The Best 55 Goats Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Goats jokes. There are some goats mules jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these goats oxen puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Goats Jokes and Puns

Arguing couple

A married couple drove down a country road for several miles, sitting in silence. An earlier discussion led to an argument in which neither would concede their position.

As they passed by a barnyard full of mules, pigs, and goats, the husband sarcastically asks: "Relatives of yours?"

'Yup,' the wife promptly replies. 'In-laws'

A city boy visits his friend in the country.

The country boy takes his friend out on his farm and says "I'm going to show you what we do for fun around here." So he takes one of his goats, sticks its head in the fence and starts having his way with it. After he finishes he says to the city boy "Your turn." So the city boy walks over to the goat and sticks his head into the fence next to it.

Scots vs English

Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Cause sheep can hear a zipper at 50 yards.

Why do the English wear trousers? Cause goats are deaf.

Goats joke, Scots vs English

I've made my decision. I can finally say that I'd like to have some kids. Trust me, I know I can raise then right.

Does anybody know where I can find some goats?

So an Englishmen walks into a Welshmen's butcher shop...

And says "I would like a goats head please." And the Welshmen says "alright, one goats head." And then the Englishmen says "no I don't want a Welshmen's goat, I want an English goat." And the Welshmen says "oh you want an English goat alright, I will take the brains out."

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are running from the police....

.... they run into a barn to hide. The brunette hides behind a stall of cows, the redhead hides in the goat pen, and the blonde hides behind bags full of potatoes. The police come in and shine their flashlights on the cows. The brunette says "MOO!" and the police shine their lights on the goats. The redhead says "BAHH!", so the police move on to the potatoes. They shine their lights on them and the blonde says "POTATOES!!!"

U.S. Navy Seals just freed thousands of ISIS sex slaves ...

All the goats have been moved to an undisclosed location and are awaiting to be reunited with their respective farmers.

Goats joke, U.S. Navy Seals just freed thousands of ISIS sex slaves ...

What is that number 1 song coming out of the middle east?

My black flag brings all the goats to the yard,

and they're like like "allahu akbar",

watch out, I'll put a bomb in your car,

I'd teach you, but I lost my arms

Do you know what my least favorite thing about drinking goats milk is?

Getting the grass stains off my back.

As a New-Zealander it always annoys me when people think we all have sex with Sheep.

Silly people should know by now, it's also goats, horses, cows, basically anything with a hole...

If you're going to Greece change your currency at the airport

Nor sure how you're going to get 100 goats on a plane though

Source: radio

You can explore goats graze reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean goats sheep dad jokes. There are also goats puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


1272AD - Arab Muslims invent the first condoms using the lower intestine of goats.

1856AD - English farmers improve on the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat.

Why do some goats scream like humans?

They evolved this way to have a hillbilly rape alarm.

You guys wanna know what I heard?!

Sheep and goats!

2 goats were found to have dyslexia after turning up to a toga party.

Why do Arabs wear thawbs?

Goats can hear a zipper from a mile away.

Goats joke, Why do Arabs wear thawbs?

I'm never buying clothes for my kids again

Dang baby goats just eat everything!

did you hear about the Pervy shepherd??

he kept mountain goats.....

What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats?

A pimp

My wife and I decided, we don't want to have kids.

We heard raising goats is pretty difficult.

What's the difference between a goat and a kid?

My neighbour isn't unknowingly raising my goats.

Scientist have found a rare mutation in some goats...

It's called the Billy gene and causes them to believe that the kid is not their son.

My girlfriend just said she's leaving me because of my obsession with goats.


what do goats and humans have in common?

Their kids are nice and tender.

Two goats on top of a hill...

There are two goats on top of a hill eating grass. One says to the other I wish this was the kind of grass that gets you high. The other says did we not just climb this hill?

Why does isis wear robes?

Goats can hear a zipper a mile away

What's the difference between Donald Trump and the Chupacabra?

One is a monster that scares Mexicans, the other eats their goats.

In order to make a relationship work, you have to make a lot of sacrifices….

Which is why I keep a large number of goats in my garden…

Why does the Islamic State have sex education classes and driver's education in different weeks?

So it's not too hard on the goats.

My girlfriend wanted a traditional wedding;

Guess I didn't offer her father enough goats.

Phantom Pregnancy

I recently learned that goats can have what's called a "phantom pregnancy." It's when their body thinks it's pregnant when it isn't.

I kid you not.

What do you call a hillbilly who owns sheep and goats.


Why are goats able to climb so well?

They have square eyes, they can see fourth dimensionally

Why do Arabs wear buttoned clothes?

Because goats can hear zippers.

Two baby goats walk into a bar...

Just kidding.

Two goats were behind a Hollywood movie studio eating an old movie film.

One goat said to the other, "Pretty good, huh?"
The second goat said, "Yeah, but not as good as the book".

Why do goats always vote for democrats?

So they can get welfare for all their kids.

What did the goat say to shepherd's wife?

Goats can't speak.

Two goats chew on a VHS tape.

The first goat says "*This film is pretty good"* and the other one replies: "*Yeah, it's OK but the book was better."*

Did you hear what happened to the ship that transported live goats?

The goats rebelled and had a muttony

What do you call a knife made to kill goats?

A lamb shank.

People give me weird looks when I tell them I love kids.

All I'm saying is that I love baby goats.

Did you know the 9/11 terrorists joined the mile high club before they died?

Yeah they snuck 2 goats on each plane

Two goats walk into a mosque....

And the priest welcomed Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Muhammad Ali to his sermon.

I am buying a couple of baby goats...

I just want to be able to talk about my kids.



What do you say to someone who raises baby goats?

Cute kids.

Hope you're not lactose intolerant

If you have 15 cows and 5 goats what would you have?

Plenty of Milk

I looooove goats

Nah, just kiddin' they milk everyone of fun

Young goats shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.

That's how you get kidnapped.

What do you call a crude parody of goats?

A Satyr

The Dyslexia Association of America held an organization-wide toga party.

Everyone came dressed as goats.

Kids today will never know how awesome Pogs were. Or how to drive a stick shift. Or how to speak.

Most things escape baby goats.

I let my goats get whatever they want, they are spoiled rotten

I guess you could say I have a bleeting heart

Stop me if you heard this...

Cows, sheep, goats, and/or reindeer.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the goats flock jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working goats movie studio goats piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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