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Good Excuse Jokes

48 good excuse jokes and hilarious good excuse puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about good excuse that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Good Excuse Short Jokes

Short good excuse jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The good excuse humour may include short excuse jokes also.

  1. A Saudi woman in a doctor's clinic. Doctor: Mrs Saud there's a good news for you.
    Woman: Excuse me, it's Miss Saud not Mrs Saud.
    Doctor: Miss Saud there's a bad news for you.
  2. Having a big nose isn't a good enough excuse to not wear a mask. Take me for example. I still wear underwear.
  3. At my trial the judge asked me how i justified using force to get women to sleep with me... Apparently "Because I'm a Jedi" wasn't a good enough excuse
  4. A Man to a lady sitting next to him in flight. Man: "Which perfume do you use ? It smells good. I want to buy one for my wife."
    Lady: "Please don't. Some idiot will have an excuse to talk to her."
  5. Always making up excuses isn't a good thing. I wish i could explain why but i have broken my finger.
  6. I unexpectedly had a good time today. I was sitting next to a blonde on the train and as my station was coming up I said;
    "Please excuse me, I'd like to get off".
  7. My boss is mad that I was late to work today I guess having a flat tire isn't a good excuse when you work from home.
  8. Looks like Subway finally has a good excuse for their footlongs being less than 12 inches Anything under 12 is better for Jared.
  9. What's a good excuse for peeing in the shower? Those things happen naturally when you are taking a dump
  10. Doctor: Your night grinding isnt good Me: Excuse me! But ive never had a man complain before!!!

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Good Excuse One Liners

Which good excuse one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with good excuse? I can suggest the ones about making excuses and excuses for work.

  1. Stigmata: *not* a good excuse for calling in sick to work, it turns out.

Good Excuse joke, Stigmata:

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about good excuse can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of good excuse puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Howlingly Hilarious Good Excuse Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about good excuse you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean excuses are like jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make good excuse prank.

There's a man speeding on the road and a police officer is chasing him for miles.

The man finally stops and the officer tells him, "When you see those lights and hear those sirens, you are supposed to stop!" The man says, "Well, I had a good excuse to keep driving." The officer says, "I've heard every excuse in the book, but if it's one I haven't heard, I'll let you go." The man says, "Well a few days ago, my wife ran off with one of your officers, and I was afraid you were trying to bring her back." So the officer let him go.

A gentleman is preparing to board a plane, when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight.

“This is exciting,” thinks the gentleman. “Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.” Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him. Shortly after take-off, the Pope begins a crossword puzzle. Almost immediately, the Pope turns to the gentleman and says, “Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in ‘unt?’” Only one word leaps to mind. “My goodness,” thinks the gentleman, “I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another word.” The gentleman thinks for quite a while, and then it hits him. Turning to the Pope, the gentleman says, “I think the word you're looking for is ‘aunt.’” “Of course,” says the Pope. “Do you have an eraser?”

A gentleman wanders around the campus of a school looking for the library.


He approaches a student and asked, “Excuse me young man. Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?”
The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, “I sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!”
The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone replied, “I beg your pardon.
Please allow me to rephrase my question.
Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, idiot?”

A man is moaning to his mate that he never has any luck with pulling women.


His mate tells him he has a chat up line that never fails, no matter how good looking the women are he always ends up in bed with them.
Great says his mate, what is it!
Just walk up to any woman you fancy and say, "Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion! Does this damp piece of cloth smell like chloroform to you?"

On the day of my big job interview I woke up late.


Frantically I threw on a suit.
"OH NO!" I thought. "MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn't there to help me, and for the life of me, I did not know how to tie a tie!"
I grabbed a tie and ran out the door.
"Excuse me sir," I said to the crossing guard, "I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!"
"Sure," said the guard, "just lie down on this bench."
Well if someone was going to help me I wasn't going to ask any questions.
After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down.
"Well in my previous job I learned how to tie ties on other people when they were lying down." he replied.
"What was your previous job?" I asked incredulously.
"I ran a morgue." was the reply.

Gentleman's way

"Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the restroom?" the teacher asked. "Just a minute, I have to go pee," he said. The teacher replied, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you, Paul, how would you say it?" "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very mannerly to say the word 'bathroom' at the table." "And you, Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?" I would say, "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment. I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

May I have a piece of gum?

Two gay guys are in a large passenger plane flying across the Pacific. In the middle of the flight, one turns and tells his partner: "Let's have s**.... Right here and now." His partner says: "Are you crazy? In front of all these people?" The first gay guy says: "Don't worry. They're all asleep. Here, see for yourself." He leans out into the aisle and yells: "Excuse me, can anybody let me have a piece of gum?" There's no answer or any kind of interest. His partner is convinced and they have s**... right then and there.
The plane lands and as the passengers are disembarking there is a stewardess by the exit asking everyone if they had a good flight. One man says, "The flight was fine but I have a horrible headache". The stewardess says: "Oh you poor thing, why didn't you ask for some aspirin?" And the man says: "Are you kidding? I saw what happened to that poor guy who asked for a piece of gum."

The Polite Way to Pee 

a friend sent this to me on whatsapp today.
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" 
Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' 
The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 😶
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. 
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners? 
Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.' 
The teacher fainted...

Out on the Town

A man is standing n**... on a street corner.
A cop walks up and tells him "Sir you can't be doing that here unless you have a good excuse, I am going to take you to jail."
Yes Sir I have a good excuse. I was at my girlfriend's apartment... we started drinking... next thing you know she jumps up and says... "Lets get n**... and go to town. "
I guess I beat her here.

The Tallest Boy

As the Principal made his rounds during the first day of school, he could hear a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms.
He quickly rushed in and spotted one boy, much taller than the others, who appeared to be making the most noise.
He seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to remain there until he was excused.
Returning to the classroom, the Principal restored order and lectured the students for quite some time on the importance of good behavior.
"Now," he said, "are there any questions?"
One girl stood up timidly and asked, "Yes, sir. May we please have our teacher back?"

A visitor to Harvard asks a professor...

A visitor to Harvard asks a professor, "Excuse me, but would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at?"
"Sir," came the sneering reply, "at Harvard we do not end a sentence with a preposition."
"Well, in that case, forgive me," said the visitor. "Permit me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at, j**...?"

There are three friends in a boat...

There are three friends in a boat and their names are Nobody, Nothing and Crazy. While the three friends were sailing on their boat, a huge wave strikes the boat and Nobody was taken by the wave and thrown into the ocean. After seeing his good friend in danger of losing his life, Nothing quickly turns to Crazy and says "Hurry up and call the police!". Crazy then proceeds to dial 911 and the dispatcher answers and asks him what the problem is. Crazy yells, "Help, I am calling for Nothing because Nobody fell into the ocean!". Dumbfounded, the dispatcher asks, "Excuse me sir, but are you crazy?". To this Crazy responds, "Yes, how did you know?".

A guy has a wasps nest in his garage

He goes to the hardware store and finds a can of spray that says it's for hornets, so he finds an employee just to check if it'll work on wasps.
"Excuse me, is this spray good for wasps?"
"No sir, it kills them."

the duck and the store

A duck walks into a store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager says no, so the duck leaves. The next day the duck goes back to the store and again asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager says, "NO, we don't sell grapes!" so the duck leaves. The next day the duck returns with the same question and the manager shouts, "No, we do not sell grapes! And if you come back and ask me that again I'll nail your beak to the floor!"
The next day the duck goes back to the store and says, "Excuse me, do you sell nails at this store?" The manager says, "No, we don't sell nails." The duck replies, "That's good. Do you sell grapes?"

Table manners

Teacher:"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
Teacher: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
Teacher:'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'
Johnny: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'

Kevin is woken up for school.

Kevin is woken up by his mother.
"Rise and shine, Kevin! Time to go to school!"
"But mom, I don't want to get up."
"No, you're getting up now, no excuses."
"Name me two good reasons for why I should get up now and go to school.."
"First of all: You're 54. And second of all, you're the principal!"
*Source: Hamburger Abendblatt issue #124*

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding...

.....but the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. The man eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behaviour, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "Last year my wife ran away with a cop. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"

Excuse me, sir, have you seen a police officer around?

Excuse me, sir, have you seen a police officer around?
-
No, not a soul, actually.
-
Very good, now give me your wallet, watch and laptop!

A man at a f**... Interrupts the priest and says, "Excuse me, do you have the WiFi password?"

The priest stares at him and says, "Good God man, have some decency. This is your mother's f**...!"
The man replies, "Is that all lower case?"

Two scientists walk into a bar

The first one says "I'll have some H2O"
The second one says "I'll have some water too, but you do realise you don't have to use the chemical term outside if the lab, right?"
The first scientist excuses himself to the bathroom, where he cries for a good give minutes, saddened because his m**... plan failed

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship steering wheel between his legs

Bartender: Excuse me good sir but I believe you have a steering wheel stuck between your legs.
Pirate: Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrhhhh it's drivin' me nuts!

A traffic cop in a small town stopped a motorist for speeding.

"but Officer," said the driver, "I can explain-"
Save your excuses," said the cop. "You can cool your heels in jail till the chief gets back."
"But Officer..."
"Quiet!" snapped the cop. "You're going to jail the chief will deal with you when he gets back."
A few hours later the officer looks in at the prisoner. "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. It means he'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," said the prisoner. "I'm the groom."

A cop lights me up for speeding

Im driving down the road and a cop lights me up
So I took off and made him chase me awhile..
Finally I give up and pull over.
The cop walks up and says, "Look, its the end of my tour, Im tired,
I dont feel like doing paperwork, If you give me a good excuse, Ill let ya go"
So I say "Last week my girl left me and ran off with a cop,
I thought you were trying to bring her back"

A guy knocks on an old ladies door

He says excuse me, I think I've killed your cat I just ran over it in the street but I'd like to offer to replace it. She looks at him and says how good are you at catching mice?

Good pickup line.

Two male flies are buzzing around the farmyard when they spot a female fly landing on a fresh pile of cow dung.
The one fly says, "Wow, she is cute! I'm going to try to talk to her, wish me luck."
He swoops down, lands right next to her and says, "Excuse me Miss, is this stool taken?"

A policeman pulls over a guy for speeding

The officer walks up to him and says "look buddy, its 16:50 on a Friday night and I knock off in 10 mins. I really don't want to be filling in paperwork so tell you what? Give me a good excuse for speeding away from me, and I'll let you go. The man thinks for a second and says "my wife ran off with a cop last week. I was afraid you were trying to give her back "
"Have a nice weekend, sir!"

A lady walks into a restaurant

When she sits down she ask the waiter,
Excuse me, what is the food of the day?
Well ma'am we are serving a 250 gram Angus eye fillet steak.
Well I'll get that medium rare.
The waiter walks away and comes back 10 minutes later with the steak. He places it down and she bites into the steak. Furious she asks for the chef who cooked the steak steak to come over for a chat.
Good evening ma'am, what is the problem?
Well I asked for this steak to be medium rare but it is well done.
Why thank you ma'am.

My friend said he hasn't had s**... because he's a child of God.

I said mate, that's not a good enough excuse. Jesus was a child of god and he still got nailed.

A professor was starting to read and grade the immense stack of term papers on his desk....

....when a young man approached his desk.
Here's my paper, sir, said the student.
I'm sorry, young man. That paper was due yesterday, and I do not accept late submissions.
Well, excuse me, sir, the student said, haughtily. Do you know who I am?
No, I do not, replied the professor.
Good! the student answered gleefully, as he hastily stuck his paper into the middle of the stack and beat a hasty retreat.

"Excuse me sir, does your dog bite?"

"Naw, he never bites. He's very sweet."
"Aw, who's a good boy? Who's ... OW! UGH, s**...! I'm BLEEDING! YOU SAID YOUR DOG NEVER BITES!!"
"That ain't my dog."

A customer is at a sporting goods store.

Customer in sporting goods store: Excuse me, do you sell cockroaches?
Clerk: Yes we sell them to the fisherman.
Customer: I would like 20,000 of them.
Clerk: What would you want with 20,000 cockroaches?
Customer: I'm moving tomorrow and my lease says I must leave my apartment in the condition in which I found it.

An old war general is at a banquet by himself

A young woman says to her friend
"He looks lonely, I wonder how long it has been since he has been with a woman"
She walks over to him and says "excuse me when was the last time you had s**..."
He replies 1955. She replies i will change that for you. They have s**... and she is amazed how good he is. After s**... she says "I can't believe how good you are after all this time." He looks at his watch and says "its only 2230."

A woman goes into a restaurant for her lunch break.

She sees a man sitting at a table, alone with his bowl of tomato soup. Politely she asks him: "Excuse me, sir, is this seat taken? Mind if I join you?" He answers: "No problem, ma'am. But I have to warn you, I'm a very messy eater!" She smiles and sits down, and says: "Then it was a good idea to wear a red shirt when eating tomato soup, wasn't it?" He answers: "Nope, I'm NOT wearing a red shirt..."

A man is returning to his seat in the movie theater after visiting the toilets.

"Excuse me," he says to the lady sitting beside the aisle, "Did I step on your foot when I went out?"
"Yes you did," says the lady angrily.
"Oh good," says the man, "that means I'm in the right row."

A Saudi woman goes into a doctor's clinic

Doctor: Mrs Saud there's some good news for you.
Woman: Excuse me, it's Miss Saud not Mrs Saud.
Doctor: Pardon me. Miss Saud, there's some bad news for you.

John was at the grocery store buying beer for poker night with his buddies

When he is in the frozen food section a voluptuous redhead approaches him and says:
Excuse me, I think you are the father of one of my kids
John replied: ohhh, we're you that redhead that I banged in the bathroom at Shannon's a couple of years back?, you certainly look good
The redhead replied: No sir…, I'm a kindergartner teacher and I teach Timmy, your 5 year old son…

Good Excuse joke, John was at the grocery store buying beer for poker night with his buddies

jokes about good excuse

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these good excuse jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.