was playing at the theater. Since they didn't allow animals he stuffed the goose down his pants, paid for his ticket and found a seat in the packed theater next to two old ladies as the lights dimmed.
The goose began to struggle and not wanting to be discovered, the young man inconspicuously unzipped his fly so that the goose could breathe. Shortly thereafter, one of the old ladies nudged the other, "Edna, the boy sitting next to me has his fly unzipped and something is sticking out!"
"Martha", her companion replied,"When you've seen one you've seen 'em all."
"Well you've never seen one like this before. It's eating my popcorn!"

A husband gets home after playing golf.....

And his wife asks how it went to which he replies "It went very well, except when I hit that goose on the 8th hole" The wife then replies "How many strokes is a goose?"

What happens when you goose a ghost?

You get a hand full of sheet. (Joke from my mom)

What do you call a group of goose haunting you?

A poltergeest

What are goosebumps for?

To slow down speeding geese!

Literary alcohol puns

I saw someone post some the other day. Has anyone thought of any new ones?
Here are a couple my friends and I thought of...
50 Shades of Grey Goose,
Into the Wild Turkey,
Beer and Present Danger,
Patriot Drinking Games,
The Sum of All Beers (I like Tom Clancy),
The Red Badge of Liquid Courage.

Why didn't the recently single goose lose her job when she made a mistake?

Because she had one heck of an ex-goose

What's a truck's favorite game?

Truck, truck, goose.
Original content from my four year old son.

I got honked at while trying to parallel park today.

Yeah, like the goose could do it any better.

I tried this new laxative with goose feathers

But now I'm feeling down in the dumps.

What do you call a goose in a tuxedo telling the news?

Media Proper Gander

A chicken, a goose and a pheasant were sitting in a tavern drinking…

The chicken said, "How about we go back to my place and play s**... poker?"
The goose nodded its head, the pheasant said "I'm game."

Just ate goose for the first time

It was fowl

A dead goose was discovered on the sidewalk today.

Fowl play is suspected.

What do you get when you cross a cow and a goose?

a moose

A man had a goose on top of a building. What's the easiest way for him to get down?

Pluck it off the goose.

I'm taking the goose farmer's daughter to the dance...

I heard she knows how to get down

What sound does a Chinese goose make?

Hong Kong!

What did the Brazilian goose on the balcony say to the squirrel passing by?

I don't know, I don't speak porch of geese

"Why do you enjoy running geese over in your car?"

"It gives me Goose Bumps!"

A woman and a goose walk into a bar

The bartender asks, "Why did you bring the pig into the bar?"
The woman answers, "Why, I do believe this is a goose not a pig!"
The bartender says, "I was talking to the goose!"

How do you know a Goose is Canadian?

He goes
Honk, eh!

What do you hunt to waste your time?

Wild goose

An American, a Columbian, a Mexican and a Canadian are on a plane

The plane is too heavy, so they are asked to throw something away.
The Canadian grabs a goose, throws it out the plane and says "I don't mind, there's plenty back in my country"
The Columbian grabs a huge box full of c**..., throws it out of the plane and says "I don't mind, there's plenty back in my country"
The American grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane
"I don't mind, there's plenty back in my country"

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."

If a goose starred in Forrest Gump as the main character, what would his name have been?

Tom Honks

I finally realise why it's called a wild goose chase

You're taking a gander somewhere you shouldn't.

What would you say to someone when you're busy looking for Captain Marvel's cat?

That you're on a wild Goose chase.

What do you call a goose journalist

A Propa-gander

What did the disco goose say to the abrasive scarecrow?

You're scaring me, let me dance the night away.

Don't believe everything you hear.

I went to the goose store the other day and asked if they had any deals. He said he wasn't sure but to feel free to take a gander. And now here I am, in jail, with my "shoplifted goose".

They sent a goose to the moon

The called it amoongoose

Guy walks into a bar..

Guy walks into a bar with a goose under his arm.
Barman says, "Hey, where'd you get the pig" ?
Guy says, "It's not a pig, it's a goose.."
Barman says, "I was talking to the goose.."

Why does everyone listen to the well dressed goose?

He's a proper gander.

I had to knock a goose unconscious to collect his feathers for Dracula's pillow.

Now he's down for the Count.

My new pillow make me sad at night

It's filled with goose feathers, and when I go to sleep...
I feel down

The problem with the goose

A peasant goes to a country fair and buys two chickens, a bucket, an anvil, and a goose. Walking back to his village he meets a woman who asks him for directions to the village.
- Come with me, but let's take a shortcut through the woods, much faster.
- No way! I know you men, once we're in the woods, you're going to try and ravish me at once.
- But how? Looks at all the stuff I am carrying!
- Yeah, right! You can put the chickens under the bucket and put the anvil on top!
- Oh yeah? And the goose?
The woman pauses for a second…
- Alright, I'll hold the goose

Goose joke, What do you call a female goose who feels they should've been born male

jokes about goose