Gold Medal Jokes
84 gold medal jokes and hilarious gold medal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gold medal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Gold Medal Short Jokes
Short gold medal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gold medal humour may include short silver medal jokes also.
- Olympic Results for sailing are out: The British have taken the Gold medal.
The French have taken the Silver medal.
The Somalians have taken the boats. - If you were stranded on an island and could bring three items what would you bring? Michael Phelps, a saddle, and stick with a gold medal on the end.
- Larry Nassar would have gotten away with it.... if it weren't for those medaling kids!
Showerthoughts removed my original, so going for gold here. - My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn't awarded the gold medal. The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
- My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon 5 years ago, but still has not been awarded a gold medal. China refuses to acknowledge Ty won.
- Hear about the first Polish athlete to win an Olympic gold medal? He was so proud, he had it bronzed.
- If I were stranded on a deserted island with 3 things of my choice... I would have to choose Michael Phelps, a saddle, and a stick with a gold medal tied to it.
- North Korea athletes... North Korea athletes, who fail to win gold medals in this year's Olympic Games, will have a chance to win gold medals in the next Paralympic Games.
- Did you hear about the blonde that won the gold medal in the Olympics? She was so proud she had it bronzed.
- Caitlyn Jenner decathlon joke Caitlyn Jenner recently confirmed that when she won the decathlon gold medal, she was, in fact, absolutely 100 heterosexual.
She wanted to set the record straight.
Share These Gold Medal Jokes With Friends
Gold Medal One Liners
Which gold medal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gold medal? I can suggest the ones about olympic gold medal and medal.
- What's better than winning a gold medal in the Paralympics? Walking.
- A Brazilian got the first gold medal The police are already after him.
- What's better than getting a gold medal at the paralympics? Having legs.
- Why has the pope never won a gold medal? Because he always came in a little behind.
- My cows milk won a gold medal at 15 shows in a row... It was legend dairy.
- Its hilariously ironic that the first gold medal won was by the U.S... For Shooting
- Women call me The Gold Medal I always finish first.
- Michael Phelps won his 21st olympic gold medal. You could say he's swimming in them!
- What is better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics? Having arms and legs.
- First things first... Here's my gold medal.
- A gold, silver, and bronze medal were racing on a weight. The gold got a-weigh.
- In what Olympic sport did Israel win a gold medal? Jujitsu
- What did Ryan Lochte name his Gold medal? GoldiLochtes
- What's better than winning a gold medal in the quadriplegic (crippled) Olympics? Walking.
- Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.
Olympic Gold Medal Jokes
Here is a list of funny olympic gold medal jokes and even better olympic gold medal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why does Mexico never get gold medals in olympics? Because all their swimmers, runners, and high jumpers are in USA.
- A man wins back to back golds in the Olympics for the decathlon. Ashton was Eaton up the competition
- Getting a job right out of college... ENTRY LEVEL JOB OPENING:
Hiring recent college grads.
REQUIREMENTS: 5 years of experience, 6 Olympic gold medals, and super powers. - I could win an Olympic gold medal If the women's gymnastic balance beam was a male competition too, I could win the gold medal. I've been mastering a 4 inch wood beam since I was a little kid
- If being a disappointment were an Olympic sport.... I could win the gold, have my father present the medal to me, and it still wouldn't be enough for him to be proud of me.
- How would America win gold medals in shooting for the Olympics? They take their prison population and school population to Rio.
- I heard your mom won a gold medal! I didn't even know they had sumo wrestling at the Olympics!
- Q: Did you hear about the Oregon fan who won a gold medal at the Olympics? A: He liked it so much that he decided to get it bronzed.
- How does Usain Bolt feel after being stripped of one of his Olympic Gold Medals? Fast and Furious
- Chuck Norris won the gold, silver and bronze medals at the Olympics.
In the same event. From home.
Uproarious Gold Medal Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about gold medal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean olympic gold jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gold medal pranks.
Oscar
• Roses are red,
Violets are glorious,
Don't try to surprise
Oscar Pistorius
• She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.
• Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem.
• When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?
• Absolutely shocking news from South Africa. White man arrested for m**....
• Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn't mean he's unarmed.
• I take it Oscar Pistorius's girlfriend bought him shoes for Valentines.
• What do you call a room full of dead people? An Oscar Pistorius surprise birthday party.
• Oscar Pistorius has an incredible record of wins to his name. Six gold medals, four silver medals and one argument.
• A young woman is dead, the life of up and coming athlete, Oscar Pistorious, is ruined, and people are already making jokes about it. That's prosthetic... i mean pathetic.
• I think it's safe to say that Oscar Pistorius won't be getting his leg over tonight.
• Police have found a list of 20 other women that Pistorius planned to kill, they are calling it shinless list.
• And the Oscar goes to....... Prison.
Celibacy (searched but didn't find...)
What is Celibacy?
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.
While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.
He then addressed the men.
Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?
Frank leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently, and whispered,
Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?
And thus began Frank's life of celibacy.
My girlfriend bought me Olympian brand Condoms...
Before she left, I asked if she could buy the Gold Medal variant, she came back with the Silver Medal, saying; "I don't want you coming first this time"
Man and wife visit the super bull farm.
They are shown round the prize bulls. The manager shows them a great strapping beast.. this one is our gold medal bull he mates without fail every three days. The wife is impressed and nudges hubby.. nodding approvingly.
They move on and next the manager shows them the double gold medal bull. He is a beast! This one, the manager explains proudly can do the business every other day without fail.
Wow.. Says the wife, with sideways look at her husband .. I'm very impressed.
Then the manager shows them Rocky, the triple gold medal bull. Rocky here, he says patting the muscular r**... of a steaming hot stomping beast, is a every single day boy.. 365 copulations a year.
The wife looks at her sulking husband. Now that's what I call a super stud!
Yes.. he says, scratching his chin,
but I bet Rocky here doesn't have to sleep with the same old cow every night.
A Mexican man contended in the Olympics
He won a gold medal in the "Jump and run" event.
My team got silver medal in the s**... Olympics.
We would have got gold but I came first in the o**....
Three men go into a bar...
but the fourth guy cleared it. Looks like he's taking home the gold medal!
I love a good track & field competition.
[Long]Three Toronto surgeons were playing golf together
and discussing surgeries they had performed..
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Ontario. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident;
I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.
The second surgeon said.. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident;
I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold Medal in track and field events in the Olympics.
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs . Several years ago a man was high on c**... and m**...
and he rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour.
All I had left to work with was the man's blonde hair and the Horse's a**....
I was able to put them together and now he's running for President of the U..S.A!"
NBC: And the winner of the Gold medal is...
NBC: Find out right after 4 hour delay and several commercial breaks.
Michael Phelps won gold again.
Sure, 19 gold medals is impressive, but I'm ready to see him go 420.
What did Puerto Rico say upon winning a gold medal in the olympics?
Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!
After s**..., my wife told me I deserve a Gold Medal for my performance,
for breaking Usain Bolt's record and finishing under 10 seconds.
Just heard we won a gold medal on the floor
I thought that was 'finders keepers'
A Japanese Pole Vaulter Walks into a bar
wearing his silver medal. A young woman walks up and says "how close were you to the gold"?
..."about 4 inches"
Did you hear about the Mongolian Olympic wrestler?
He lost the gold medal due to p**... jock elation. (all credit to /u/sasquatchiam, link in comments)
Whats better then a gold medal in the special Olympics?
Not being r**....
Nesta Carter was asked how he felt after winning a gold medal alongside Usain Bolt.
"That was dope!"
Why will Islamic State sweep all the winning Gold medals in 2018 Winter Olympics?
They will introduce Border Cross as an olympic sport.
Drum Fill!
How fast did Usain Bolt run when he won his first gold medal?
Fast enough
Bragging Doctors
Doc 1 bragged, "I had a patient once who blew out his ACL & MCL. I reconstructed his knee, and 2 years later he completed the Boston marathon."
Doc 2 replied, "That's nothing! I had a patient who was in a head-on collision with a truck. I reconstructed virtually all of his joints and more, and later he won an Olympic gold medal in the decathlon."
Doc 3 chucked condescendingly. "Child's play. I had a patient who was in a horrible e**.... He was blown to bits. All they found was a huge, gaping a**.... I put a suit and tie on it, and now he's the owner and general manager of the Dallas Cowboys!"
Like most people I've been enjoying the Olympics...
I noticed that the USA have won 3/3 gold medals in shooting so far. It really goes to show that if you put in the work in school, you really can acheive anything.
Olympian
An old man goes up to a p**.... He says how much do you charge? . She says €150 . He replies I've got no money, all I have is these two Olympic gold medals I won in the 60's . She says that'll do , takes the medals and off they go to take care of business. Next evening another old man approaches, how much do you charge? he asks. €200 she says. Are you any good? he then asks. Well I've two Olympic gold medals
24-year old Tai Jinhai came in first during the Beijing Marathon, but they gave the gold medal to the son of a prominent party official instead.
To this day, the Chinese government refuses to acknowledge Tai won.
(True joke) In 1960, after winning his olympic gold medal, Muhammad Ali went to eat at a fancy downtown resteraunt.
When the waiter came over Ali asked for a cheeseburger.
Shocked to see a black man sitting in the resteraunt, the waiter announced "We don't serve n**...".
Ali: "Well I don't eat them either, just give me my d**... cheeseburger".