gonna Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious gonna stories

What are the best gonna puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Gonna? Well here is a complete list of the top gonna jokes:

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside


My wife found out i was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding...

She got so mad and said she's never gonna play scrabble with me ever again


I've just started to read a horror novel in braille.

Something bad is gonna happen. I can feel it.


What does a pregnant fourteen year old and the fetus inside her have in common?

They're both thinking, Shit, my mom is gonna kill me!


A husband calls up a hotel's manager from his room..

..Husband : Please come fast , I was having an argument with my wife and she says shes gonna jump out of the window.
Manager : Sir, I am sorry I can't help you , this seems to be a personal issue.
Husband : You asshole, this is a maintenance issue. The window isn't opening.


So two condoms walk into a bar..

.. They quickly realize that it is a gay bar. One condom turns to the other and says, "Dude. We are gonna get shitfaced tonight!"


Paddy and Murphy

...are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off. I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!" He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts "I'M A LIGHT BULB! I'M A LIGHT BULB!" Murphy watches in amazement! The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home". So he leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. "Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman. "I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.


Rick Astly will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except for one...

He's never gonna give you "UP".


For Halloween this year, I'm gonna be a dish.

Because bitches do dishes.


What did the banana say to the vibrator?

I don't know why you're shaking, she's gonna eat me.



A man walks in on his daughter pleasuring her-self with a cucumber.

He yells at her: "Oh god, that's disgusting! I was going to eat that, and now it's gonna taste of cucumber"


Two hookers were on a street corner...

They started discussing business, and one of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, I just burped."


Quit my job at the helium factory

I'm not gonna let them talk to me like that.


A joke I wrote in the style of Mitch Hedberg...

I'm gonna change my name to 'marriage,' man.
That way, all those girls out there can be saving themselves for *me*!


What did the man say when he couldn't get the gun to fire?

"Looks like I'm gonna have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual."


Two prostitutes are standing at a street corner, talking business.

"tonight's gonna be great," says the first prostitute. "I can just smell the cock in the air."

The second prostitute replies "No, that was me. I burped."


What does a 9 volt battery have in common with a girl's butt hole?

You know you shouldn't, but sooner or later you're gonna give it a lick.


Rick Astley will lend you any movie in his Pixar collection, except one.

He's never gonna give you Up.


I was gonna tell a good UDP protocol joke...

but you probably wouldn't get it


A little girl goes shopping with her dad

After the shoe shop, and the cake shop, she goes into the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber's chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.
The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin."
She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."


What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It's gonna take me a while to get hard, I just came out of this chick.


i told my cat i was gonna teach him to speak English ...

he looked at me & said "Me? how?"


What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It's gonna take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by some chick.


The band The Doors have decided to change their name after the next member dies

It's gonna be Three Doors Down.


A little boy goes to school with a sport bag

The teacher asks what is in it. The little boy answers:
- It's my cat. When I left home, my dad said to my mum:"As soon as our son is gone, I'm gonna eat your pussy"


Rick Astley asked for my Disney films the other day.

I said, you can have Cars and Toy Story, but I'm never gonna give you Up.


so this woman is getting ready to have a breast reduction....

before the surgery she's consulting with the surgeon and he tells her, "now, before I operate I'm gonna need to numb these first." the lady says, "sure, do what you gotta do doc." surgeon puts his face between her tits and goes, "NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM."


An old woman notices her husband's fly is unzipped...

An old woman sees her husband's fly on his pants is unzipped. She says, "You left the barn door open. The cow is gonna get out if ya don't close it."

The old man replied, "It can't get out if it can't get up!"

(I adapted this from an actual exchange that my great grandparents had a few years ago.)


A little girl went with her father to the barber to get his hair cut....

...and her father gave her a snack cake to keep her quiet.

As she she frolicked around the barber shop with it, the barber warned, "Little girl, you are going the get hair on your Twinkie!"

She replied, "I know! I'm gonna grow boobies too!"


Baby, I'm gonna love you like a snowstorm...

I'm gonna give you 10" and you won't be able to leave the house for three days.


Did you pay the VISA bill?

A man and a woman end up on a deserted island. He is desperate and cries:" oh, honey we're gonna die so young. Nobody will ever find us here!!!" She is very calm and relaxed. "Don't panic , dear, we'll be OK in few hours, I forgot to pay our VISA bill, the'll find us, don't worry"



Moral: If you fiddle with imaginary problems too much, shit's gonna get real.


I got a hair cut for $10

At this rate, its gonna cost me a million dollars to get them all cut.


I was walking home and saw some drunk guy trying to steal someones gate...

I was gonna say something, but I din't want him to take a fence.


Methylated Spirit

A scruffy homeless man walks into a DIY store.

"Bottle of methylated spirit please."

"Look mate, no offense but I wasn't born yesterday. I can't sell that to you when I know you're just gonna drink it."

"Hey, what are you implying? This is ridiculous, I'm using it for woodwork!"

"All right, all right..." says the shopkeeper, taking a bottle of the shelf.

"Oh, haven't you got a cold one?"


Prostate exam

A man goes to the doctor for a prostate exam. He pulls down his pants and after a while the doctor says "You're gonna have to stop masturbating".
The man asks "Why?"
"Because I'm trying to examine you.", replies the doctor.


My wife ran into the house...

"Guess what!" she said, "I got a new job down the street on the corner.''

''What!'' I replied, ''It better not be what I think it is!...You'll bring shame on the family!.. What will the neighbours say?"

''No, no, stop worrying'' she said reassuring me, ''Not in the Tescos!..... I'm gonna be a prostitute!!


A kid is sitting on a bench, eating candy bars

When a man walks over and sits down on the bench next to the kid. He looks over with a disgusted look and says,

You know kid, you're gonna die really young if you eat that many chocolate bars.

To which the kid replies, Oh, well my grandpa lived to be 105.

Surprised, the man asks, Eating that many chocolate bars?

No, minding his own fucking business.


What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"What are you shakin' for? Shes gonna eat me."


I was gonna make a joke about sluts...

...but it would just be whoreable.


Now Timmy please explain to the class why your cat is in your back pack ....

Well i couldn't leave him home, this morning i overheard my father tell my mom "I'm gonna eat that pussy as soon as the kids leave"


A banana and a vibrator

were laying next to each other on a
counter, with the vibrator buzzing away. The banana turns to
the vibrator and says, I dunno what you're getting all worked
up about. She's gonna eat me.


God and the devil were arguing...

... about the fence that separates heaven and hell. "Your side is falling down," said God.
"just look at it!"
"So what?" the devil said.
"We're both responsible for keeping up our sides. Mine's perfect." God replied.
The devil shrugged. "What are you going to do about it?"
"If you force me to, i'll get a lawyer and sue you,"
said God.
"The devil laughed for ten minutes straight. "Give me a break. Where are you gonna find a lawyer?"


So my friend, Rick Astley, asked me for some Pixar movies to watch...

I told him, "You can borrow Toy Story 1, 2, and 3, A Bugs Life, Monsters Inc., Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Cars 1 and 2, Ratatouille, and Wall*E, but I'm never gonna give you UP!"


A trip to the dentist

A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits down in the chair, pulls down her pants and spreads her legs. The dentist says to her, "I think you've got the wrong place. The gynecologist's office is upstairs." The woman says back, "No mistake. You put my husband's dentures in, and now you're gonna get them out."


What a relief!

I went out with this one girl, and she scared me. One day she says to me "Soon you're gonna hear the pitter-patter of little feet!" and I'm thinking, "Oh Lord, she's pregnant"...

She ended up leaving me for a midget.


It was career day in Elm Park Elementary School...

and each student had to write about their dad's profession. Ruby wrote about her dad being a doctor and David wrote about his dad being a construction work.

When the teacher asked Johnny he said, "My dad is a pimp and a drug fiend."

"What?!?! Johnny, be honest. I know that's not what your dad does!"

"You're really gonna make me to tell the entire class that my dad is a banker?!"


i was chatting up a fit girl......

I was chatting up a fit girl in a bar last night when a bloke came out the toilets and said "Oi mate, I'm her man".

I said "Cool, nice to meet you Herman. What do you think of this bird I'm gonna fuck tonight?"


I like my women like I like my third games in a series by Valve...

I think they're gonna be great, but they never seem to come.


I was gonna tell you a joke so funny you'd laugh your dick off...

but it looks like you already heard it.



You've red some of the best gonna jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about gonna. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty gonna gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

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