Goodnight Jokes

38 goodnight jokes and hilarious goodnight puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about goodnight that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a good laugh? Check out our collection of goodnight jokes. From classic one-liners to hilarious puns, we've got something for everyone. So grab a cup of cocoa and settle in for some good old-fashioned fun.

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Funniest Goodnight Short Jokes

Short goodnight jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The goodnight humour may include short goodbye jokes also.

  1. What one word really makes a woman open up and want to talk about everything on their mind? "Goodnight."
  2. They say if you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life... And they're absolutely correct because the only thing I love is not working.
    I hate my job.... goodnight
  3. A man stands up to give a toast at his best friend's wedding He says "I was told that a wedding toast should only last as long as the groom lasts in bed. So goodnight everyone!"
  4. Fighting Couple A married couple were fighting. Deciding it was time to go to bed, the husband says, "Goodnight, mother of six!" to which she replies Goodnight father of two!"
  5. How many astronauts have probed Uranus? Zero... there's too much gas.
  6. Well goodnight everyone.
    I have to get up early tomorrow to do nothing and still make more money than all of you!
  7. "Dad can we go to a haunted house?" Dad: What's wrong with the one we live in?
    Son: WHAT?
    Dad: Goodnight son.
  8. I don't what all the fuss is about the helium shortage... The helium supply will always be on the rise.
  9. However lonely you feel, you're never alone. There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house. Goodnight.
  10. What do you get when you cross a muppet with the Loch Ness monster? Messie
    Thank you and goodnight.

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Goodnight One Liners

Which goodnight one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with goodnight? I can suggest the ones about bedtime and evening.

  1. What do you call a chinese chap with one leg? Limping
    Thank you, goodnight.
  2. My wife can't wrestle.. But you should see her box.
  3. What is an old person's favorite flavor of gum? Retire-Mint
    ^Thank ^you, ^goodnight
  4. How do cops say goodnight to their kids? "...YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN silent."
  5. Sleep is for the weak So I'm going to bed, goodnight
  6. Goodnight sweet prince
  7. how do socks reproduce? they have socks. goodnight folks
  8. I think my cell mate is gay... He closes his eyes when I kiss him goodnight.
  9. *Tucks in shirt* "Goodnight, shirt."
  10. You're not a homosexual when you kiss your homie goodnight...
  11. Why did Satan cross the road Because his mum is gay, thank you and goodnight.
  12. I like to kiss my homies goodnight, I'm not gay I'm... Homiesexual
  13. Goodnight America, sleep tight... ...Don't forget to roll your clock back 300 years.
  14. Goodnight, sweet Prince. Rip in peace Prince.
  15. Which comedian is always cold? Bill Brr
    Thank you and goodnight.

Goodnight joke, Which comedian is always cold?

Silly & Ridiculous Goodnight Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about goodnight you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bed time jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make goodnight pranks.

I've never actually been caught smoking w**....

But I'm pretty sure my parents know sober people don't give goodnight handshakes.

Every hotel room was taken.

By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded. "Or just a bed--I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired traveler assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope. I shut him up in no time?"
"How'd you manage that?"
"He was already in bed, snoring away. when I came in the room," John said. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

Little Johnny goes to his parents' room to say goodnight

He walks in and sees them having s**.... They continue and Johnny runs out of the room. When they are finished, Johnny's mom tells the dad to talk to Johnny about what happened. The dad looks all over the house, but can't find Johnmy,. Finally, he goes in the kitchen and sees Johnny r**... the grandmother. The dad tells "SON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Johnny says, "Don't like it when it's your mom, do you?"

As I was telling my grandfather goodnight over the phone, he proceeded to tell me "the height of conceit."

Which in his own words:
"You know the height of conceit son? A flea floating on his back down a river, sporting a hard-on, yelling 'OPEN THE DRAWBRIDGE' "
That man.

My wife says I have a problem with alcohol a**....

I politely told her I don't. I managed to stay calm and kiss her goodnight even though I was getting so angry.
When she went to bed I punched my bottle of Jack Daniels.

A guy and a girl are set up on a blind date…

… despite some apprehension they both hit it off and agree to a second date.
Date two comes and there's even more fireworks, ending with a kiss goodnight.
Finally, a third date comes and at the end she invites him inside to spend the night.
As they're fooling around, she says If we're going to go to bed together, theres probably something you should know. When I was a little girl I was in an accident and I lost both my feet, so both my feet are prosthetic .
Slightly taken aback, the guy says I'm really sorry, I like you a lot. But if that's the case we can't be together .
Obviously very upset, she asks Why?! Are you a bigot or something?!
No he replies I'm lack-toes intolerant .

Present tense of cloud?

As I was saying goodnight to my 10 year old son this evening he said:
I saw a bunch of clouds while we were out hiking today. I wonder which one holds my data...
I groaned as I closed his bedroom door. He'll make a great dad someday!

What's a sharks least favourite name?

So I have my Alexa set up to tell me joke when I say goodnight, last night it told me that joke...and I can't work it out?! I have searched for it online, and other people have searched for it but no one has seemed to find out what it means.
Am I being s**... and missing something obvious? Did I have a half asleep fever-dream and imagine this non-joke?

Goodnight joke