Goods Jokes
90 goods jokes and hilarious goods puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about goods that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Goods Short Jokes
Short goods jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The goods humour may include short product jokes also.
- When I was growing up # was pound, not hashtag Good thing it changed, since "pound metoo" would've been sending the wrong message
- My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed. After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
- Trump tests positive for COVID-19. He finally passed a test without cheating, good for him.
- My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
- Son In iraq I killed 15 people. Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic
Dad:Never said I was a good one - Joke from my 12 year old why do you never see elephants hiding in tree? Because they're so good at it!
Please don't ban me - I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it. If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
- Antiwork did an interview on fox News to try to create a good public image of their sub It didn't work.
- Give a man a shirt, and he'll wear it once Tell a man he looks good in it, and he'll wear it for a lifetime
- I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit? I said no. Good, he said. Take these drinks to table nine.
Share These Goods Jokes With Friends
Goods One Liners
Which goods one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with goods? I can suggest the ones about shops and sales.
- I'm really good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.
- How can you tell good cops from bad cops? Easy. Good cops carry a Goodge.
- I built a 1:1000000 model of a German submarine. It's a pretty good µ-boat.
- Schrodinger took his cat to the vet. The vet said, I have good news and bad news.
- A lot of women actually turn into good drivers So if you're a good driver watch out.
- Your mum is so slow It took her 9 months to come up with a good joke
- How did Jesus get in such good shape? Crossfit
- Why is C the only good letter in the English alphabet? Because the others are Not-Cs
- I saw my dad chopping up onions today and I cried Onions was a good dog
- Today I quit drinking for good now I only drink for evil
- What do you call a woman who's really good at darts? Amy
- My deaf girlfriend just told me, We need to talk. That is not a good sign.
- Why are lawyers buried 12 feet under? A: Because deep down they're really good people.
- I've finally stopped drinking for good. Now I drink for evil
- How do fortune tellers greet each other? You're good, how am I?
Baked Goods Jokes
Here is a list of funny baked goods jokes and even better baked goods puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a funny baked good? a pun
- Why was the ninja so good at baking pastries? Because he had a black belt in martial tarts.
- I don't understand what's so hard about describing a single portion of a soft and sweet baked good. Honestly, it's a piece of cake.
- Where does one go to weigh baked goods? Somewhere over the rainbow, weigh a pie
- What's a Brit's favorite baked good? £ cake.
- What's a stoners favorite dessert? Baked goods
- What do you get if you cross the king of Wakanda with a traditional Jewish baked good? T'challah bread
- A French internet cafe had to cancel a CS:GO tournament it was supposed to host, after someone stole all the baked goods. The gamers could not tolerate that much baguette loss.
- The International League of Bakers is inviting countries which mainly export baked goods to join. They're accepting dough nations.
- Raw eggs are good for a fitness diet. If you don't like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
Charming Humor Goods Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about goods you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gift jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make goods pranks.
'What Will Communism Be Like?'- A Russian Joke
One day, as a young man, Ivan asked a member of the Party, "What will it be like once we have built communism?". The Party man replied, "The shops will be full of goods, and we will have no money". Four decades passed, and the Soviet Union fell. After the fall of the USSR, Ivan found himself walking the streets of Moscow. He looked at the shops, and he felt in his pockets, and smiled. "Comrades", he said, "We have built communism at last!"
Im on the verge of starting my passion, a childrens sporting goods store
Little d**...
e.e. cummings went into a store to buy 17 pounds worth of goods.
He forgot his wallet, but he took his pen and wrote four words down on an accounting ledger. i'm not gonna tell you what the words were, but they paid the bill and he got two vowels and a capital back.
With the situation in Ukraine...
Putin is giving a speech to his people
- My people, due Wests sanctions we'll need to tighten our belts and work harder!
Voice from the crowd:
- We will work two shifts!
- Thank you, you must be real patriot of our country! And we'll have to give up western goods and production!
- We will work three shifts!
- Such patriotism for country! By the way what's your occupation?
- I work at morgue...
What do you call the facility where they make lower quality, but still acceptable, goods?
The satisfactory.
A woman went to a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.
Women: "It`s for my husband.
Shopkeeper: "Did he tell you what type should buy?"
Women: "Are you kidding? ,"He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him today!"
There was a fire at the supermarket I work at today.
We now offer a large selection of smoked goods.
Why do baked goods always have an urge for s**...?
Because they're in heat.
A gynecologist and a pizza delivery man. What do they have in common ?
-Both of them can sniff "the goods" but no one can touch !
I checked my hotel room for left behind goods and all I found was this lousey comb.
I guess you could say my room was bugged.
How do lumber theives offload their stolen goods?
They fence it.
A North Korean man frequently sneaks to the South Korean capital to gamble for bakery goods for his family.
He is the seoul breadwinner
What does the head of the Catholic Church used to buy goods online?
Papal
A friend and I saw a man killed at the canned goods factory...
It was a jarring experience.
Why did the baker not allow greedy people to eat his goods?
Because he wanted his produce to be glutton free.
What do you call a factory that produces quality goods?
A satisfactory
Despite the rumors, I actually don't have a problem with the new $20....
This country has a long history of trading black people for other goods.
Three old women are sitting on a park bench
when a guy in a trench-coat walks up close to them and flashes his goods in their faces.
While the first two women had a s**...,
third one couldn't reach it.
What does a gynocologist and a pizza man have in common?
Thay can smell the goods, but they can't taste them.
What do cheaply made goods from China have in common with the food you first eat in the morning?
Both break fast (breakfast)
LPT: If someone brings in home baked goods to say goodbye after being let go, don't eat them.
I used laxatives.
Father and son during checkout at d**...'s Sporting Goods...
Dad: Hang on a second, I need to use these coupons.
Son: Are these coupons only for d**...'s?
Dad: No, they work for normal people too.
Cashier -- laughing too hysterically to continue for a bit...
(True Story)
An American and a Mexican are sitting at the beach when a genie offers both of them one wish.
The American says:
"I'd like a 5-mile-high wall around the US so that no foreigners or i**... Chinese goods can enter without our government's permission." And voilá the wall is built.
The genie then asks the Mexican what he wants:
"Fill it with lava."
How did the domestic goods feel when they were being shipped overseas?
Tarrif-ied.
How did the domestic goods feel as they were exported overseas?
tarrified.
Cat's Bellies are like strippers.
They let you see the goods but they won't let you touch them.
Where do ultra conservative Muslims go to buy trinkets, crafts, and home goods?
Wahhabi Lobby
Two Nuns sitting on a park bench
A f**... comes by and displays his goods .. one Nun had a s**... and the other one couldn't reach.
What do you call an insect that brings goods into the country?
An important!
What do a pizza delivery driver and a gynecologist have in common?
They both get close enough to smell the goods but if they eat it they'll be in trouble.
Where does a leprosy patient buy his goods?
In a second hand shop!
What Do You Call A Container Full Of Goods Headed To A War-Stricken Country?
Dockers Without Borders
Our local police are flying a drone above our Christmas market.
I think they're looking for Stollen goods.
'Will you kids stop making that awful racket!'
Said the quality control officer at the sporting goods factory.
d**... Sporting Goods stores have all have a summer sports section in their parking lot that is packed up in the winter months, making the stores a bit smaller.
Meaning d**... shrink when it's cold.
Scott Baio is Boycotting d**...'s Sporting Goods Because of the Ban on AR-15s
d**...'s had to find a cashier to replace him on short notice
Why can a girl not get laid in the computer science field?
the odds might be good. but the goods are odd
A kleptomaniac never appreciated how he could exchange stolen goods for rocks.
He took things for granite.
I watched Liverpool in the Champions League Final on YouTube on Friday night.
I thought YouTube only done funnies, Boy did they they come up with the goods that night. Funniest thing I have ever seen.
A midget walks into a sporting goods store.
He then walks to the cashier and says "hey I am a little short any chance you could float me"
Girlfriends are like a box of chocolate.
The goods ones are already taken and the rest have a bite taken out and put back.
Today I came out to find my bicycle was gone
I called the police and within a matter of hours they had tracked down the thief, He was arrested for peddling stolen goods.
Where do werewolves store their manufactured goods?
in a *were*house.
What do you call a truck that hauls Kosher goods?
A Semite truck.
Art thief.
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out and escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:
"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
d**...'s Sporting Goods came out against circumcision this past weekend
Changing their official slogan to d**... Sporting Hoods.
Edit* grammar
Police are reporting that they have just located a truck of stollen goods
Though they are not hopeful that anyone will come forward to claim the German fruitcake.
Dating on tinder.
the odds are good but the goods are odd
I recently started working for a charity that convinces local supermarkets to give us their expiring baked goods to donate to refugees and the local homeless. We're working in conjunction with local churches to help distribute donations. All of us are there voluntarily, after all..
It's a naan-prophet organization.
How efficient is shipping goods in a large metal container?
Semi
Robin Hood hands over stolen goods to the poor man
Man: Wow thank you robin hood, now i'm rich!
Robin: *squints* you're what?
What are the most popular goods in the underworld?
Under wares
What might an ignoramus give as an accurate response to not encountering a sealed glassware container they had purchased from a consumable goods proprietor and believing to have deposited it in a specific location only to be greeted by the dismay that is in fact not within the immediate vicinity?
Jar gone
I visited a strange, small shop on my trip to Egypt...
They had some really weird goods for sale. Honestly, the whole thing was just a little bazaar.
Trading humans like mere goods is highly i**... and immoral.
Unless you are a football team manager.
If they sell staples at Staples, burgers at Burger King, and candy at Candy Clubhouse... What do they sell at d**...'s Sporting Goods?
Sporting goods. I mean, it's in the name!
If canned goods were to expire, would that make them canned bads?
Alright alright I'll show myself out.
Street gangs of southern LA have started decapitating each other and using the body parts to trade for goods...
The most valuable of which is the Crip toe currency.
A customer is at a sporting goods store.
Customer in sporting goods store: Excuse me, do you sell cockroaches?
Clerk: Yes we sell them to the fisherman.
Customer: I would like 20,000 of them.
Clerk: What would you want with 20,000 cockroaches?
Customer: I'm moving tomorrow and my lease says I must leave my apartment in the condition in which I found it.
What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery driver have in common?
They can both smell the goods but aren't allowed to eat them.
My friend owns a bakery that runs off stolen goods
Might go for a visit soon, everyone I've talked to says it's their bread and butter.
