Golf Hole In One Jokes
103 golf hole in one jokes and hilarious golf hole in one puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about golf hole in one that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Golf Hole In One Short Jokes
Short golf hole in one jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The golf hole in one humour may include short hole in one jokes also.
- "Why do dads take an extra pair of sock when they go golfing?" "In case they get a hole in one!"
- Went golfing with a buddy, and I asked him why he brought an extra pair of socks. He said, "In case I get a hole in one."
- My Dad who plays golf. I always asked dad why he bought an extra pair of socks when he played golf. Told me in case he got a hole in one. 😂
- Why do Dads bring an extra pair of socks to the golf course? In case they get a hole-in-one!
- Borrowed a pair of my stepdad's socks the other day He said to be careful as they were his lucky golfing socks.
They have a hole in one. - Why should you bring two pairs of pants when you golf? In case you get a hole-in-one
(stolen from some girl at school) - Why does Luigi bring an extra pair of overalls when he golfs? In case he gets a hole-in-one
- I heard that tiger woods takes an extra pair of trousers with him when he plays golf. It's just in case he gets a hole in one.
- Why do I always bring 2 pairs of pants when I go golfing? Because I always get a hole in one
- I was at a golf course... And I asked a lady, who looked like a regular "Whats the distance between hole one and hole two?". She answered "About an inch".
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Golf Hole In One One Liners
Which golf hole in one one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with golf hole in one? I can suggest the ones about golf putt and golf putting.
- You should always bring two pairs of pants golfing. Just in case you get a hole in one.
- How do you cover 18 holes with one hole? Have your mom sit down on a golf course.
- Why would you wear two pairs of pants while golfing? You might get a hole in one.
- What is good for golf and bad for socks? A hole in one.
- Guys, golf is literally so easy.... I've played one hole and I've got 47 points
- Why did the golfer wear 2 shirts when he went golfing? In case he got a hole-in-one!
- I never wear golf socks. They've always got a hole in one.
- I wear two pants when I go golfing Just in case I get a hole in one
- You know how to smuggle something in a golf ball? First, you have to get a hole in one...
- I always bring a second pair of pants when I go golfing just in case I get a hole in one.
- Are those golf shoes you're wearing? Because you've got a hole in one
- I used to own two pairs of pants I played golf in constantly. Sadly, I got a Hole In One.
- I wore my golf socks today There's a hole in one
- Why does a golf player wear two pair of pants? In case he makes a hole in one
- You know what I love about golf.. Every single hole except one is under 18
Silly Golf Hole In One Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about golf hole in one you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean round golf jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make golf hole in one pranks.
I wear two pairs of pants when I go golfing. People always ask me why I do. I say, "I wear two pants when's I golf just in case I get a hole-in-one.
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.
He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request.
She said, I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.
Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.
He went up to her and said, Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.
She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, If I told you, you would only laugh.
No, I wouldn't, he said.
She said, I sell tampons.
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, See, I knew you would laugh.
That's not what I'm laughing at, he replied. I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!
Peeing in the Flowers...
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?'"
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes!'"
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
Tiger Woods playing golf.
Sorry if this is a repost, but I found this one quite funny.
Tiger Woods is practicing golf one day, surrounded by fans and media. While he's practicing, an amateur
golfer confidently walks up to him and challenges him to a match. Tiger knew he'd win, so he agrees thinking that it would be a fun break from serious practice. "OK," the amateur says, "Since I'm an amateur and you're a pro, you'll have to allow me two gotchas". Tiger didn't know what a gotchas is, but he didn't ask because he thought he'd win regardless of what handicap is placed on him. The fans and media leave the two alone so they can play in peace.
A few hours later, the two come out of the golf course and it turns out that Tiger Woods lost. The fans and media surrounded him wanting to know what happened. Tiger says, "I was starting the first hole, concentrating to tee off, you know, deep in thought. Right when I was about to drive the ball, he ran up from behind, grabbed my nuts and squeezed them tight while loudly screaming 'GOTCHA!!' can you imagine me trying to play eighteen holes waiting for the next gotcha?"
An American businessman was in Japan...
He hired a local h**... and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable.. The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo". The Japanese clients looked confused and said "No, you got the right hole."
A rich Texan is visiting Japan....
A rich Texan businessman is visiting Japan, so he decides to hire a Japanese h**.... That night, as they're reaching the c**... of the night's activities, she begins yelling, "Nagasai! Nagasai!" He obviously doesn't speak the language, so he guesses she was yelling "Yes! Yes!".
The next day, the Texan goes to play golf with a group of fellow businessmen who are Japanese. On the green of one of the later holes, one of the businessmen sink a 35 foot, double breaking putt for an Eagle. Remembering the h**... from the night before, the Texan starts yelling "Nagasai! Nagasai!"
The group of businessmen turn to him with faces of confusion. The man who sank the putt then says "What do you mean, 'wrong hole'?"
(I heard this joke this morning on 1310 KTCK in DFW)
An American travels on business to Japan for the first time, and decides to pick up a h**...
When he was diddling her, she kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!" The guy figured this was a term for something great.
The next day, he went golfing with his Japanese client and colleagues, and he got a hole-in-one. He wanted to impress his Japanese friends, so he yelled out, "Fujifoo!!!"
The Japanese speaking folks looked confused, and one of them finally said, "No, you got the right hole."
A priest and a farmer are playing a round of golf.
On the first hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots a hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and the ball ends up in the woods.
The farmer is furious and screams: "g**... I missed".
The priest tells him "If you curse one more time, god will punish you".
On the second hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots another hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and this ball also ends up in the woods.
He screams "g**... I missed"
A loud rumble is heard and lightning strikes the *priest*.
Shortly after, a voice is heard from above the clouds saying "g**... I missed"
A business man goes to Japan for a business meeting...
This man gets there late at night. He was feeling a little lonely, so he got a Japanese h**.... He has his way with the h**... and feels like he did a pretty good job, considering she was screaming out one word the entire time in Japanese. The next day, this man went golfing with the Japanese business men he was going to meet with. During their golf outing, he gets a hole in one! The Japanese men start screaming and celebrating in Japanese words. The man got very excited too and yelled out the only Japanese word he could think of, and that was the one he learned from his h**.... He yelled out this word, and all the Japanese business men look at him strangely. One of them comes up to the business man and asks "what you mean wrong hole?"
On the back of u/baldillin
A young Rabbi is a very avid golfer. He even goes out on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year to play some holes. On his last hole the wind carries the ball and he sinks an amazing hole in one.
In Heaven an angel complains to God, this Rabbi is playing golf on Yom Kippur and you give him a hole in one as punishment!?
Of course, God says, who can he tell?
So Jesus, Moses and an old man go golfing
The first to play is Jesus. After his swing, the ball land in the lake. He runs towards it, walks on the water and grabs the ball. Then it's Moses' turn. Bad luck, the same thing happens to him. He walks to the lake, spreads the water into two parts and grabs the ball on the dry ground. Finally, it's time for the old man to play. His ball lands on the top of a tree. Instead of getting the ball, he just waits. After a few minutes, a squirrel hiding in the tree takes the ball and goes down. Then a wolf attacks the squirrel, kills it and eats it. He goes further and ends up vomitting the ball, which is then taken by an eagle. The eagle goes even further, but a hunter shoots it down. The ball falls down and lands exactly in the golf hole. It's hole-in-one and the old man wins. Moses looks at Jesus and says: "I hate playing with your dad."
Sorry if it's a bit long, but I really like that one. Also sorry for my writing, I'm not a native English speaker.
An Englishman went on a business trip to Japan...
When he got there, he stayed in a nice hotel and decided to call a prostitution service. Not knowing a single word of Japanese, it was he struggled with the ordering process.
When the girl finally arrived, they stripped down and get down to business... They were having a blast and the girl kept screaming **"Machigatta ana, Machigatta ana..!!"** Deciding that it was a sign that the girl was pleasantly satisfied, he thought nothing of it and continued all night long.
The next morning, the Englishman went and have a round of golf with his Japanese business partner. His business partner swung first.... **BAM!** **Hole in one!**
"Nice shot my friend, machigatta ana..." said the Englishman
Looking puzzled, his business partner replied
"That shot was perfect... but what do you mean 'wrong hole'?"
Jesus, Moses and an Old Man go golfing
and they come up to the par 3. Moses steps up to take a swing and plop, right in the pond. So he steps up to the water, raises his hands and separates the water. He strolls up and chips it into the hole for a birdie. Jesus' turn and he plunks it in the drink, too. He walks on the water, takes a swing and chips it in for a birdie.
The old man steps up to the tee and takes a swing. And, you guessed it, he drops it into the water. Just then a fish swims up and gobbles the ball, a hawk comes flying in from the sky and swoops up the fish. Over the green, the bird lets go of the fish, who slams against the ground. letting the ball go... which rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one. Jesus turns to the old man and says, "Dad, quit showing off."
"So how was your golf game today, dear?"
"Well, it was fine until Tom hit a hole-in-one on the third and promptly dropped dead of a heart attack."
"Oh, my! That's terrible!"
"You're telling me! For fifteen holes it was 'hit the ball, drag Tom, hit the ball, drag Tom'."
I always bring a spare pair of trousers when I play golf...
...just in case I get a hole in one.
A woman is out playing golf...
...and she gets stung by a bee. It's annoying, but she finishes her game. Afterwards, she's having a drink in the clubhouse and mentions to one of the golf pros hanging out there what happened.
"Oh that's too bad," he says. "Where did you get stung?"
"Right between the first and second hole," she tells him.
"Hmmm," he says, "Sounds like your stance is too wide."
A joke about golfers.
Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large f**... procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts "Woah man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.
Why should you always take two pairs of trousers when you play golf?....
....In case you get a hole in one!
Why does Tiger Woods bring two pair of pants during a golf game?
Its in case he gets a hole-in-one.
Why did the elephant take off his socks at the golf course?
He got a hole in one.
2 detectives were looking over Juan's murdered, lifeless body..
when one detective says " it looks like he was killed by a golf gun". The other detective said "what's a golf gun?" The other says " I dunno, but it sure made a hole in Juan."
Tiger Woods goes through 18 holes in one day...
And he STILL has time for golf.
A man was in Japan, and had hired a p**...
And as he was going at it, she was screaming "Fujifoo! Fujifoo!"
He took this as that she was screaming with pleasure, and kept going.
The next day, he was playing golf with some Japanese friends. On one hole, he manages to score a hole in one. He jumps up into the air and exclaims "Fujifoo!"
His friends say to him "No, no, it's the right hole..."
In memory of Arnold Palmer, I wore my golf underwear today...
...the one's with 18 holes.
(Too soon?)
You know how there's always one j**... yelling GET IN THE HOLE! during golf? I tried it once...
Made the rest of the f**... really awkward.
Two guys are playing golf...
Two elderly gentlemen come to a par 3 hole. One of them tees up, starts to swing, but notices a f**... procession passing by. He stops mid-swing, takes off his hat and bows to the procession. After it passes, he puts on his hat and resumes his swing. The other man says to him, "Wow, that was really gentlemanly of you, paying your respects like that!" As he swings, he replies, "Well, she was my wife for 25 years..."
A man goes to Japan on business and hires a p**....
He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Knowing that she has been satisfied he goes to bed.
The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"
Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, "What do you mean wrong hole?"
A man went to China.
He hired a p**... to keep him company during the night, and when things got serious, she kept shouting a word in Chinese.
The next day, the man went to a golf course with a couple of business associates. They had a good afternoon until a person hit a hole in one. Everyone started shouting in excitement, and the man decided to join in, shouting the word he hears last night, thinking it was that of excitement.
Everyone turned to the man in silence. After a full minute of awkward silence, the one who made the shot asked "What do you mean, wrong hole?"
A man takes a trip to china
On his first night there, the man orders a p**.... While in act, the p**... screams something repeatedly in Chinese that the man does not understand. The next day the man goes to play golf. As the man lines up for a shot, one of the Chinese players he is playing with exclaims the same thing as the p**... last night. The man turns around and asks,
"Why did you say that?"
The Chinese man responds with, "Sorry, you're just aimed at the wrong hole."
When golfing, always make sure to bring an extra pair of pants.
In case you get a Hole In One!
A man goes golfing
And he hits the most incredible drive, an absolute rocket. 100 down range a bird flies into the middle of the fairway, gets smoked by the ball and drops down dead. The man walks up to the bird and sees that the ball has gone right through!
This begs the question, is it a birdie or a hole-in-one.
A nice clean jewish joke
The young rabbi was an avid golfer. Even on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year, he snuck out by himself for a quick nine holes.
On the last hole he teed off, and a gust of wind carried his ball directly over the hole and dropped it in for a hole in one.
An angel who witnessed this miracle complained to God, This guy is playing golf on Yom Kippur, and you cause him to get a hole in one? This is a punishment?
Of course it is, said the Lord, smiling. Who can he tell?
The other day I was golfing, and decided to bring another pair of pants.
Just in case I got a hole in one.
Did you hear the one about the skydiver who liked to land on golf courses?
He made a hole in one.
Why does the raccoon have two pairs of pants while he is golfing?
To be safe in case he gets a hole in one.
I don't golf often, but I always bring an extra pair of pants.
In the off chance that I get a hole in one.
A man goes on a business trip to Japan. The night before his big meeting, he hires a p**....
He really seems to be having a good time, because as they do their thing, she keeps enthusiastically saying things in Japanese over and over again.
The next day, he invites the Japanese businessmen out for a game of golf after their meeting. After a nice hole-in-one, he decides to try out a phrase his p**... used the other night to express his excitement. One of the businessmen turns to him and says, "What do you mean, 'wrong hole'?"
My girlfriend asked me if I bring an extra pair of socks when I play golf.
With a confused look I replied, "No."
She said "What happens if you get a hole in one?"
So there was a m**... the other day...
A man by the name of Juan Gonzalez was killed, and there was almost no evidence left behind.
The local police called in the FBI because they couldn't find a single lead.
The FBI investigator comes to the crime scene and has the case solved almost immediately.
He was killed with a golf gun, he said.
Everyone looked around confused, because no one had ever heard of a golf gun.
He said, isn't it obvious? There's a hole in Juan!
Stop me if you've heard this one...
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, what's wrong? I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the m**... of Juan Gonzalez.
How was he killed asked one detective. With a golf gun. Replied the second detective.
A golf gun? What's a golf gun?
I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan
Two guys are playing a round of golf
They're on the green of one hole just over a hill when they hear a crack from the fairway behind them. A ball sails over the ridge and lands near the two golfers. One says to the other,
Hey I've got an idea. Let's put the ball in the hole and give the guy a hole in one.
So they take the ball and put it in the hole. Minutes later a guy comes running over the ridge and asks if the guys had seen where his ball went.
o**... replies,
Yes it came right over the ridge, bounced once, and went right in the hole!
Great! the guy says, That gives me a 9!
A golfer brought a extra pair of socks when he went golfing,
Just in case he got a hole in one.
An elderly man takes his grandson golfing,
Once they were at their first hole the grandfather remarks, y'know when I was your age I could hit the ball right over that big ash tree over yonder. The boy looks and sees it is quite a hit and not wanting to be out done he whacks one right dead center and it sticks right in the trunk. As he stood there impressed by his grandfathers feat, the man finished his comment, 'course when I was your age that tree was 'bout 3 feet tall
Why did the best golfer in the world throw away his golf shoes ...
Because he got a hole in one.
When do you fix the tire on a golf cart?
When there's a hole in one.
Why are black Asians bad at golf?
Because they can't drive and every time they walk on a golf course a cop tries to put a hole in one
How does a handkerchief differ from golf?
If you get a hole in one you might end up with a bogey.
Did you see the story about the women that was blinded at the Ryder Cup?
She went to see the golf with her own eyes....and then got a hole-in-one
I'd love it if my friend could have multiple strokes
Playing against his constant hole-in-one shots makes me want to quit golf.
I love golf
Every hole except one is under 18
Why should you take two pairs of pants to golf?
Just in case you get a hole in one.
I crashed my golf cart two times while driving through hole one.
My driving skills were below par.
An American man meets a woman while on a business trip to Paris. She barely speaks any English, but their date goes well...
During s**..., she is moaning and basically screaming C'est le mauvais trou . He is emboldened and confident, seeing how much he's pleasing her. Over and over again, C'est le mauvais trou!
The next day, he's playing golf with a client who hits an amazing hole in one. Eager to use his new compliment, the man says C'est le mauvais trou!
The client replies What the h**... do you mean that's the wrong hole?!
A young woman is golfing when suddenly she is stung by a bee.
She decides to return back to the clubhouse to get first aid. She walks up to the men running the clubhouse and tells them that she was stung.
One man asks, "Where were you stung?".
She replies, "Between the first and second holes".
The men chuckle and then one tells her,
"Your stance is too wide"
This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
Why did the golfer take 2 pants when he went to the golf course
In case he got a **hole in one**
Japanese Golfer Joke
An American man went on a business trip to Japan. On the night before his last day, he hired a p**.... All through the night, the woman was screaming and shouting with excitement. The next day, he played golf with a friend who spoke Japanese as a second language. He decided to try some Japanese out on him so when his friend scored a hole in one he repeated what the woman had said last night. His friend stared at him and asked "What do you mean, 'Wrong hole?'"
Moses, Jesus and an old man were playing golf.
Moses swings and the ball rolls towards a river. The river splits and the ball goes through. Hole in one.
Jesus shrugs, and hits the ball straight onto the river. It rolls straight over. Hole in one.
The old man smiles and hits the ball into the river. A fish swallows the ball, an eagle swoops down, grabs the fish and flies off. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, it drops the fish, the ball falls into the hole.
Moses turns to Jesus and says
"I hate playing with your dad."
An old one: A rabbi and a priest go golfing, but the rabbi keeps missing his shots.
Whenever this happens, he angrily exclaims, g**..., I missed! At each hole, the rabbi swears, and at each hole, the priest shakes his head. Finally, on the final hole, the exasperated priest declares, Rabbi, if you continue with this disrespect for the Lord's name, so help me, may He strike you down right here on the green. The rabbi swings, misses, and swears. Suddenly, a lightning bolt descends and incinerates the priest. A heavenly voice then cries out, g**..., I missed!
