Goddammit Jokes
18 goddammit jokes and hilarious goddammit puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about goddammit that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Share These Goddammit Jokes With Friends
Uproarious Goddammit Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What is a good goddammit joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
*Phone rings at work*
Boss: Why don't you answer it?
Me: I'll let it ring for a while. That way they'll think I have other stuff to do than talk on the phone.
Boss: ANSWER IT g**...!
Me: 911, what's the emergency?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest and a farmer are playing a round of golf.
On the first hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots a hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and the ball ends up in the woods.
The farmer is furious and screams: "g**... I missed".
The priest tells him "If you curse one more time, god will punish you".
On the second hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots another hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and this ball also ends up in the woods.
He screams "g**... I missed"
A loud rumble is heard and lightning strikes the *priest*.
Shortly after, a voice is heard from above the clouds saying "g**... I missed"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This is My "classic" joke
A Catholic Priest, a Rabbi, and an Atheist walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Oh g**..., no! We don't like jokes in here and if you guys are a part of one, you're gonna have to leave right now!" So the catholic priest, rabbi, and atheist leave the bar and a chicken walks in. The bartender says, "OH COME ON! We don't serve CHICKENS in here!" The chicken says, "Do you know somewhere that does?" The bartender says, "Yeah.." The chicken asks, "Well, where is it?" The bartender says, "It's across the road."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old one: A rabbi and a priest go golfing, but the rabbi keeps missing his shots.
Whenever this happens, he angrily exclaims, g**..., I missed! At each hole, the rabbi swears, and at each hole, the priest shakes his head. Finally, on the final hole, the exasperated priest declares, Rabbi, if you continue with this disrespect for the Lord's name, so help me, may He strike you down right here on the green. The rabbi swings, misses, and swears. Suddenly, a lightning bolt descends and incinerates the priest. A heavenly voice then cries out, g**..., I missed!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Uptime
Two techies are in a restaurant discussing how to get out of an overpriced hosting contract. As the waitress approaches the table, one emphatically says to the other, "Yes, g**..., I want the server to go down on us!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For English learners...
- Hey, how do I look?
- With your eyes, g**...!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A b**... was praying to God, and said...
Oh g**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently the iPhone 7 has console-like graphics.
g**..., when are they going to start to put good hardware in these phone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man with wide open arms
One evening a woman was coming back home when she saw a man at the end of the street moving towards her with wide open arms and a vacant stare , she panicked ,picked up a rock and threw at him while running away .The man stood up shaking his head and exclaimed "g**... ,it's the 4th window this hour, my boss is going to kill me"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Hey, Gerry, give me a joke."
"I used your toothbrush to clean the toilet."
"And the punchline is?"
"Jokes are half-meant."
"g**..., Gerry!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest is playing golf with a sailor.
The sailor uses salty language each time he misses. "g**..., I missed!"
The priest warns him not to curse in God's name.
The sailor misses again. "g**... I missed!"
The priest cautions him again.
The sailor misses a third time. "g**... I missed!"
The skies open up and the hand of God casts down a bolt of furious vengeance which completely obliterates... the priest.
The sailor looks up into the sky.
A booming voice from heaven says "g**..., I missed!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My priest constantly talks about vegetables during mass.
Father, lettuce does NOT pray g**...!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Priest and a Rabbi Go Golfing...
A Priest and a Rabbi go golfing. On the first hole, the Rabbi swings and misses, yelling, "g**..., I missed!" The Priest chastises him in response, telling him "Don't say that, or else God will strike you down."
They go to the next hole, and the same thing happens. The Rabbi yells "g**..., I missed!" And the Priest tells him again, "You shouldn't say that or else God will strike you down."
They make it all the way to the 18th hole without incident... until the Rabbi swings and misses, his club flies from his fingers. He yells at the top of his lungs "g**..., I missed!" and the Priest is struck by lightning.
God yells "g**..., I missed!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lazy Mexican walks into an even lazier black man's bar....
g**... SOMEBODY FINISH THIS JOKE!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Smiting
A construction worker was hammering in a nail, and hit his hand as a priest walks by. "g**..., I missed," he says. The priest tells him to not take the Lords name in vain.
The next day he walks by the same construction worker again, and this time the construction worker hits his other hand. "g**..., I missed," he says once again. The priest tells him he has one more strike before God punishes him.
The third day, the construction worker hits his beer, resting next to him. As the bottle breaks, he says "g**... I missed." The priest is walking by as a lightning bolt hits the priest, disintegrating him. A voice booms from the heavens, "g**... I MISSED."
Share These Goddammit Jokes With Friends
Goddammit One Liners
Which goddammit one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with goddammit? I can suggest the ones about god almighty and gosh.
- For English learners... - Hey, how do I look?
- With your eyes, g**...! - A b**... was praying to God, and said... Oh g**...
- My girlfriend has a great body.. of literature. g**....
