So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678
**"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]
Edit1: a typo
Edit2: thanks for the gold humorous stranger!
"Whom, sweetheart?"
"Mike the mailman."
"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"
"But mom, age is just a number."
"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."
​
I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.
A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
Apparently not.
-
Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.
(I made this up myself, I'm really proud of it)
Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in
Me: yeah he is really milking it
They were having a mid-life crisis.
Brothel sprouts
**Ag**stralia
None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.
(
they're white, they're cold, and if you put enough of em together they'll shut down public schools
EDIT* Thanks for the gold! You popped my gold cherry!
its a joke folks. just a joke.
Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop
Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.
I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.
A man was shopping in a nearby supermarket when he noticed a package that said "Olympic Condoms". He bought it, and told his wife about it.
" - Olympic Condoms? What's so special about them?"
" - They have 3 colors: Gold, Silver and Bronze."
" - And what color are you going to wear tonight?"
" - Gold, obviously!"
" - Why not Silver? It'd be great if you came second, for a change."
but only for like 20 seconds...
Au-burn
^He^^He^^^He^^^^He
Because Africa isn't a country.
They both slowly remove clogs.
I'll see myself out... Hey, at least it was original.
Thanks for the gold !
He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"
Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"
He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'
An ounce of gold will still be worth a grand next year.
A man gets home one day from work and excitedly shows off to his wife that he bought a pack of *Olympic Condoms*.
"What do you say I slip on a gold one and we give it a go?" He asks her with a grin.
She simply responds,
"Why don't you try out the silver and come second for a change"
Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.
"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.
Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.
The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"
Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"
He sure wags his tail a lot…
Start a war.
One turns to the other and says: "You man the guns, I'll drive"
Gold - Mexico
Silver - Mexico
Bronze - Mexico
Do you know how to drive this thing?
He didn't get the gold but he got the silver back.
When Portugal leaves Brazil without taking any Gold.
Put 24 carrots in it
Atlanta Falcons "Hold my beer."
Walking.
...is gonna get a white and gold eye.
I beat the raining champion.
Chemistry Professor: Now, class, here I have a beaker of H2SO4, and here I have a gold ring. Suppose I drop the ring into the sulphuric acid. Will the gold dissolve?
Student: No
Professor: Good. And will you please tell us why not?
Student: If it would dissolve, you wouldn't put it in.
He notices that there are Olympic condoms on sale. He returns home and tells his wife, "Honey I bought Olympic condoms for us tonight!"
Wife: What's so special about them.
Husband: Well, there's a gold one, a silver one and a bronze one.
Wife: Which one are you gonna wear tonight?
Husband: The gold one of course!
Wife: Why don't you wear the silver one, it would be nice if you came second for a change.
Michael Phelps, a saddle, and stick with a gold medal on the end.
The British have taken the Gold medal.
The French have taken the Silver medal.
The Somalians have taken the boats.
,d Au
A boyfriend buys Olympic colored condoms, and tells his girlfriend it's because there are 3 colors Gold, Silver and Bronze. He tells her "tonight i think i'll wear the gold" she replied "i wish you would wear the silver one". "Why?" the boyfriend asks. "It would be great if you came second for a change!"
He will become an Author.
An Irishman, Russian and a Blonde come across a magical slide. They each decide to take a turn. The Irishman goes first, sliding down and shouting "GOLD!", and finding himself in a pile of gold as he reaches the bottom. The Russian amazed slides down screaming "VODKA!", and lands into bottles of vodka at the bottom. The Blonde takes her turn, and without hesitation shouts "WEEEE!" as she slides down.
Because there was gold in them/their hills.
AU GUYS!!!
Having both your legs.
The judge says, "You stand accused of stealing five million dollars' worth of gold bars. How do you plead?"
"Not guilty, your honour."
"Bail is set at five million dollars." The judge slams his gavel down.
"Do you accept payment in gold?"
"A u, get back 'ere!" he yelled.
Sofishticated
Excited, I was about to run indoors to tell the wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in the garden...
for breaking Usain Bolt's record and finishing under 10 seconds.
Then you're
Au Ti S Ti C
The bartender says, "Ey you, get outta here!"
So Gold left.
put 14 carrots in it.
I'll show myself out.
Silver yells " au, get outta here! "
We have collected gags and puns about Gold to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Gold? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Gold pick up lines to share with friends.