The Best 85 Goodbye Jokes

Looking for a way to say goodbye that will make everyone laugh? Check out our collection of goodbye jokes. From clever one-liners to funny goodbye poems, we've got you covered.

Top 10 Funniest Goodbye Jokes and Puns

Yo' Mama is so ugly

\*\*..yo' daddy takes her to work with him so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.\*\*

Cardiologist

A heart surgeon had died and at his funural the coffin was placed above a heart made of flowers. After everyone had said goodbye the coffin was lowered into the heart, during which someone began laughing really loud. 'What is wrong with you?' the person sitting next to the laughing man asked. 'I just thought of my own funural' he replied. 'What's so funny about that?' Still chuckling the man answered: 'Well, you see, I'm a gynaecologist'.

How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?

Calculator!

A little girl was saying her prayers for the night.

She said the following:"God bless mommy,God bless daddy,God bless grandma and goodbye grandpa." Her father,who had been listening,said,"Why 'goodbye,grandpa'?" The girl responded that it just felt like the right thing to say.
The next day her grandfather died of a heart attack.

jokes about goodbye

How do you say goodbye to a thousand Japanese people?

A big wave


An accountant goes to the doctor...

An accountant knocks on the door of his doctor's surgery and walks in.
"Hello, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Goodbye." With that he turns around and walks out.

----

30 seconds later he is back. "Hello again, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me."

The Doctor looks up from his desk and says:

>"Mmm. I think you have a serious case of double entry."

Ur mum is so ugly

That hello kitty said goodbye

Goodbye joke, Ur mum is so ugly

If The Beatles were from Hawaii...

What would they have called their song, "Hello Goodbye?"

50 Shades

He slowly but firmly grabs my throat. I try to say goodbye and I choke. I try to walk away and I stumble...'
- of Macy Gray.

Some say money talks

Mine just says goodbye

People say Money talks...

But all mine says is Goodbye.

You can explore goodbye sayonara reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean goodbye arrivederci dad jokes. There are also goodbye puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A dad puts his little girl to sleep...

And the girl says, "Goodbye Grandpa" and the dad asks why she said grandpa, the girl replied, "I don't know it just felt right".

The next day the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just a coincidence.

The dad puts the girl to sleep and a few months later she says, "Goodbye Grandma" and the dad went along with it.

The next day the grandma died and the dad thought that she knew who would die next!

Several weeks later, the dad puts his girl to sleep and the girl says, "Goodbye Daddy" and the dad freaked out when he left the room.

He stayed at the office until midnight jumping at every sound he heard. When he came to his house at 1am and crawls into the bed, his wife says

Wife :: Why were you at work so late?

Husband :: I had a terrible day..

Wife :: What happened?

Husband :: I don't want to talk about it.

Wife :: Well, you won't believe the day I had! My golf pro died right in front of me during golf lessons!

Edit : Formatting

How do you say goodbye to an Indonesian?

with a big wave

Survey Says

A survey found that 20% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house, and 80% kiss their house goodbye when they leave their wife.

Study reveals 20% of men kiss wife goodbye when they leave the house. 80% of men kiss house goodbye when they leave their wife.

Conclusion. Want to keep your house, start kissing your wife.

Did you hear about the guy who told everyone goodbye and then didn't leave?

It was much adieu about nothing.

Goodbye joke, Did you hear about the guy who told everyone goodbye and then didn't leave?

How do you say goodbye in Arabic?

"BOOM!"

I picked up this chick in Rome. We had sex, said goodbye the next morning and gave her a hi five

She gave me hi V

A photon both raises his hand and shouts "Goodbye!"

It's a wave and a parting call.


A girl comes back home after many years to see her father before he dies...

She goes to his bedside and starts crying, "Dad, I'm sorry!"

He looks at her, smiles weakly, and says, "Goodbye, Sorry." He grins. "I'm *dead*."

There's a French guy with tourettes syndrome who keeps yelling goodbye at random people.

There's much adieu about nothing.

How does Hillary Clinton say goodbye?

"Seizure later!"

Do you know what happens when you click a link without knowing what it is?

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

What's the difference between a happy programmer and a sad programmer?

"Hello, world" and "Goodbye, cruel world"

Money talks

But all mine ever says is good-bye.

Dying in a tsunami isn't so bad...

At least the earth gives you a wave goodbye.

Goodbye joke, Dying in a tsunami isn't so bad...

One day I will find you...

...and I will possess you.
That day, I will bring you to bed.
Then, without your permission, I will get close to you and touch your entire body.
You will be feeling tired.
You will feel chills down your body and I'll make you sweat.
As long as I stay with you, you will never be able to get out of the bed.
Then, I will leave without saying goodbye, convinced that one day I will return.

Signed… The flu.

What did South Korea say to their President?

Good-bye, Geun-hye.

sex with me is a lot like watching death take your loved ones from you.

Comes quickly, leaves without saying goodbye.


What's the proper way to say goodbye to a room full of German britches?

Lederhosen.

My name is Zane, and my girl told me goodbye today.. All I did was ask her to feed the cat

She said, "I'll feed her, Zane."

As per the doctor's recommendation, I have decided to rid my diet of trans fat.

Goodbye Tumblr!

How does a one celled organizim say goodbye to it's friends?

"adios amebas!"

Your mother is so ugly

your father takes her with him to work so he wouldn't have to kiss her goodbye


My wife left a note on the fridge saying, "This isn't working, goodbye."

I opened the refrigerator and it works just fine. Weird.

A woman has to go to a conference in Italy, so her husband drives her.

"Thanks honey" she says, "what would you like me to bring you back?"

"Oh, um, an Italian girl!" The husband jokingly says.

"I'll see what I can do" the woman says as she walks into the airport waving goodbye.

3 days later the woman returns and her husband greets her at the airport.

"How was your trip? Did you remember to bring my gift?"

"What gift?"

"The Italian girl!"

"Oh, we'll have to wait 9 months to see if it's a boy or girl"

75% of men kiss their wives goodbye when they leave the house.

90% kiss their house goodbye when they leave their wives.

My German friend, Sepp, was leaving to go home.

I said, "Goodbye Sepp."

He said, "Thanks. I've been working out."

The Bison.

My son and I were hiking one day when a bison charged towards him as he was taking a leak. I shouted Bison but it was already too late and he died. My wife tried to console me and said Atleast you were able to say goodbye .

How does an Asian noodle say goodbye

Chow main

I don't always kiss my wife goodbye when I leave the house...

But I always kiss my house goodbye when I leave my wife!

One of my friends asked why my wife is always with me everywhere I go!

I told him because she is so ugly I don't want to kiss her goodbye.

Goodbye, boiling water...

you will be mist

**Disclaimer: Not scientifically accurate**

Every morning for 18 years, when I left the house, I'd kiss my wife goodbye.

Then when I left the wife, I kissed my house goodbye.

Help! Rick Astley is overstaying his welcome at my house!

He's never gonna say goodbye.

On the base a Private First Class (PFC) was working in the car repair shop. The phone rang.

He answered. The man on the phone asked, "When will my car be fixed?"

PFC: "Can't talk now I am working on some annoying General's car."

General: "Do you know who this is?"

PFC: "No."

General: "This is the ANNOYING GENERAL!"

PFC: "Well, do you know who this is?"

General: "No."

PFC: "Good, goodbye!"

What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

How do you say goodbye to 20,000 Japanese?

With a big wave.

How do you say goodbye to a German prostitute?

Lederhosen

How do Italians say goodbye?

Pasta la vista.

Julia tells her husband, "James, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome.

Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses.

Now, why can't you do that?"

"Gosh," James says, "why I hardly know the girl."

I had to say goodbye to the water in my kettle.

It will be mist.

Police officer: Do you know why I stopped you, sir?

Me: I really don't.
Police officer: I'm Vegan, Goodbye.

The teacher says "If you answer my question, you can go home."

One student throws a pen at him. The teacher asks "Who did that?"

"It was me, goodbye."

Goodbye boiled water

you will be mist

Mike Tyson went to the hospital to say goodbye to his now dead friend...

He was distraught but as he regained his composure he noticed a doctor in the room with him.

Mike said, Doctor, please tell me, what was the cause of death?

The puzzled doctor responded, No Sir, this man hasn't lost his hearing. He's dead.

My toddler watches a lot of YouTube. Before he went to bed, he said, "Don't forget to subscribe."

He thought it meant "goodbye."

What is a programmers suicide note called?

A goodbye world program

Two lesbian vampires...

Two lesbian vampires say goodbye after having sex, one says to the other:

_"See you in 28 days!"_

I said to my friend," Goodbye crocodile."

"See you later masturbator",was his reply

My wife said we should spice up our love life

What do you mean? I asked.

She said let's do a bit of role playing. I'll be the doctor and you be the patient .

Alright... I went with it, How are you, doctor?

We have no appointments till November. Goodbye .

I used to have wavy hair

Turns out it was waving goodbye

When I was a kid, my dad saw a sign in a nice neighborhood that said, "Drive Like Your Kids Live Here,"...

So he drove halfway across the country without saying goodbye!

money talks;

it usually says goodbye

What did the programmer's suicide note say?

Goodbye world

Going to be saying goodbye to this group that I love so much

I am here to say goodbye, this group has been fantastic but my wife says I spend too much time here and she can't take it anymore. We argued about it and she told me its either her or the group. So I am going to be gone for a few minutes while I help her pack and call her an uber.
I'll be right back

A classic joke from Ronald Regan (Not exactly accurate)

There are two Russians in the Soviet Union talking to each other and a curfew is about to be enforced

The two men say goodbye to each other and just as they do a soviet soldier walks over to the both of them and shoots one of the men dead

The other man says Why did you shoot him?

The soldier says I'm his friend I know where he lives he wouldn't have made it home in time

I've invented an exciting new product. Say goodbye to noise-cancelling headphones...

...and say hello to noise-cancelling megaphones!

My history teacher told us that if a nuclear bomb was closely approaching, being flexible would be very helpful.

It's so that you can bend your body and kiss your ass goodbye.

A foreign family is about to travel to america

The parents told the kids to say bye to the friends they will miss. The older son then threw himself down a flight of stairs, in the hospital, when he was asked why he did it, he said

"Just saying goodbye to free healthcare"

Whats at the end of every programmers suicide note?

Goodbye World

A man finds a mysterious looking gem buried deep in the desert.

He proceeds to clean the gem when suddenly a genie pops out.

Genie: My name is Hughe mhist ake and I will answer any ONE question no matter what it is. Ask me about the past, present or future and I shall answer.

Man: Amazing! If I ask you how I will die, will I be able to change the future so that I won't?

Genie: that would have been possible yes. Goodbye

Great grandma calling her shot

My great grandmother was notorious for kind of edgy but hilarious jokes.. she also lived to 103 and 50 weeks.

At her funeral her daughter told my brother and I about the last time she saw her. She said she was getting everything together to leave and had told her mother goodbye and that she'd be back in a few weeks to see her for her birthday. My great grandmother, said with a grin and a big laugh well, you better bring a shovel!

How do lawyers say goodbye?

We'll be suing ya !!!

I told my best friend I was dying.

Him: "Oh my God! What have all the doctors said?"

Me: "Goodbye mostly"

How does a lawyer say goodbye?

***I'll be suing ya!***

My wife left a note on the refrigerator saying "This isn't working, goodbye"

I opened it and it works just fine..

What code does a depressed programmer write?

"Goodbye world!"

How do you say goodbye to a dog

Chow chow

Had to say goodbye to my cat who climbed into the woodchipper.

He is truly mist.

What's the definition of patience?

Your mom saying goodbye at family parties and/or finding a friend at the mall

How does the ocean say goodbye?

It waves.

I am not saying my ex wife was ugly...

But I had to quit my job, so I didn't have to kiss her goodbye in the morning.

There's a hotel that still has an elevator operator, to prevent people from doing graffiti in it, or kids from jumping in it.

A man who's on vacation talks to the elevator guy whenever he rides the elevator, and they get to know each other pretty well.

When he's leaving the hotel at the end of his vacation, the elevator operator notices his suitcases and says "Goodbye son" and the man replies "you're not my father" and the elevator operator says "no, but I brought you up, didn't I?"

A surgeon and a caretaker had some beers and say goodbye.

Take care!

Oh, cut it out!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the goodbye tata puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working goodbye bon voyage piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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