God Awful Jokes

27 god awful jokes and hilarious god awful puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about god awful that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest God Awful Short Jokes

Short god awful jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The god awful humour may include short awful jokes also.

  1. [God-awful OC] What do you call someone who lets people rent wifi signals from them? The lanlord!
  2. What does an arctic wildlife photographer get from sitting around too long? Polaroids.
    ^I ^know, ^that ^was ^god ^awful.
  3. What do you call a dish that makes your taste buds explode? A bomb appetit...

    My friend forced me to tell the world about my dumb joke.
    God, I'm awful, sorry about that!
  4. Everybody's pushing this Bird Box thing, but it sounds awful A new bird every month? My God, I'll go broke in a year on the millet costs alone.
  5. The other day someone asked me "what was the matter?" I simply replied "dark"
    God this an awful joke
  6. [Knee-slappin, terrible OC] Why was the nun named "NPN"? She was a trans-sister!
    I'm so sorry for wasting your precious mouse clicks on that god-awful joke

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God Awful One Liners

Which god awful one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with god awful? I can suggest the ones about horribly bad and horrible.

  1. Christian Rock is god-awful.

Playful God Awful Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group

What funny jokes about god awful you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean horrible bad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make god awful pranks.

An Odd f**......

A guy is just coming out of the store when he sees an unusual f**... procession moving down the road. In front is a black hearse, which is followed at a respectable distance of about 30 feet by another, slow moving hearse. Behind the two walks a man with a dog. And some twenty feet behind him is a line of 100 more men, walking just as slowly.
His curiosity gets the better of him and he approaches the man with the dog as they pass, falling into step beside him.
"This may not be the best time..." he begins "but I've never seen a f**... like this, so I need to ask what's going on. Who's in the first hearse?"
"My wife" says the man with the dog, mournfully. "She yelled at me, so Rover attacked and killed her." As if it feels guilty, the dog lowers its head and tail at the mention of his name.
"Oh.. oh my. I'm so sorry for your loss." Says the second guy. He walks alongside in respectful silence for a while before, once more, curiosity gets the better of him. "So whose in the second hearse?"
"My mother-in-law." comes the reply. "She tried to help my wife, so Rover killed her too."
"Oh my god, that's awful!" says the other guy, and walks alongside in respectful silence for a moment more. Eventually, he looks up and says "I don't suppose I could borrow your dog, could I?"
"Get in line." answers the guy.

Frank's wife goes missing

Frank's wife goes missing and a week later he bumps into his friend Larry on the street. "Frank! How are you? You look a little worse for wear. Any news on your wife?"
"Hi Larry, I'm alright. They said I should be prepared for the worst."
"Oh god that's awful!" Larry sympathises.
"Yeah I know right. I had to buy all her stuff back from the thrift shop this afternoon."

Yokel Logic

Two country types are sitting outside a university, when a man comes out. One of them stands up, and goes over to talk to this man.
He says ''Ello there, son. You look loike one of them clever university toipes. What is it that you're studyin' then?'
The man, slightly stunned, says, 'I study Mathematics, Physics and Logic'
The country dude says 'Oo- arr, logic, what's that then?'
The Student replies, 'I could teach you it.'
'Okay then.'
'So', says the student, 'you look like a country type. I'm going to guess that you have a tractor?'
'And if you have a tractor, then surely you have... a yard, to keep your tractor in?'
'So in turn, surely you have a house next to that yard?'
'Wow, incredible, go on!'
'And taking care of that big house must be awfully hard on your own- so you must have a wife to help out with it?'
'Moi god...'
'And because you live with your wife, I'm going to conclude that you're a heterosexual!'
'Oh lord...' says the farmer. 'How did you know all that?'
'That's logic, my friend', says the student, and he walks off with a cheerful wave.
The yokel runs over to his friend to show off his newfound learnings.
''Ere, Oi've got somethin' to show ya! It's called 'Logic'', he shouts.
'Alroight then', says the friend
'So, do you have a tract'r?'
'Then you're Gay!'

The vaccine conspiracy

Linda had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him:
"Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?"
"No, autism is a condition that develops during pregnancy"
After getting well, she met her friends and told them about her experience:
"Girls, I have awful news: the conspiracy goes way higher than we've thought"

WW2 joke. I read this conversation between two Counter-Strike players ingame...

(I came in mid-conversation and for me it started like this)
Player1: I cant believe your nick is Jewhunter, that's so offensive! My grandparents were in a concentration camp during the war.
Player2: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, my grandfather died in a concentration camp.
Player1: My god that's awful...
Player2: Yea, he fell down from the guardtower.
Player1 has left the game

Adam's new wife

Adam had been in the garden of Eden for several years without someone to share his life with. One day, he asked God for a companion.
God said to him, "I can give you a wife that will be everything you could dream of. Humble and submissive, she will make your life nothing but pleasurable. However, to make her I'll need an arm and a leg."
Adam says, "Aw what, that s**...! What can I get for a rib?"

Little Johnny

An insurance officer comes to a farm and meets Little Johnny and asks,
"Hello, are your parents home by any chance?"
Little Johnny: "My parents were run over by the tractor ..."
Insurance officer: "Really? That's awful! Are your siblings at home?"
Little Johnny: "Run over by the tractor ..."
Insurance officer: "Oh my God! That's terrible! Are your grandparents or your uncles or aunts or any of your relatives at home?"
Little Johnny: "No! All of them run over by the tractor ..."
Insurance officer: "What are you doing all day then?"
Little Johnny: "Drive the tractor!"

From the Gallipoli campaign in World War I...

The Australians are interrogating a captured Turkish soldier, when finally poor Mehmet has a question for them.
"Why do you call God such awful names? Why do you curse Him when your soldiers go into battle?"
The Aussies were surprised. "What do you mean?"
"Well, when we Turks leap out of our trenches and charge your lines, we cry 'Allah! Allah!' But when you charge us, you shout b**... BASTAAARRRDD!!!'"

A doctor tells his patient, "I have bad news, and really bad news. The patient says, "Ok, what's the bad news?" The doctor says "You only have 24 hours to live." The patient responds "Oh my God that's awful! What's the really bad news?"

"I forgot to tell you yesterday."

A man goes to his doctor

His doctor says, your test results came back and I'm afraid I have bad news and worse news
The guy says, well I guess give me the worse news first.
Well, Bob, you have cancer, you only have about a month left to live
The guy flops into the chair, gutted.
Oh my god, that's awful! Well, what was the bad news?
You've got Alzheimer's disease.
Alzheimer's?! Oh, god! Well, looking on the bright side, at least I don't have cancer!

Choking Hazard.

Jim: I once saw a man choke to death right in front of my very eyes.
Nancy: God that must have been awful, did you try to save him with the Heimlich manoeuvre?
Jim: I couldn't at the time, my hands were wrapped tightly around his t**....

A man goes to the vet

Man: "Doctor, judging by the p**..., I think my dogs sick"
Vet: "Why do you say that now?"
Man: "Well it tasted awful!"
Vet: "Good God! Why would you eat your dog's p**...?"
Man: "I didn't, I ate the dog"
Vet: "Oh God No!
Man: "It was my p**... that tasted awful afterwards"
Vet: "Nooooooo!"

Awful Neighbors

"There is a huge house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of irritable dogs allowed to run without leashes.
Her car isn't taxed or insured and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing.
To the best of my knowledge, she has never worked in her life. Her bad-tempered old man is notorious for his racist comments.
All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay.
Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always out partying in nightclubs.
They are both out of control.
God, I hate living near Buckingham Palace! "

You and your two friends die in car c**......

At the gates of heaven. St. Peter explains that everyone will get a partner in heaven to fit your desires but the quality is depending on how good you behaved on earth.
The first friend steps up to the gate:
"-You have sinned moderately so you will get a moderate looking partner."
Next friend steps up:
"-You have sinned less than your friend here, so you'll get this good looking partner."
Finally it's your turn and a absolutely gorgeous babe is approaching you. Then St. Peter says:
"-In your case it's not about what you have done, but your partner here is the most god-awful sinner I know."

The boy went to say his nightly prayers....

His father listened from the door as the boy said "God bless mommy, God bless Daddy, God Bless Grandma, goodbye grandpa"
The next day the family awoke to found the grandpa dead, but brushed it off as an awful coincidence.
A few days go by and the boy is saying his prayer "God bless mommy, God bless Daddy, goodbye Grandma."
Sure enough the next day she is dead, and the father is starting to really freak out.
A week goes by and the boy is saying his prayers "God bless mommy, goodbye Daddy"
The next day the father wakes up, goes to work, and stresses the entire day about his fate. When he gets home he is upset and wants to console with his wife. She is also upset and he asks what wrong.
She says "You'll never believe what happened today the mailman came to deliver the mail and dropped dead right on the doorstep"

First Aid Saves

"How come you're late?" asks the Manager as I walked through the door.
"It was awful," I explained. "I was walking down West road and there was this terrible accident. I saw a woman lying in the middle of the road. She'd been thrown from her car. Her leg was broken, her skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank god you put me that first-aid course;all my training came back to me in a minute."
"What did you do?" asks the Manager.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep myself to stop myself from fainting!

A young woman marries an old man for his money, and they go on their honeymoon.

They're both sort of traditional, so they haven't had s**... (with each other) before the wedding. They get to their hotel room, and get ready to have s**... for the first time. The man drops his pants and his wife says "ugh, what ugly knees you have!" The man defends himself, saying "When I was 11, I had kneesels". He then removes his socks, and his wife says "Your toes look god-awful!" The man responds "When I was 13, I had tolio". He then pulls off his underpants, and his wife says "Don't tell me- when you were 15, you had smallcox."

The wife is away on business for a week...

... and she calls her husband.
"How's everything?" she says.
"The cat's dead." replies the husband.
"My god, that's awful! Why did you just blurt it out like that?"
"Well how would you want me to tell you?"
"I don't know, break it to me gently, say 'I have some bad news dear, the cat got up in a tree, and he couldn't get down, and unfortunately...' something like that.".
Fair enough, says the husband.
A couple of days later she phones again.
"How's everything?" she says.
"Well, your mother got up in a tree..."

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died.

When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth.
She told the Lord that it was awful, she had to sleep in cold back alleys where there was no food and life was hard.
God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on.
The cat laid down upon the pillow and was happy.
A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth.
Earth was no better for them than it was the cat.
They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people.
God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them rollerskates.
One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she was liking heaven.
She explained that it was absolutely wonderful.
The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow were the meals on wheels.