Goldberg Jokes

What are some Goldberg jokes?

A jew and a Chinese man are in an argument...

The jew says, "I hate your people for what you did at pearl harbour". The Chinese man says, what do you mean? That was the Japanese!". The jew replies, "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same. So the Chinese man says, "Well I hate your people for sinking the titanic". The jew says, "That's ridiculous; an iceberg sunk the titanic!". The Chinese man responds, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Silverberg, you're all the same".

A Korean and a Jew

Jew: Hey... weren't you people responsible for Pearl Harbor?

Korean: Uh... that was the Japanese. I'm Korean.

Jew: Pffft, Japanese, Chinese, Korean. What's the difference?

Korean: Well wait, weren't you people responsible for sinking the Titanic?

Jew: Uh... that was an iceberg.

Korean: Pffft, Rosenberg, Goldberg, iceberg... What's the difference?

A Jewish man and a Chinese man strike up a conversation

Before long they're arguing.

Jewish man: "You know what? I hate you."

Chinese man: "Why?"

Jewish man: "Pearl Harbor!"

Chinese man: "That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!"

Jewish man: "Japanese, Chinese what's the difference?"

Chinese man: "Well, you know what? I hate you."

Jewish man: "Why?"

Chinese man: "The Titanic!"

Jewish man: "An iceberg sunk the Titanic!"

Chinese man: "Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"

A Jewish guy walking through Chinatown notices a jewelry shop with has a big sign that says - Abe Goldberg jewelry.

He walks in and asks to meet Abe Goldberg. A Chinese man comes out from the back and says - herro, I Abe Golber.

The Jewish guy says, you're Abe Goldberg??? How did you get that name?

The Chinese man tells how when he was at Ellis Island, the guy in line before him was Abe Goldberg. When the immigration officer asked for his name he said - **Sam Ting**

Jewish sense of humor

Abe and Esther Goldberg were flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.Suddenly, over the public address system, the captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we are going to attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and we will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives."


Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later, Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our charity pledge check to Beth Shalom Synagogue yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.

Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks,
"Esther, did we pay our United Jewish Appeal pledge?"
"Oy no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.

One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send a check for the Synagogue Building Fund this month?," he asks.
"God forgive me, Abie," begged Esther, "I didn't send that one, either."

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest hug and kiss ever in their 40 long years of marriage.

Esther pulls away and asks him, "So, why do you kiss me?"

Abe answers, "They'll find us!"

So an old Jewish man dies

So an old Jewish man dies and as per his last wish, his son goes to the newspaper publisher and asks, "How much for an obituary in your newspaper?"

Publisher says, "$5 per word".

The son says, "Publish 'Jacob Goldberg Dead' ".

The publisher says, "We require minimum 6 words".

So the son says, "In that case make it 'Jacob Goldberg Dead, Wheelchair For Sale' ".

Goldberg opens a hardware store.

To advertise, he rents a billboard, puts up a picture of Jesus nailed to the cross, with the caption: They used Goldberg's nails.

His son, upon seeing this, exclaims to his father, You can't use that! It will cause antisemitism!"

So Goldberg exchanges it for a picture of Jesus's body laying on the ground, hands bloodied, with the caption: They didn't use Goldberg's nails.

A Jewish guy walks into a bar. The Chinese bartender asks him his name...

"I'm Max Goldberg", he says, "what's yours?"
"I'm Wei Zhang, it's nice to meet you."

Mr. Goldberg says, "I'll never forgive you people for bombing Pearl Harbor."
"I'm Chinese. That was the Japanese."
"Chinese, Japanese, all the same to me."

Mr. Zhang says, "I'll never forgive you people for sinking the Titanic."
"I'm Jewish, that was an iceberg."
"Goldberg, iceberg, all the same to me."

Two jews are walking past an evangelical church...

When they see a sign in the window, "accept Jesus today and we'll give you $10,000"

Goldberg says to his buddy Strausman, "Hey Straussy wait here I'm gonna go rip these goyim out of ten grand!"

"Wait!" Strausman responds, "what if you get sucked in and you lose your faith?!"

"Don't worry, Strausman. Once a Jew always a Jew. I'll say *I am found,* I'll do the dunking thing, I'll accept Jesus, badabing badaboom, and Ill walk out with $10,000!"

So Goldberg goes in and an hour later walks out to a worried Strausman. "So? Did you get the ten grand?"

"You jews, all you think about is money!"

A Jewish and a Chinese Guy.

Once two dudes, a Jewish and a Chinese were talking.

J: You evil Japanese started World War 2 by bombing Pearl Harbour.

C: I'm Chinese, not Japanese.

J: But you all look the same.

C: Well you sunk the Titanic.

J: That was an iceberg.

C: Iceberg, Goldberg, Bloomberg, its all the same to me.

A Chinese man and a Jew are talking

The Jew says "I still haven't forgiven your people for attacking Pearl Harbor."

To which the Chinese man replies, "That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese you idiot!"

The Jew says "Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?"

Then the Chinese man says "You know, I haven't forgiven your people for sinking that Titanic."

Shocked, the Jew replies "That was an iceberg you idiot!"

To which the Chinese man says "Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"

---

I didn't write this joke but it's always funny when I see it. Thought I'd share.

What do you call a mean Jewish engineer?

A Rude Goldberg

A Chinese man and a Jewish man were walking along one day

A Chinese man and his Jewish friend were walking along one day when the Jewish man whirled and slugged the Chinese man and knocked him down.

"What was that for?" the Chinese man asked.

"That was for Pearl Harbor!" the Jewish man said.

"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese. I'm Chinese."

"Chinese, Japanese, you are all the same!"

"Oh!"

They continued walking and after a while the Chinese man whirled and knocked the Jewish man to the ground.

"What was that for?" the Jewish man asked.

"That was for the Titanic!"

"The Titanic? That was an iceberg."

"Iceberg, Goldberg, you are all the same."

What's the Difference?

A Jewish man walks into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks, then he sees a Chinese man and punches him in the face.

"Owch!" the Chinese man says. "What was that for?"

"That was for Pearl Harbor," the Jewish man says.

"But I'm Chinese!" "Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" And the Jewish man sits back down.

Then, the Chinese man walks up to the Jewish man and punches him in the face.

"Ouch!" the Jewish man says. "What was that for?"

"That was for the Titanic," the Chinese man says.

"But that was an iceberg!"

"Ice berg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"

A restaurant owner wouldn't serve Mel Brooks, Whoopi Goldberg, or Andrew Lloyd Webber.

I never expected to see such EGOT-ism in this day and age.

Karma

A Chinese man and his Jewish friend were walking along one day when the Jewish man whirled and slugged the Chinese man and knocked him down.

"What was that for?" the Chinese man asked.

"That was for Pearl Harbor!" the Jewish man said.

"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese. I'm Chinese."

"Chinese, Japanese, you are all the same!"

"Oh!"

They continued walking and after a while the Chinese man whirled and knocked the Jewish man to the ground.

"What was that for?" the Jewish man asked.

"That was for the Titanic!"

"The Titanic? That was an iceberg."

"Iceberg, Goldberg, you are all the same."

Dear Canada, as a thank you for sending us Justin Bieber

We are sending you Miley Cyrus, Whoopie Goldberg and Rosie O'Donnell

A Jewish man and an Chinese man spark up a conversation....

Before long they're arguing...

Jewish man: "You know what? I hate you."

Chinese man: "For what?"

Jewish man: "Pearl Harbor!"

Chinese man: "That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!"

Jewish man: "eh, Japanese, Chinese what's the difference?"

Chinese man: "Well, you kow what? I hate you."

Jewish man: "For what?!?"

Chinese man: "The Titanic!"

Jewish man: "An iceberg sunk the Tatanic!"

Chinese man: "eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"

How to make Goldberg jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Goldberg to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Goldberg? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Goldberg pick up lines to share with friends.

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