Good Politician Jokes
27 good politician jokes and hilarious good politician puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about good politician that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Good Politician Short Jokes
Short good politician jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The good politician humour may include short honest politician jokes also.
- Do you know what we would call 'COVID-19' if the first ten thousand people killed were politicians? A good start.
- As a politician... You need to shake hands & kiss babies...
...and take good care not to confuse the two. - There was one good thing still to be said about the politician who went to prison for stalking... He was a man of the peep-hole!
- Person a: so im a good lier what jobs should i choose a lawyer or a politician Person b: you could also be a preacher
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Good Politician One Liners
Which good politician one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with good politician? I can suggest the ones about politician and farmer and politician.
- What do you call 250 dead politicians? A good start.
- What's the similarity between a unicorn and a good politician? Neither exist
- Why are strippers such good politicians? 'Cause they're good on the polls.
- What do you call 10 politicians at the bottom of the sea? A good start.
- Why do footballers make good politicians? Because they tackle the real issues.
- Women are good politicians... Because they know how to introduce bills in the house.
- A politician died It was a good day.
Good Politician Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about good politician you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nice lawyer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make good politician pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For extra cash consider robbing s**... offenders.
Their address is easy to find, and they can't own guns.
Only downside is politicians usually have good security.
The Priest and the Politician
A priest and a politician arrived at Heaven's gate one day together. And St. Peter, after doing all the necessary formalities, took them to show them where their quarters would be.
First, he took them to a small, single room with a bed, a chair, and a table and said this was for the priest. And the politician was a little worried about what might be in store for him. And he couldn't believe it then when St. Peter stopped in front of a beautiful mansion with lovely grounds, many servants, and told him that these would be his quarters.
And he couldn't help but ask, he said, "But wait, how—there's something wrong—how do I get this mansion while that good and holy man only gets a single room?" And St. Peter said, "You have to understand how things are up here. We've got thousands upon thousands of priests. You're the first politician who ever made it.
If my parents would've told me the truth
That I got good grades and went to a good college. I could do all the drugs I wanted bang all the prostitutes I wanted without getting in trouble. I would be a politician by now.
God was creating the countries when it became Brazil's turn
God: This land will be a land filled with natural resources, the women will be beautiful, there will be no hurricanes or tornados, they will also have a lot of forests.
The angels were thinking this was a little too much and asked God, Isn't this a little too good?
God calmly answered: Wait for their politicians
A politician is trying to get a horse's vote.
So he promises the horse a stable economy.
But it wasn't good enough so the horse said nay.
So the politician promises the horse that he won't bale out the banks anymore.
The horse still said nay.
"What more do you want from me" said the politician
and horse said "I don't know how to end a joke"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Not all Americans understand g**... profit
But their politicians have a good grasp on net profit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bus filled with politicians was driving on ....
.... The country road on campaign trail. Suddenly on a turn the bus veered off and hit a tree with great force. A farmer nearby rushed in, and seeing the scattered bodies proceeded to bury them with dignity.
Police arrived in few hours and proceeded to question the farmer.
Police: "Good deed you did there. So all of them died huh?"
Farmer: " You know how these politicians are. Some of them kept lying that they were alive but I'll be d**... if I believed them again"
John dies and he meets Saint Peter.
Saint Peter: "You were indeed a good man. Come, I will walk you to Heaven."
They started walking through a long hall. On the walls, there were lots and lots of watches. Curious, the man asks:
John: "What's the deal with all these watches?"
Saint Peter: "You see, these are called lying watches. Everytime someone says a lie, the arms move. Look at this one for example. It belonged to Mother Teresa. Its arms never moved, not even once. We also have lying watches for every profession of mankind. Here are the lawyers', engineers', farmers'..."
John: "What about this empty spot?"
Saint Peter: "Oh, here it used to be the politicians' watch."
John: "What happened to it?"
Saint Peter: "Jesus uses it as a fan in his office."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Parish priest
A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken i**... drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."....
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk.
"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honour of being the FIRST ONE to go to him in Confession."