Gold Silver Jokes
62 gold silver jokes and hilarious gold silver puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gold silver that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Gold Silver Short Jokes
Short gold silver jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gold silver humour may include short silver jokes also.
- The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop
- They say I'm overconfident Edit 1: Thanks for the silver!
Edit 2: Thanks for the gold!
Edit 3: Thanks for the platinum!
Edit 4: Wow this really blew up! - I heard the kid who fell into the gorilla pit was actually trying to get the jewelry his mother dropped. He didn't get the gold but he got the silver back.
- Olympic Results for sailing are out: The British have taken the Gold medal.
The French have taken the Silver medal.
The Somalians have taken the boats. - Gold and Silver walk into a bar... The bartender says, "Ey you, get outta here!"
So Gold left. - After one week of the Olympics, the Romanians have taken gold, silver, bronze lead, copper and anything else they can get their hands on.
- Human-beings get rich as they grow old: Silver in Hair;
Gold in Teeth;
Sugar in Blood;
Precious Stones in Kidney;
And a never ending supply of Gas! - Silver walked up to elements in a bar that was on fire. Silver said "Get out!" Gold said "Aukay"
Potassium said "K"
Sodium said "Na"
Argon didn't react. - Olympic Sailing results are in! denmark have taken gold
Finland have taken silver
Somalia have taken a middle aged couple who were on a worldwide cruise - I'm participating in the kleptomania Olympics this year. I plan to take home the gold, the silver and the bronze.
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Gold Silver One Liners
Which gold silver one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gold silver? I can suggest the ones about gold coins and gold.
- I entered the world kleptomaniac championship tournament I took gold, silver and bronze.
- 2020 Olympic high jump results Gold - Mexico
Silver - Mexico
Bronze - Mexico - Deciding whether to buy gold or silver... ...is an either ore situation
- How did the Silver bar get the Gold bar's attention? Au
- I feel bad for whoever took the silver in fencing. Their dreams of gold were foiled.
- What did silver say to gold? Au, get over here!
- A gold, silver, and bronze medal were racing on a weight. The gold got a-weigh.
- Chuck Norris digs up gold - from silver linings.
- If you find gold in Australia where should you look for silver? **Ag**stralia
Hilarious Gold Silver Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about gold silver you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gold bars jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gold silver pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... Englishman, p**... Scotchman and p**... Irishman come across a magic slide. The slide operator tells them when they slide down, whatever they shout out for is what they will land in at the bottom. p**... Englishman goes first and yells "Gold!" and lands in gold. p**... Scotsman goes next and screams "Silver!" so he lands in silver. p**... Irishman looks down the slide and, being afraid of heights, closes his eyes and jumps, crying out "OH SH*T!"
A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together.
St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homeswhere they will spend all of eternity.
They get into St. Peter’s holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy!
And if there is anything you need, just let me know.
Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack.
St Peter says “Here you go” and goes to leave when the forester says “Waitaminute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?”
St. Peter says: “Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before.”
Chuck Norris won the gold, silver and bronze medals at the Olympics.
In the same event. From home.
olimpic condoms
The husband comes home and tells his wife : "honey, i got some olimpic condoms !" the wife asks: "olimpic? what do you mean by that?" "Yeah..olimpic. they come in 3 different colors: gold, silver and bronze. And guess what ? Tonight i think of wearing the gold ones !" to which the wife replies: "Honey..could you please wear the silver ones?! I'd love for you to finish second.."
Olympic Condoms
A man gets home one day from work and excitedly shows off to his wife that he bought a pack of *Olympic Condoms*.
"What do you say I slip on a gold one and we give it a go?" He asks her with a grin.
She simply responds,
"Why don't you try out the silver and come second for a change"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Oscar
• Roses are red,
Violets are glorious,
Don't try to surprise
Oscar Pistorius
• She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.
• Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem.
• When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?
• Absolutely shocking news from South Africa. White man arrested for m**....
• Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn't mean he's unarmed.
• I take it Oscar Pistorius's girlfriend bought him shoes for Valentines.
• What do you call a room full of dead people? An Oscar Pistorius surprise birthday party.
• Oscar Pistorius has an incredible record of wins to his name. Six gold medals, four silver medals and one argument.
• A young woman is dead, the life of up and coming athlete, Oscar Pistorious, is ruined, and people are already making jokes about it. That's prosthetic... i mean pathetic.
• I think it's safe to say that Oscar Pistorius won't be getting his leg over tonight.
• Police have found a list of 20 other women that Pistorius planned to kill, they are calling it shinless list.
• And the Oscar goes to....... Prison.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
it seems Oscar Pistorious jokes still have legs..
Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't ever sneak up on Oscar Pistorius.
She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.
Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem.
When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?
Absolutely shocking news from South Africa. White man arrested for m**....
Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn't mean he's unarmed.
Surely Oscar Pistorius cant be the first man to wake up legless on Valentines day and shoot all over the missus while imagining she's someone else!
I take it Oscar Pistorius's girlfriend bought him shoes for Valentines.
What do you call a room full of dead people? An Oscar Pistorius surprise birthday party... or... An Oscar Pistorius St Valentine's Day Massacre
Oscar Pistorius has an incredible record of wins to his name - Six gold medals, four silver medals and one argument.
A young woman is dead, the life of up‑and‑coming athlete, Oscar Pistorius, is ruined, and people are already making jokes about it. That's prosthetic... i mean pathetic.
I think it's safe to say that Oscar Pistorius won't be getting his leg over tonight.
Oscar Pistorious' lawyer is trying to claim mistaken identity
Personally I don`t think he has a leg to stand on
And the Oscar goes to ... Prison.
Has anyone heard the joke about the mansion and the stairs that go 'bronze silver gold bronze silver gold'?
I can't find it online and I've heard it before. If anyone knows it or can pm a link I would much appreciate it. Sorry if this breaks the rules but I don't know where else to ask.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My team got silver medal in the s**... Olympics.
We would have got gold but I came first in the o**....
A man is out shopping and discovers
a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
"Olympic condoms?" she asks, "What makes them so special?"
"There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."
"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.
"Gold of course," says the man proudly.
The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"
Olympic results are out finally
Sailing results:
GB have taken Gold.
Denmark Silver.
And Somalia has taken a middle aged couple sailing round the World.
The German, the gypsy and the Romanian are on a plane
Suddenly, the German throws a silver spoon out the window. The others ask him why he did that, to which the German replies:
'Where I come from, that's what we have the most of.'
After that, the gypsy throws a gold spoon out the window. The others asks him why he did that, to which he replies:
'Where I come from, that's what we have the most of.'
Soon after, the Romanian suddenly throws the gypsy out the window and shouts:
'And where I come from, that's what we have the most of!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Irish man, a Russian man and an English man all go to a magic park
At the park there is a magic slide and each man who goes down it will recive a p**... of whatever they desire
The Irish man says "gold!" And he lands in a p**... of gold.
The Russian man says "silver! " and he lands in a p**... of silver.
The English man says "Weee! " and he lands in a p**... of wee.
A Japanese Pole Vaulter Walks into a bar
wearing his silver medal. A young woman walks up and says "how close were you to the gold"?
..."about 4 inches"
Nadia would be proud
She was impressed by her country's performance last Olympics, as Romania took home Gold, Silver, Bronze, Tin and any other metals they could get their hands on.
[Politics] Is mental gymnastics an Olympic Sport?
If it is, Sean Spicer could take home the gold, silver and bronze for the US.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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"Hey honey, my olympic condoms arrived.."
"Hey honey, my olympic condoms arrived, I think I'll wear gold."
"Maybe you should wear silver and come second for a change!"
Gold and Silver haven't seen each other since Elementary School
They decided to meet up at a bar. Gold walks in and sees his old friend and calls out to him.
"Aay, G."
Silver gets excited and shouts back, "Hey, you!"
I was out shopping tonight, when I saw a new brand of condoms called, "Olympic." Trying to get in to the spirit of things, I bought a pack and when I got home, I sprinted in singing the Olympic theme song and proudly showed them to my wife...
"Olympic condoms!?" she asked. "What makes them so special? Are we only going to use them once every four years?!"
Chuckling, I replied, "No,no! You see, there are three colors, Gold, Silver and Bronze!"
"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asked cheekily.
"Gold of course!" I said proudly.
She retorted, "Really?! Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"
They say that in the Olympic Village, silver medalists get laid more than gold medalists
I guess women there prefer someone who is skilled at finishing 2nd
My father was a commercial miner his whole life, but he only mined silver and gold. On his deathbed, I asked him what his favorite metal to mine was... he said
Either ore.
My HS Chemistry teacher told us how to remember the periodic symbols for Silver and Gold-
If someone tried to steal your silver, you'd say A G, I lost my silver. But if someone tried to steal your gold, you'd say A U! Give me back my gold!
My wife and I got into bed last night
I said "That box of different coloured condoms arrived, I think I'll wear the gold one today."
She replied: "Why don't you wear the silver and come second for once?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Russian Joke (Obama and Merkel meet in private)
Obama tells Merkel:"Listen, I have three b**..., red, green and yellow. If I press the red button, there is no more China, if I press the red button, there is no more Russia, if I press the green button, Europe is gone".
Merkel says... "That may be, however, my grandmother had three toilets. A gold one, a silver one, and a delft one. However, when the Russians entered Berlin in 1945, she crapped herself in the hallway.
4 Weather Patterns Are In A Race
Sunny gets gold.
Cloudy gets silver.
Snowy gets bronze.
And Rainy gets a precipitation award.
What did the gold prospector say when he saw bits of silver in his pan?
weird flecks, but okay.
An elderly man is having difficulty keeping up with his wife any more
so he goes to see the doctor and is gone for most of the day.
When he gets home, he arrives in a chauffered Cadillac, and is resplendently turned out in pinstripe trousers, waistcoat, frock coat, top hat and spats. He has a gold pocket watch in the waistcoat, a gigantic cigar, and an ebony walking stick topped with a silver ram's head almost the size of a real one.
His wife takes one look at him and says, "Wilbur, for the land's sake, what have you got on?"
And he replies, "Marge, honey, the doctor told me I was impo'tant. And if I'm impo'tant, then I'm surely gonna look impo'tant!"
While renovating my fence I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with silver, gold and platinum
The things you get by re-posting.
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A New Metal has been added to Chemistry
Name: Woman
Symbol: Wm
Atomic mass: Light when first found... tends to get heavier with time.
**PHYSICAL PROPERTIES**
- Boils at any time
- Can freeze at any time
- Melts if treated with love
- Very Bitter if Mishandled
**CHEMICAL PROPERTIES**
- Very Reactive
- Highly Unstable
- Possesses Strong Affinity towards Gold, Silver, Diamond, Platinum, Credit cards, Debit cards & Cheque books
- Money Reducing Agent
**OCCURRENCE**
- Mostly found in front of the Mirror.
- It's highly flammable when mixed with in-laws.
- It has mixed properties when seated with parents.
- Very harmful to you if she sees you with any element similar to itself!
Bought a Magic toilet
At first i accidentally flushed my silver necklace down the toilet.
The next day i found silver jewelries on the bathroom floor.
Then i decided to flush down my gold ring.
The very next day, gold jewelries everywhere in bathroom.
I realized that my toilet is magical so i took out a 1 dollar bill,a 5 dollar bill and a 100 dollar bill out of my wallet. I flushed down a total of $106. Nothing happened throughout the day.
That night i woke up to the sound of loud noises coming from the bathroom. When i opened the door i was shocked and i couldn't believe my eyes.
Abraham Lincoln and George Washington was out of breathe trying to pull out Benjamin Franklin from the toilet.
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A priest goes to the barber and has his hair cut.
He wants to pay but the barber says it is free of charge for a man of faith. The next morning the barber finds 5 silver coins in front of his door.
A buddhist goes to the barber and has his head s**.... He wants to pay but the barber says it is free of charge for a man of faith. The next morning the barber finds 5 gold coins in front of his door.
A rabbi goes to the barber and has his hair trimmed. He wants to pay but the barber says it is free of charge for a man of faith. The next morning the barber finds 5 rabbis in front of his door.
Michael Phelps is in bed with his wife and in the mood. Phelps gives her 'the look' and says "C'mon baby, I'm ready to go for the gold."
Phelps' wife sighs a bit and says "How about you go for the silver tonight and let me come first for once?"
Olympic sailing competition just finished. France got the gold, South Africa got the silver, and ...
Somalia got the boat.
Being Asian at the Olympics
Child: Wins Bronze
Parent: Could have won silver
Child: Wins Silver
Parent: Could have won gold
Child: Wins Gold
Parent: Could have broken the World Record (WR)
Child: Broke WR
Parent: Could have been a Doctor