Gonna Give Jokes
97 gonna give jokes and hilarious gonna give puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gonna give that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Gonna Give Short Jokes
Short gonna give jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gonna give humour may include short gonna jokes also.
- What's NNN? Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you - TIL that Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He's never gonna give you Up
- fire the chauffeur! Wife: "I'm gonna fire our chauffeur!!! He's such a pathetic driver, this is the third time he almost got me killed...."
Husband: "Dear, lets give him another chance." - Rick Astley asked for my Disney films the other day. I said, you can have Cars and Toy Story, but I'm never gonna give you Up.
- So I heard the new Iphone is gonna have that new Stephen King movie preloaded onto it. Yeah. X is gonna give IT to ya.
- Baby, I'm gonna love you like a snowstorm... I'm gonna give you 10" and you won't be able to leave the house for three days.
- When a Gamestop employee dies and goes to Heaven... Do you think God says "Well you have 3,000 good deeds, but I'm only gonna give you credit for 14 of them."
- Where is the best place to hide if you are running from the police Rick astleys house he's never gonna give you up
- Rick Astley's releasing a new song lamenting the 'Brexit' result... It's titled:
Never Gonna Give EU Up - Rick. Rick is a total lover of Pixar movies. He will lend you any title except for one.
He is never gonna give you Up.
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Gonna Give One Liners
Which gonna give one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gonna give? I can suggest the ones about giving and thanks giving.
- Roses are red, Cellos are brown Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down ;)
- At the end of the year I'm just gonna give up and say 2021
- What's Little Bo Peep's favorite song? Never Gonna Give "Ewe" Up
- What's the best part of having Rick Astley as your father? He's never gonna give you up.
- I was gonna go to this French restaurant… but French people give me the crepes.
- What's Neymar favorite song? Never Gonna Give You Up de 1987 de Rick Astley (RickRoll)
- I'm gonna be honest with you... Particle accelerators give me a hadron.
- Hey Rick, can I have Up? Rick Astley: Never gonna give you up!
- Did you guys see Rick Astley cover Everlong? He's never gonna give Foo up.
- No, you may not have my 2009 Pixar animated film. I'm never gonna give you Up.
- What genre is "Never Gonna Give You Up"? Rick and roll!
- What's Rick Astley's favorite letter? Q, because it's never gonna give U up.
- Never Gonna Give You Up
- Did you know sheep really hate Pixar? Never gonna give ewe up
- Not gonna lie, cellulose gives me wood.
Cheerful Fun Gonna Give Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about gonna give you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gimme jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gonna give pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy and his wife went to an expensive golf course.
He said to his wife, "Be careful of the expensive houses around us. I don't know if we can afford to break a window."
His wife tees off and breaks the biggest window of the most expensive looking house.
He said, "Oh no! We had better go ask how much it's gonna be."
So he and his wife go up to the house and see the door open.
They went inside and saw the golf ball lying next to a broken glass bottle.
A man walks up and says, "Thank you!"
The husband said, "I'm sorry about the..."
And the man interrupts, "Oh don't worry about the window. I have to thank you for getting me out of the bottle. You see, I'm a genie. So you get one wish and your wife gets one, but, in return, you have to give me one."
The husband asks for $100 million.
The genie says, "Done."
The wife asks for 80 exotic sports cars.
Genie says, "Done."
"Now, my wish is to have s**... with your wife because, you know, I've been trapped in that bottle for so long."
They agreed since their extravagant wishes had been granted.
And so the genie has s**... with the man's wife, not just once but many times.
When they're done, the genie asks the wife, "How old is your husband?"
She answers, "33."
And, the man said, "And he still believes in genies?"
Jeb and Jethro
Jeb and Jethro live in the hills, about 5 miles outside of town. Jeb asks Jethro to go in to town to pick up some lumber. Jethro walks the 5 miles to town to the local
lumberyard.
"Jeb says we're gonna need some 4 x 2's" Jethro tells the yardman.
"Do you mean 2 x 4's?" asks the yardman.
"Well, I don't rightly know, I better go ask Jeb" says Jethro and walks the 10 miles to the hills and back to town.
"Jeb says we're gonna need 2 x 4's" Jethro tells the yardman.
"Now, how many 2 x 4's will you need?" asks the yardman.
"Well, I don't rightly know, I better go ask Jeb." says Jethro, and again walks the 10 miles to the hills and back to town.
"Jeb says were gonna need about 40 of 'em" Jethro tells the yardman.
"Now, how long will you need them?" asks the yardman.
"Well, I don't rightly know, I better go ask Jeb" says Jethro and yet again walks the 10 miles to the hills and back to town.
Upon returning Jethro says to the yardman, "Jeb says you better give 'em to us for a while . . . we're gonna build a barn."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A wife went with her husband to his doctors appointment...
Doctor: I'm gonna need a u**... and stool sample.
Wife (to husband): Just give him your underwear honey!!!
For sale: baby shoes...
For sale: baby shoes, never GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN
Two friends lived in houses across from each each other
One day they were talking and the first friend said: "I'm gonna give you curtains for your birthday"
- "Why curtains?"
- "So I don't have to see you doing your wife all the time"
- "Ah well, I'm gonna give you binoculars for your birthday"
- "Um, why binoculars?"
- "Well, so you can see who's wife I'm doing"
Told my pregnant boss this: Is it OK for you to drink while pregnant...
if you're gonna give the baby up for adoption?
She laughed at least. But I no longer work there
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just before my girlfriend and I had s**... for the first time...
I told her I was gonna give her 9 inches. Just as long as she was willing to take 3 inch payments
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Topical Jokes for 2/8
A company in Denver has created a dating app that connects fellow p**... smokers. The app is great because even if you don't like the person you meet, sparks are gonna fly.
In Florida, a woman who didn't know she was pregnant set a state record by giving birth to a 14 pound baby. The woman realized she was pregnant when the 14 pound baby started k**..., and cracked three of her ribs.
Researchers have developed a smartphone app that lets you test yourself for STDs. The app can be a bit confusing to use at first, especially if you've never seen the You've Got AIDS emoji.
Young Chuck
One fine old day, Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'
Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
Chuck said, 'Sure I can, watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with the dead donkey?'
Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00.'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'
Chuck now works on Wall Street.
A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parent's. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A salesman with a bad lisp...
came to my front door today. He was giving away a coupon for either free cologne or a free abortion. When I confronted him about it, he simply explained "Eidah way, you're gonna clear tha w**...."
Did you hear about the arms dealer who's giving away M18 Claymores with every purchase?
Oh, I'm gonna get mines.
What's the one movie that Rick Astley won't let you borrow?
He's never gonna give you Up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's a Jewish man's 95th birthday
His friends decided last minute they would get him a stripper. The only person available was about 70 years old.
At his party, the stripper, tassels at her knees, was giving the old man a lap dance when she said,
"Ooh baby. I'm gonna give you some supa s**... tonight!" To which he replied,
"I'll have the soup"
Do you know what happens when you click a link without knowing what it is?
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two prisoners were waiting to be executed.
"Any last requests?" asked the jailer.
"Yes," replied one of the prisoners. "I love music, so before I die could you play 'Never gonna give you up' by Rick Astley."
And the second prisoner said: "Kill me first."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman was trying to breastfeed her son in a bus
The kid throws a tantrum and refuses to s**... on his mother's breast. So in a fit, the mother tells her son, "If you don't want this milk, I'm gonna give this to the gentleman beside us."
An hour later, the kid still refused to breastfeed. So she tells her son again, "If you won't breastfeed, I'm really gonna give this to this man beside us!"
Then the guy beside them suddenly interrupted, "Please make up your mind now. My stop was 30 minutes ago."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If life gives you lemon...
I hope ~~he~~ life also gives you water and sugar or else your lemonade's gonna s**....
Which singer should you avoid borrowing Pixar movies from?
Rick Astley, because he's never gonna give you Up.
I don't want to date Never because
Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down, Never gonna run around and desert you
It's National Tequila Day.
I wasn't gonna celebrate, but then I thought I'd give it a shot.
Rick Astley will gladly lend you any video in his collect... except one.
He's never gonna give you Up
A teacher says to a boy: "Answer one question i'm gonna give you and you can go home."
Boy :"Ok."
Teacher:"What state is Las Vegas located in?"
Boy:"That state"
Teacher:"What state exactly?"
Boy:"Woah, that's already the second question."
Everydau, hundreds of people are rick rolled. I promise that we are...
Never gonna give you up.
Lucky
An old guy, Sam isn't feeling too good so he goes to the doctor. After the exam, the doctor comes back and says, Unfortunately, Sam, I have bad news and worse news.
Oh dear , says Sam. Well, give me the worse news first.
Well , says the doc, you only have about 6 hours to live.
Oh no! , says Sam. This is awful!
I know. , says the doctor. I'm sorry. And you also have advanced Alzheimer's.
Well , says Sam. At least I'm not gonna die!
What did the orange haired man say to the crowd?
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
Roses are red, The Queen wears a crown...
...Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down!
8 year old boy came home excitedly, telling his dad that a school play is gonna be held next month
Dad: that's great! What role did you get?
Son: I'll be the husband!
Dad: (*sigh*) tell your teacher tomorrow to give you a different role with more lines.
His Hair is red, His eyes are Brown
He is never gonna give you up. He is never gonna let you down.
Guy goes in for a checkup...
... Doc says, "Mister, I've got bad news, and I've got worse news. Which do you want first?"
The guys says, "Jeez Doc, I guess give me the worse news first."
Doc says, "You've got AIDS. You're gonna die."
"Oh man that's terrible! What's the bad news?"
Doc replies, "You've got Alzheimer's."
"Hey, you know at least I don't have AIDS."
AP's give is gonna have a rough night.
Teach a man a guitar and he'll play for a day.
Give a man a guitar and today's gonna be the day that they're gonna give it back to you.
Did you hear DMX started an information technology company? It has a pretty aggressive slogan...
X gonna give IT to ya!
What's hard and 16 inches long?
Never gonna give you up...
Never gonna let you down...
Good luck not singing that in your head for the next minute
I keep trying to tell my wife that the one thing I'll never do, ever! Is..
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and Desert you
One day a trendy drug addict named Rick hallucinates having a conversation with his drugs.
"Never gonna give you up." he says.
"Never gonna let you down." replied the drugs.
"Is Rick rolling in style again?" asked his friends.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Unbelievable! I need to have a lobotomy tomorrow
I'm gonna give the surgeon a piece of my mind
Two pregnant women on a bench were talking to each other.
They saw a fat guy with a big belly. On seeing the fat guy, one said, " I will give birth to a handsome boy." On this the other said, " I will give birth to you a beautiful girl."
With intention to make fun of the guy , they asked the fat guy, "What are you gonna give birth to?"
He said I am gonna give birth to a young elephant and drops his pants.
" See, the trunk's coming out".
This girl asked me If I won a million what will I do with it? I told her: I'm gonna give it to you. She seemed happy and hugged me
the poor thing thought I'm talking about the million.
Knock Knock
"Knock knock"
"Whose there?"
"Nev"
"Nev who?"
"Nevwho gonna give you up..."
One day two friends decided to brush up their English.
One says "i will ask you the antonyms of some words".
The other agreed.
Friend 1 : Antonym of 'Always'
Friend 2 : Never
Friend 1 : Antonym of 'Stop' said in a modern way
Friend 2 : Gonna
Friend 1 : Antonym of 'take'
Friend 2 : Give
Friend 1 : Antonym of 'me'
Friend 2 : You
Friend 1 : Antonym of 'Down'
Friend 2 : Up
I am gonna ask Rick Astley to give me a copy of movie 'Up'
So, either he's gonna give me up or he's gonna let me down. And also make me cry in either case.
A jewish woman goes to the hospital to give birth to her son.
Unfortunately the baby boy is born without eyelids.
The jewish woman is hysterical and says: Doctor, doctor what am i going to do? My baby boy has no eyelids!
The doctor calmly replies: Missus Levine, don't worry your son is going to be circumcised so we can do a transplant and give him eyelids.
Missus Levine says: Doctor, doctor but I don't want a son that's gonna be cockeyed!
Doctor replies: But Missus Levine imagine what foresight he'll have!
What do you call the glamorously dapper bouncer at the local laundromat who helped the singer of "Never Gonna Give You Up" through his anger issues?
Fab Rick softening deter gent.
You walk into a bar and see Rick Astley sitting alone
You sit next to him and start talking
Eventually, the conversation leads to talk of your favorite Pixar movies
Rick tells you that his favorite of all time is Up, he even owns a physical copy of the movie with bonus features
You say that you've always wanted to see it but never have
He says it's a great movie, you have to see it
Nervously, you ask Rick if you can borrow his copy of the movie
He says no
He's never gonna give you up
In doing so, he has let you down
*This is the Astley paradox*
10 things I hate
1. Lists
2. Repeating myself
3. Irony
4. Lists
5. Never
6. Gonna
7. Give
8. You
9. Up
10. Trickery
Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
So in essence, Jesus is...>!never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.!<
I have a math exam
My mom said she will give me 200$ if I pass.
My dad said he will give me 500$ if I pass.
I'm gonna get 1000$ after passing that easy exam,Wish me luck.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework, she's gonna slam my head on the keyboard.
But I don't give a fuskhhkxkhdkhhskhd
A boy looks longingly to the distant islands
He wants to run away to the islands but the only problem is he's got no money. He walks over to his wise old neighbor and asks him for advice on how to get to there.
The old man says, well these woods here have magical pixies that have a special dust. If you get their dust you could just fly there! The only problem is they don't just give it out for free. You're gonna want to sneak up on 'em.
The boy nods his head in disbelief.
The old man says, So, I guess your options are you hire a boat, or catch a fairy!
Man gets lost in the countryside
Drives up a long road to a farmhouse, passing a three legged pig in a field.
Farmer gives him instructions on a route back to the City.
Driver thanks him and before leaving says what's with the three legged pig?
Farmer says bravest pig you're ever gonna see… burglars attacked our house last month.. pig fought them off.
Week later I fell in the river and pig hauled me to safety.
Week after that the pig rescued my horse from a burning stable.
Driver… but why has it only got three legs?
Farmer… well a pig as brave as that.. we're not going to eat it in one go are we!!!!!!l
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jesus died for you sins!
Dumb a**... ruining the story by giving away major plot points. I was gonna read that book.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Jewish guys are walking down the street...
Two jewish guys are walking down the street when they spot a sign outside a church: "Today Only: Convert to Christianity and we will give you 100 bucks cash!"
"I'm gonna do it," o**... tells the other and disappears through the church door.
5 minutes later he's back. "Well, Did you get the cash?" his buddy asks.
"Jeez Is that all you people think about?" comes the friend's reply.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This one only works if you're familiar with New Orleans
A man was walking down the street when he came upon a guy lying face down in the gutter. Not knowing if the guy was passed out or dead, he dials 911…
Operator: 911 what's your emergency?
Man: I've come upon a body lying in the gutter. He could be dead or passed out, I'm not sure
Operator: we'll send a patrol car, what's your location?
Man (looking up at the street sign): I'm on T Soup… No, I'm on T choopsol… No no, I'm on Toolsoulp…. No. d**.... Give me a few minutes. I'm gonna drag the body to Magazine and call you back!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife hinted she was gonna give me s**... coupons for the Holidays this year.
Guess i'm getting nutting for Christmas!
Did you hear about that new Anatomically Correct Elmo doll they're working on?
Before they sell it to the kids, they're gonna give it two test tickles.
Real conversation with my 6-year-old:
Him (looking at a bank building): Is this where they keep the money that you donate to them?
Me: Yes, but we don't _donate_ to the bank, we _deposit_ into the bank. 'Deposit' means that you're going to take it back later. 'Donate' means that you just give it away and don't expect to ever get it back.
Him: Oh, I know an example of donate. Like, when you earn money and pay your taxes, you are _donating_ to the government because you're never gonna get it back. Right?
Me: ???