God And Adam Jokes

101 god and adam jokes and hilarious god and adam puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about god and adam that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest God And Adam Short Jokes

Short god and adam jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The god and adam humour may include short adam and eve jokes also.

  1. God making Adam Angel: What do you call it?
    God: A human.
    Angel: What does it do?
    God: It doesn't annoy me, Jeff. That's what it does.
  2. Adam asked God..... "God, why did you make Eve so beautiful?"
    "So that you would like her."
    "But why you make her so dumb too?"
    "So that she would like you too."
  3. "Mom, how did humans come to exist?" "Well, you see, God created Adam and Eve..."
    "But dad said we came from apes."
    "He was talking about his family, I am telling you about mine."
  4. And God Said To Adam Come forth and yee shall receive eternal life. But Adam came fifth and got a toaster.
  5. It's funny that condoms are ribbed for her pleasure... Because in Genesis, God ribbed Adam for Eve.
  6. Why did God only use 1 of Adam's ribs to make Eve? Because if He had taken 2 of them, Adam wouldn't have needed her!
  7. Why did God create the moon and stars on the eighth day? After spending a day with Eve, Adam begged God for some space
  8. George Washington: "We should put 'We trust in God' on our money" John Adams: "Brilliant idea! Did you get that?"
    Yoda: *taking note* "Yep"
  9. Adam was getting lonely so he asked God, How much for a woman? God replied, Two arms and a leg. Adam then asked him, What can I get for a rib?
  10. Why did God create Adam first and Eve as second? Q: Why did God create Adam first and Eve as second?

    A: Because he wasn't interested in listening to anyone telling him how to make Adam.

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God And Adam One Liners

Which god and adam one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with god and adam? I can suggest the ones about god created and god creation.

  1. Why did God create Adam before he created Eve? So no one would tell him how to make Adam.
  2. Why did God create Adam before Eve? He didn't want any advice on how to do it
  3. I know God cares... because He gave Adam.
  4. I'm sick of my mate Adam. He walks round like he's gods gift to women.
  5. Why did God create Adam before Eve? To give him a chance to say something.
  6. How do we now Adam and Eve weren't black? Not even God could take a rib from a black man!
  7. What is the proof that Adam was white? Even God couldn't get a rib away from a black man.
  8. Do you know why God made Adam and Eve white? Ever try taking a rib from a black guy?
  9. Why did God create Adam before Eve? To let him get a word in.
  10. Adam hates going out for a meal with God. He always steals his ribs.
  11. If God made a woman from taking a rib from Adam. Did that make her his side chick?
  12. How do we know God likes condoms? Because Adam was ribbed for Eve's pleasure
  13. God said Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.. But man.. how many problems would that solve.
  14. Adam asks God: will we go to heaven? God replies: Eve'll.
  15. God created Adam, Adam saw Chuck Norris, Adam created tears.

God And Adam joke

Hilarious Fun God And Adam Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about god and adam you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gods jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make god and adam pranks.

Adam was lonely, so he asked God for company.

God agreed, but said, "Don't let her in the water." Adam agreed and Eve appeared the next day. Adam was so excited, he went in the lake to get cleaned up. Eve wanted to go in, but knew she wasn't allowed. A few months go by and she gets tired of not being able to go in the water. As she runs to the water, she tears off her fig leaf and splash! God says, "Oh great! Now the fish will smell like that!"

When Adam asked Eve out for dinner she replied: "Oh I'd love to, but I haven't a thing to wear."

Sherlock Holmes dies and goes to Heaven.

There is a brouhaha.
Sherlock Holmes asks St. Peter what seems to be the problem.
Apparently, Adam has gone 'walkabout' among all the souls.
It will take ages to find him. Holmes tracks down Adam, very quickly.
The Lord asks Holmes how he recognized Adam among the millions of souls, without ever having met him.
"Elementary, my dear God, he has no navel."

God said to Adam, "I’ve got some good news and some bad news.

First the good news.
I have given you a brain and a p***s.
The bad news… I’ve only given you enough blood to work one of them at a time!"

Q: Why did God create Adam before he created eve?
A: Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

GOD said, “Adam, I want you to do something for me.”

“Gladly, Lord,” replied Adam.
“What do you want me to do?”
“Go down into the valley.”
“What’s a valley?” asked Adam.
God explained to him, then said, Cross the river.”
“What’s a river?”
God explained it to him, and then continued, “Go over the hill…”.
“What’s a hill?”
God explained to Adam what a hill was, then said, “On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave.”
“What’s a cave?”
After God explained, he said, “In the cave you will find a woman.”
Adam asked, “What’s a woman?”
So God explained that to him too. He continued, “I want you to reproduce.”
“How do I do that?”
“Jeez,” God muttered under his breath. He then sighed and explained the birds and the bees to Adam. He
liked that concept very much, so he went down into the valley, across the river, over the hill and into the
cave where he found a woman.”
A little while later, Adam returned and asked God, “What’s a headache?”

Adam's new wife

Adam had been in the garden of Eden for several years without someone to share his life with. One day, he asked God for a companion.
God said to him, "I can give you a wife that will be everything you could dream of. Humble and submissive, she will make your life nothing but pleasurable. However, to make her I'll need an arm and a leg."
Adam says, "Aw what, that s**...! What can I get for a rib?"

So Adam is sitting in the Garden of Eden...

... and he says, "God, I see that all of the other animals that you have created in this truly perfect world have a companion, a partner, someone to be with, share life with, and to love. Why is it that I am alone?" God pauses for a moment, and says "You know Adam, I'll work on that. Be patient, my son, I shall return to you in a week's time."
God labors for a week as only a being of such incredible omnipotence can labor, and after much exhausting work, he returns to Adam after a week has passed and reveals to him his creation.
Adam is speechless. After much gaping, he finally finds the words to say "God, she is beautiful, she is truly your most perfect creation. I must ask though, what will this cost me, for surely this cannot be free."
God says soberly "My son. I confess, to have a being of such beauty and grace, you must give me an arm and a leg. I can accept no other payment."
Adam weighs this for a moment, and then says, "How much can I get for a rib?"

God creates Adam

God creates Adam and it was good. After some time God realizes Adam needs a companion and says to him, "Adam, I have decided to give you a companion. I will give you a woman who will love you and live to please you. She will be intelligent, witty, and above all beautiful. She will cook your meals, wash your clothes, and laugh at all of your jokes."
Adam couldn't believe his luck!
God says, "All this will cost you only and arm and a leg." To which Adam replies, "What can I get for a rib?"

adam and eve finally figured out the whole s**... thing...

afterward, adam's kicked back, dazed.
god asks "son, where's eve?"
to which adam replies "she's down at the stream, washing up."
god groans "now i'll never get that smell outta those fish."

So Adam was lonely.

God asked Adam, "What's wrong?"
Adam replied, "I'm lonely."
So God said, "Adam, I will make you a partner. She will wash and cook and clean for you; she will listen to what you have to say and never interrupt you. She won't nag you about your actions and she will even bear your children. She will stay loyal to you and never be influenced by other men."
So Adam asked, "Well, what's his gonna cost me?"
"An arm and a leg," God replied.
Then Adam asked, "Well what can I get for a rib?"

Three nuns die in a car accident. They arrive at the pearly gates...

...and St. Peter greets them, "welcome to heaven sisters! Before I let you in I have to ask you each a question that you must answer to be accepted into heaven."
The first nun steps up, and St. Peter asks, "who is the son of god?" The nun says, "that's easy. Jesus." The gates open, and she strolls into heaven.
The second one steps up. "Who is Jesus' mother?" She answers, "Mary," and the gates open.
The third nun steps up, and he asks, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun looks flustered, and she says, "that's a really hard one..." And the gates open.

3 Nuns die in a car c**......

...and as they have all dedicated their lives to God, their souls are immediately sent up to heaven, where they meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Sisters, I know you are all devout followers of Christ, but unfortunately we have protocol to follow up in here in heaven, and I must first ask each of you a simple question before I can let you enter."
The sisters are somewhat surprised, a little nervous, but agree to answer St. Peter's questions.
"Sister Anne," he says, "who was the first man on earth?"
Sister Anne says "Oh that's an easy one, Adam!"
-GONG- The gates of heaven open up, and Sister Anne walks through.
"Sister Mary: who was the first woman on earth?"
Relieved, Sister Mary exclaims "Eve!"
-GONG- The gates open again, and Sister Mary enters, leaving only Sister Theresa behind.
"Sister Theresa...what was the first thing that Eve said to Adam?"
Sister Theresa pauses, the smile disappearing from her face. She realizes she can't think of the answer, despite her best efforts. Scratching her head in confusion and panic, she admits, "That's a really hard one."

God sees Adam in the Garden of Eden...

...and asks him how things are going with him and Eve. "Great!" Says Adam. "We just finished having s**...! s**... is wonderful!" God asks, "Speaking of Eve, where is she?". To that Adam Replies "Oh, she's down at the beach washing up." God is furious. "WHAT? NOW I'LL NEVER GET THAT SMELL OFF OF THE FISH!"

Adam and Eve eat the apple

of the forbidden tree, God sees this and is very angry, "Adam!" he says, "for what you have done from now on by the sweat of your brow you will eat your food...." "And you will pay with *blood*
But you can pay me in comfortable monthly payments

Little Adam wonders

Little Adam asks his mother..."hey mom, is god man or a woman?"
Mother replies: "God is both, man and woman"
A bit confused Adams wonders: "ok, but is God black or white?"
Mother replies: "God is both, black and white"
Adam responds: "what is God then... Michael Jackson?"

Adam is feeling a bit lonely in the garden of eden

So one day he asks God for a companion. God thinks about this for a little while and finally comes back to Adam and says "I've got the perfect bride for you. She cooks, cleans, does whatever you ask and is gorgeous to boot." Adam looks up and says "Thats amazing! What do I have to do for such a wonderful woman?" God replies "Unfortunately it won't be cheap, it's gonna cost you an arm and a leg" Adam thinks about this for a second and says "Thats a little steep God, what can I get for a rib?"

I'm lonely," Adam told God in the Garden of Eden...

I'm lonely," Adam told God in the Garden of Eden. "I need to have someone around for company." "Okay," replied God. "I'll give you the perfect companion. She is beautiful, intelligent and gracious-she'll cook and clean for you and never say a cross word." "Sounds great," Adam said. "But what's she going to cost?" "An arm and a leg" answered God. "That's pretty steep, " replied Adam. "What can I get for a rib?"

Adam and Eve

When God made Adam he noticed that Adam was sad and asked what was wrong.
Adam - I'm lonely.
God - That's no good! How about I make you a companion? One that is gorgeous, give you mind blowing s**..., will cook and clean, and doesn't mind it when you spend time with the guys or watch football?
Adam - That sounds awesome! What will it cost me?
God - An arm and a leg!
Adam - What can I get for a rib?

Adam: God, I appreciate everything you've done for me, but this earth is kind of lonely.

God: Well Adam. I can create for you a beautiful woman who cooks and cleans and fulfills all your desires.
Adam: ooooh sounds expensive. What's it gonna cost me.
God: An arm, leg and your right nut.
Adam: What can I get for a rib?

At the Creation of Women

God: Adam, it would cost you but would you like me to make you a woman?
Adam: Yes. But what is a woman My Lord?
God: A woman is a wonderful creature that would obey ALL your commands and fufil ALL your desires
Adam: What would it cost me?
God: Only an arm and a leg
Adam: Uh, what can I get for a rib?

Creationism v Feminism

In the beginning god made everything and said it was good.
Then he asked Adam, "Is there anything else you could possibly want?"
Adam replied, "I want a companion. Someone that will always be there for me. Someone that will love me, console me when I'm sad, celebrate with me when I'm happy, and stimulate me when I'm bored. I want a true soul mate."
God says "Ok... But that will cost you an arm and a leg."
Adam sighs and says "Alright then... What can I get for a rib?"

God see's Adam feeling depressed, and he decides help him out.

God says, " Adam, I will make you a companion who will cook for you, clean for you, do your laundry and please you in every way you can imagine".
Adam says, "Wow! This sounds great, but what will it cost me?"
God replies,"An arm and a leg".
Adam thinks about this for a second and says, "What can I get for a rib?"

'God didn't create Adam and Winston', Says Tenn. Republican

Does that mean Adam and Steve have broken up?!

While the Lord God put Adam to sleep to remove one rib

Bill Cosby put Eve to sleep to add twelve ribs

In the Garden of Eden

God: "Adam."
Adam: "Yes, God?"
God: "Where's Eve?"
Adam: "I think she's washing her p**... in the river."
God: "Oh no! Stop her! I'll never get the smell out of those fish!"

So God creates Adam...

...and soon after he notices that Adam is lonely.
God says "Do not fear, my child. For I will create a partner to accompany you and man from this time forth. She will be known, as a woman."
God continues "She will be obedient, loyal, passionate and nurturing."
Adam hesitates..
"What is this gonna cost me?" Adam asks.
God responds "An arm and a leg."
Adam retorts "What can I get for a rib?"

God went to the Garden of Eden to visit Adam and Eve...

... and found Adam sitting under a tree, relaxing.
"How's everything?" asked God.
"Good, thank you! This place is great!" said Adam.
"Where's Eve?" asked God, looking around.
"Well, we just had s**..., and it was great," said Adam, "and so she went down to the river, to take a bath."
"Oh no, not the river!" said God. "Now I'll never get the smell out of the fish!"

One night Eve shook Adam awake and asked him "Adam, are you cheating on me?"

Adam groggily replied "No, of course not Eve... Go back to sleep!"
About an hour later Eve shook Adam awake again. "How do I know you aren't cheating on me?"
Adam said "Look Eve, you are the only woman in the world, made by God from my very own rib. I love you and I would never cheat on you. Now, please go back to sleep!"
Another hour passes and suddenly Eve begins poking Adam in the chest. "EVE" yells Adam, "What are you doing??!?!"
"Counting your ribs" She replied.

A boy pokes a girl with a pin at church

The church priest asks the girl a question "who is our lord and savior?" *the boy stabs her with the pin* she yells "JESUS CHRIST" the priest says "good good, who created us" *the boy stabs her again* she yells "GOD ALMIGHTY" the priest says "good good, now, what did Eve say to Adam after they had their 42nd child?" *he stabs her again* the girl screams "IF YOU PUT THAT THING IN MY ONE MORE TIME IM GONNA SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR t**...!" The priest faints..

Adam and God discus women

Adam says to God, God, why did you make women so soft? God says, "So that you will like them. Adam says, "God, why did you make women so warm and cuddly? God says, So that you will like them. "Adam says to God, But, God, why did you make them so s**...? God says, So that they will like you.

God said to Adam "I'm going to make you a woman"

God: "She's going to clean for you, cook anything you want whenever you want it, always look beautiful, never be bad tempered, give you children, always obedient, and she'll never argue with you."
Adam: "That sounds great, but what'll it cost me?"
God: "Oh, an arm and a leg."
Adam: "That's a bit steep. What can I get for a rib?"

Adam's discussion with God

So Adam is walking around the Garden of Eden and he calls out to God that he's kinda bored and lonely. He asks God if he can create someone who is kind and admires and serves him(Adam) in every way. God responds He can, but it's going to cost an arm and a leg, so Adam asks what he can get for a rib.

A Catholic Priest told this joke at a Wedding.

Adam woke up in the Garden of Eden. After a while of wandering around he became sad. God came to him and asked "Adam, why are you sad? I have created this amazing garden for you." Adam replies, "Why does every other being have mate and I do not?" God replies " Very well I will create for you a perfect mate. But it will cost you an arm and a leg." Adam thinks for a bit and then replies "What can I get for a rib?"

When the God created Adam...

He realised that Adam was imperfect.
Then God created FRANK!

A physician, an engineer, and a politician were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions.

The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."
The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."
Then, the politician spoke up. "Yes," he said,
"But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"

How do we know that God was a Mopar man?

He drove Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden in his Fury.

Eve went for a bath in the river

God asked Adam, where was Eve? And Adam said Eve is in the stream bathing, and God said oh my I'll never get the smell out of all those fish!

One Sunday, with one hand motion, God caused the Earth to begin to revolve around the Sun. "What should we call it when it goes all the way around?" asks Adam.

"A year," God replied.
Now, he made another hand motion, and the Earth began to rotate on a tilted axis.
"What should we call it when it rotates all the way around?" Adam asks.
God sighs and takes a seat on the grass below. "Let's call it a day."

Adam was lonely

He said "God, all the creatures have their mates but I am alone".
God thought for a minute and said "I will make you a perfect companion. She will be lovely, kind, attentive and will fulfill your every desire. I'll need from you two fingers, a kidney and one of your t**...".
Adam thought for a minute and said "What can I get for a rib?"

Adam and Eve had been brainstorming with God for what felt like an eternity.

"Two dozen hours?" asked Adam.
"One seventh of a week?" suggested Eve.
God shook his head and sighed. "Let's just call it a day."

Adam was feeling a bit lonely in the garden of Eden

"Hey, God. I'm bored! I'm lonely, I have no one to talk to
The animals are great and all, but I need someone to share all of this with"
"Very well, I shall create for you the perfect companion.
a **woman**!
She will be smart, will make you laugh, she will love you, and you her for eternity.
But you will have to give up a leg and an arm"
what can you give me for a rib?"

God asked Adam to name the animals

Adam began to invent names, Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig…
Then God said, You must name the sea animals, too
Adam was tired already, so he said, Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…

John was at Sunday School. This particular lesson, they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.

Little John listened intently as they explained how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying as though he was ill, and asked: John what is the matter, are you feeling okay?
Little John responded: I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife!

Immediately following the creation of Eve, Adam says to God

"Why'd you have too use my rib?"
"Oh, its symbolic. Now you have a pain in your side!"

How do you know God was a MOPAR man?

It says in the Bible he drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a fury

Three Nuns Die And Each Have To Answer A Question From God To Get Into Heaven...

God asks the first Nun, "Who were the first two people?"
She says, "Adam and Eve".
He says, "Okay, you're in."
God asks the second Nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?"
She says, "The Garden of Eden".
He says, "Okay, you're in."
God asks the third Nun, "What was the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?"
She says, "Hmm, that's a hard one."
He says, "Okay, you're in."

What kind of car did Jesus drive?

OK. I apologize in advance if you've already seen this one. it's an old joke from the 70's, when there was a gas crisis, and they posted this question on billboards around the South.
So, what's the answer? The answer is that no know knows what Jesus drove, but we know that his Father drove a Plymouth. How do we know? Because it says so right in the Bible. It clearly says that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury.

A doctor, an engineer, and a politician we're arguing over the oldest profession

The doctor said "in the Bible, Eve was made from Adam's rib, so the first profession was a surgeon." The engineer said, "God made the earth from chaos in 7 days, so engineering is the first profession." The politician said, "who do you think you made the chaos?"

After God created Adam, Adam came to God and said, You created all the animals and each one has a mate, but I'm alone. Can you create me one also?

God replied, Well Adam, I can create a mate for you. It will be the crown of my creation, someone who will serve you, and your every need and desire. The most beautiful and loving creature. She will take care of you always , and give you all the respect that is deserving of you. The only thing is, it will cost you an arm and a leg.
Adam thought for a second and said, What do you got for a rib?

God appeared to Adam in the Garden...

God appeared to Adam in the Garden of Eden one morning. While discussing the naming of the animals and such, God noticed Eve wasn't there. God asked Adam, where is Eve my son?
Adam reply's, oh she is down at the river bathing .
God then gasps, Oh no, no, no! I'll never get that smell out of the fish!

One day Adam said to God...

... "God, you let me live in paradise with all your creatures, but I'm lonely that there isn't one like me".
God replies "In that case I will make you a Woman. She will be the most beautiful thing you have ever seen and will take care of all your needs. All I need from you is an arm and a leg"
Adam thinks for a moment and asks "what can I get for a rib?"

Three Engineers are eating lunch together and arguing.

The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and look at the civil engineer, "you've been awefully quiet?"
"Well it's pretty obvious that God isn't a civil engineer. No civil engineer would combine a recreational area with a sewage treatment plant."

God said man should not be alone.

God told Adam, it is not good for you to be alone, I will make you a woman! She will do all the work, hunting , fishing cooking and cleaning, she will never say no to s**... and will do all your bidding, you will have it made. What do you think said God? Adam replied what will this cost me ? God replied this will cost you an arm and leg . Adam then asked God what can I get for just a rib ? AND THE REST MY FRIEND IS HISTORY.

Adam is in the Garden of Eden and is feeling lonely. So he asks God for someone to share his existence with.

God answers of course, I can create a being that will support you no matter what you do, provide for you, and never argue .
Adam is excited and asks that sounds perfect, what will it cost me
An arm and a leg
….what can I get for a rib?

"I'm lonely," Adam told God in the Garden of Eden.

"I need to have someone around for company." "Okay," replied God. "I'll give you the perfect companion. She is beautiful, intelligent and gracious, she'll cook and clean for you and never say a cross word." "Sounds great," Adam said. "But what's she going to cost?" "An arm and a leg" answered God. "That's pretty steep," replied Adam. "What can I get for a rib?"

God walks through his paradise, and sees Adam

"Hello Adam, how is your day?" says God
"It's a good day God!"
"So where is Eve?"
"Oh, Eve is washing her c**... in the river"
"Oh No!" says God, "I'll never get that smell out of my fishes!"

Shortly after creating them, God is introducing Adam and Eve to The Garden.

"These are the trees and bushes that bear fruit for you to eat. These are the bodies of water, for you to drink from. These are the animals, for you to name. And this is the forbidden fruit, which you must never eat."
"And what's that?" says Eve, pointing to something on her left.
"Oh that?" says God, realizing Eve is pointing at Queen Elizabeth. "I don't know, that was there when I got here."
^Just ^a ^joke ^I ^heard ^a ^long ^time ^ago, ^which ^felt ^relevant ^today. ^RIP

God And Adam joke, Shortly after creating them, God is introducing Adam and Eve to The Garden.

jokes about god and adam