good samaritan Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious good samaritan puns

I tried training for the Samaritans once.

But they told me I wasn't good at listening and I said "what?" and they said I wasn't good at listening.

-- This joke was made by a friend on facebook in the UK who currently has a really really bad time - homeless and suicidal. I found the joke really funny. Would be really nice if I could show him that he is actually a pretty funny lad and has reasons to continue living. (I'm 100% serious!!)

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A Drunk

A drunk is in a bar, lying on the floor and looking the worse for wear. Other bar patrons decide to be good samaritans and to take him home.
They pick him up off the floor, and drag him out the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car and he falls down four more times. Mission accomplished, they prop him against the door jam and ring the doorbell.
"Here's your husband!" they exclaim proudly.
"Where's his wheelchair?" asks the puzzled wife....

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Arriving home very drunk

A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes.He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."

The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. they drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man.

He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.

The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair ?"

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Bus Stop Blonde

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.
For the second time, attempted the step, and, once again,
and much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip
a little more and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be good samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body?!
I don't even know who you are!'


The Texan smiled and drawled,
"Well, ma'am, normally I would
agree with you, but after you unzipped
my fly three times, I kinda
figured we was friends."

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Bringing a Drunk Home

A guy was in a bar about as drunk as it's possible to get. A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and take him home. First, they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out where he lives, but he keeps falling down. He fell down eight more times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud. After they get to his house, he falls down another four times getting him to the door. His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought your husband home."

The wife asks, "Where's his wheelchair?

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So, there was this rich dude...

One day, as he is driving his fancy car down the road, he is singing to himself I love my BMW, I love BMW. He was so wrapped up in his song he missed a turn and hit a tree. Surprisingly he survived, but instead of calling for help he was crying out my BMW, oh my BMW. Just then a good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!" The rich dude, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"

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A man with no arms walks into a public restroom...

and comes up to the urinal. He looks to the guy at the urinal beside him and says, "Hey man, I know this is weird but I really need to pee and obviously I can't get my own dick out. Could you please help me out here." The other man, seeing there is no one else in the restroom, decides to be a good samaritan and helps him out. After a couple of minutes the guy with no arms looks at the good samaritan and asks if he can help him put it away now. The second guy obliges again under the condition that the armless man never tell ANYONE about this. As they're leaving the second guy looks at the armless man and asks,"By the way, when I was down there I noticed some green stuff all over your penis. What was that?" "Man I have no idea I just didn't want to touch it."

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A man is at the bar, blind drunk. Some of the customers decide to be good Samaritans and get him home. They pick him up off the floor and drag him out of the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car, and he falls down four more times. They ring the doorbell and a woman answers. β€œHere’s your husband!” β€œThanks,” says the man’s wife. β€œWhat did you do with his wheelchair?”

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Good Samaritan.

A body of a dead woman is discovered in Central Park. When the police arrive, they also discover that she is naked. Out of respect for the dead girl, a cop puts his hat over her snatch.

A drunk walks by and sees the dead girl lying there with the hat over her snatch. The drunk says to the cop "Oh my God! give me a hand and let's get that guy out of there!".

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What do you call a good samaritan in the snow?

An ice person.

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A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes.

He is obviously drunk.
So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."
The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times.
They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.
The drunk's wife greets them at the door:
"Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"

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This guy's at a bar, and it's really late.


He's been drinking hard all night, and is so tanked he falls backwards right off the bar stool onto the floor.
He slowly climbs back up, takes another swig and slides right back onto the floor.
Finally, this other guy is sympathetic and offers to drive the guy home.
On the way out to the car, the drunk falls over a few times, and crawls the rest of the way to the car.
When they get to his house, he can't even walk, and falls five times on the way to his own front door.
The good samaritan helps him the rest of the way, and rings the doorbell.
The drunk's wife opens the door.
He says, "Sorry to wake you m'am. Your husband's had a few too many, so I drove him home for you."
The wife gratefully responds, "Thank you, sir, that's very kind of you."
"Where's his wheelchair?"

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What are the most funny Good Samaritan jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Good Samaritan? Well, here are the best Good Samaritan dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Good Samaritan pick up lines to share with friends.

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