Gold Bars Jokes
60 gold bars jokes and hilarious gold bars puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gold bars that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Gold Bars Short Jokes
Short gold bars jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gold bars humour may include short gold coins jokes also.
- Gold and Silver walk into a bar... The bartender says, "Ey you, get outta here!"
So Gold left. - Silver and lead are sitting at a bar and gold walks in. Silver yells " au, get outta here! "
- Kim Jong Un walked into a bar The North Korean media still said he got a gold for high jump
- Two Jewish guys walk into a bar with a funny looking pile of gold. The bartender asks, "What is this, a racist joke?"
One of the jewish guys say, "No, this is comedy gold!" - So an Olympian walks into a bar... and is promptly disqualified from her final attempt at the high jump and has all her hopes and dreams of winning gold for her country destroyed.
- Silver walked up to elements in a bar that was on fire. Silver said "Get out!" Gold said "Aukay"
Potassium said "K"
Sodium said "Na"
Argon didn't react. - So a gymnast walks into a bar. He gets a two point deduction and loses his chances at the gold.
- Gold walks into a bar... So gold walks into a bar and than the bartender says AU get out!
I show myself out... - Three men go into a bar... but the fourth guy cleared it. Looks like he's taking home the gold medal!
I love a good track & field competition. - What did the bartender say to the gold when the gold walked into a bar? "AU, get outta here!"
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Gold Bars One Liners
Which gold bars one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gold bars? I can suggest the ones about gold mined and gold silver.
- Gold walks into a bar the bartender yells, AU!
- A gold brick walks into a bar... ...bartender says "AU, We don't serve your type here!"
- A scientist drops a bar of gold on his foot by mistake... "Au!", he exclaimed.
- How did the Silver bar get the Gold bar's attention? Au
- What does a chemistry teacher says when gold bar fells on his/her feet? Auuuuuuu!
- I lost my gold bar. Au man!
- Gold walks into a bar The bartender says, "Au, get out of here!"
- What do you say to get the attention of a gold bar? "AU"
- The other day I found two gold bars. I've always dreamed of an Au pair.
- A gold digger walks into a bar They didn't let him in because miners are not allowed.
- Did you hear about the lawyer who ate gold? He passed the bar
- What did Silver say to Gold when he ran into him at the bar? Ay you!
- What do you yell at a bar of gold to get its attention? A-U!
- I got hit on the head with a bar of gold the other day... au
- Gold walks into a bar Copper says, "Au! Get outta here!"
Gold Bars Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about gold bars you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gold chain jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gold bars pranks.
A miner walks into a San Francisco bar.
He's been working out in the gold mines for 6 months and is desperately craving the company of a woman. He walks up to the bartender and asks, "I don't suppose you have any women? I haven't had s**... in months..."
The bartender replies, "No, sorry... BUT we do have c**... Charlie out back if you want".
The miner says "Thanks, but I don't swing that way", and turns around and heads back to the mines.
He comes back in another 6 months, and asks again. "Do you have any women since I was here last time?"
"No, but we still have c**... Charlie"
"Sorry, I don't swing that way". The miner buys a whiskey and turns around and walks out the door and goes back to work in the mines.
6 months after that, the miner comes back to the bar.
"You get any women? It's been a year since my first visit..."
"No man, sorry. We still have c**... Charlie though".
Now, the miner is pretty desperate at this point. It's been 18 months since he last got laid, and he's tired of waiting. After some deep consideration, the miner sighs and says, "Alright fine. The only people that'll know about this is you, me, and c**... Charlie, right?"
"Yep. And the two men that hold him down," says the bartender.
"Why would there be two men holding him down?" The miner asks with a confused look on his face.
"c**... Charlie doesn't swing that way either".
A Polish guy walked into a bar...
... in Poland. He announced that he had withdrawn his entire fortune, 100,000 zlotys, from the bank, invested it in gold bars, and put them into a safe in his house.
This was back when a zloty was worth something, so the other patrons immediately started to argue with him:
"You're an idiot! What if you get robbed? It's much safer in the bank."
"The banks are about to fail," he responded.
"But they can't fail, they're backed by the Polish government!"
"... which doesn't have so much as a grosz and you know it. The government will fall apart along with the banks."
"Fair enough," the other patrons answered, "but our friends the Russians will bail us out."
"The Russian government isn't so stable either. What if it should collapse too?"
"Well, wouldn't that be worth 100,000 zlotys?"
One night, a man got a little drunk...
One night, a man went to a bar. He got a little bit tipsy (he was smashed) and realized that he desperately had to use the bathroom. He walked up to the women at the bar and slurred out the words, "Excuse me, where is your nearest restroom."
The women advised him, "It's right down that hall to the left."
The man stumbled down the hallway, and in his drunk position, took a right rather than a left. Sitting inside of the room he had opened was a great, golden toilet. So, he did his business in it.
The next day when he woke up, he could only remember one thing: That toilet was so comfortable! So, he decided: he would go back to that bar and he would buy that solid gold toilet today!
He walked into the bar and talked to a different bartender, "Excuse me sir: Yesterday, I came in here and I used the most comfortable, solid gold toilet I have ever sat on! I demand to buy it off of you!
The bartender chuckled and yelled to the back hall: "Hey Charlie, I found that guy that took a dump in your tuba!"
Smart-guy Bartender
An elderly man walks into a bar holding hands with a beautiful young woman. He is obviously a man of great wealth, as his watch is decked in diamonds and his suit is of Italian make.
As the pair sits down, the bartender says I'm sorry sir, but we don't serve minors here, nodding towards the woman.
The man retorts Now hold on just a minute. How would you know if she's a minor? You haven't even asked for her ID!
The bartender shrugs and says she's clearly a gold digger.
Why didn't the iron bar & gold ring declare war with one another?
Because they're alloys.
French Joke (translated)
A Frenchman, an American, and an Arab are on a hot air balloon.
The hot air ballon wouldn't lift-off as there was too much weight, so the three friends agree on throwing off anything that is plentiful in their respective countries. The rich American goes forth and throws away piles on piles of dollars, stating that "There are too many in my country".
The Arab goes next and throws off tons of gold, his gold watch, bars, etc. stating that "There is too much of it in my country!"
Next goes the Frenchman...
He pushes the Arab off stating that "There are too many sulking in the streets of my country!"
The hot air balloon then wafts through the air majestically.
Old Joe and the miner
A grizzled old miner comes out of the wilderness and steps into the pub. Pulling out a gold nugget and placing it on the bar he asks the bartender "You got any whiskey in this establishment?"
The bartender complies and places a glass and a bottle in front of the miner.
After a few drinks the miner asks the bartender "You got any women in this establishment?"
The bartender replies "No, but we've got old Joe out back."
The miner shakes his head and says. "It's been a long while, but I'm not into that sort of thing."
After quite a few more drinks he calls the bartender over again and says "So lets say I was into that sort of thing after all, who would have to know about it?"
"Just you, me and those guys at the table over there" replies the bartender.
"Those guys? Why would those guys need to know?" asks the miner
"Well they gotta hold Old Joe down. He's not into that sort of thing either."
A Japanese Pole Vaulter Walks into a bar
wearing his silver medal. A young woman walks up and says "how close were you to the gold"?
..."about 4 inches"
Hillary Clinton walked into a bar...
of Gold form Saudi Arabia and it fell into her pocket.
Gold and Silver haven't seen each other since Elementary School
They decided to meet up at a bar. Gold walks in and sees his old friend and calls out to him.
"Aay, G."
Silver gets excited and shouts back, "Hey, you!"
Two gold diggers are sitting in a bar...
The women are scoping out the men looking for their next find when a man walks up to the bar next to then and takes out a diamond-covered wallet.
"Hello there, you seem like a kind and interesting person! I'm Jennifer", she says as she goes in for a handshake.
The man replies "Listen, I know how you women are and you just like me because of my diamond wallet!"
She leans over to him, "No darling! It's what's on the inside that counts!"
An accused criminal is brought before a judge...
The judge says, "You stand accused of stealing five million dollars' worth of gold bars. How do you plead?"
"Not guilty, your honour."
"Bail is set at five million dollars." The judge slams his gavel down.
"Do you accept payment in gold?"
Why were there no bars open during the Gold Rush?
It's i**... to sell alcohol to miners.
Bills
Two thieves break into a bank after a lot of difficulty. Hearing police sirens, they each grab a sack from the vault and run for their lives.
8 months later, after the commotion about the robbery dies down, the thieves meet up casually to talk at a bar about the robbery:
Thief 1: Hey man!! It's been a long time!
Thief 2: Yeah it sure has been long.
T1: What did you get in your sack?
T2: I sure struck gold! I found lots of $500 bills.... I bought a new mansion, married, donated some to charity and put the rest in the bank. Life is amazing! What about you?
T1: I found bills in my sack too.
T2: What did you do with the money?
T1: I'm trying to pay them off one by one......
Why did the bouncer not allow gold digger in the bar?
Cause miners are strictly prohibited
Walks into a bar chemistry jokes
Silver walks into a bar
He sees gold in the distance and yell's,
AU! Get outa here!
Helium walks into a bar
The bartender says,
Sorry we don't serve noble gases here
Helium doesn't react
Three Surgeons meet in a bar...
Three Surgeons meet in a bar and talk about their work. The first one says "I sew 2 fingers that were cut off back on a guys hand, and I did it so well that he still became a famous pianist". The second one says "Thats nothing, I sew a guys legs back to his torso and did it so well that he still was able to win gold in the olympics". The third one says "a cowboy and his horse were hit by a train and the only thing i had left to work with was the guys a**... and the horses blond mane. I did my best and the guy became president of the USA".
I went out one night to grab a drink.
The place I went to was kind of like a weight of gold tied to a stick - both a bar and a club at the same time
A man asks that he be buried with a suitcase of gold
An old man asks his family that, when he dies, they take all his savings, convert them into gold bars, put them into a suitcase, and bury the suitcase with him.
The family obliges and, upon his death, buries the suitcase with him.
The man arrives at the gates of heaven with his suitcase. The angel at the gates is curious and asks what he has there with him.
"See for yourself!" exclaims the man and opens up the suitcase for the angel to see.
The angel looks at the contents of the suitcase, and then back at the man, confused "Pavement?"
A Black person, a Gay Person, and a Woman walk into a Bar
"This is Gold!" cried the Netflix executive.
"But I haven't even told you the story yet."
"Who cares? It hits all the right demos!"
"But don't you need to know this stuff if you're going to produce it?"
"That's ok, we're going to abandon it after 2 seasons anyway."