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Gold Silver Jokes

73 gold silver jokes and hilarious gold silver puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gold silver that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Gold Silver Short Jokes

Short gold silver jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gold silver humour may include short silver jokes also.

  1. How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.
    (
  2. The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop
  3. They say I'm overconfident Edit 1: Thanks for the silver!
    Edit 2: Thanks for the gold!
    Edit 3: Thanks for the platinum!
    Edit 4: Wow this really blew up!
  4. I heard the kid who fell into the gorilla pit was actually trying to get the jewelry his mother dropped. He didn't get the gold but he got the silver back.
  5. Olympic Results for sailing are out: The British have taken the Gold medal.
    The French have taken the Silver medal.
    The Somalians have taken the boats.
  6. Gold and Silver walk into a bar... The bartender says, "Ey you, get outta here!"
    So Gold left.
  7. Silver and lead are sitting at a bar and gold walks in. Silver yells " au, get outta here! "
  8. After one week of the Olympics, the Romanians have taken gold, silver, bronze lead, copper and anything else they can get their hands on.
  9. Human-beings get rich as they grow old: Silver in Hair;
    Gold in Teeth;
    Sugar in Blood;
    Precious Stones in Kidney;
    And a never ending supply of Gas!
  10. "Hey honey, my olympic condoms arrived.." "Hey honey, my olympic condoms arrived, I think I'll wear gold."
    "Maybe you should wear silver and come second for a change!"

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Gold Silver One Liners

Which gold silver one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gold silver? I can suggest the ones about gold coins and gold.

  1. I entered the world kleptomaniac championship tournament I took gold, silver and bronze.
  2. 2020 Olympic high jump results Gold - Mexico
    Silver - Mexico
    Bronze - Mexico
  3. Deciding whether to buy gold or silver... ...is an either ore situation
  4. How did the Silver bar get the Gold bar's attention? Au
  5. I feel bad for whoever took the silver in fencing. Their dreams of gold were foiled.
  6. What did silver say to gold? Au, get over here!
  7. What did silver say to gold? AU
  8. What did Silver say to Gold when he ran into him at the bar? Ay you!
  9. A gold, silver, and bronze medal were racing on a weight. The gold got a-weigh.
  10. Chuck Norris digs up gold - from silver linings.
  11. If you find gold in Australia where should you look for silver? **Ag**stralia

Hilarious Gold Silver Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about gold silver you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gold bars jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gold silver pranks.

p**... Englishman, p**... Scotchman and p**... Irishman come across a magic slide. The slide operator tells them when they slide down, whatever they shout out for is what they will land in at the bottom. p**... Englishman goes first and yells "Gold!" and lands in gold. p**... Scotsman goes next and screams "Silver!" so he lands in silver. p**... Irishman looks down the slide and, being afraid of heights, closes his eyes and jumps, crying out "OH SH*T!"

A husband says to his wife, "My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I'll wear gold tonight." The wife replies, "Why not wear silver and come second for a change?""

Chuck Norris won the gold, silver and bronze medals at the Olympics.
In the same event. From home.

olimpic condoms

The husband comes home and tells his wife : "honey, i got some olimpic condoms !" the wife asks: "olimpic? what do you mean by that?" "Yeah..olimpic. they come in 3 different colors: gold, silver and bronze. And guess what ? Tonight i think of wearing the gold ones !" to which the wife replies: "Honey..could you please wear the silver ones?! I'd love for you to finish second.."

Olympic Condoms

A man gets home one day from work and excitedly shows off to his wife that he bought a pack of *Olympic Condoms*.
"What do you say I slip on a gold one and we give it a go?" He asks her with a grin.
She simply responds,
"Why don't you try out the silver and come second for a change"

Has anyone heard the joke about the mansion and the stairs that go 'bronze silver gold bronze silver gold'?

I can't find it online and I've heard it before. If anyone knows it or can pm a link I would much appreciate it. Sorry if this breaks the rules but I don't know where else to ask.

My girlfriend bought me Olympian brand Condoms...

Before she left, I asked if she could buy the Gold Medal variant, she came back with the Silver Medal, saying; "I don't want you coming first this time"

My team got silver medal in the s**... Olympics.

We would have got gold but I came first in the o**....

A man is out shopping and discovers

a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
"Olympic condoms?" she asks, "What makes them so special?"
"There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."
"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.
"Gold of course," says the man proudly.
The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"

The first Olympic sailing results are in

England has taken gold, France has taken silver and Somalia has taken the boat.

Olympic Sailing results are in!

denmark have taken gold
Finland have taken silver
Somalia have taken a middle aged couple who were on a worldwide cruise

Olympic results are out finally

Sailing results:
GB have taken Gold.
Denmark Silver.
And Somalia has taken a middle aged couple sailing round the World.

The German, the gypsy and the Romanian are on a plane

Suddenly, the German throws a silver spoon out the window. The others ask him why he did that, to which the German replies:
'Where I come from, that's what we have the most of.'
After that, the gypsy throws a gold spoon out the window. The others asks him why he did that, to which he replies:
'Where I come from, that's what we have the most of.'
Soon after, the Romanian suddenly throws the gypsy out the window and shouts:
'And where I come from, that's what we have the most of!'

An Irish man, a Russian man and an English man all go to a magic park

At the park there is a magic slide and each man who goes down it will recive a p**... of whatever they desire
The Irish man says "gold!" And he lands in a p**... of gold.
The Russian man says "silver! " and he lands in a p**... of silver.
The English man says "Weee! " and he lands in a p**... of wee.

A Japanese Pole Vaulter Walks into a bar

wearing his silver medal. A young woman walks up and says "how close were you to the gold"?
..."about 4 inches"

Nadia would be proud

She was impressed by her country's performance last Olympics, as Romania took home Gold, Silver, Bronze, Tin and any other metals they could get their hands on.

A man walks into a store to buy condoms

He notices that there are Olympic condoms on sale. He returns home and tells his wife, "Honey I bought Olympic condoms for us tonight!"
Wife: What's so special about them.
Husband: Well, there's a gold one, a silver one and a bronze one.
Wife: Which one are you gonna wear tonight?
Husband: The gold one of course!
Wife: Why don't you wear the silver one, it would be nice if you came second for a change.

[Politics] Is mental gymnastics an Olympic Sport?

If it is, Sean Spicer could take home the gold, silver and bronze for the US.

Gold and Silver haven't seen each other since Elementary School

They decided to meet up at a bar. Gold walks in and sees his old friend and calls out to him.
"Aay, G."
Silver gets excited and shouts back, "Hey, you!"

I was out shopping tonight, when I saw a new brand of condoms called, "Olympic." Trying to get in to the spirit of things, I bought a pack and when I got home, I sprinted in singing the Olympic theme song and proudly showed them to my wife...

"Olympic condoms!?" she asked. "What makes them so special? Are we only going to use them once every four years?!"
Chuckling, I replied, "No,no! You see, there are three colors, Gold, Silver and Bronze!"
"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asked cheekily.
"Gold of course!" I said proudly.
She retorted, "Really?! Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"

Silver walked up to elements in a bar that was on fire. Silver said "Get out!"

Gold said "Aukay"
Potassium said "K"
Sodium said "Na"
Argon didn't react.

They say that in the Olympic Village, silver medalists get laid more than gold medalists

I guess women there prefer someone who is skilled at finishing 2nd

Olympic condoms (n**...)

A boyfriend buys Olympic colored condoms, and tells his girlfriend it's because there are 3 colors Gold, Silver and Bronze. He tells her "tonight i think i'll wear the gold" she replied "i wish you would wear the silver one". "Why?" the boyfriend asks. "It would be great if you came second for a change!"

My father was a commercial miner his whole life, but he only mined silver and gold. On his deathbed, I asked him what his favorite metal to mine was... he said

Either ore.

My HS Chemistry teacher told us how to remember the periodic symbols for Silver and Gold-

If someone tried to steal your silver, you'd say A G, I lost my silver. But if someone tried to steal your gold, you'd say A U! Give me back my gold!

My wife and I got into bed last night

I said "That box of different coloured condoms arrived, I think I'll wear the gold one today."
She replied: "Why don't you wear the silver and come second for once?"

Russian Joke (Obama and Merkel meet in private)

Obama tells Merkel:"Listen, I have three b**..., red, green and yellow. If I press the red button, there is no more China, if I press the red button, there is no more Russia, if I press the green button, Europe is gone".
Merkel says... "That may be, however, my grandmother had three toilets. A gold one, a silver one, and a delft one. However, when the Russians entered Berlin in 1945, she crapped herself in the hallway.

4 Weather Patterns Are In A Race

Sunny gets gold.
Cloudy gets silver.
Snowy gets bronze.
And Rainy gets a precipitation award.

What did the gold prospector say when he saw bits of silver in his pan?

weird flecks, but okay.

An elderly man is having difficulty keeping up with his wife any more

so he goes to see the doctor and is gone for most of the day.
When he gets home, he arrives in a chauffered Cadillac, and is resplendently turned out in pinstripe trousers, waistcoat, frock coat, top hat and spats. He has a gold pocket watch in the waistcoat, a gigantic cigar, and an ebony walking stick topped with a silver ram's head almost the size of a real one.
His wife takes one look at him and says, "Wilbur, for the land's sake, what have you got on?"
And he replies, "Marge, honey, the doctor told me I was impo'tant. And if I'm impo'tant, then I'm surely gonna look impo'tant!"

While renovating my fence I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with silver, gold and platinum

The things you get by re-posting.

Walks into a bar chemistry jokes

Silver walks into a bar
He sees gold in the distance and yell's,
AU! Get outa here!
Helium walks into a bar
The bartender says,
Sorry we don't serve noble gases here
Helium doesn't react

A priest goes to the barber and has his hair cut.

He wants to pay but the barber says it is free of charge for a man of faith. The next morning the barber finds 5 silver coins in front of his door.
A buddhist goes to the barber and has his head s**.... He wants to pay but the barber says it is free of charge for a man of faith. The next morning the barber finds 5 gold coins in front of his door.
A rabbi goes to the barber and has his hair trimmed. He wants to pay but the barber says it is free of charge for a man of faith. The next morning the barber finds 5 rabbis in front of his door.

A husband says to his wife, My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I'll wear Gold tonight.

A husband says to his wife, My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I'll wear Gold tonight.
The wife replies, Why not wear silver and come second for a change?

Michael Phelps is in bed with his wife and in the mood. Phelps gives her 'the look' and says "C'mon baby, I'm ready to go for the gold."

Phelps' wife sighs a bit and says "How about you go for the silver tonight and let me come first for once?"

3 men went to a theme park

and walked up to a ride that said "magic slide". The 1st man read the sign and went down the slide yelling "gold!" Landed in a pit of gold. 2nd man read the sign, went down the slide yelling "silver!" Landed in a p**... of silver. The 3rd man didn't bother reading the sign and just went down the slide yelling "wee!" Landed in a p**... of wee.

Olympic sailing competition just finished. France got the gold, South Africa got the silver, and ...

Somalia got the boat.

Being Asian at the Olympics

Child: Wins Bronze
Parent: Could have won silver
Child: Wins Silver
Parent: Could have won gold
Child: Wins Gold
Parent: Could have broken the World Record (WR)
Child: Broke WR
Parent: Could have been a Doctor

My girlfriend and I were shopping today. We saw that t**... had designed Olympic sponsored Condoms? I told here we had to buy some...

What's so special about them?
They have 3 colors: Gold, Silver and Bronze.
And what color are you going to wear tonight?
Gold, obviously!
Why not Silver? It'd be great if you could come second for a change.

I'm participating in the kleptomania Olympics this year.

I plan to take home the gold, the silver and the bronze.

I brought home some Olympic condoms.

I told my wife i was going to use the gold one. She said: "Maybe try the silver one, so you can finish second for once!"
I'm still gold baby!