Good Shepherd Jokes
15 good shepherd jokes and hilarious good shepherd puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about good shepherd that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Good Shepherd Short Jokes
Short good shepherd jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The good shepherd humour may include short shepherd jokes also.
- Wanna see my impression of a German shepherd? "*ACHTUNG! ACHTUNG!* YOU SHEEPS *VILL* GO INTO ZE PASTURE, UND YOU *VILL* HAVE A GOOD TIME!"
- Good news! There are well over 100 labs in America working on developing a vaccine. Just wait til they get the German shepherds involved!
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Good Shepherd One Liners
Which good shepherd one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with good shepherd? I can suggest the ones about shepherd and sheep and savior.
- What's Brown and Black and looks good on an escaped prisoner A German Shepherd
- I have this good Shepherd joke I want to tell you all. Stop me if you've herded before.
Good Shepherd Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about good shepherd you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean saint jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make good shepherd pranks.
A German shepherd, a Doberman and a cat died.
In heaven they faced God,who wanted to know what they believed in.
The German shepherd said "i believe in discipline, loyalty and training to my master".
"Good" said God. "You may sit on my right side".
The Doberman said "I believe in love,care and protection of my master".
"Aha,you may sit on my left" said God.
Then God looked at the cat and said" and what do you believe in"?
The cat replied " I believe you are sitting in my seat".
A German Shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat died.
In Heaven, all three faced God, who wanted to know what they believed in.
The German Shepherd said, I believe in discipline, training, and loyalty to my master.
Good! said God. Sit at my right side. Then God asked, Doberman, what do you believe in?
The Doberman answered, I believe in the love, care, and protection of my master.
Aha, said God, you may sit on my left.
Then God looked at the cat and asked, And what do you believe in?
I believe, replied the cat, that you are sitting in my seat.
A German Shepherd, Doberman And Cat Have Died And Gone To Heaven
A German Shepherd, Doberman and a cat have died.
All three are faced with God who wants to know what they believe in.
The German shepherd says: "I believe in discipline training and loyalty to my master."
Good," says God. "Then sit down on my right side. Doberman, what do you believe in?
The Doberman answers: "I believe in the love, care and protection of my master."
Ah," said God. "You may sit to my left."
Then he looks at the cat and asks, "And what do you believe in?"
The cat answers: "I believe you're sitting on my seat."
Proper English
An Englishman is out walking in the Highlands and gets thirsty, so he stops at a river to get some water. He's about to bring the water up to his mouth with his hand when he gets interrupted by a shepherd nearby.
"Dinnae drink oot the river, it's foo o' sheep pish!"
The Englishman looks confused and replies, "I'm sorry, my good man, I didn't understand a word of that! I'm English and on a walking holiday!"
The shepherd smirks and says, "I said use both hands; you'll get more water that way!"
Icarus arrives at the airport.
Ahead of him, a husband and wife shepherd their two children, a boy and girl, toward their gate.
"Dad, can I have a taco before the flight?" The boy asks.
The father sighs, relenting. "All right."
Three hours later, Icarus lands. His father waits outside, ready to greet him.
"Good to see you!" He exclaims, then pauses, looking at Icarus's suit. "Geez, you got v**... all over you. What happened?"
Icarus shrugs. "I flew too close to the son."
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?"
The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me."
The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
A shepherd has 20 white sheep and 3 black ones.
A guy nearby comes to talk to him.
"What do your sheep do all day?"
"Well, usually the white ones search for good grass to eat."
"And the black ones?"
"They usually also spend time searching for good grass."
"How many times a year do you mow them?"
"I usually mow the white ones 3 to 4 times a year"
"What about the black ones?"
"About 3 or 4 times every year."
The guy frowns. "Why do you distinguish between the two kinds if the answer is the same?"
"Well, the white ones are mine."
"And the others?"
"Also mine!"
The hiker and the shepherd.
A hiker is walking through the countryside, and he sees a shepherd with a flock of sheeps.
He asks the shepherd:
- Hey, good friend! How much wool do the sheeps give?
- The white ones or the black ones?
Confused, the hiker says:
- The white ones...
- About 7 kilos of wool per season.
- And the black ones?
- They too, they too.
- And how much milk do the sheeps give?
- The white ones or the black ones?
- ... the white ones.
- About three liters per week.
- And the black ones?
- They too, they too.
The hiker is starting to feel annoyed by the shepherd and says to him:
- Why do you always answer me with "the white ones or the black ones"
whenever I ask you about your sheeps?
- Well, sir. Because the white ones are mine.
- Ahhhh... and the black ones?
- They too, they too.
(I hope it makes sense. English it's not my first language and I tried to translate it as accurate as possible).
Santa's Jokes
Question: What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Answer: Sandy Claws.
Question: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can h**...-h**...-h**....
Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite.
Question: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
Question: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Answer: Ribbon hood.
Question: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Answer: Claustrophobic.
Question: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Answer: Snowflakes.
Question: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
Answer: She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!
Question: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
Answer: It was wound up already.
Question: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
Answer: Forty feet of track - all straight!
I wanna tell you what kind of luck I've got. If this year I cornered the mistletoe market, they'd postpone Christmas.
Christmas: When you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with friends.
Christmas is the time when people put so many bulbs on the outside of their houses, you don't know if they're celebrating the birth of Jesus or General Electric.
Do you know what it is like to put up fifteen hundred Christmas lights on the roof of a house? The kids are giving two to one I'm gonna come down the chimney before Santa Claus does.
Christmas in Los Angeles is always interesting. Seeing carolers dressed in Bermuda shorts...groping their way through the smog singing: "It came upon a midnight clear."
Every Christmas pageant throughout the world has a scene showing Joseph leading Mary into Bethlehem on a donkey. Do you realize what would happen if the Republicans asked for equal time?
Did you hear about the Beverly Hills school Christmas pageant? Two kids dressed as Mary and Joseph and they are on their way to the inn in Bethlehem. On the other side of the stage, a boy in a shepherd's outfit is on a mobile/ cellular phone, calling for reservations.
Sometimes I get the feelin that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.