Going Bald Jokes
48 going bald jokes and hilarious going bald puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about going bald that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Going Bald Short Jokes
Short going bald jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The going bald humour may include short losing hair jokes also.
- If I ever start to go bald I'll get a rabbit tattooed onto my head..
From a distance it would look like a hare - I knew I was going bald when... I knew I was going bald when it started to take longer and longer to wash my face. - Harry Hill
- Prayers before going on a blind date Woman : oh god, I just hope he is not a serial killer,psychopath,needy, incel, stalker, poor,balding, ...
Man : god , don't let her be fat.. - I wouldn't say I was going bald, but.... When I asked my barber to cut my hair, he replied, "which one?"
- You know, they're making the prospective Mars astronauts shave their whole bodies prior to departure. That way, when it's time for blastoff... they'll baldly go where no man has gone before.
- I'm balding and my girlfriend is going to leave me but she says I can stay under one condition. I must remane.
- Why is Picard the best possible captain for the Enterprise ? You can be sure he will baldly go where no man has gone before.
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Going Bald One Liners
Which going bald one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with going bald? I can suggest the ones about balding hair and bald.
- I first noticed I was going bald When it took longer and longer to wash my face.
- I can't tell if I'm going bald... or if it's all in my head.
- My wife left me because I kept making jokes about her going bald. Well that's hair loss
- I'm really worried about this recession. I fear that I may go bald.
- When bald people wash there face, How far up do they go?
- What will Prince Harry do if he starts going bald? He'll wear a raspberry toupee
- Why did Harry Potter suddenly go bald in his teens? He lost his Hedwig
- My friend was going bald So I asked him, "Who's your barber, genetics?"
- What did René Descartes say when he went bald? Cogito hair go sum.
- Bald guy: "I'm not going bald I'm just getting more head."
- We're hoping Chuck Norris doesn't go bald on top.
It's a bad look with his mullet. - I told my wife I thought I was going bald. She said "Hun, your hair looks fine".
- Why did the Eagle go to store to buy some Rogaine? To cover up his bald spot.
- You know why bodybuilders go bald? Because the hair gets molested by the muscular scalp.
Quirky and Hilarious Going Bald Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about going bald you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean losing your hair jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make going bald pranks.
One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost.
For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species. In court, he pleads innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor. In the judge's closing statement he asked the man, "I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it, but what did it taste like?" The man answered, "Well, it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl!"
One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost.
For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species. In court, he pleads innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor. In the judge's closing statement he asked the man, "I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it, but what did it taste like?" The man answered, "Well, it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl!"
Some marriage jokes (closer to facts)
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always
It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman then, Pow! it was all gone!' 'What happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife found out..'
Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!' Martha replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?' The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'
Women will never be equal to men until can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful!
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Paraprosdokians
* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
* The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
* Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
* If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
* We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
* War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
* I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
* In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put'DOCTOR'.
* Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are s**....
* You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
* I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
* To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
* Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
* You're never too old to learn something s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A barber, a bald guy and a professor go for a night camp in a jungle.
They decide to guard one by one during the night. Barber's turn comes first. Others sleep.
While guarding, he gets bored and amuses himself by shaving the professor's head.
Then professor's turn comes. He touches and feels his bald head and thinks, "Idiot barber has woken up the bald guy by mistake".
Endangered meal
One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species. In court, he pleads innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor. In the judge's closing statement he asked the man, "I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it, but what did it taste like?" The man answered, "Well, it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man's s**... life is like an oak tree
You spend the first part of your life growing up and not doing much. Then later you nut almost constantly for a short period of time, right up until you go bald
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An idiot, a barber, and a bald man go on a journey...
At some point in the journey, they decide to set up camp for the night, so they agree to stay awake in four hour shifts to guard their stuff. The barber, having the first shift, gets bored and so ends up shaving the idiot's head. When his shift ends, he wakes up the idiot, who has the second shift. As he's coming to, the idiot rubs his head and finds he has no hair. "That barber is a right m**...!" he exclaims, "He's got it all wrong and woken the bald man instead of me!"
(this joke from the Philogelos, is over a thousand years old
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bob is being interviewed for a police officer job...
The captain conducting the interview starts with some general knowledge questions. The captain asks "what is the national animal of America?". Bob correctly answers "bald eagle". The next question "how many states are there in America?". Again Bob answers correctly "50 States". The captain asks the last general knowledge question "who killed Abraham Lincoln?". Bob is stumped by this question and thinks for a long time. He finally says "I don't know". Disappointed that the candidate couldn't answer a simple history question he dismisses Bob saying "you really should go find out". Bob leaves the interview and goes home. His wife asks "how'd the interview go?" Bob replies with a big smile on his face, "Great! I've already been assigned to a m**... investigation"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
WHAT HAPPEN TO MAN WHO USE OWN HAIR AS TOOTHBRUSH
HE QUICKLY GO BALD... ALSO TOOTHBRUSH NOT WORK EFFECTIVE
h**... h**... h**...
Two older male dolphins notice their hairlines are starting to recede.
Dolphins go bald, too. Tough for humans to notice, but dolphins notice... Anyway...
Understandably, they start getting a little down in the dumps recognizing the loss of their youth and feeling a profound sense of their own mortality.
In a moment of clarity, one dolphin says to his buddy, Hey compadre, we don't have to just *accept* this as our new normal, ya know? What with modern fashion and technology these days… we can *do* something about this!
So they went out and bought matching hairpieces. They were toupees in a pod.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know the scene, balding dude in a convertible with a h**....
She peels off her top and says "Faster you go, the more i take off!"
She's down to her socks and he's doing 120 mph when they c**.... Dazed and confused she finds the driver pinned in the car and goes for help, but all she can find to cover her bits is his shoe.
Stumbling out into the highway she manages to pull someone over "Help, my friend is stuck!" She screams. The guy looks down at the shoe and says "Ma'am, he's too far in for me to help"
I was talking to a lovely young lady and things seemed to be going really well.
Then she said "There's something I want to get out of the way right now," and she reached up and took a wig off her head, and it turned out she was as bald as a new-laid egg.
"Alopecia," she said. "It's a condition that causes hair to fall out."
"Oh," I said. "...Just on your head, or from anywhere else as well?"
"Well," she dimpled, "there's only one way to find out."
"Of course!" I said, and took out my phone. "Hey, Google..."
