The Best 63 Gold Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Gold jokes. There are some gold diamond jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these gold gold miner puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Gold Jokes and Puns
Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888
So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678
By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:
**"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]
Edit1: a typo
Edit2: thanks for the gold humorous stranger!
"Mom, I'm dating a man."
"Whom, sweetheart?"
"Mike the mailman."
"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"
"But mom, age is just a number."
"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."
​
What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?
I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.
What do you call a drunk guy trying to start his car?
A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
Do you know how to avoid clickbait?
Apparently not.
-
Where do little jokes come from?
Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.
I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday
Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
Wife was breastfeeding
Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in
Me: yeah he is really milking it
Why was the anti-vaxxer's 3 year old crying?
They were having a mid-life crisis.
What do you call children born in whorehouses?
Brothel sprouts
You can explore gold hoard reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean gold ore dad jokes. There are also gold puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
If you find gold in Australia where should you look for silver?
**Ag**stralia
How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.
(
Republicans are the true snowflakes...
they're white, they're cold, and if you put enough of em together they'll shut down public schools
EDIT* Thanks for the gold! You popped my gold cherry!
its a joke folks. just a joke.
The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant
Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop
Two goldfish are in a tank...
One turns to the other and says: "You man the guns, I'll drive"
Olympic Condoms
A man gets home one day from work and excitedly shows off to his wife that he bought a pack of *Olympic Condoms*.
"What do you say I slip on a gold one and we give it a go?" He asks her with a grin.
She simply responds,
"Why don't you try out the silver and come second for a change"
How do you turn lead into gold?
Start a war.
Bill Gates Goes Fishing
Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.
"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.
Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.
The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"
Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"
What color does your skin turn when you pour molten gold onto it?
Au-burn
^He^^He^^^He^^^^He
What do liquid Draino and a Dutch stripper have in common?
They both slowly remove clogs.
I'll see myself out... Hey, at least it was original.
Thanks for the gold !
Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...
He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'
The next person to show me that dress...
...is gonna get a white and gold eye.
I heard the kid who fell into the gorilla pit was actually trying to get the jewelry his mother dropped.
He didn't get the gold but he got the silver back.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet,
but only for like 20 seconds...
Why hasn't Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball?
Because Africa isn't a country.
You know the times have changed...
When Portugal leaves Brazil without taking any Gold.
2020 Olympic high jump results
Gold - Mexico
Silver - Mexico
Bronze - Mexico
Golden State Warriors "No one can choke harder than we did."
Atlanta Falcons "Hold my beer."
After sex with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."
Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.
How do you make gold soup ?
Put 24 carrots in it
I think my goldfish likes it when I take him out of his bowl…
He sure wags his tail a lot…
What's the difference between an iPhone X and one ounce of gold?
An ounce of gold will still be worth a grand next year.
What's better than winning a gold medal in the Paralympics?
Walking.
Students are smart
Chemistry Professor: Now, class, here I have a beaker of H2SO4, and here I have a gold ring. Suppose I drop the ring into the sulphuric acid. Will the gold dissolve?
Student: No
Professor: Good. And will you please tell us why not?
Student: If it would dissolve, you wouldn't put it in.
I won gold at a weather forecasting event yesterday,
I beat the raining champion.
The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.
He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"
Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"
I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with gold.
I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.
Two goldfish were sitting in a tank. At one point, one of them turns to the other.
Do you know how to drive this thing?
My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink and no one listened.
He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.
Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?
because they practice at the best schools
They say I'm overconfident
Edit 1: Thanks for the silver!
Edit 2: Thanks for the gold!
Edit 3: Thanks for the platinum!
Edit 4: Wow this really blew up!
I was digging in the garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run inside and tell my wife.
But then I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden.
I asked my girlfriend if I could make her mine. "Yes! Oh, yes!" she shouted, eyes filled with tears. "Great!" I said.
"Now take this pick and go find me some gold!"
Some weird German kid just gave me a gold coin.
Thanks for the gold, strange kinder!
Dated a gold digger once.
I date this girl once, she was a solid 10. She was smoking hot, and crazy in bed. Things went south though, she claimed I lied about how much money I had.
And I was like my exact words where, that I has worth between 40 and 75 million dollars .
So what if it was only $2,165. It is still between $40- $75,000,000.
Why did the non-binary prospector move West in 1849?
Because there was gold up in them/their hills.
What's a pirates favorite element on the periodic table?
Gold. What the hell would they need argon for?
What does a redditor say when he detonates a bank vault?
Wow, this blew up. Thanks for the gold.
Why did the non-binary prospector travel West in 1849?
Because there's gold in them/their hills
They've unearthed a sarcophagus in Egypt filled with chocolate and nuts
The mummy was wrapped in gold foil, so they believe it is the legendary Pharaoh Rocher
When receiving payment in gold coins, pirates used to verify their purity by biting into them
In other word, criminals only accepting payment in bit coins goes long way back
Did you see that gymnast from North Korea in the Olympics?
She didn't win gold but her execution was flawless.
24-year old Tai Jinhai came in first during the Beijing Marathon, but they gave the gold medal to the son of a prominent party official instead.
To this day, the Chinese government refuses to acknowledge Tai won.
I entered the world kleptomaniac championship tournament
I took gold, silver and bronze.
Why did God create gold chains?
So Italian guys would know when to quit shaving!
A Black person, a Gay Person, and a Woman walk into a Bar
"This is Gold!" cried the Netflix executive.
"But I haven't even told you the story yet."
"Who cares? It hits all the right demos!"
"But don't you need to know this stuff if you're going to produce it?"
"That's ok, we're going to abandon it after 2 seasons anyway."
What did the redditor say after a stranger gave him a piece of explosive gold?
Thanks for the gold, kind stranger
Czech guy caught a gold fish
Czech guy caught a gold fish and was given three wishes in return for its life.
-What do you want?, asked the little fish
-I want China to occupy Czechia and then to return home.
-OK and what is your second wish?
-I want China to occupy this country again and then return home.
-OK and your final wish?
-I want China to come again and occupy Czechia and then to return.
-OK, granted, but why do you want China to occupy your country?
-I don't really want that but I want them to run over Russia six times.
Archaeologists found a mummy adorned with ancient nuts and wrapped in gold foil.
They believe it may be the legendary Pharaoh Rocher.
Did you hear the one about the non binary gold prospector
They dug a fortune out of them/their hills.
(True joke) In 1960, after winning his olympic gold medal, Muhammad Ali went to eat at a fancy downtown resteraunt.
When the waiter came over Ali asked for a cheeseburger.
Shocked to see a black man sitting in the resteraunt, the waiter announced "We don't serve Negroes".
Ali: "Well I don't eat them either, just give me my damn cheeseburger".
Why don't gold diggers eat apples?
Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the gold gold digger puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working gold gold fish piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.