The Best 76 Golf Club Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Golf Club jokes. There are some golf club bogey jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these golf club putter puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Golf Club Jokes and Puns

I drove my sister's guinea pig to the vet this morning. My new golf clubs work great!

A murder has been committed.

Police are called to an apartment and find a man standing, holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the ground.

The detective asks, "Sir, is that your wife?"

"Yes."

"Did you hit her with that golf club?"

"Yes. Yes, I did," the man answers. He stifles a sob, drops the club and puts his hands on his head.

"How many times did you hit her?"

"I don't know. Five...six ...put me down for a five."

Police are called to a home to fins man standing over the lifeless body of a woman with a five iron in his hand.

The police ask, "is that your wife?"

"Yes" says the man.

"Did you kill her with that golf club?"

"Yes" says the man sobbing and then dropping the club.

"How many times did you hit her?"

The man says, "five, six or seven times. But put me down for a five."

Golf Club joke

Prices

So I'm sitting there, talking to my friend about the price of buying new York city. When out of nowhere, this girl screams out "OH MY GOD ITS A GOLF CLUB" now naturally, being the stupid person I am, immediately snap my neck 90Β° and feel my bones shatter. So I scream "gosh darn I broke my neck over a golf club".

Turns out someone got a golf club stabbed through their chest.

I guess it was a real shattering experience for me!

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.

He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.

She replied, I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request.

She said, I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.

Once again he thanked her.

He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.

He went up to her and said, Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.

He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.

She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.

She replied, If I told you, you would only laugh.

No, I wouldn't, he said.

She said, I sell tampons.

With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.

She said, See, I knew you would laugh.

That's not what I'm laughing at, he replied. I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!


Frank and Harry are at their golf club...

As Frank gets set to take his swing, a funeral procession goes by. He steps back, takes his hat off and holds it over his heart. Harry walks over, puts his hand on Frank's shoulder and says "That was a thoughtful thing to do". To which Frank replies "It was the least I could do, we were married for 30 years."

Jesus and Moses are playing golf.

After teeing off, Jesus asks Moses which club he should use to clear the water hazard and Moses says, "Use your 4 iron". Jesus says, "No, Tiger Woods would use a 6 iron". His shots goes into the water. Jesus walks out onto the water to find his ball and is seen by another golfer who says to Moses, "Look at that guy. Who does he think he is, Jesus Christ?" Moses says, "He is Jesus Christ, he THINKS he's Tiger Woods."

Golf Club joke, Jesus and Moses are playing golf.

You hear they are letting women into the Augusta national golf club?

They recieve green aprons instead of green jackets.

Why couldn't the golf club get a drink at the bar?

Because it would be driving later

If I die...

If I were to die first, would you remarry?" the wife asks.

"Well," says the husband, "I'm in good health, so why not?"

"Would she live in my house?"

"It's all paid up, so yes."

"Would she drive my car?"

"It's new, so yes."

"Would she use my golf clubs?"





"No. She's left-handed."

I got in to a gun fight with a mexican at a golf club.

I shot a hole in Juan.

You can explore golf club caddy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean golf club subpar dad jokes. There are also golf club puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What's the best wood to make a golf club out of?

Taiga Wood

Golf rules are frustrating

Just got new clubs and still can't hit my handicapped brother...

A Mexican once tried to steal my golf clubs..

so I had to shoot a hole-in-juan.

Two guys are drinking at the country club bar...

First guy says, "Hey, you want to go play some golf?"

Second guy says, "No, not today."

"Why not?"

"Because I never drink and drive."

Two men were playing golf..

when the man about to tee off noticed a funeral procession moving down the road next to the golf course. He stopped, put his club away, took off his hat and waited respectfully for them the pass. "My friend that was a very decent and respectful gesture" his friend commented. "The least I could do, I was married to her for eighteen years after all"

Golf Club joke, Two men were playing golf..

Four old guys go golfing...

And they start bragging about their sons.

The first says "My son is a lawyer, and he is doing so well, he just gave his friend a new car!"

The second says "My son is a doctor, and he is doing so well he just bought his friend a new boat!"

The third guy says "My son is an executive, and he is doing so well he just bought his friend a new house!"

The fourth guy says "Well, my son is a stripper at a gay club, but he must be doing pretty well because he just got a new car, a new boat, and a new house..."

So i went to Walmart today...

... and asked customer service for gta5. She was confused so I told her that it was a game with a black guy who crashed his car, sleeps with prostitutes, and attacks people with his golf club. She came later with Tiger Woods PGA 2010.

Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...

He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.

The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'

'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'

'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'

'But I'm Usain Bolt!'

'OK then, 2 minutes.'


Why did the black man go to the golf-club on Sunday afternoon?

Because he had a membership.

Just got a new set of golf clubs for my wife.

Best trade I've ever made

The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$65,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he smiles and asks: **"Anyone know whose phone this is?"**

What's a golf club's favorite type of music?

Swing!

Husband has 6 months to live

Asks his wife, "Will you marry again?"

She says she supposes so, eventually.

"Will he sleep in our bed"?

She says of course he will.

"Will you let him use my golf clubs?"

"No, he couldn't use them. He's left handed."

A guy buys a golf course...

It's doing well, but maintenance costs are killing him, so he decides to build 3 robots. They're instantly doing 10 times the work of humans, & he's happy. One day the club pro is teeing off in a money game & gets blinded by the glare from a robot. Its not the first time, & he tells the owner he must fix this issue. He thinks about it, & decides to simply paint the robots black. So the next day two of them don't show up for work & the third one robs the pro shop.

Three old men

Three old men are golfing. One of them complains,

"Ya know, the hills these days are getting steeper and steeper"

His buddy one chimes in:

"Yep, and the clubs are getting heavier. They were way lighter when we were younger"

The third old man patiently listening finally says,

"Oh quit whining you two, at least we're on the right side of the grass."

Marriage jok

A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The husband said, "No sweetie." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."

What do you call a golf club in the rear of your car?

A backseat driver

I hate Asian drivers

They just do not stand up to the quality of golf clubs I can find in America.

A man and his friend were playing golf one afternoon when a funeral drove by...

The man was about to swing but stopped and bowed his head and said a prayer, then aimed and let a beautiful swing rip.

His friend said, "Wow man, that was pretty respectful of you to say a prayer for who ever died."

His friend slid his club into his bag and said, "Well, I was married to her for 40 years so I figured I owed her that."

a Tiger walks into a bar...

er i think i heard it was a golf club...

The dyslexic golfer was well on his way to a birdie until he hit a water fowl, killing the golf club's mascot.

No egrets

What's a russian's favorite golf club?

A putin wedge.

A golf club walks into a bar...

...and orders a beer, but the bartender refuses to serve him. Why not? asks the golf club.

The bartender replies, Because I know you're going to be driving later!

What do you call a mini-golf club made of wasp testicles that's covered in Reese's Pieces?

A peanut butter bee-nut putter.

Did you hear about the golf club for introverts?

They had to close within the first year because nobody showed up.

LPT: If you're golfing and don't have the right iron, there are a few ways to approach it.

Oops, wrong club

Wife asks husband, if she dies will he remarry?

I don't know... yeah I probably would i guess.
What about the house? would you sell it?
No he says, I like our house.
What about our bed, would you buy a new one?
No I like our bed and would keep it.
Ok, the wife now asks, what about my golf clubs?
Would you let your new wife use them?
No way he says, she's left handed.

What do you call an Ethiopian child with an abnormally large toe?

A golf club

If you're playing golf but it's getting dark, what club do you use?

A Night Club.

What's a german's favorite golf club?

The nein iron!

A woman is accused of beating her husband half to death with his golf clubs.

The judge looks down at her and asks, "How many times did you hit him?"

The woman replies, "Eh, five..? Six..? Put me down for a five."

I just got a new set of golf clubs for my wife!

It was a great trade.

A man is on his death bed. He asks his wife...

"Will you re-marry after I die?"

"Oh, I don't know..." she says. "Maybe."

"Will you let another man move into our house with you?"

"Oh, I don't know... Maybe."

"Will you let another man drive my car?"

"Oh, I don't know... Maybe."

"Well, will you have sex with another man at some point?"

"Oh, I don't know... Maybe."

"Will you let another man use my golf clubs!?"

"Nah. He's left-handed."

I found out why I can't play well with my new golf clubs.

They have a loose nut on the grip. 😜

Bob and John asked Steve to play golf.

-But I don't know how to play golf, said Steve

-It's easy, said Bob. You just need a club, a ball and a hole. Luckily I've got a club.

-And I've got a ball, said John

Steve paused for a while, then said;

-I ain't playing!

Chad's wife decided to surprise him on his birthday

and to show him that she's a cool wife, she took him to a strip club.

At the club:

Bouncer: Hi Chad! How you doing tonight?

Wife: How does he know you?

Chad: We play golf together!

Bartender: Evening Chad! The usual?

Wife: And how does he know you?!

Chad: Um, he's on the bowling team!

Hot blonde stripper: Hey sexy, champagne room again tonight?

At this point the wife loses it and storms out of the club, dragging Chad with her, into a taxi.

Taxi driver: Hey Chad! Boy... You picked a fat one tonight huh? Same motel?

Man my brush strokes are horrible

I think I should've used a club to golf instead

The boys at the gay golf club call me 1 stroke

I don't play golf

Carl Lewis goes to a golf club

The doorman stops him and says, sorry mate, no blacks.

Carl says, "What?"

The doorman has to concede, "Yeah sorry mate, it's a bit unconventional nowadays but this is an all white golf club. But there is another Golf Club about 10 minutes down the road..."Carl: "But I'm Carl Lewis" Doorman: "Alright, 5 minutes down the road then"

The cops arrested me when they found me beating a Ford with a golf club.

I was charged with domestic abuse.

Why can't you drive a semi-truck anywhere?

Golf clubs are made too poorly.

Grandpa said he wanted to be buried with his golf clubs

But this is taking forever and my arms are tired!

Ladies at the Golf Course

Three ladies are chipping up to the fourth hole at River Hill Golf Club, when a naked man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green. The three ladies stare in awe at the size of his manhood. The first lady says, "He is definitely not my husband." The second lady, gazes at his manhood and says, "He is not mine either." After a very considered inspection, the third finally says, "He's not even a member of this golf club.

I just saw a strip club across the street from a mini-golf place. Now, I'm pretty liberal, but I think that's taking it too far.

What if you're trying to enjoy a nice afternoon out with your family, but when you leave, your kids have to watch a bunch of losers playing mini-golf?

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft

Today, in civilized society, it is called golf.

Last night, my friends and I drank beer and pretended to be golf clubs.

I was the designated driver.

Why don't you ever see Golf clubs that are "Made in China?"

Because you can't trust Asian Drivers.

The is a strip club opposite a indoor golf club personally this is disgusting what if you go for a nice family night out and look out the window

And see a bunch of losers playing indoor golf

My local golf club proposed a new rule that people are no longer allowed to play while drunk.

Yeah, I guess there was too many people driving under the influence.

Are you bad at golf?

Swing by and join the club.

What does an unchallenging mini-golf course have in common with a strip club?

During daytime hours they're both sub-par

A company decides to build a strip club across the street from a mini-golf place.

A bunch of people were really upset about this, and you can't really blame them. I mean, who wants to be enjoying a nice family outing only to look across the street and see some losers playing mini-golf?

A man was playing golf with his son

Boy says "dad can't you use a club like everyone else?"

What do you call a wizard that can turn himself into a golf club?

Harry Putter

A murderer breaks in to a Republican couple's house while they're asleep...

A murderer breaks in to a Republican couple's house while they're asleep.

He turns on the lights and begins tying them each to a chair.

Before he can grab the wife, the husband yells: "Honey, my birthday presents! Use them!"

The woman nods in agreement and rips open her top to reveal a pair of enormous, symmetrical plastic hooters.

The husband yells: "No! I meant the golf clubs from last year!"

Etiquette for golf is that it is not the done thing to argue about the score on a course.

But here were three members screaming at one another and play had stopped. The club official was called.

"What's the problem here?", he demanded.

"Well" said one player, "my partners had a stroke, and these two bastards want to add it to my score."

A car rolls up to the cemetary and the pallbearers unload the coffin.

Resting on top of the coffin is a set of golf clubs. An onlooker remarks to his companion, "He must have been quite the golfer."

"Oh he still is. Once he gets his brother in the ground, he'll still have time for a quick nine."

If I die first, will you remarry, asks the wife.

I'm in good health so why not, says the husband.
Will she live in this house
Its all paid for so yes.
Will she drive my car.
Its new so yes.
Will she use my golf clubs.
No, she's left handed.

Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally speaks: "Tim, I've been thinking, now that we're married maybe it's time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. You could probably get a good price for your clubs."

Tim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

"For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

"I wasn't," he replied.

The police were called to a crime scene.

They found a woman with a bloody golf club in her hand. Her husband, covered in blood, on the floor.

She screamed "My husband. What have I done?"

Cop "How many times did you hit him?

Wife " I don't remember. Put me down for a six"

Two men are playing a round of golf.

The third tee is close to a road, and just as one of the players is about to tee off he sees a funeral cortège driving slowly by. He breaks his shot, lays down his club, takes off his cap and bows his head as the procession passes.

'Wow' says his friend, 'That was very respectful.'

'I suppose so' says the first man, 'Mind you, I was married to her for 40 years.'

Today is Jacob's birthday,

So his wife decided to surprise him, she took him to a Strip-Club House.

At the club -

DOORMAN: Hey Jacob! How are you?

WIFE: How does he know you?

Jacob: We play Golf together!

BARTENDER: The usual beer Jacob?

WIFE: And how does he know you?

Jacob: He's on the Bowling Team!

HOT STRIPPER: The special Lap Dance again, Jacob?

The Wife storms out...... dragging Jacob with her, into a taxi!

TAXI DRIVER: Hey Jacob boy....You picked an ugly one this time...Same Hotel?

Jacob's funeral will be next Friday at 2pm prompt....

Two friends were out golfing one morning.

One of them is just getting ready to tee off when he notices a funeral processing passing on the street adjacent to the golf course.
He stops mid swing, drops his club and takes off his hat, then begins to say a prayer. Once the procession passes, he puts his hat back on, picks up his club and is ready to continue.

That was the sweetest thing I've ever witnessed. It was incredibly touching on your part to take the time to say a prayer for the deceased. Says his friend.

Well, it's the least I can do. After all, we were married for 35 years.

Here is an actual sign posted in a golf club.

1. Back straight, knees bent.
2. Feet shoulder width apart.
3. Form a loose grip.
4. Keep your head down!
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, let others go ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please while others are preparing.
10. Don't take extra strokes.

Well done. Now, flush the urinal and go outside and tee off.

My friend and I are gonna try a "wife swap"

I need golf clubs and he's hoping to get a truck

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the golf club tees jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working golf club golfers piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes