Goodie Jokes
28 goodie jokes and hilarious goodie puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about goodie that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your day a little brighter with these oldie-but-goodie jokes guaranteed to bring a smile to your face and a chuckle to your heart. Get that "gotcha" feeling without fail with these timeless gems.
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Funniest Goodie Short Jokes
Short goodie jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The goodie humour may include short heart jokes also.
- Just heard this oldie, but goodie from a friend Two does are walking out of a bar after a long night of drinking, and one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I just blew 30 bucks."
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Goodie One Liners
Which goodie one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with goodie? I can suggest the ones about whee and lake.
- Here's an oldie but a goodie. Your Mom.
- Death by Beyblades Let it R.I.P
Oldie but a goodie - What's Jade Goody's Star Sign? Cancer
- a man walks into a bar he falls to the floor unconscious.
oldy, but a goody. - An oldie but a goodie Your mom..... In bed.....
Your mom is old and she's good at s**... - When you were born the doctor slapped your mama and said "oh goodie twins".
- Your mouth is so big You can eat a banana sideways.
(Oldie but goodie)
Uproarious Goodie Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about goodie you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean oldie but goodie jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make goodie pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Oldie but a Goodie
Two guys were out fishing on the lake when a hearse and f**... procession passed the boat on a nearby road. One of them stood up and held his fishing hat over his heart as the hearse passed. His buddy commented, "Gee, Harry, that was really nice and respectful!"
To which Harry replied, "Well, after all we were married 40 years."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
and oldie but a goodie
back in ancient china, before the populations number a million, a monk lived near his friend, who was on the other side of the river. he wrote a long poem, full of phrases like "the seven winds could not move me" and was very proud of it. he sent it to his friend via dove.
when his friend sent it back, he had written one word in the corner of the scroll "f**..." fuming, the monk stomped over to his friend's dwelling and demanded an explanation. to this his friend simply said "the seven winds could not move you, and yet a single f**... sends you all the way across the river"
Oldie but goodie
During a job interview, the interviewer asked me if I had any impressive qualities? I said, "Yes, I'm very fast with math!" Suspicious he asked me to prove it. He told me to solve 327x49. I said 34,567! He pulled out his calculator and put it in. With a confused look on his face he says, "That's not even close!" I said, "Yeah, but it was fast though!"
No idea where the original came from but this one gets me every time.
Oldie but goodie
Girl says to her mother I read better than half the other girls in my class Momma is it because I'm blonde ? Yes honey it's because you're blonde . I can run faster than most of the other girls too momma, is it because I'm blonde ? Yes honey it's because you're blonde . I have big boobies too momma, and none of the other girls have anything, is that because I'm blonde too momma ? No sweetie that's because you're 24
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Oldie but goodie
A man went to the police station and said "Officer, I think my wife might be dead!" the incredulous cop replied, "What do you mean you *think* your wife may be dead?!" The man replied, "Well, the s**... is the same but the dishes are piling up in the sink!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An oldie but a goodie
A guy walks into a butcher shop and says "I'd like two pounds of kidleys."
The butcher looks at him and says "Don't you mean you want two pounds of *kidneys*?"
The guy is all confused. "I *said* kidleys, d**... I?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I heard 1 in 4 men are gay...
I really hope it's John, he's cute!
(An oldie, but a goodie)
A comment following the video of two different camera views of the guy falling off that drone motorcycle thing reminded me of this oldie but goodie: a guy walks into a bar....
....sits down, orders a beer, and is watching the 5 o'clock news: footage of a guy about to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. Bartender says I bet you $100 he does it. Guy takes the bet, and not long after has to pay up...
A few minutes later, bartender comes back. I'm sorry man, I can't take your money. I won't lie, I saw this guy on the noon news, I knew he was gonna jump. Customer replies No, no, you won it fair and square. I saw the noon news too, but It looked so rough I never thought he'd do it twice!!
an oldie but a goodie
This farmer buys a dog to go duck hunting with. The first day out he shoots a duck and it falls in the lake. To his amazement the dog walks on the water over to the duck, picks it up and brings it back to the farmer.
To test his disbelief he shoots another one. Once again the dog walks over and retrieves the duck.
The next day the farmer takes his friend duck hunting. The farmer shoots one duck and his dog retrieves it in his unique way. His friend says nothing.
So the farmer shoots another duck and the dog retrieves it. Still his friend hasn't said a thing. So the farmer asks "Have you noticed anything unusual about my dog?"
"Yes" answered his friend, "he can't swim can he?"
An oldie, but goodie.
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. "She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Oldie but goodie: A Jewish man and an Italian woman got married.
Both were virgins, and both were so innocent when it came to the subject of s**.... On the wedding night, they just weren't sure how it all works. So the man decided to call his mother to get a few pointers. But she simply says, "Look, son, just get undressed, then undress her. You'll know what to do. Trust me."
The newlyweds get undressed, but they are still confused. So the man calls his mother again. Frustrated, she says, "Just stick the longest part of you into the hairiest part of her!"
A few minutes later, the mother's phone rings again.
"I've got my nose in her armpit. Now what?"
An oldie, but a goodie!
A vacationing penguin is driving his through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Oldie but goodie.
My buddy and I were out hunting one afternoon. He decided he had to take a dump, so he dripped his pants and squatted down. while he was taking care of business a rattlesnake slithered up behind him and bit him on the head of his tally wacker.
He jumbed up with both hands wrapped around it and yelled I've been bit call the doctor. I called the dr and explained about the bite and that we were at least 45 mins from our truck and another hour from the hospital. He got quiet and said " All U can do for him now is to take ur knife out and cut an "x" in each hole and s**... the venom out and get him here asap". I thought for a second and asked 'What if I don't do that what happens?". He replied back "He will die. So get ur knife out and get after it. I will be waiting for u here at the ER." and he hung up.
My buddy looked at me with his tally wacker in his hands about to squeeze it in half and asked " WHAT DID HE SAY???!!!!"
I looked him straight in the eye and told him "He said Ur ging to die".
tiny pianist
An oldie, but goodie:
A man walks into a bar and sees a 12 inch pianist playing the piano. He talks to the bartender and says, "That's amazing! Where did you find a 12 inch pianist?"
The bartender replies, "Oh, I have a genie in the back room who grants wishes. Give it a try if you want."
The man goes to the genie and says, "Oh genie, I wish I had a 100 million bucks." The genie nods his head and a few seconds later there's a puff of smoke and 100 million ducks fly over the man's head.
The man goes back to the bartender and complains, "I wished for 100 million bucks, not 100 million ducks!"
And the bartender says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
Oldie but a goodie
An old farmer was busy plowing his field when he heard a terrible noise and looked up. A busload of politicians was careening wildly down the road, then spun out of control, flipped several times, and crashed into tree.
The old farmer hurried to the site of the accident. Seeing the wreckage and carnage, he sadly went about digging a large hole to bury the dead.
A few hours later, the sheriff came by, searching for the missing politicians. When he saw the crashed bus, he stopped and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer gravely shook his head and said he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer replied grimly, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An oldie but goodie
Three women, a redhead, brunette and blonde, find themselves stranded on a deserted island. While looking for supplies the redhead stumbled upon an old, well decorated bottle. After she brought it back to camp she and her friends began to clean it off when suddenly a genie sprang out of the bottle. In a deep, deliberate tone the genie said "You have awakened a genie! I have the power to grant any three wishes you desire. Because all three awakened me each of you get one wish!" The genie looked at the redhead who quickly shouted "I WISH TO GO HOME!" and p**... she was gone. The genie then looked at the brunette who couldn't say "I WISH TO GO HOME!" fast enough and p**... she was gone. The genie then looked at the blonde who had a tear in her eye and her head was hung low. "Why are you so sad" asked the genie, to which the blonde responded "I wish my friends were here."
