Going Dutch Jokes
13 going dutch jokes and hilarious going dutch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about going dutch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Going Dutch Short Jokes
Short going dutch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The going dutch humour may include short dutch jokes also.
- I was planning on splitting the dinner bill with my girlfriend But she told me she wouldn't go Dutch and Greek on the same night
- Did you hear about the Dutch painter that swapped a Hemi into his Chrysler Voyager? Everyone in town said, "Look at Vincent's van go!"
- What excuse did the unemployed cellist give for going dutch with his date? He's flat Baroque...
Share These Going Dutch Jokes With Friends
Going Dutch One Liners
Which going dutch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with going dutch? I can suggest the ones about dutch people and carpool.
- When Van Gogh and Rembrandt go to lunch, who pays? They go Dutch
Going Dutch Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about going dutch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dining out jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make going dutch pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Dutch and a Belgian are sitting in a bar, watching the evening news.
They see a woman ready to jump from the 6th floor, shouting "I'm going to jump, I'm going to jump!". The Dutch says: "I bet she's gonna jump." The Belgian replies: "And I bet she won't." So they bet, and the woman jumps. Then the Dutch tells the Belgian: "I have to confess that I cheated, as I already saw it on the 1pm news." - "Me too", says the Belgian, "I saw it on the 1pm news already. But I did not think that she would be s**... enough to jump twice."
Why will Belgium go to war?
*This is a joke my dutch grandfather told me, the dutch make fun of Belgians*
Why will Belgium go to war with the Netherlands in 50 years?
Because that's when they understand the Belgian jokes they make about them.
Why will Belgium go to war with France in 50 years?
They can't find the Netherlands.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Finnish WWII air force verteran was about to give a talk to an American high school.
He was stereotypically Nordic: pale skin, fair hair, and a heavy accent.
He introduced himself and began with a vivid description of his first dogfight in the Lapland War. "Literally the moment after we take off and got through the fog we saw them. Eight pesky Fokkers were spread out and firing in front of me and my buddies. We had to go in defense position and try to outflank them, but they got flight leader. On second approach we shot a few down and dispersed the rest. On third approach I shot two Fokkers down, but another one got me in the rudder. I went into tail spin and had to bail out. Luckily the f**...-"
The principal of the school suddenly interjected, as at this point nearly everyone was laughing. "Now, students, please be respectful of our guest and where he is from. As some of you may know, a Fokker," the principal said slowly, carefully pronouncing the word, "is a type of German fighter plane used in World War II. There is no need to-"
The Finn had to interrupt, "Excuse me Mr. Principal, actually Fokker is Dutch. We were shooting down Messerschmitts."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A nun, a blonde girl, a German and a Dutch sit together in a train compartment.
The train goes through a tunnel, it gets dark. A loud slap can be heard, an outcry follows it. As the darkness fades a big red mark can be seen on the Dutch guys face.
The Dutch thinks to himself "The German guy must have tried to g**... the blonde, but she mistook us in the dark and hit me instead of him."
The blonde thinks "He must have tried to touch me, but accidentally touched the nun and she slapped him right in the face."
The nun thinks "Good god, he must have tried to g**... the blonde, but she slapped him across the face."
The German smiles and thinks "If there's another tunnel I am going to slap the Dutchie once more."
The stranded Chinese, American and Dutch
So a Chinese, an American and a Dutch are stranded on an island. The American takes responsibility and says: "We need things to survive so I would say that go fish, you Chinese guy get some suplies and the Dutch should get firewood for the night."
Like the American said, it happend. In the evening the American is waiting with the Dutch at the fire and after some time the Dutch askes the American: "Nou seg, where is the Chinese?" He wasn't done yet when the Chinese jumps out a bush screaming:
"SUPLISE!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Belgian men are wandering around, far away from their town...
...when they walk past a bus depot. One of the men has the idea to steal a bus, so they can go home. The other man agrees and one of them climbs over the fence to steal a bus. After a lot of noise and two hours later, the Belgian finally returns with a bus. The other man asked what took him so long. The Belgian man responds: "The bus to Brussels was at the back of the building!"
Note 1: I think this is not a repost (I checked for it).
Note 2: English isn't my native language, so the story may contain some mistakes. Any corrections would be appreciated!
Note 3: In the Dutch jokeconomy, the Belgians are usually the s**... people.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Dutch connection
Two people are in a restaurant in Amsterdam sitting at the bar. Both are drinking and both look depressed. After a while the man turns to the woman and says:
"Excuse me, I'm looking across and you're a very beautiful woman, you look incredible, but you look so depressed, why?"
"Well, you see the problem is my husband, he's left me, he says I'm too k**... in bed."
"My god, that's incredible, my girlfriend left me, she says I'm too k**... in bed."
After a while the woman turns to the guy and says: "Hang on, I've got a fantashtic idea, let's go back to my place for some fantashtic k**... s**...."
"I like where you're coming from, let's go.
So they get back to her place and are making out in the hallway, she puts a finger to his lips and says: "Hang on, let me go and change into something a little more **uncomfortable**."
She goes to her bedroom and comes back 10 minutes later in a full on PVC gimpsuit, gimp mask and gimp ball in her mouth, 12" strap-on, whip in the right hand, tapioca pudding in the left, but he's getting his coat on ready to leave.
She takes the gimp ball out of her mouth and says in surprise: "Hang on, I thought you wanted some fantashtic k**... s**...?"
He says "Yeah, I shagged your dog and s**... in your purse, I'm done."
Old fighter pilot goes to his great-grandchild's 7th grade class
Old fighter pilot goes to his great-grandchild's 7th grade class to talk about his experiences. He tells the class, "I remember one time, me and my squadron was comin' back from escortin' some B-17 and we're almost over the Channel, when one a dem Fokkers come out of a cloud..." A few kids chuckle at this but the old guy keeps going. "Me and my wingman took care of him right quick, but then two more Fokkers show up..." There's more laughter and the teacher's starting to look annoyed; the pilot doesn't care: "...and it's a real dog-fight, all of us shootin' every which way and we got 'em just about handled when outa nowhere four more Fokkers..."
The class just bursts into laughter and the teacher interrupts. "Now, children. I know you're all enjoying your little jokes, but you should know that many of the German fighter planes were produced by confiscated factories belonging to the Dutch aeronautics firm Fokker."
The pilot is nodding along to all this. "That true, ma'am, but the day I'm talking about, those Fokkers were Messerschmitts."