Good Hunting Jokes
50 good hunting jokes and hilarious good hunting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about good hunting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Good Hunting Short Jokes
Short good hunting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The good hunting humour may include short hunting jokes also.
- I watched The Hunt for Red October the other night. The characters were good… …and I really liked the subplots
- People ask, "Why do you hunt evil spirits?" It's because my doctor said exorcising would be good for me.
- What are some of your good 'fake names' Looking for some good joke names like:
Mike Hunt
Dixie Normous
Ivana fukalot
ect - A buddy of mine hasn't ever seen Good Will Hunting... I always remind him that it's not his fault.
- WANTED: Good man, about 90 years old, half blind, deaf in one ear, bad leg, no teeth, good with a gun.. To watch my wife while I'm out hunting.
- What did Robin Williams say to Good Will Hunting? I don't work with the males 'cuz I used to be one.
- I went to thrift store in search of a particular movie I was goodwill hunting Good Will Hunting
- "Oh, DUDE look at the bandages! You got bamizwa, bro?" No, just a cat with good hunting instincts.
- Why is the Queen so good at pheasant hunting? Because one can kill two birds with one's tone.
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Good Hunting One Liners
Which good hunting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with good hunting? I can suggest the ones about deer hunting and duck hunting.
- What do you call a gangster who's always on the hunt for a good deal? Al Coupon
- How does Robin Williams go thrift shopping? Good Will Hunting
- Why do Australians hunt with one eye Because a bad eye can't
But a good eye might - What do you call thrift shopping in Boston? Good Will hunting
- Why are Mexicans good at bow hunting? Because they hav-an-arrow!
:D - Female Version of Good Will Hunting "It's never your fault"
- What do you call 10 black guys in the back of a pickup? A good days hunt
- I told my mom about my recent addiction to Good Will Hunting She said it's not my fault.
Ridiculous Good Hunting Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about good hunting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hunting trip jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make good hunting pranks.
The "Buffolo Theory" of beer. A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers, and that's why beer is so good for you!
A deer hunter who was an atheist was out in the woods when suddenly a 1,000-pound deer stepped out.
"Good God!" exclaimed the hunter.
Suddenly, a voice from Heaven said, "I thought you don't believe in me."
The hunter replied, "Up until now I didn't believe in 1,000-pound deer either."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Peculiar Contest
A frenchman, an american, and an arab [NOTE: this isn't racist, you can just paste any nationality whatsoever. However, the joke works best with these three] walk into a bar and come up with a contest to see who's better.
The contest rules: you must kill a bear and have s**... with an old lady in the shortest possible time.
The frenchman walks in, and he's very good with women because he's french and all, takes 2hr to bang the grandma. But, he s**... at hunting because he's never seen a bear before and needs 6hrs to kill the bear. 8hrs.
The american is the opposite, because he's all christian and has moral obligation, while he's really good at hunting because there are lots of bears in his country. 8hrs also.
The arab walks in where the bear is, and stays in there for 7hrs. We hear grunts and loud noises. Finally, he emerges all bruised up and scarred, and proudly says: "So, where is that old lady I have to kill?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The City-Slicker and the Farmer
One year, a man who lived in the city decided to try his hand at deer hunting. He bought all the the necessary equipment, a license, and a rifle and headed out to the gamelands a good distance away from the city.
After a full day's hunting, the man spots a gorgeous buck and manages to make a clean shot. The deer runs for awhile and drops dead right in a farmer's yard. When the man goes to retrieve the deer the farmer meets him and claims that the deer is now his because it's on his land. "What are you talking about?! It took me all day to take this buck!"
The farmer looks at the man, who is obviously from the city. "Tell you what. We'll compete for it. We'll take turns k**... each other in the nuts until one of us gives up. The winner gets the deer." The man, not wanting to go home empty handed, timidly agrees.
The farmer immediately hauls back and lands a kick right in the man's groin, collapsing him. The man writhes in pain on the ground for about a minute and slowly stands up. "Okay, my turn."
The farmer says, "Nah that's ok. You can have the deer." He turns around and walks back into his house.
This has been my stand-by joke since I was about 12
Two brothers want to go deer hunting but the only land nearby is owned by a grumpy farmer.
The decide to ask him if they can hunt on his property but when they pull up in the driveway neither brother wants to go knock on the door.
They play rock-paper-scissors and the older brother loses. He walks to the door and asks the farmer if they can go hunting.
The old farmer points to a nearby corral and says "See that horse? She's been mine for 20 years. She's blind and dying and I don't have the heart to put her down. If you do that for me, you boys can hunt on my land".
The older brother agrees and while walking back to the truck he thinks of a prank to play on his younger brother.
"I'll teach that lousy no-good farmer to say no!" he exclaims. "See that horse over there? Watch this!" He levels his rifle and shoots it! He hears gunshots next to him and looks at his brother.
"I got two of his cows" yells the younger brother, "lets get out of here!"
A decides to go hunting
He asks his wife to pack his bag for him and fetch him the shotgun. A short while later his wife returns with the goods, telling him she will be going to town later on and the part ways.
Out in the woods the man suddenly spots the biggest buck he'd ever seen, he ruffles through his bag, looking for shells but when he takes his hand out: tampons... Furious he races home and waits for his wife. When she gets home he explains what happened. For a minute the wife looks puzzled, then with a shock tells him that she thought it was weird when she sneezed at the busstop and the guy behind her dropped dead.
Sorry for my english/wording. I hope it doenst ruin the joke!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Vampire died and was in the process of being reincarnated...
They asked him, "What would you like to have in your next lifetime?"
"Drinking blood is good but I don't like hunting, ideally I'd like to have a easy supply of fresh blood."
"Alright."
"I also like turning into a bat and flying, so let me retain wings.", he said.
"Noted."
"One last thing, my dark complexion seems to scare people too much, can I turn into something white?"
"Sure thing."
**p**...**
He became a m**... pad.
The three most important things to have in a survival situation.
Every survival kit needs to have three things.
1) A zippo: Trusty lighter to start fires to cook food and keep warm.
2) A good knife: Something to be able to help build a shelter and hunt.
3) A standard deck of playing cards: As soon as you realize you're stranded, deal out a game of solitaire on the ground. About half way through your game, someone will come up behind you and say "That can go there." Boom, you're saved.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Good Natured Hunter
Two old fellows are out hunting. The one with the gun sees a buck, broadside, and glistening in the sunlight. Just as he is about to take the shot they see a f**... procession going along a road in the distance. The fellow lowers his gun and tips his hat at the procession - and the deer runs off into the woods. The other fellow says, "Wow, I didn't know you had such compassion for the dead." The old fellow responds, "Well, I just thought that it was the right thing to do - after all, if she'd made another week, we'd have been married for 40 years."
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head go hunting
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are staying at a hunting lodge in the country. At the end of the first day they're all gathered around the fireplace talking about how their hunting went. The red head tells the group that she'd shot a gorgeous 16-point buck that day. The blonde and brunette, both amazed, ask how she managed such a good kill.
"It's easy! I followed some tracks and--BAM--shot the buck."
With this advice in hand the blonde and brunette go out the next day. Back at the lodge, the blonde finds out that the brunette had shot an amazing 20-point buck. The blonde is flabbergasted and asks how the brunette found such a nice buck.
"Simple! I followed some tracks and followed some tracks and--BAM--shot a buck."
So the next morning the blonde, determined to find and kill an even better buck, goes out for the hunt. She follows some tracks and follows some tracks and--BAM--gets hit by a freight train.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two bear hunters...
... are sitting around the campfire after a long, successful day of bear hunting. They had just finished cleaning and gutting their bears when the first bear hunter declares, "I gotta p**...." So he runs off into the woods to do his business.
An hour passes, and the second bear hunter begins to worry about his friend. Eventually, bear hunter number two goes to find his missing companion. Not far into the woods he finds hunter number one squatted down in the woods, pants down, and fast asleep.
The second bear hunter decided to play a prank on bear hunter number one. He went back to the campsite, grabbed all the bear guts he could carry and placed them under the squatted haunches of bear hunter number one. With a smile, the second bear hunter returned to camp.
After a short while, the first bear hunter returns to the campsite in a sweat.
"Dude, I literally just crapped my guts out. It was only thanks to the good grace of god and a big stick that I got 'em back in."
The buffalo theory of beer joke
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers, and that's why beer is so GOOD for you!
Bearable
There was a guy who went bear hunting. When he finally got close to a bear he went to aim and his rifle jammed. The bear charged him and he hollered: Wait a minute Mr. Bear my gun is jammed . The bear said OK we can talk this over. The man said Woo sounds great, well Mr. Bear I was only hunting for a new fur coat for the winter that is coming up. The Bear said That sounds good, because I was looking for a good meal before I hibernate for the winter myself. SO THEY LEFT THE MEETING WITH BOTH WISHES SATISFIED.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
man and woman relationship
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be s**... here at seven o'clock every night.. whether you're here or not."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a good friend shot in the head today
we were at a popular hunting spot and he asked me what i liked to hunt. I said duck. In retrospect, i should have said 'duck'!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Typical macho man...
...married a typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "Nope, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be s**... here at seven o'clock every night...... whether you're here or not."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding,
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be s**... here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be s**... here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
ypical macho man married typical good-looking lady
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be s**... here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the original 'Good Will Hunting' script, there is a surprise gay s**... scene between the two straight leads. It was purposely put there as a test to see if studios actually read the script. Harvey Weinstein was the only producer who mentioned the scene
Weinstein said that the s**... scene usually takes place before he approves a movie
The new king was an animal lover
The new king was an animal lover. So much so that he issued an edict that there would be no hunting of any animals while he was king. People had mixed feelings, but the king was so good to them that they obeyed his command. That is, until the kingdom was overrun with animals of all types...
The people gathered and talked and decided this couldn't go on. The king wouldn't change his mind, so the people chose to overthrown the king....
It was the only time in history that the reign was called on account of the game....
Arnold Schwarzenegger goes back to Austria for Easter Break.
When he returns to California his friend says to him, "Arnie, I heard you went back home to Austria for Easter. How was it?"
Arnie replied : "Oh it was terrible! My Father ruined the Easter Egg hunt, he put all of the eggs in awful places and nobody could find any eggs and quite generally, we all had an awful day."
His colleague then says, "Oh Arnie that's no good at all, I'm sorry to hear! Does that mean you don't love easter anymore?"
Arnie: "Oh no,of course not! I still love Easter, baby."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Newspaper personal advertisement section:
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Will lick you all over. Call (x**...) x**...-xxxx and ask for Daisy.
*Over the week over 1,500 men from all over the country called for Daisy the Black Labrador Retriever.*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Below is an ad that appeared in The Atalanta Journal.
Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips; cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call this number and ask for Dixie.
(Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three lawyers go on a hunting trip…
Two were from Germany, the third was Czechoslovakian. They were about two days into their hunting trip, having a good ol' time when two bears come out of nowhere and devoured the three hunters.
Crime scene investigation was called in after a couple of hikers stumbled across the b**... campsite, and the detective came to the conclusion that the two Germans were eaten up by the female bear.
When asked how he knew, he pointed behind a tent where the second bear was sprawled out dead, with a foot sticking out, and he said, 'well, if you do a dna test, you'll find that the Czech is in the male.'
Thank you. I'm here all night.