Gods Jokes

111 gods jokes and hilarious gods puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gods that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Everyone loves a good laugh, so why not get it from the gods? Discover the funniest jokes from some of the world's most divine beings, such as Greek gods, Roman gods, Egyptian gods, and the heroic Asgardian God of Thunder, Thor! Laugh-out-loud with the gods, goddesses, heroes and villains today!

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Funniest Gods Short Jokes

Short gods jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gods humour may include short god created jokes also.

  1. Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Thank god I live in Canada
  2. I used to be Christian.... Her: I used to be Christian.
    Him: It's all right, I don't really care for those sorts of things.
    Her; Thank god! It's so much better now that I'm Christine!
  3. Why did God make man before He made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.
  4. In the beginning there was nothing. God said "Let there be light!" There was still nothing, but now you could see it.
  5. C and C++ walk into a bar... After a few hours, C gets sloppy drunk and spills its drink all over C++. Outraged, C++ shouts, "good God C! Have you no class??"
  6. I asked my wife So, do you think the cup is half full or half empty? And you know what she said? Please for the love of god could you stop wearing my bras!
  7. As God created this human child, God asked him... "How about an extra chromosome?"
    The child replied, "I'd be down for that."
  8. A man walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep. His wife looks horrified... "See? See what I have to bang when you're not in the mood?"
    The sheep says "Myyyyyyyy god. You weren't lying..."
  9. My girlfriend said to me the other day, "Why did God give women periods with cramp pains, and men nothing?" I laughed and replied, "Don't be silly, he gave us women."
  10. After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?" God said,
    "I think I'm going to call it a day."

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Gods One Liners

Which gods one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gods? I can suggest the ones about god hates and god creation.

  1. If Mary gave birth to Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God... Did Mary have a little lamb?
  2. What's the difference between Elon Musk and God? God doesn't think he's elon musk.
  3. People treat me like a god They ignore my existence unless they need something
  4. My parents treat me like a god. They dont believe in me.
  5. I only believe in a God 12.5% of the time Because I'm an eighth-theist
  6. My IQ test results just came in and I'm really relieved. Thank God it's negative.
  7. What did the letter O say to the letter Q? "For God's sake man, put some pants on!"
  8. 85%of people in America don't know basic math. Thanks God I'm from the other 25%
  9. No one in here better be making any jokes about Fred Phelps' death God hates gags.
  10. Why did God create Adam before he created Eve? So no one would tell him how to make Adam.
  11. God initially planned to use wasps to make honey. But in the end, he went with plan Bee.
  12. So God, a Jew and a zombie walk into a bar... The bartender says, "Hey Jesus"
  13. There is no God -Stephen Hawking, 2011 There is no Stephen hawking God, 2018
  14. My girlfriend treats me like a god Now if I can only get her to stop being an atheist.
  15. Girls treat me like God They mostly forget I exist until they need help from me.

Norse Gods Jokes

Here is a list of funny norse gods jokes and even better norse gods puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a Norse god who doesn't draw much attention to themselves? Low Key.......!
  • Puns about Norse gods... are Loki the best.
  • 4 Norse Gods, 1 Roman God, and 2 Astrological bodies walk into a bar. The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke.
  • Bad joke incoming 4 Norse gods, 1 roman god, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar. The bartender says "This is gonna be a week joke"
  • If I were a homosexual Norse god... I'd keep it Loki.
  • Why is the Norse god of thunder Thor? Because he forgot hith thaddle
  • I never told anyone about my date with a norse God. They wanted to keep it Loki.
  • I saw a Norse god discreetly playing 49Hz notes on a piano in space... I thought to myself: "What a low G low G low key low key Loki."
  • Wednesday and Thursday were named after the Norse Gods Odin and Thor... And if you really enjoy facts about Norse Gods then today is your Loki-day!
  • what's it called when you're secretly a norse god? you're low key loki

Egyptian Gods Jokes

Here is a list of funny egyptian gods jokes and even better egyptian gods puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call an inexperienced Egyptian God? Anoobis
  • Tesla is considering releasing a line of electric buses named after Egyptian gods. It'll be A-new-bus.
  • What do you call an egyptian god with a photographic memory? Cam-Ra
  • I LOVE ISIS She's my favorite Egyptian god
  • What's the difference between a decrepit rickety bus and the Egyptian god of death? One is an old bus and the other is Anubis.
  • What is Lady Gaga's favourite Egyptian God? RA - RA - RA RA RA!
    Kinda works better if someone says it to you.
  • I just got a job as an Egyptian god. Now I'm Set for life.
  • What do you call an egyptian sun god with a colombian accent? ShakiRA
  • Why does the Egyptian god Ra own every Periodic Table? Because his name is on them.
  • What did the ancient Egyptian cheerleader chant? "THERE IS ONE GOD, HE IS THE SUN GOD! RA! RA! RA!"
Gods joke, What did the ancient Egyptian cheerleader chant?

Roman Gods Jokes

Here is a list of funny roman gods jokes and even better roman gods puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm getting a new puppy in a few days. Gonna name him after the Roman God Stimulus.
  • What did the Roman say when the Greek accused him of stealing his gods? It was all a myth-take!
  • (A joke from the ancient Romans) The Christians are so Poor! How Poor are they? The Christians are so Poor, they Only Have ONE GOD!
  • What do you call a greedy roman god? Jewpiter.
  • Romans were rich, Romans had feasts! But for the love of god stay away from their priests!

Greek Gods Jokes

Here is a list of funny greek gods jokes and even better greek gods puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend says he has the body of a Greek God... I had to explain to him Buddha wasn't Greek
  • My wife said I look like a Greek god. Her actual words were "Put your clothes on, we're in a museum" but I know what she meant.
  • My friend told me he had the body of a Greek God... I informed him Buddha was not Greek.
  • Happy Greek Easter! Which Greek God loved to collect animals? Zoos
  • Dated a Greek god, now I have cold sores Thanks a lot, Herpules
  • Why don't Greek gods insult people anymore? Because Icarus already had the sickest burn.
  • What do you call a Greek god who wants to lose weight? A Diety
  • I've been told I have the body of a Greek God. Too bad it's Dionysus
  • I don't always joke about stillborn Greek gods... ...but when I do, it's all about dead Pan delivery.
  • Why was the Greek God Apollo named that? Because he was a chicken
Gods joke, Why was the Greek God Apollo named that?

Cheerful Gods Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!

What funny jokes about gods you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean goddess jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gods pranks.

The difference between cats and dogs

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me and take good care of me ... THEY MUST BE GODS!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me and take good care of me ... I MUST BE A GOD!

So Thor hears about the other gods coming down to Earth for a good time ...

and decides to try it out for himself.
Meets a girl in bar and they get hot and heavy all night. At the end, he decides to tell her how he's honoured her: "I am Thor!"
And the girl says: "You're thor? I'm tho thor I can't pith."

I invited a friend to go hunt some gods with me...

But he just can't deicide.

What do you call getting a movie about Norse gods from the Internet?

What do you call getting a movie about Norse gods from the Internet illegally?

How can we be sure the government wasn't involved in the Kennedy assassination?

Well he's dead, isn't he?
(Adapted from Neil Gaiman's *American Gods*)

I'm sick of my mate Adam.

He walks round like he's gods gift to women.

Imagine a buffet for the Gods...

there's food for Thor.

Misc religion based puns

What do you call a horse who doesn't believe in God?
What do you call a pig who believes in the old gods?
A pag-ham.
What do you call a practitioner of Hinduism who solely worships in the morning?
A Hin-dew.
What do you call a caveman unsure it he believes in tools or not?

Walked past a hero turned to stone

I guess the gods took him for granite

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods.

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as
Cats have never forgotten this.

In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of some phony gods blessing, but because I am enlightened by my...


In an alternate universe, humans with an extra cromossome are gods, each responsible for a physical property.

It has been this way since the Down of time.

A man is at the doctor for a routine checkup

After examining the man for a few minutes the doctor sighs and says
"Look, there's no easy way to say this but you need to stop m**...."
"What? Why, doc?"
"Because I'm trying to do an examination on you for gods sake"

My boss keeps asking me to cut my hair. I keep telling him it is part of my religion

I worship the Metal Gods.

Gods Vacation

The gods were planning on where to spend their next vacations; Shiva suggested: "what about Neptune?", then Ala said: "It's too cold!"; Zeus then suggested: "Let's go to Mars!", then Buddha replied "Nah, we went there last time!". So someone spoke "What about Earth?", for God to reply: "no way, Earth people like to gossip too much. I went there 2000 years ago, had a thing with a v**... and they're still talking about it!"

Out of all the Gods...

...the weather God rains.

What would the Greek gods have been like without their leader?


A woman is cleaning her daughters room when she stumbles upon her diary. She sees an entry that reads: "I lost my virginitty today"

The woman starts crying.
"How can this happen? I've given her everything. Why did she do this to me? She can't be serious about this. She's in 9th grade for gods sake. How does she not know how to spell virginity?"

I consider my self a polyatheist

Because I don't believe in a lot of gods

What's the difference between cats and dogs?

A dog thinks:
These people, they love me, provide me with shelter and feed me. They must be gods.
A cat thinks:
These people, they love me, provide me with shelter and feed me. I must be a god.

I died and went to heaven.

So i get up there and gods waiting there and he says "Son ask me anything you wish"
And I ask god "what's the best joke you know?"
He says "your life"
(One of the two only jokes of mine that are OC)

Dogs - Cats

Dogs think: "They feed me, they care for me, they must be gods."
Cats think: "They feed me, they care for me, I am a God!"

How many Gods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes him an entire day.

What is Gods favourite chord?

G sus!

When god created man

Gods assistant: Is it done?
God: Hmm, add a little toe to his foot.
Gods assistant: Why?
God: For furniture.
Gods assistant: Furniture?
God: Believe me it'll be funny

What's worse than a fat guy with a ridiculous haircut who's brainwashed his supporters into viewing him as a god whilst having his finger on the button for nuclear warfare?...

Two fat guys with ridiculous haircuts who've brainwashed their supporters into viewing them as gods whilst having their fingers on the b**... for nuclear warfare!
[Scariest of all is that it's true :( ]

How come there are only PHD and bachelor's degrees in Czechia?

Because they have No Gods, No Masters.

I love gods

And probabyl I'm dylxsic

Godspeed Elon Musk

I hope you successfully launch that heavy load into space.

Which heavenly body is Gods all-time favorite?

Saturn.....He even put a ring on it.

The world would have seen fewer gods

if schizophrenia was recognised early on.

On Mt. Olympus, Zeus decreed that all the gods must now wear pants

This caused a lot of outrage from the other gods.
"Why must we wear pants" they asked?
Zeus replied "Why? Because we're a Pantheon!"

What do you call a Hindu who rejects the gods and prays to a slice of bread?

A Naan Believer.

They say a thief stole the secret of fire from the gods...

...Unfortunately, he couldn't fence it, as it was too hot. He really got burned on that deal.
Courtesy of Men At Arms by Terry Pratchett.

All the planets are named after gods, except Earth...

That's named after the stuff on the ground.

Step 1: Listen to gods commandments Step 2: ???

Step 3: Prophet

I'm not sure whether putting up Christmas lights would offend my Hindu neighbors.

So to make sure, I hung a giant banner saying YOU WORSHIP FALSE GODS! on my window.

Today a raindrop landed in my eye

It seems like the gods gave me some eyedrops

What do gods talk about in their spare time?

Nothing much. Just idol chatter

I've been on a bent for making up cannibal jokes recently. Here's the new one: What do the Cannibal Gods eat between meals?

Human snackrifice.

The Grecian Gods vs the Greeks

Zeus and his human friend Spiro were watching a game of football, the gods versus the humans. Spiro looked around the pitch at all the players and then saw an absolute unit of a player, a half horse, half human professional. Spiro asked Zeus, Hey, who's that player over there? Zeus responded, That's our teams centaur-forward .

Even the Eldritch elder gods need to relax once in a while.. they crack open a boy with the cold ones.

The receptionist got a bit shocked when a nun comes running out at full speed, with an expression that could only be described as pure horror.

Receptionist: What in gods name happened to her? The receptionist asked the doctor.
Doctor: Well, I told her she was pregnant.
Receptionist: Pregnant? A nun? Was she really?
Doctor: Of course not, but atleast I managed to cure her hiccups...

A long time ago, in the middle east

There was a town where everyone worshipped many gods. But one day, a young boy arrived from afar, claiming to be a prophet sent by Allah. He told them to convert to Islam, or else they would receive divine punishment.
Naturally, the townspeople rejected his words, and they executed him in public. Mere days later, a mysterious disease swept through the town and killed every last one of them.
They should have obeyed the Quran teen.

Ancient athletes performed n**... to imitate the Gods

But whenever I do it I lose my job as a school teacher

I hate when my friends always talk about Norse gods

Like bro it's Loki annoying

I just listened to a heavy metal band singing about norse gods

Now that's what I call Ragna-rock!

What's the difference between physicists and gods?

Gods don't think they're physicists.

What does alcohol have that gods do not?


What do Greek Gods do when screws get loose?

They Titan them.

Some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish

Of course he was Jewish 30 years old single
living with his parents,
working in his father's business,
his mother thought he was gods gift
Give it up oh course he was Jewish
- Robin Williams obm

Little Timmy and God

5yr old Timmy went to church and the priest wanted to teach them that god lives within us the first child he saw was Timmy and he asked "wheres god Timmy?" and Timmy went pale white and ran home as fast as he could and hid under the bed...when his mother asked Timmy what happened he replied..
"gods missing and they blaming me!"

A Bishop and his plumber played golf

The plumber kept shooting the ball way out of bounds cursing " g**... it, I missed again". The bishop, annoyed, asked the plumber not to speak gods name in vain. As they moved to the next hole the plumber misses again, " g**... it, I missed again" The Bishop became furious. The third hole came and the Plumber missed. Before he could move his libs, lightning struck the bishop. And from above was heard "g**... it, I missed again.

Gods joke, A Bishop and his plumber played golf

jokes about gods