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Golfer Jokes

153 golfer jokes and hilarious golfer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about golfer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Golf is one of the oldest and most popular sports, and it has given us some of the most memorable golfer jokes. From the classic jokes about caddies, wives, and bad golfers, to the older jokes about slow golfers and the thwack of a putter, these golfer jokes will make you laugh. Read on for the best golfer jokes around!

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Funniest Golfer Short Jokes

Short golfer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The golfer humour may include short golf pro jokes also.

  1. Golfers always bring two pairs of pants to the Masters. Just in case they get a hole in one.
  2. What's the difference between a useless golfer and a useless skydiver? The home golfer goes WHACK! "Oh no!" Whereas with the skydiver it's vice versa
  3. Golfer: "You must be the world's worst caddy!" Caddy: "No, that would be too much of a coincidence
  4. Why did the golfer buy two pairs of socks? He was afraid he'd get a hole in one
    ^^^^I'll ^^^^see ^^^^myself ^^^^out
  5. What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *whack* "Darn" And a skydiver goes "darn" *whack*
  6. As a golfer, it's always smart to wear 2 pairs of pants. You know, just in case you get a hole in one.
  7. What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes whack, dang. A bad skydiver goes dang, whack.
  8. What's the difference between a really good golfer and a police officer on paid administrative leave? One shot a hole in one, the other shot a hole in Juan.
  9. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
    (As told to me by my seven year old)
  10. One of my dads favorites. Why do golfers always bring an extra pair of pants?

    In case they get a hole in one!

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Golfer One Liners

Which golfer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with golfer? I can suggest the ones about golf buddy and golfing.

  1. I'm such a bad golfer, they should send me to Mars. I'm guaranteed to find water.
  2. What do you get when you shoot a Mexican golfer? A hole in Juan
  3. Why do golfers wear 2 pairs of socks? Just in case they get a hole in one!
  4. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Because he had a hole in one.
  5. a golfer stabbed a Mexican the other day.... it was a hole in Juan
  6. My teacher told me to tuck my shirt in. I said, "Why?"
    "Because it *looks* like you've just had s**...," he said, zipping his trouser.
  7. Why do golfers have an extra pair of socks? Incase they get a hole in one.
  8. Why did the golfer wear a extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one
  9. What do you call an intoxicated golfer? A drunk driver.
  10. What beverage do golfers like to drink? Tee.
  11. Why did the Golfer bring two pairs of pants to the game? In case he got a hole in one
  12. Why do golfers wear 2 pairs of pants? Incase he gets a hole in one
  13. What is a golfer’s favorite number? Four!
  14. Why did the golfer pack an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one
  15. What do you call a Mexican golfer with a gunshot wound? Hole in Juan.

Golfer Caddie Jokes

Here is a list of funny golfer caddie jokes and even better golfer caddie puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A golfer to his caddy: 'How would you have played that last shot, caddy?'
    'Under an assumed name.'
  • Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
    Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
  • Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
    Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
  • Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
    Caddy: "I don't think you can keep your head down that long."
  • Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course."
    Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
  • Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
    Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
  • Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
  • Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
    Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

Golfer Wife Jokes

Here is a list of funny golfer wife jokes and even better golfer wife puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the golfers wife call for help when he hit the ball out of bounds? Because he stroked out!
  • My wife left me for a professional golfer... Because he made that Vijayjay Singh
  • Golfer Adam Scott's wife had a baby today It was a cesarean
    But he didn't make the cut.
  • Why did the golfer's wife cheat on him? She was looking for a man that could go longer than a birdie.
Golfer joke, Why did the golfer's wife cheat on him?

Bad Golfer Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad golfer jokes and even better bad golfer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A golfer was thinking of bringing an extra pair of pants. He figured it's not a bad idea, just in case he got a hole in one.
  • I'm such a bad golfer, I found a job in the dessert I'm guaranteed to find water.
  • Why were the golfer's donuts so bad? Because he couldn't get a hole in one!
  • A golfer misses a putt... He read the break as left-to-right, but it hit the edge of the cup and went the other way.
    It was a bad lip reading.
  • Why is Sammy Hagar such a bad golfer? He can't drive 55.
  • How do most elderly golfers die? They have a bad s**...
  • Why did the golfer die? He had a bad s**...
  • A bad golfer died while m**.... He died as he lived: Too many strokes.
  • How do you know that h**... was a bad golfer? He killed himself in the bunker!
Golfer joke, How do you know that h**... was a bad golfer?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about golfer can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of golfer puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Silly & Ridiculous Golfer Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about golfer you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean golf putting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make golfer prank.

Tiger Woods playing golf.

Sorry if this is a repost, but I found this one quite funny.
Tiger Woods is practicing golf one day, surrounded by fans and media. While he's practicing, an amateur
golfer confidently walks up to him and challenges him to a match. Tiger knew he'd win, so he agrees thinking that it would be a fun break from serious practice. "OK," the amateur says, "Since I'm an amateur and you're a pro, you'll have to allow me two gotchas". Tiger didn't know what a gotchas is, but he didn't ask because he thought he'd win regardless of what handicap is placed on him. The fans and media leave the two alone so they can play in peace.

A few hours later, the two come out of the golf course and it turns out that Tiger Woods lost. The fans and media surrounded him wanting to know what happened. Tiger says, "I was starting the first hole, concentrating to tee off, you know, deep in thought. Right when I was about to drive the ball, he ran up from behind, grabbed my nuts and squeezed them tight while loudly screaming 'GOTCHA!!' can you imagine me trying to play eighteen holes waiting for the next gotcha?"

Jesus and Moses are playing golf.

After teeing off, Jesus asks Moses which club he should use to clear the water hazard and Moses says, "Use your 4 iron". Jesus says, "No, Tiger Woods would use a 6 iron". His shots goes into the water. Jesus walks out onto the water to find his ball and is seen by another golfer who says to Moses, "Look at that guy. Who does he think he is, Jesus Christ?" Moses says, "He is Jesus Christ, he THINKS he's Tiger Woods."

A Very Nice Golfer

There are two men playing golf, at the end of the range you can see a f**... procession going by. As the hearse drives by followed by a few cars one man kneels down, takes off his hat and puts it over his heart, and says a prayer.
The man next to him says, "Well that's the nicest thing I've ever seen a golfer do!" The man stands up says "Well it's the least I could do, I was married to her for 35 years..."

An amateur golfer playing in his first tournament

was delighted when a beautiful girl came up to him after the round and suggested he come over for a while. The fellow was a bit embarrassed to explain that he really couldn't stay all night but that he'd be glad to come over for a while. Twenty minutes later they were in he bed making love. When it was over, he got out of bed and started getting dressed.
"Hey," called the girl from beneath the covers, "where do you think you're going? Arnold Palmer wouldn't leave so early."
At that he the golfer stripped off his clothes and jumped on top of her. After they'd made love a second time, he got out of bed and put his pants back on.
"What are you up to?" she called. "Jack Nicklaus wouldn't think of leaving now." So the golfer pulled off his pants and s**... her a third time, and afterward he started to get dressed.
"C'mon, you can't leave yet," protested the girl. "Tiger Woods wouldn't call it a day."
"Lady, would you tell me one thing?" asked the golfer, looking at her very seriously. "What's par for this hole?"

A golfer and heaven

A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees.
He found his ball and saw an opening between 2 trees he thought he could hit through.
Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.
As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"
The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?

Why did the golfer wear 2 shirts when he went golfing?

In case he got a hole-in-one!

What's the difference between a golfer and a climber?

A golfer goes whack......s**.... A climber goes s**..........whack.

How many points do you get if you hit a golfer?

Fore.

Why was Tiger Woods such a good golfer?

He practiced more-- Tiger played an 18-hole course every day, and then played another 18 holes over the course of the night.

90 year old caddie

A man was looking for a new caddie one day when his friend said " I know a great caddie - he is 90 years old but he has eyes like a hawk""OK then " said the man "tell him I'm playing again in a week.
The week passed and they started to play. The golfer hit a perfect drive and he said to the caddie "did you see where it went" The caddie then said "yes""
OK then where is it?"
The caddie replied "I forgot.

On the back of u/baldillin

A young Rabbi is a very avid golfer. He even goes out on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year to play some holes. On his last hole the wind carries the ball and he sinks an amazing hole in one.
In Heaven an angel complains to God, this Rabbi is playing golf on Yom Kippur and you give him a hole in one as punishment!?
Of course, God says, who can he tell?

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers?

In case he got a hole in one.

On the green of the 18th hole after a horrible day of golf...

The golfer says to his caddy: "I swear, if I don't make this putt I'm going to drown myself in the water hazard". To which his caddy replied: "You think you can keep your head down that long?"

What do you call it when a golfer misses the hole?

Fore-play

What's the difference between a golfer and Harrison Ford?

A golfer **wants** to land on the fairway.

Why do golfers have the best chauffeurs?

Because they're good at picking their drivers.

My Wife won't like it

One day I accidentally overturned my golf buggy.
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, Are you okay, what's your name?"
"Its Jack , and I'm Okay thanks," I replied.
"Jack , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife would like it."
"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.
She was very pretty, very s**... and persuasive... I was weak.
"Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."
After a restorative brandy, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."
"Don't be silly! Elizabeth said with a smile, She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Under the cart!"

Did you hear about the golfer that bedded the Queen?

He got a hole in one.

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

... Incase he got a hole in one.
HEHE one of my favs.
Whats your fav joke?

Why did the Golfer feel aladeen about his socks ?

He had a hole in one.

He Takes His Golf Seriously.

An elderly golfer is about to putt when a f**... procession drives by.
He removes his hat, and waits for the cars to pass by.
His golfing buddy turns to him and says, "That was very thoughtful of you to do that."
He responds, "Well, it seemed appropriate. I was married to the woman for 55 years."

Did you hear about the ambidextrous golfer?

He swings both ways.

h**... was a keen golfer.....

He even wrote a book on it, it was titled 'How to get out of a bunker with one shot.'

My girlfriend is always hooking, ending up elbow deep in a bush because she swings both ways

She's a terrible golfer

Why was the young golfer so angry?

Because he was having a rough day.

As far as I know original golf joke

So what does a bogey have in common with a dead golfer?
One too many strokes.

Did you hear about the golf match between the black golfer and white golfer from South Africa?

Birdie on the last hole would have won the match for the black golfer, but a par tied.

What are golfers afraid of?

The bogey monster

The dyslexic golfer was well on his way to a birdie until he hit a water fowl, killing the golf club's mascot.

No egrets

Why is there no such thing as a great golfer?

The best ones are consistently sub-par.

TIL: h**... was a very emotional golfer

...Every time his ball went into a bunker, he became suicidal!

What are golfers afraid off?

The bogeyman

Why did the golfer throw out his favourite socks?

Because he got a hole in one.

Lady golfer

A lady comes up to the clubhouse after playing playing a few holes and she is fuming
She says
"A bee stung me"
The man at the desk replies
"where did the bee sting you
The lady replies
"Between hole 1 and 2"
The man at the desk says
"That's your problem, your stance is too wide"

How can you tell the difference between a golfer and somebody suicidal?

One of them is happy to get a s**...

Why did the golfer take two pairs of pants with him?

Just in case he got a hole in one.

The perfect shot.

A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind direction and speed. The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," the partner says. "You'll never hit her from here."

Why do golfers bring extra pants?

Incase they get a hole in one.

Did you hear about the golfer who passed away?

He had two strokes over 80.

What do you call a man with only one ball in his bag?

A very confident golfer!

A nice clean jewish joke

The young rabbi was an avid golfer. Even on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year, he snuck out by himself for a quick nine holes.
On the last hole he teed off, and a gust of wind carried his ball directly over the hole and dropped it in for a hole in one.
An angel who witnessed this miracle complained to God, This guy is playing golf on Yom Kippur, and you cause him to get a hole in one? This is a punishment?
Of course it is, said the Lord, smiling. Who can he tell?

What's the difference between tiger woods and an amateur golfer?

Only one of them gets convicted for reckless driving

Why did the wannabe golfer fail in life?

Because he had no drive.

What do you call a golfer who hasn't enough clubs?

Iron deficient.

Why did the golfer take an extra pair of socks with him?

In case.... ^wait ^for ^it... he got a hole in one!

A woman golfer walks up to a grounds keeper..

A woman golfer walks up to a grounds keeper and says, "I just got stung by a bee!" "Where at??" Asks the grounds keeper. "Between the first and second hole." Replied the woman. The grounds keeper looks her up and down and says, "Well, It sounds like your stance is too wide."
Cr

why should golfers wear two shirts?

in case they get a hole in one

Golfer Kelly Kraft did something exceptional today

He managed to get a birdie and yet still missed the cut

What do golfers and gay Mexicans have in common?

They both want to get the hole in juan

What do you call an ugly professional golfer?

A Putter Face

A golfer brought a extra pair of socks when he went golfing,

Just in case he got a hole in one.

Did you hear about the golfer who started a colonoscopy clinic?

He does 18 holes a day.

Why did the golfer convert to Islam?

Because he found out there's 72 holes waiting for him when he dies.

Where does the golfer who always gets a score of 0 park his car

In the par-king lot

Two golfers are ready to play on the 11th tee as a f**... cortege passes by. The first player stops, doffs his cap, and bows his head as the cortege passes.

That was a really nice thing to do, the second golfer says. It's good to see there is still some respect in the world.
Well, it's only right, the first golfer replies. I was married to her for 35 years.

Why did the best golfer in the world throw away his golf shoes ...

Because he got a hole in one.

Where do golfers go to get their drugs?

The sand trap.
Thanks.

How many golfers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

FORE!

Why do golfers need two pairs of pants?

In case they get a hole in one

What did the dentist say to the golfer?

"You have a hole in one."

Why did the golfer change pants?

He got a hole in one.

Hey girl, I see that you're a golfer. Do you like putting?

Because I'm going to be putting my trust and confidence in you as we grow closer together over the course of a long, healthy, and mutually beneficial relationship.

A golfer tells his buddy, Check out this Impossible-to Lose golf ball I have...

If you hit it in the water it floats and then activates a small propeller that moves it over to the edge so you can retrieve it. If you hit it in high grass it emits a smoke signal. If you hit it into a bush, it chirps. It's literally impossible to lose!
His buddy says Wow! That's awesome. How much does it cost?
The golfer says I don't know. I just found it on the course.

Golfer joke, A golfer tells his buddy,  Check out this  Impossible-to Lose  golf ball I have...

jokes about golfer

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these golfer jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.