Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Good puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.
Good thing it changed, since "pound metoo" would've been sending the wrong message
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."
Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic
Dad:Never said I was a good one
If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
0% of my friends are Nazis, and thats a good percentage.
2 minutes later she told me all the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.
"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."
The surgeon asks if he wants the good news or bad news first.
The man excitedly ~~replys~~ replies, "I'll take the good news first."
The surgeon tells him, "well you're about to get a new dog."
And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."
I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."
I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a hand job"
A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."
"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."
He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
A bad romance starts with a rah rah rah-ah-ah, roma roma-ma gaga ooh la la
He said, Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot.
I guess it will be 5050
When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.
After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.
Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.
Me: Tell me the bad news first doc.
Doctor: The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe.
Me: No way. Whats the good news?
Doctor: The good news is the surgery was successful.
Me: What are you trying to say?
Doctor: You now have a Tic-Tac toe.
I don't know why.
Easy. Good cops carry a Goodge.
i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle vodka and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way home
apparently this was posted before...i had no idea. a friend sent me a voice recording of someone telling it and i posted it ..sorry
It's a pretty good µ-boat.
The vet said, I have good news and bad news.
So if you're a good driver watch out.
Because with great power comes great response ability.
She replied, "don't feel bad, it's not your fault!"
Mr. E
* My 9 year old daughter came up with this, so please be kind
And I answered, because of the decepticons!
She laughed, I laughed, Alexa laughed, I shot Alexa.
It was a good time.
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"The bad news is it's brain cancer."
She asks him: "What is the capital of Germany?"
"Berlin," says the boy.
"What is the capital of France?"
"Berlin," says the boy.
"What is the capital of Russia?"
"Berlin," says the boy.
"Good job, Adolf, you'll do great on your test tomorrow."
After a few hours, C gets sloppy drunk and spills its drink all over C++. Outraged, C++ shouts, "good God C! Have you no class??"
Friend: 'How did your date go?'
Man: 'I talked too much about my obsession with simplifying fractions'
Friend: 'That wasn't a very good idea'
Man: 'Yeah, well hindsight is 1'
Crossfit
That's not a very good defence Mr Weinstein.
After a short trial, I was found not guilty.
But today is opposite day so it's all good
One said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
My girlfriend dressed up as a police woman last night and giggled "I'm arresting you for being too good in bed"
After two minutes she said she was dropping the charges due to lack of evidence.
Some days I just stay at a green light till I'm feeling good about myself.
18: can I buy a bottle of wine?
USA: no that's illegal & irresponsible
18: can I go $50,000 into debt for education?
USA: we encourage it
Hitler was good at making speeches
She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."
"That's all well and good", I replied, "but until you fix it I'm not buying the car."
Unfortunately, the site I got this joke from many months ago is now down so I can't give them the credit it deserve. But here's a different site with it anyway...
She was fined and had to pay court fees, but the good news is she still came out a few bucks ahead from if she would have bought the popcorn at the theater.
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. I think we should split up."
Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."
I bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.
To avoid that, I drank all of the rum before I left the store.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home
Onions was a good dog
now I only drink for evil
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
But so far I've made three jugs and a vase and they're lovely.
Now I drink for evil
His ears.
Oooo! I get to say it! "Front page?! Wow! Thanks y'all!" Oh yea, and "RIP my inbox"
Good times!
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: They're gonna name a disease after you.
You're good, how am I?
A redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin. Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.
Later, when his buddies at the bar ask what went wrong, he explains...
"If she ain't good enough for her daddy, her uncle, her brother, and her cousin, she ain't good enough for me!!"
I'd love to have one
I had her bent over her kitchen table, giving it to her good. When all of a sudden we heard a car door slam out front.
Oh god, she said, it's my husband. Quick, use the back door!
Well, I probably should have left at that point, but it's not an offer you get everyday...
at the bar the other night when the bar tender yelled out "Does anyone here know CPR?" I was feeling pretty good so i yelled back "I do, in fact i know the whole alphabet!" Everybody in the entire bar laughed..........except for one guy.
1. You should find a woman that helps you with the cleaning and the chores,
2. You should find a woman that is a good cook,
3. You should find a woman that you can trust and share your feelings with,
4. You should find a woman that enjoys making love to you,
5. Last and the most important thing is that these 4 women should never meet.
There were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time.
I saw that the TV was in very good condition.
"Why is it so cheap? " I asked the seller
"The volume is stuck at max, and it can't be turned down" he replied
"So everything else works?" I asked
He turned it on, and sure enough everything worked, except the volume
"So you're gonna buy it?"
"A TV for $1? Can't turn it down"
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.