Good Audience Jokes
17 good audience jokes and hilarious good audience puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about good audience that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Good Audience Short Jokes
Short good audience jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The good audience humour may include short audience jokes also.
- Instead of "guys", use "comrades" in your talks at conferences. It's a good way to get the audience. And maybe automatic recording.
- The rain and the karaoke contest The rain entered the karaoke contest. The rain won first place, and had such good singing, the audience wanted an enpour.
- So, Midas actually had a pretty good musical career. He always knew how to bring in an [Au]dience.
Share These Good Audience Jokes With Friends
Good Audience Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about good audience you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tough crowd jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make good audience pranks.
Mr Bestetti, we have carried a lot of prostitutes here, but I don't remember ever seeing such an old, ugly and spiteful one
It's 10 pm and a rich businessman, Mr. Bestetti, is working at his home office when his wife enters the room shouting: "I have talked with our priest, he told me everything! You cheat on me by going to the s**...! I am going to go to the lawyer and get a divorce, and you'll give me half of everything, even of our offshore secret bank account!"
To this the husband replies: "No, darling. I actually only go to the club when I have worked for long hours with a foreign businessman. At the end of the day he is tired, doesn't know what to do, so I accompany him and leave him there."
The wife doesn't seem convinced, so she asks to go to the s**... with her husband and check. The husband reluctantly agrees.
At the entrance, the bouncer greets them: "Good evening Mr. Bestetti!" The husband quickly explains to his wife: "This bouncer is actually the brother of one of my employees, I found him this job, that's why he knows me and greets me so kindly."
In the hall, a waitress also greets them and says: "I will give you your favourite table, Mr Bestetti, right in front of the stage." The wife starts shouting, but Mr Bestetti silences her: "I am a very important businessman. The waitress is just showing me respect and giving me a special table."
Inside, another waitress approaches them, brings a cigar to Mr Bestetti and says: "Here's your favourite cigar, Mr Bestetti." The wife is getting quite angry, but he immediately clarifies: "She also works at the tobacconist near my office during the day, that's why she knows which cigars I prefer."
Meanwhile, a group of girls is dancing and on the stage. At the end, the nicest girl remains on her own on the stage and starts removing all of her clothes. At the end she gets her underwear off, holds it up and asks the audience: "To whom shall I gif them?" To which the audience responds in a chorus: "To Mr Bestetti!"
The wife gets mad and starts shouting to her husband. "Cheater! b**...! You were lying to me all along!" she says, before storming out of the building and jumping in a taxi.
Mr Bestetti follows her quickly and manages to enter the same taxi, but she keeps screaming and also repeatedly hitting him with her purse.
After a while, the taxi driver turns back and says: "Mr Bestetti, we have carried a lot of prostitutes here, but I don't remember ever seeing such an old, ugly and spiteful one!
A son asks his father 'what's a joke?'
'It's when you disparage any group with whom you disagree, confirming the existing bias of you and your audience.'
'But Mum says jokes satirise our shared biases, prompting us to think differently.'
'Well what would she know, women aren't funny.'
'Oh dad, you've got such a good sense of humour. I wonder why Mum divorced you?'
He got his name, how exactly?
In the movie Rocky , it's explained by our hero, the reason why you would call a left handed fighter, a southpaw - reason being that this one left handed fighter from the south, would point his left paw to the south, reminding the audience that he was a southern boy.
That's all good and fine, I just hope mr. Eastwood didn't get his name in a similar way...
A old man was sitting in the front row at a town meeting, heckling the mayor as he delivered a long speech.
Finally the mayor could stand it no longer, so he pointed to the heckler and said, "will that gentleman please stand up and tell the audience what he has ever done for the good of the city."
"Well Mr. Mayor," the man said in a firm voice. "I voted against you in the last election."
s**... with Ghost
A professor at the University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'
About 90 students raise their hands.
Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'
About 40 students raise their hands.
That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'
About 15 students raise their hand.
Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'
Three students raise their hands.
That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'
Way in the back, a young Arab student raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.
You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'
The Arab student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, dear, tell us what it's like to have s**... with a
ghost?'
The student replied, "Wallah Habibi, from back there I thought you said "Goats."
The famous psychic
A famous psychic was giving a show.
"How many of you have seen a ghost?" he said to the large audience. Several hands went up.
"Several of you, good. Now, keep your hand up if you've \*touched\* a ghost." All but a few hands go down.
"Ok, now keep your hand up if you've had \*s**...\* with a ghost." There's gasps and nervous laughter. Everybody's hands go down, except one.
The psychic is surprised but curious. He runs over. "You sir, stand up. You've actually had \*s**...\* with a ghost!"
"Oh! I thought you said goat."
An american was invited to a conference in France as a speaker.
He was not speaking French at all but being a smart guy and wanting to impress the audience he learns by heart his entire speech in French.
When his moment come, he goes on the stage and realizes he completely forgot the introduction. So he looks around the room and notices the toilets in the back and ... Eureka! That's it: "Ladies and Gentlemen".
After the speech and the applause, follows the cocktail, he meets a French colleague and asks him how was it. The French guy says:
It was fantastic; your French is really good but you know ... in France we never start a speech with "Toilettes et Pissoirs".
At a conference for the arcane and supernatural...
The speaker is interested in the supernatural experiences that the audience members may have been through. "Raise your hand if you have ever seen a ghost" About 80% of the audience raises their hand. "Great" says the speaker "now keep your hand raised if you have spoken to a ghost" Half of them lower their hands. "Ok this is good, now has anyone here had any actual physical contact with a ghost"? Only about ten people still have their hands raised, the excitement of the speaker is palpable "Now, has anyone here ever made love to a ghost"? All hands go down, except for o**... right up the back of the auditorium. "WOW that is amazing sir, please could you come up on to the stage". The man slowly makes his way to the stage, slightly nervous about the attention he is getting. "Sir could you please tell us what that experience was like, to make love to a ghost"? The man edges closer to the microphone and says "ghost? I'm sorry I thought you said GOAT"!
An illusionist was employed to entertain the guests of a cruise ship.
He had a handful of good tricks he performed quite well and because there was a new audience every other week or so, he didn't have to worry about coming up with new ones. The trouble came when the Captain's talking parrot, after watching the same show time and time again, started to figure the tricks out and then proceed to ruin the shows by shouting out loud things like: - There's a mirror on the side of that box! He's hiding the card up his sleeve! and so on. The illusionist was outraged but could not do anything to the Capitan's beloved pet.One unfortunate night the ship sunk. All that was left was a lifeboat with the parrot on one end, and the illusionist, on the other end, giving the bird occasional spiteful looks. After two days of drifting, during which the parrot wouldn't take his suspecting look off the angry but exhausted man, the bird finally exclaimed: OK, OK, I GIVE UP !!! WHERE IS THE SHIP ???!!!
Wife takes husband to s**... club for his bday....
A wife decides to reward his good husband for his bday by taking him to a s**... club.
As they walk in the doorman says "welcome Mr. Howard", wife stares at husband with a surprised look, as they sit down the waitress comes over and says "scotch on the rocks Mr Howard", wife starts getting angry, the stripper comes out and starts her routine, as she gets to finale, she asked the audience "who gets the last one", the crowd yells "Mr Howard of course!!", wife gets up and leaves, as they get into the cab she lets the husband have it. The cab driver turns around and says "Mr Howard, you got a feisty one tonight~~"
Intimate With A Ghost
A professor at the University is giving a seminar on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks them, "How many folk here believe in ghosts?"
About 80 students raise their hands.
"That's a good start," says the professor, "For those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good," continues the professor, "I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
15 students raise their hands.
"That's a great response," remarks the impressed professor, "has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
3 students raise their hands.
"Brilliant. But let me ask you one question further...
Have any of you ever been intimate with a ghost?"
One of his students from a r**... state raises his hand.
The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed that.
You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The r**... student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor asks, "Well, tell us what it's like to have made love to a ghost."
The student replies, "Ghost?!? Dang it... I thought you said 'goats.'
There was once a poetry competition...
and it was down to the final two contestants. The first was an English Lit professor from Harvard while the second was a country boy from the back woods of Alabama who had somehow made it that far.
For the finals the moderator says "Gentleman, I will now ask each of you to create a poem using the word 'Timbuctu.' Good luck and may the best man win. Harvard, you may go first."
The professor takes the stage, stands there for a second, clears his t**... and says -
"Across the burning desert sands, winds a lonely caravan.
Camels traveling two by two, destination Timbuctu"
The audience is thoroughly impressed and considers the competition practically over, but Alabama still gets his shot.
He slowly takes the stage and scratches his head for a minute before beginning-
"A camping me and Tim we went,
Met three girls in a pop-up tent,
They were three and we were two,
So I bucked one and Tim bucked two"
The Magician and the Parrot
There was magician on a cruise ship, and he was really good.
He was performing the highlight of his show when a parrot walked onstage and squawked, ''It's in his sleeve!''
The magician chased the bird away.
The next day the magician was performing his highlight again (in front of a smaller audience) when the parrot walked onstage and declared, ''It's in his pocket!''
The next day, as he was performing the highlight, he saw the parrot in the crowd. But before the parrot could ruin the magic trick, the boat crashed into a rock and sank.
The magician was lucky enough to find a board to hang on to. On the other end of the board was the parrot.
They stared at each other for three full days, neither of them saying anything, when suddenly the parrot said, ''I give up, what'd you do with the ship?''
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer:
Change the last line of the Lord’s prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities.
The Pope declined.
2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again.
This time with a 50 million dollar offer.
Again the Pope declined.
A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts.
At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format.
The good news is… that we have 100 million dollars for charities.
The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!