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Good Investment Jokes

38 good investment jokes and hilarious good investment puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about good investment that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Good Investment Short Jokes

Short good investment jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The good investment humour may include short investment jokes also.

  1. My wife said wasting what little money we have on a lock picking set was not a good investment. But it's actually opened a lot of doors for me.
  2. I lost 50 pounds in the past month Investing money in the London stock market wasn't a good idea.
  3. When the economy is good, people drink. When the economy is bad, people drink. The moral? Invest in alcohol
  4. My grandfather gave me some sound advice when on his deathbed... "It's worth investing in good speakers." he said.
  5. I was going to invest in the Microsoft HoloLens but... ...Their projections weren't very good.
  6. Two mortgate brokers are chatting in a bar The first says, "An honest woman is a good investment."
    The other replies, "True, but a woman with no principle gets a lot of interest!"
  7. What did the financial adviser say to his client asking about if glass coffins were a good investment? "It's remains to be seen."
  8. You know a good stock to invest in right now? Clorox Bleach. The stock will be blooming come November 8th.
  9. Investing in Bitcoin is like s**... without a c**... Everyone's pushing you to do it and it feels good once it's rising, but not withdrawing in time can be costly.

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Good Investment One Liners

Which good investment one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with good investment? I can suggest the ones about invest and good sales.

  1. Why is Ireland a good investment ? Cause its capital is dublin'
  2. It's always good to invest in grappling hooks Their value is always going up
  3. i bought a waistcoat with bitcoin It was a pretty good investment
  4. What do you call it when you buy stocks of a clothing company? A good in-vest-ment
  5. Investment I still wonder if my parents knew humans are not much good of an investment
  6. Why are houseboats good investments? You'll always have liquidity.
  7. Why are LED's a good investment? Because they always diode.

Good Investment Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about good investment you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean profitable jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make good investment pranks.

A picture worth millions

A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; Let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that she invested $1,500 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. And I think she could be right."
Paul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you & your secretary."

Our government leaders have obviously never played Civ....

If they had they would know that not investing in education science and the economy coupled with an unreasonably large military is a a good way to get worked over by Gandhi later in the game.

Me: I can't believe it increased by 1500%.

Professor: I'm sick of hearing about BITCOIN! Nothing can increase by that much and still be a good investment.
Me: I was talking about the price of college tuition since 1980...

A wealthy art collector got a call from his lawyer...

Lawyer: I have good news and bad news.
Art Collector: I've had a bad day, so lets start with the good news.
Lawyer: Well, your wife has invested a couple hundred dollars in a a few pictures that she expects to get a couple million for.
Art Collector: That's great! What's the bad news?
Lawyer: Well, the pictures are of you and your secretary.

"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me.

She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.
"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.
"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."

If I've invested precious time and energy in a relationship, and I've been honest and open, hanging and coping, true blue, a good screw, to some fly guy who's out constantly getting high, then I'm dumped s**... is not one of my thoughts.
I'm thinking maybe h**....

The Art Colletor

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, "Saul, I have some good news
and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."
The attorney said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right."
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The attorney replied, "The pictures are of you with your secretary."

Art Collector

An attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."
The attorney said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $5-10 million. I think she could be right."
Paul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The attorney replied, "The pictures are of you with your secretary."

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector phoned his client......

He said, "Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news. The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day, let's hear the good news first.
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right.
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant business woman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary.

No motivation. Why bother if people don't notice my creative work?

It just seems that lately nobody really notices all the work I do. It seems like no matter how much effort i put into my works, no matter how much I invest in improving my skills via education, books, conferences, no matter how much i try to 'get in the spotlight' and display my art, people seem to just... pass it by and go on like they haven't even noticed it, not even giving it a glance or a moments thought.
I'm in a rut right now. Its hard to stay motivated and creative when all the hard work goes unnoticed, despite the pay being good.
For those wondering, i design camouflage.

A attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, "Paul, I have good news and bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."
The attorney said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $1-2 million. I think she could be right."
Paul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The attorney replied, "The pictures are of you with your secretary."

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client.

"Saul, I have some good news, and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day. Give me the good news first."
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she just invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15 million to $20 million, and I think she could be right."
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."

A lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector

A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news." The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; Let's hear the good news first." The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that she invested $1,500 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. And I think she could be right." Paul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?" The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you & your secretary."

A lawyer calls his largest client to his office for an important meeting

When he arrives, the lawyer says to the wealthy art collector client "I have some good news and some bad news".
The client grumbles "I've had an awful day. Tell me the good news".
"Your wife invested $5,000 in two pictures today. She believes they are worth at least $3 million".
"Well done!" the tycoon says with a big smile. "Good news indeed! You've made my day. So what's the bad news?"
"The two pictures are of you with your secretary".

Four guys were golfing when one gets a phone call and walks away

The other three guys start talking about how successful their sons have been. The first guy explains how his son started as an entry level stock broker, but now owns his own wealth management firm. The last time he got a friend a gift, he gave him a half-million dollar investment portfolio. The second guy then brags about his son. My son is so successful, he started out as a used car salesman but now owns his own dealership. He recently gave a friend a brand new Bentley as a birthday gift. The third guy, not to be outdone, says that his son started as a carpenter but now owns a construction company. The last gift he gave a friend was a brand new house. At this point, the fourth guy returns from his call. The other gentleman ask about his son, to which he replies "Well, I'm not too pleased with my son right now. He has been unemployed for the last year and a half, and he recently told me he is gay." As the other men look at him in horror, he continues "But he must be really good at what he does, because his last three boyfriends gave him a huge stock portfolio, and new luxury car, and a brand new house."