The Best 53 Golfing Wife Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Golfing Wife jokes. There are some golfing wife woman jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these golfing wife tees puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Golfing Wife Jokes and Puns

A Baptist, a Catholic, and a Mormon are in the maternity ward.

The Baptist says, “One more son and I have a basketball team.” The Catholic says, “That’s nothing, one more kid and I have a baseball team.” The Mormon guy says, “That’s nothing, one more wife and I have a golf course.”

A murder has been committed.

Police are called to an apartment and find a man standing, holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the ground.

The detective asks, "Sir, is that your wife?"

"Yes."

"Did you hit her with that golf club?"

"Yes. Yes, I did," the man answers. He stifles a sob, drops the club and puts his hands on his head.

"How many times did you hit her?"

"I don't know. Five...six ...put me down for a five."

A Catholic, a Baptist and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families.



"I have four boys and my wife is expecting another," says the Catholic. "One more son, and I'll have a basketball team,"

"That's nothing," says the Baptist. "I have 10 boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son, and I'll have a football team."

"That's nothing," says the Mormon. "I have 17 wives. One more wife, and I'll have a golf course."

Golfing Wife joke

Police are called to a home to fins man standing over the lifeless body of a woman with a five iron in his hand.

The police ask, "is that your wife?"

"Yes" says the man.

"Did you kill her with that golf club?"

"Yes" says the man sobbing and then dropping the club.

"How many times did you hit her?"

The man says, "five, six or seven times. But put me down for a five."

Dave and John are playing a round of golf...

Dave is lining up his put on the 8th green when they hear a car coming along the road that runs parallel to the course. Upon seeing a hearse, Dave stands away from his ball, takes his cap off and bows his head until it passes.
"That was very decent of you Dave."
"Yea, she was a good wife."


Wife's at the door.

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
Tie me up, she purred, and you can do anything you want.
So he tied her up and went golfing.

A group of friends went golfing one day...

-and after the round one of the men was very distraught after hitting a 107.
-He was so angry that he didn't even want to go to the bar afterwards to have a drink with his friends.
-So he decided to just drive home and take a load off.
-When he walked in the door his wife asked him how his round of golf went.
-He then punched her right in the face and said "I'm hitting everything fat today."

Golfing Wife joke, A group of friends went golfing one day...

If I die...

If I were to die first, would you remarry?" the wife asks.

"Well," says the husband, "I'm in good health, so why not?"

"Would she live in my house?"

"It's all paid up, so yes."

"Would she drive my car?"

"It's new, so yes."

"Would she use my golf clubs?"





"No. She's left-handed."

We had a power outage today...

...and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad & surround sound music system were all shut down.

Then I discovered that my phone battery was flat and I couldn't charge it.To top it off it was snowing outside. So I couldn't play golf and I couldn't fish. I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs power. So does the microwave. So popcorn won't happen.

So I talked with my wife for a few hours. She seems like such a nice person.

We had a outage at my place this morning...

We had a outage at my place this morning and my PC, laptop,
TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it
was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf.
I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this
also needs power, so I talked with my wife for a few hours.

She seems like a nice person.

Small World

A lawyer and a doctor are golfing. There are two women ahead of them that are playing really slow, so the lawyer decides to ask them if they can play through. While driving up to them, he realizes the two women are his wife and mistress! He turns around without saying anything and tells the doctor the situation. After a few more holes the doctor has had enough. He goes to talk to the women but turns around before he gets there. When he gets back he looks at the lawyer and says, "Small world."

You can explore golfing wife day reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean golfing wife tee dad jokes. There are also golfing wife puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A husband gets home after playing golf.....

And his wife asks how it went to which he replies "It went very well, except when I hit that goose on the 8th hole" The wife then replies "How many strokes is a goose?"

A man is golfing when a funeral precession drives across the bridge ahead...

The man proceeds to bow his head in respect. As the procession finally makes its way through, the mans friend says, "that's very admirable of you for taking a moment of respect". The man replies, "it's the least I could do, she's my wife."

Chuck gets home from golfing and looks exhausted

Chuck gets home from golfing and looks exhausted.

**Wife:** "Hey honey, how was golf?"

**Chuck:** "It was terrible. On the second hole, Glen had a heart attack!"

**Wife:** "Oh that's awful!"

**Chuck:** "You're tellin' me! The rest of the day it was hit the ball, drag Glen, hit the ball, drag Glen."

When playing golf my wife got stung by a bee between the first and second hole

I told her that her stance was too wide

My Wife won't like it

One day I accidentally overturned my golf buggy.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, Are you okay, what's your name?"

"Its Jack , and I'm Okay thanks," I replied.

"Jack , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife would like it."

"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.

She was very pretty, very sexy and persuasive... I was weak.

"Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."

After a restorative brandy, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."

"Don't be silly! Elizabeth said with a smile, She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Under the cart!"

Golfing Wife joke, My Wife won't like it

Yesterday my wife got stung by a bee while golfing

I asked where, and she informed me it was between the first and second holes. Being the helpful type, I advised her that her stance was too wide.

A dad puts his little girl to sleep...

And the girl says, "Goodbye Grandpa" and the dad asks why she said grandpa, the girl replied, "I don't know it just felt right".

The next day the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just a coincidence.

The dad puts the girl to sleep and a few months later she says, "Goodbye Grandma" and the dad went along with it.

The next day the grandma died and the dad thought that she knew who would die next!

Several weeks later, the dad puts his girl to sleep and the girl says, "Goodbye Daddy" and the dad freaked out when he left the room.

He stayed at the office until midnight jumping at every sound he heard. When he came to his house at 1am and crawls into the bed, his wife says

Wife :: Why were you at work so late?

Husband :: I had a terrible day..

Wife :: What happened?

Husband :: I don't want to talk about it.

Wife :: Well, you won't believe the day I had! My golf pro died right in front of me during golf lessons!

Edit : Formatting

Just got a new set of golf clubs for my wife.

Best trade I've ever made


Husband has 6 months to live

Asks his wife, "Will you marry again?"

She says she supposes so, eventually.

"Will he sleep in our bed"?

She says of course he will.

"Will you let him use my golf clubs?"

"No, he couldn't use them. He's left handed."

Last week I went golfing and finally beat my wife...

Those are two separate things.

A Jewish guy, a Catholic guy and a Mormon are having dinner together...

...and they are bragging about their families.

"My wife and I have 4 strapping young boys" says the Jewish man. "If we have one more, we would have our own basketball team."

"Well, good for you" says the Catholic. "But we have 10 healthy sons. If we would have one more we would have our own football team."

"That's nothing" says the Mormon. "I have 17 wives. If I have one more I would have my own golf course."

A couple walk Into the clubhouse after a round of golf.

The pro asks "how was you round?" The husband says "it was good but my wife got stung by a bee". "Where did she get stung?" "Between the first and second hole". The pro says "well her stance was too wide."

Marriage jok

A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The husband said, "No sweetie." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."

A man returns home from the golf course...

His wife asks him why he no longer plays with Jerry, a long-time friend. He replies:"Would you enjoy playing with a swearing, rude cheat?"

His wife says "No, of course not".

Her husband answers:"Well neither does Jerry"

Two guys are playing golf...

Two elderly gentlemen come to a par 3 hole. One of them tees up, starts to swing, but notices a funeral procession passing by. He stops mid-swing, takes off his hat and bows to the procession. After it passes, he puts on his hat and resumes his swing. The other man says to him, "Wow, that was really gentlemanly of you, paying your respects like that!" As he swings, he replies, "Well, she was my wife for 25 years..."

English, American and Arab guy bragging in a bar about their large family.

The American says: "I have 4 kids. One more, and I can make a basketball team!"

The English says: "I have 10 kids. One more, and I can make a football ("soccer") team!"

The Arab guy says: "I have 17 wifes. One more, and I can make a golf course!"

Dave came home later than usual from his Sunday golf outing...

He looked thoroughly worn out.

"Tough day at the course?" his wife asked.

"Oh, you have no idea," he said. "The first nine holes were great. But then Steve had a heart attack and died. For the whole back nine, it was 'hit the ball, drag Steve, hit the ball, drag Steve."

My wife recently won the Annual Women's Golf Meet in our district

Needless to say, I have started calling her the "Intercourse Champion of the County "

Wife asks husband, if she dies will he remarry?

I don't know... yeah I probably would i guess.
What about the house? would you sell it?
No he says, I like our house.
What about our bed, would you buy a new one?
No I like our bed and would keep it.
Ok, the wife now asks, what about my golf clubs?
Would you let your new wife use them?
No way he says, she's left handed.

Your wife and your attorney are drowning. You got two options...

Go golfing, or go bowling

I just got a new set of golf clubs for my wife!

It was a great trade.

A man is on his death bed. He asks his wife...

"Will you re-marry after I die?"

"Oh, I don't know..." she says. "Maybe."

"Will you let another man move into our house with you?"

"Oh, I don't know... Maybe."

"Will you let another man drive my car?"

"Oh, I don't know... Maybe."

"Well, will you have sex with another man at some point?"

"Oh, I don't know... Maybe."

"Will you let another man use my golf clubs!?"

"Nah. He's left-handed."

Chad's wife decided to surprise him on his birthday

and to show him that she's a cool wife, she took him to a strip club.

At the club:

Bouncer: Hi Chad! How you doing tonight?

Wife: How does he know you?

Chad: We play golf together!

Bartender: Evening Chad! The usual?

Wife: And how does he know you?!

Chad: Um, he's on the bowling team!

Hot blonde stripper: Hey sexy, champagne room again tonight?

At this point the wife loses it and storms out of the club, dragging Chad with her, into a taxi.

Taxi driver: Hey Chad! Boy... You picked a fat one tonight huh? Same motel?

A guy regains consciousness in hospital with a golf clup imbedded in his skull.

The doctor acked him if he can remember what happened.

"Well, I remember I was playing golf with my wife. She sliced her tee shot into the cow paddock next to the fairway. We looked for her ball for a while but couldn't find it. On the off-chance, I lifted a cows' tail, and sure enough there was a ball lodged there. I turned and said to my wife, 'honey, this looks like yours', next thing I know I'm in here..."

I was playing golf last weekend

There were two women ahead of us playing very slowly.

After 5 holes, I'd had enough, and went ahead to ask if we could play through.

I soon came back with a look of terror on my face, and said it was my wife and my mistress and there was no way I could approach them and ask to play through, would he do it instead?

He went ahead, then returned and said "it's a small world, isn't it?"

A husband and wife are checking out of a hotel

Receptionist: "That will be $400, sir"

Husband: "But we only stayed one night! Why is it so expensive???"

Receptionist: "We are a 5 star hotel, sir, with a world class private golf course and one of the finest spas in the country."

Husband: "But we didn't use the golf course, and we didn't go to the spa!"

Receptionist: "I understand, sir, but it was there if you wanted to."

The husband pulls out $100 and hands it to the receptionist.

Receptionist: "excuse me, sir, but you're $300 short"

Husband: "The cost for sleeping with my wife is $300"

Receptionist: "I did not sleep with your wife!!!"

Husband: "I understand, but she was there if you wanted to."

Golf is a dangerous sport

My wife returned home from a round of golf and said she'd been injured. She told me she'd be hit between the first and second holes.

To which I replied: That doesn't leave much room for a bandaid!

Two good friends go golfing

Two good friends go golfing and they come up on two women who are moving like molasses. One guy says that he'll go up and ask if they can play through. When he's half way to the women, he freezes, turns around and comes back pretty pale.
"Sorry man, I can't do it! One's my wife and the other my mistress!"

The other guy says he'll ask instead. Halfway to the women he suddenly stops turns around and comes back shaking his head. "Small world bro!"

I'm buying my wife golf shoes for Christmas. She doesn't golf...

But she does wash my car and the driveway gets a little icy in the winter.

I couldn't find the Golf Channel on TV.

My wife yelled, Fore!
Then it hit me.

Two guys are playing golf...

...behind two women, and the women are taking forever.

One of the guys says, "This is getting ridiculous, I'm going to ask if we can play through."

He comes back a minute later, and says, "I can't talk to them, that's my wife and my girlfriend."

So the other guy says he'll see what he can do.

He comes back and says, "Small world."

A murderer breaks in to a Republican couple's house while they're asleep...

A murderer breaks in to a Republican couple's house while they're asleep.

He turns on the lights and begins tying them each to a chair.

Before he can grab the wife, the husband yells: "Honey, my birthday presents! Use them!"

The woman nods in agreement and rips open her top to reveal a pair of enormous, symmetrical plastic hooters.

The husband yells: "No! I meant the golf clubs from last year!"

What's the hardest thing about playing golf with your wife?

Saying nice shot 147 times

A man is out golfing with a few buddies...

From across the way, the group sees a funeral going on at the church. As the procession goes by, the man takes off his hat and pauses the play for a few moments to pay his respects.

Later in the day, one of his buddies mentions how nice and respectful the man was. The man responds,

"Well she was a good wife of 30 years."

Two men are playing a round of golf when they get stuck behind two women.

Eventually one of the men walks over to ask if they can play through. He scuttles back and says, "When I got closer, I realized it was my wife and mistress; You go and ask them instead."
The other one walks over to the women but hurries back and says, "Small world."

If I die first, will you remarry, asks the wife.

I'm in good health so why not, says the husband.
Will she live in this house
Its all paid for so yes.
Will she drive my car.
Its new so yes.
Will she use my golf clubs.
No, she's left handed.

A doctor received a call from his colleague.

"We need a fourth to join us for a game of golf," said his friend. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.

As he was putting his pants on, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"

"Oh yes, quite serious," he answered gravely. "In fact, they are three doctors there already."

Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally speaks: "Tim, I've been thinking, now that we're married maybe it's time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. You could probably get a good price for your clubs."

Tim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

"For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

"I wasn't," he replied.

The police were called to a crime scene.

They found a woman with a bloody golf club in her hand. Her husband, covered in blood, on the floor.

She screamed "My husband. What have I done?"

Cop "How many times did you hit him?

Wife " I don't remember. Put me down for a six"

Two guys are playing golf.......

The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up.

So one man says to his friend, ‟I am gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through.

He starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his friend asks what happened.

He replies, ‟One of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress. Why do not you go talk to them?

So the second man starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns around.

When he gets back, his friend asks, ‟Now what happened?

To this he replies, ‟Small world.

Today is Jacob's birthday,

So his wife decided to surprise him, she took him to a Strip-Club House.

At the club -

DOORMAN: Hey Jacob! How are you?

WIFE: How does he know you?

Jacob: We play Golf together!

BARTENDER: The usual beer Jacob?

WIFE: And how does he know you?

Jacob: He's on the Bowling Team!

HOT STRIPPER: The special Lap Dance again, Jacob?

The Wife storms out...... dragging Jacob with her, into a taxi!

TAXI DRIVER: Hey Jacob boy....You picked an ugly one this time...Same Hotel?

Jacob's funeral will be next Friday at 2pm prompt....

My wife thinks I'm obsessed with golf.

It came to a head in an argument at about 11.30 last night, when she yelled: Golf! Golf! Golf! That's all you ever think about!

It frightened the life out of me. Well, you don't expect to meet anyone on the 14th green at that time of night.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the golfing wife mistress jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working golfing wife lorraine piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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