Gonna Jokes
148 gonna jokes and hilarious gonna puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gonna that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover why Wednesdays were made for Gonna Jokes! Read through the funniest gonna jokes around and have a good old laugh when you hear "I was gonna... but then I decided to come dancin'".
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Funniest Gonna Short Jokes
Short gonna jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gonna humour may include short wont jokes also.
- The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens. Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.
- My wife found out i was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding... She got so mad and said she's never gonna play scrabble with me ever again
- I've just started to read a horror novel in braille. Something bad is gonna happen. I can feel it.
- If I ever go to prison, I'm gonna change my name to mitochondria... I want everyone to know I'm the powerhouse of the cell.
- Lots of guys aren't too happy with getting a "dad bod" eventually in life. But I'd say im pretty excited for it Because it's the closest thing I'm gonna get to having a father figure in my life
- I bought my son a puppy for his birthday, but I accidentally backed over him in the driveway and killed him... Sure is gonna be tough raising this puppy without him.
- My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it. She's gonna love this pack of playing cards.
- I planned a date with this girl at the gym today, but she didn't show up that's when I knew we weren't gonna work out
- Doctor: I've got good news, and bad news Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: They're gonna name a disease after you. - What's NNN? Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
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Gonna One Liners
Which gonna one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gonna? I can suggest the ones about will and takin.
- What did mike tyson say to Vincent van Gogh?? You gonna eat that?
- For health reasons, my doctor says I should avoid trans fats I'm gonna miss tumblr
- Roses are red, Cellos are brown Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down ;)
- A pregnant teen and her baby is thinking the same thing... "My mom is gonna kill me."
- What do you get when you eat 3.14 slice of cake? Diabetes.
- I'm thinking of opening a pre-owned clock store... I'm gonna call it 'Second Hand'.
- The next person to show me that dress... ...is gonna get a white and gold eye.
- I was gonna tell a joke about Electricity, But I forgot Watt it was.
- I was gonna tell a priest joke... But it would probably rub some kids the wrong way.
- Women are like a box of chocolates You never know which ones gonna have nuts
- I've heard like eight cancer jokes today... If I hear another one it's gonna benign
- I need Jesus in my life This lawn aint gonna cut itself
- I'm gonna open a Pho restaurant that never closes! It's called Twenty Pho Seven
- I have a joke on kobe Bryant. But I'm afraid it's not gonna land very well
- How are cats like empty wine bottles? I'm probably gonna die surrounded by both.
Gonna Give Jokes
Here is a list of funny gonna give jokes and even better gonna give puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- TIL that Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He's never gonna give you Up
- fire the chauffeur! Wife: "I'm gonna fire our chauffeur!!! He's such a pathetic driver, this is the third time he almost got me killed...."
Husband: "Dear, lets give him another chance." - Rick Astley asked for my Disney films the other day. I said, you can have Cars and Toy Story, but I'm never gonna give you Up.
- So I heard the new Iphone is gonna have that new Stephen King movie preloaded onto it. Yeah. X is gonna give IT to ya.
- Baby, I'm gonna love you like a snowstorm... I'm gonna give you 10" and you won't be able to leave the house for three days.
- When a Gamestop employee dies and goes to Heaven... Do you think God says "Well you have 3,000 good deeds, but I'm only gonna give you credit for 14 of them."
- Where is the best place to hide if you are running from the police Rick astleys house he's never gonna give you up
- Rick Astley's releasing a new song lamenting the 'Brexit' result... It's titled:
Never Gonna Give EU Up - Rick. Rick is a total lover of Pixar movies. He will lend you any title except for one.
He is never gonna give you Up. - I have a math exam My mom said she will give me 200$ if I pass.
My dad said he will give me 500$ if I pass.
I'm gonna get 1000$ after passing that easy exam,Wish me luck.
I Was Gonna Jokes
Here is a list of funny i was gonna jokes and even better i was gonna puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man tells his wife before he goes to bed, "I'm gonna go get your aspirin" The wife says, "Aspirin? I don't have a headache."
"Ah, HAH!!" The man exclaimed - Guy: I'm hungover Girl: Stop flirting with me on the walkie talkies, someone's gonna hear us. Over.
- With the Zika virus and how much hooking up happens in the Olympic Village.. The Special Olympics are gonna be awesome in 12 to 14 years.
- My computer crashed a few hours into writing my paper looks like I'm gonna have to write my name and the date again
- I got booed off stage on open mic night because of my terrible Schwarzenegger impersonation but I'm not gonna let that get to me.... I'll return
- What did the kamikaze flight instructor tell his students? I'm only gonna show you this once
- How do viking ships communicate with each other? Norse code
I'm gonna keep making these jokes until one blows up - Girlfriend: Oh no how am I gonna tell dad I'm pregnant? Me: Leave that to me
*later at dinner*
Her dad: *coughs* I need water
Me: Oh no! Grandpa needs water! - I learned a few things today. 1. I'm gonna be a dad!
2. I'm gonna be an uncle!
3. My sisters not on the pill. - So, i wanted to know what my weight was. 'Holding your belly in is not gonna make you lighter' my wife said.
But how am i supposed to see the numbers?
Hilarious Gonna Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about gonna you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean outta jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gonna pranks.
Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.
You see, it used to get cold outside
A joke I wrote in the style of Mitch Hedberg...
I'm gonna change my name to 'marriage,' man.
That way, all those girls out there can be saving themselves for *me*!
What did the man say when he couldn't get the gun to fire?
"Looks like I'm gonna have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor: I have the results of your test. You're gonna have to stop m**....
Me: Oh no! Why doctor?"
Doctor: Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
my wife finally agreed to a t**..., on the condition that she picks the girl
i replied "nah, honey, i'm gonna pick both of them"
A man is sitting at the doctor's office
As he is doing this, he playfully rotates the wedding ring on his finger. An older gentleman across from him beckons and whispers "Son, there ain't no combination that's gonna unlock that thing".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just before my girlfriend and I had s**... for the first time...
I told her I was gonna give her 9 inches. Just as long as she was willing to take 3 inch payments
My grandmother laughed when I said I was gonna build a car out of spaghetti.
She wasn't laughing when I drove pasta.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dentist: This is gonna hurt a little. Me: Ok.
Dentist: I've been sleeping with your mom.
I'm gonna start a company where I drive people around to haunted places.
It'll be called Ghost Bus Tours
Jesus at Last Supper
*breaks bread* This is my body
*pours wine* This is my blood
*opens jar of mayo*...
Judas: I'm gonna stop u right there
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It's gonna take me a little while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick.
My credit card was stolen today
I don't think I'm gonna do anything about it. So far he's spending way less than my wife does.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a stepfather walks in on his stepdaughter
a stepfather walks into his stepdaughter's room, as he walks in he sees his stepdaughter pleasuring herself with a cucumber, in disgust he leaves her room as fast as possible
he then says,"d**... I was gonna eat that!..................
now it will taste like cucumber"
So God creates Adam...
...and soon after he notices that Adam is lonely.
God says "Do not fear, my child. For I will create a partner to accompany you and man from this time forth. She will be known, as a woman."
God continues "She will be obedient, loyal, passionate and nurturing."
Adam hesitates..
"What is this gonna cost me?" Adam asks.
God responds "An arm and a leg."
Adam retorts "What can I get for a rib?"
My wife and I were lying in bed the other day...
My hands were slowly finding their way across her body.
I whispered, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman in the world."
She whispered back, "I'll miss you."
A man with a gun walks in to a bar...
He unholsters the weapon and waves it in the air, shouting, "I have a 45 caliber Colt 1911 with 7 rounds in the magazine and one in the chamber, and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife!"
A voice from the back shouts, "you're gonna need more ammo!"
Having dinner last night, my six-year-old turned to me and said, 'Dad, when I grow up, I'm gonna marry you.'
We laughed about it. Then my wife said, 'Don't make the same mistake I did.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girl, are you a termite?
Because you're gonna get a mouthful of wood tonight
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old h**... joke
Some time ago, a medium contacted h**...'s spirit by accident. Out of curiosity, he decided to listen to what h**... had to say.
"Listen to my words, you little brat: I'm gonna reincarnate someday, and I'm gonna kill six million Jews and two dogs".
"Why the two dogs?" the medium replied.
"See, nobody cares about the Jews!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a man goes to a library and asks for a book on s**............
Librarian stares at him for a while, then asks: Who's gonna bring it back ?
I'm not gonna make fun of my grandfather's driving skills anymore.
Apparently parking zones disease is a real thing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two prisoners were waiting to be executed.
"Any last requests?" asked the jailer.
"Yes," replied one of the prisoners. "I love music, so before I die could you play 'Never gonna give you up' by Rick Astley."
And the second prisoner said: "Kill me first."
A little boy kills a butterfly. Dad says, "No butter for one week!" The little boy kills a honeybee. Dad says, "No honey for one week!"
Mom kills a cockroach. The little boy turns to his dad and says, "Are you gonna tell her or should i do it?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy gets taken to his cell on his first day of prison...
...he meets his cellmate for the first time, a huge hulk of a man, who turns to him and says, 'We're gonna play a game, a game of mommies and daddies... Do you wanna be the mommy or the daddy?'
The new convict relunctantly replies, 'I guess I'll, ...I'll be the, ...the daddy?...'
The inmate smiles and says 'Fantastic! ...Now come over here and s**... mommy's c**...'.
A man with no carnal desires walks into a Freudian psychoanalyst's office
The psychoanalyst stops him and says, "hey, buddy, I'm gonna need to see some id."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman was trying to breastfeed her son in a bus
The kid throws a tantrum and refuses to s**... on his mother's breast. So in a fit, the mother tells her son, "If you don't want this milk, I'm gonna give this to the gentleman beside us."
An hour later, the kid still refused to breastfeed. So she tells her son again, "If you won't breastfeed, I'm really gonna give this to this man beside us!"
Then the guy beside them suddenly interrupted, "Please make up your mind now. My stop was 30 minutes ago."
A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and joined the Army.
A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and joined the Army.
"But wait a minute," said the listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too, won't she?"
"Sure," replied the man.
"Well? Won't they find out?"
"And who's gonna tell?"
I found a wallet on the sidewalk today. I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but then I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?
And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
(Emo Philips)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If life gives you lemons...
I hope ~~he~~ life also gives you water and sugar or else your lemonade's gonna s**....
I'm starting a business....
I'm gonna do math tutoring, but solely for midgets. I'm calling it Making The Little Things Count.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A nun was out for a walk...
...when a black van pulls up beside her. A man jumps out and drags her into the van were he proceeds to r**... her. When he's done he stands up beside her and asks:
- So what are you gonna tell your sisters when you get back?
- I will tell them the truth. That a horrible man attacked me and r**... me twice.
- Twice? the man asks.
- Yes. the nun replies. If your not in a rush of course?
Blonde gets caught speeding.
The cop is also a blonde.
Cop: Let me see your driver's license.
Driver: What's that?
Cop: A square thing with your picture on it.
Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop.
Cop looks at it, hands it back and says,
I'm gonna let you go without a ticket. I didn't know you were a cop.
(
So I met this nice girl the other day
She said, she's gonna call me after work -- poor girl... She's been working for 72h now.
I didn't know that when I became an adult everyone would make FRIENDS references...
No one ever told me life was gonna be this way.
A duck walks into a bar...
And orders a hundred bottles of scotch.
The bartender says, "That's gonna be pretty expensive. How are you gonna pay for all that liquor?"
The duck replies, "Just put it on my tab."
A nearby bar patron cheekily says, "Don't you mean 'put it on my bill'?"
The duck says to the bartender, "Okay, put it on his bill."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I caught my sister m**... with a carrot
I was annoyed because I was gonna eat that later...
And now it's gonna taste like carrot....
So did y'all hear OJ Simpson is going to get remarried?
He's gonna take another stab at it.
Help! I'm stuck on Rick Astley's roof
He took away the ladder and said he is never gonna let me down.
My buddy signed up for one of those, "learn to be a plumber in 6 weeks" courses you see on TV and his final exam was at 9am today...
He showed up at 3pm, looked at the test paper and said, "Looks like I'm gonna need a pen for this job. I'll have to pop round to my suppliers for one. Be right back."
Graduated top of his class...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A schoolboy rescues President Trump
A schoolboy walking home from school see Donald Trump* drowning in a pond. He dives him and saves him.
The president is very grateful and offers him a gift as a reward.
"All I want is a wheelchair" says the boy.
A wheelchair? Why do you need a wheelchair? the president asks.
Well, the boy explains, when my old man finds out I rescued you from drowning, he's gonna break both my legs.
*(
Old but good joke...
Why did the blind man run into the well?
Because he couldn't see that well.
(My future children are gonna love me)
I saw a TV for sale for 1$
I saw that the TV was in very good condition.
"Why is it so cheap? " I asked the seller
"The volume is stuck at max, and it can't be turned down" he replied
"So everything else works?" I asked
He turned it on, and sure enough everything worked, except the volume
"So you're gonna buy it?"
"A TV for $1? Can't turn it down"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter says: Nothing special, we just flat out tell 'em they're gonna die."
Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass.
Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man burst into a bar with a revolver on his hand
The man yelled at the top of his lungs
"WHICH ONE OF YOU HAVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH MY WIFE?"
The whole bar went silent, one man stood up and replied
"You're gonna need more than six bullets pal!"
Wayne Gretzky, Wayne Newton, and Wayne Brady are all chasing after you. Which one is going to catch you first?
I don't know, but they are gonna get ya, one Wayne or another.
I was picking up my girlfriend and her dad looked at me and said, "I want her home by midnight"
Then I looked at him and told him,"but you already own her home". He looked back at her and said,"if you're not gonna sleep with him, I will".
Jesus saw a crying old man while walking in a desert.
He came closer and asked what problem is.
Old man: I'm looking for my son, but I'm gonna lose my hope.
Jesus pitied the man and said, let's look for your son together.
After some time, Jesus asked him that if he has some birthmark or else to recognize him more easily.
Yes, said the old man. He had nails driven on his hands and feet.
Jesus started and hugged the man, saying FATHER!
The old man screamed happily, PINOCCHIO!
A jewish woman goes to the hospital to give birth to her son.
Unfortunately the baby boy is born without eyelids.
The jewish woman is hysterical and says: Doctor, doctor what am i going to do? My baby boy has no eyelids!
The doctor calmly replies: Missus Levine, don't worry your son is going to be circumcised so we can do a transplant and give him eyelids.
Missus Levine says: Doctor, doctor but I don't want a son that's gonna be cockeyed!
Doctor replies: But Missus Levine imagine what foresight he'll have!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A drunk driver is being interrogated
Detective : okay buddy, walk me through the whole thing, from the top
Driver : I don't know, it all happened so fast, I need a drink of water..
Detective : Your water is on its way. But first, tell me if this was premeditated.
Driver : NO! I swear, I just lost control of the car and I was gonna either hit that o**... to the left of the road or plow into that open picnic party full of kids that was on the other side of the road. What would you have done!?
Detective : well, I would have turned for the o**...
Driver : Exactly what I thought as well! But then that guy ran into the picnic party and I had to go after him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
God and Satan arranged a basketball game between Heaven and h**....
"I know for a fact we are gonna win," said God. "We have all the best players up here...Wilt Chamberlain, Moses Malone, Kobe Bryant, and so on."
"I wouldn't count on that, God," said Satan. "You see, down here, *we* have all the referees."
A robber enters an old couple's home in the middle of the night...
As he is grabbing things, the couple wake up and confront him. The robber has a gun and says he would have left quietly but now he is gonna have to kill them.
"But before I do that," says the robber, "I want to know your names. What's your name, woman?"
"Linda," the wife replies meekly.
"Well, that's my mother's name. I can't kill you." Then he turns to the husband and says, "And what's your name?"
"Frank, but everybody in town calls me Linda."
A family takes their sick dog to the vet.
The vet picks the dog up and studies him. Finally, the vet says "I'm really sorry but I'm gonna have to put him down."
"Why?", asks the shocked family. "What's wrong with him?"
"Nothing major", replied the vet. "He's just really heavy."
A man and his wife are arguing:
The wife says: "Well, I'm just gonna go stay at my mother's!"
The husband says: "Wait take me with you. I'd like to have a good meal for a change."
