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Goats Jokes

86 goats jokes and hilarious goats puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about goats that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Love goats? Get your daily dose of laughter with this collection of funny goats jokes! From bah-ing to grazing and cheese, get ready for some rib-tickling comedy about our beloved four-legged friends.

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Funniest Goats Short Jokes

Short goats jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The goats humour may include short old goat jokes also.

  1. Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong... I don't judge. Whatever floats your goat.
  2. Condoms 1272AD - arab Muslims invent the first condoms using the lower intestine of goats.
    1856AD - English farmers improve on the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat.
  3. In order to make a relationship work, you have to make a lot of sacrifices…. Which is why I keep a large number of goats in my garden
  4. If you buy a goat for $10 and named him Mohammed, then sell it for $15. Did you make a prophet?
  5. What do you get when you mix Human DNA and Goat DNA? A stern police warning and a lifetime ban from the petting zoo
  6. What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? Alot of dirty looks and kicked out of the petting zoo, apparently.
  7. I read an article about a half-goat, half-man. But when I saw it was from The onion I realized that it was satyrical.
  8. Condoms were invented by Arabic-Muslims sometime in the 1400s using lower goat intestine They were later improved by the British in 1873 by taking the intestine out of the goat first
  9. I dated a hindu girl who would eat chicken or goat but not beef. She said it was a sacred animal. I didn't get it, i was raised catholic. Our god tastes like cardboard and we still eat him.
  10. Two goats were behind a Hollywood movie studio eating an old movie film. One goat said to the other, "Pretty good, huh?"
    The second goat said, "Yeah, but not as good as the book".

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Goats One Liners

Which goats one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with goats? I can suggest the ones about mountain goat and cows.

  1. What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the zoo.
  2. A goat, a drum, and a rattlesnake fall down a cliff... ba dum tss
  3. What do you get when you cross human DNA and goat DNA? Thrown out of the petting zoo
  4. What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? You get kicked out of the petting zoo.
  5. A goat, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff.. Baa- dum- ssss
  6. What do you call the best Runescape player in the world? The 'Scape GOAT
  7. What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Kicked out of the petting zoo.
  8. You know what really gets my goat? Chupacabras.
  9. How did the Muslim find the goat in the field? Very Satisfying.
  10. People tell me filling animals with helium is bad.. But i say whatever floats your goat.
  11. How does an Arab farmer find his goat in the sand dunes? Very satisfying.
  12. 2 goats were found to have dyslexia after turning up to a toga party.
  13. Some say putting helium in animals is wrong. I say whatever floats your goat.
  14. What happens if you get human DNA in a goat? You get banned from the petting zoo.
  15. What do you get when you mix human and goat dna? Kicked out of the petting zoo.

Goats Sheep Jokes

Here is a list of funny goats sheep jokes and even better goats sheep puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Scots vs English Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Cause sheep can hear a zipper at 50 yards.
    Why do the English wear trousers? Cause goats are deaf.
  • How do sheep feel about goats? Meh.
  • Stop me if you heard this... Cows, sheep, goats, and/or reindeer.
  • How do goats feel about sheep? Bah.
  • You guys wanna know what I heard?! Sheep and goats!
  • What do you call a Pakistani with a sheep and a goat Bisexual
  • What do you get when you cross a cow, a sheep, and a goat? A milky bahh kid.
  • What do you call a h**... who owns sheep and goats. Bisexual.
  • As a New-Zealander it always annoys me when people think we all have s**... with Sheep. Silly people should know by now, it's also goats, horses, cows, basically anything with a hole...

Herd Goats Jokes

Here is a list of funny herd goats jokes and even better herd goats puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • There will be no shushing me! Like the goats in my country, I will be herd.
Goats joke, There will be no shushing me!

Goats Cheese Jokes

Here is a list of funny goats cheese jokes and even better goats cheese puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is the best cheese that ever existed? GOAT
  • What's Tom Brady's favorite kind of cheese? GOAT
Goats joke, What's Tom Brady's favorite kind of cheese?

Entertaining Goats Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about goats you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean geese jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make goats pranks.

Arguing couple

A married couple drove down a country road for several miles, sitting in silence. An earlier discussion led to an argument in which neither would concede their position.
As they passed by a barnyard full of mules, pigs, and goats, the husband sarcastically asks: "Relatives of yours?"
'Yup,' the wife promptly replies. 'In-laws'

A city boy visits his friend in the country.

The country boy takes his friend out on his farm and says "I'm going to show you what we do for fun around here." So he takes one of his goats, sticks its head in the fence and starts having his way with it. After he finishes he says to the city boy "Your turn." So the city boy walks over to the goat and sticks his head into the fence next to it.

So an Englishmen walks into a Welshmen's butcher shop...

And says "I would like a goats head please." And the Welshmen says "alright, one goats head." And then the Englishmen says "no I don't want a Welshmen's goat, I want an English goat." And the Welshmen says "oh you want an English goat alright, I will take the brains out."

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are running from the police....

.... they run into a barn to hide. The brunette hides behind a stall of cows, the redhead hides in the goat pen, and the blonde hides behind bags full of potatoes. The police come in and shine their flashlights on the cows. The brunette says "MOO!" and the police shine their lights on the goats. The redhead says "BAHH!", so the police move on to the potatoes. They shine their lights on them and the blonde says "POTATOES!!!"

U.S. Navy Seals just freed thousands of ISIS s**... slaves ...

All the goats have been moved to an undisclosed location and are awaiting to be reunited with their respective farmers.

why do muslims have goatees?

because muslims have s**... with goats.

What is that number 1 song coming out of the middle east?

My black flag brings all the goats to the yard,
and they're like like "allahu akbar",
watch out, I'll put a bomb in your car,
I'd teach you, but I lost my arms

Do you know what my least favorite thing about drinking goats milk is?

Getting the grass stains off my back.

Why do some goats scream like humans?

They evolved this way to have a h**... r**... alarm.

ISIS commander to troops

ISIS commander: Do you guys know what the leading cause of goat r**... is?
Troops: No, what?
ISIS commander: s**... Goats ;)

Why do Arabs wear thawbs?

Goats can hear a zipper from a mile away.

I'm never buying clothes for my kids again

Dang baby goats just eat everything!

did you hear about the Pervy shepherd??

he kept mountain goats.....

What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats?

A p**...

What's the difference between a goat and a kid?

My neighbour isn't unknowingly raising my goats.

Scientist have found a rare mutation in some goats...

It's called the Billy gene and causes them to believe that the kid is not their son.

My girlfriend just said she's leaving me because of my obsession with goats.

Meh.

what do goats and humans have in common?

Their kids are nice and tender.

Two goats on top of a hill...

There are two goats on top of a hill eating grass. One says to the other I wish this was the kind of grass that gets you high. The other says did we not just climb this hill?

Why does isis wear robes?

Goats can hear a zipper a mile away

What's the difference between Donald Trump and the Chupacabra?

One is a monster that scares Mexicans, the other eats their goats.

Why does the Islamic State have s**... education classes and driver's education in different weeks?

So it's not too hard on the goats.

My girlfriend wanted a traditional wedding;

Guess I didn't offer her father enough goats.

Phantom Pregnancy

I recently learned that goats can have what's called a "phantom pregnancy." It's when their body thinks it's pregnant when it isn't.
I kid you not.

Why are goats able to climb so well?

They have square eyes, they can see fourth dimensionally

Why do Arabs wear buttoned clothes?

Because goats can hear zippers.

What did the goat say to shepherd's wife?

Goats can't speak.

Two goats chew on a VHS tape.

The first goat says "*This film is pretty good"* and the other one replies: "*Yeah, it's OK but the book was better."*

Did you hear what happened to the ship that transported live goats?

The goats rebelled and had a muttony

What do you call a knife made to kill goats?

A lamb shank.

People give me weird looks when I tell them I love kids.

All I'm saying is that I love baby goats.

Two goats walk into a mosque....

And the priest welcomed Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Muhammad Ali to his sermon.

They've recently discovered a brand new use for goats in Pakistan...

They're calling it "Wool"

I looooove goats

Nah, just kiddin' they milk everyone of fun

Young goats shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.

That's how you get kidnapped.

What do you call a crude parody of goats?

A Satyr

The Dyslexia Association of America held an organization-wide toga party.

Everyone came dressed as goats.

Kids today will never know how awesome Pogs were. Or how to drive a stick shift. Or how to speak.

Most things escape baby goats.

I let my goats get whatever they want, they are spoiled rotten

I guess you could say I have a bleeting heart

In the US cops are called pigs, in Russia they call them goats.

A man shows up at a police station in Russia and says there is a dead goat on the road two blocks away. The cops are like There was no need to come here, call the city or whatever. The guy says Well, I thought when somebody dies the first thing they do is inform their relatives.

The local community was being to believe the new teacher was grooming their kids

They were p**... to find all baby goats in town with a perm and a fresh trim.

[OC] Whats a mountain goats favourite name?

Cliff

God is talking to one of His angels.

He asks, "Gabriel, what are the humans doing down there?"
The angel replies, "It seems that they are drinking milk, Lord."
"What sort of milk?" asks God. "I gave them many animals to drink milk from; the cows, the goats..."
"Um...almonds, Lord."

A goat farmer and his wife one day went to feed the goats.

Unfortunately for her the male goat was particularly aggressive that day and mauled her to death. During her f**... the farmers brother came from another town. His brother was amazed how many people showed up to the f**... and said "Look how many people came to pay their respects to your wife" In tears the farmer says " they are not here for the f**... they are here hoping to buy the goat".

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Have you heard about the new show about mountain goats?

Every episode ends on a cliffhanger.

Can anyone tell me the natural predator for young goats?

When I try to look it up I just get swatted

A farmer heard some funny noises from one of his goats.

Turns out the goat was just kidding.

Goats joke, A farmer heard some funny noises from one of his goats.

jokes about goats