The Best 65 Goat Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Goat jokes. There are some goat heifer jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these goat bovine puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Goat Jokes and Puns

What's the difference between a goldfish and a mountain goat?

A goldfish likes to muck around the fountain...

The mailman

A mailman gets a new route in a rural community. Walking up to a isolated little farmhouse, he sees a woman out back getting hammered by a goat.

He looks at the kid sitting on the porch, and asks him "Hey kid, doesn't it bother you, what your mom's doing back there?"

The kid looks at him and says "NAAAAAAA!"

The first time I realised I was dyslexic...

Was when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

Goat joke, The first time I realised I was dyslexic...

Since there have been a few math jokes lately...

Q1. What do you get if you cross a mountain lion with a mountain goat?

A1. ||mountain lion|| ||mountain goat|| sin θ

Q2. What do you get when you cross a mountain lion with a mountain climber?

A2. You can't - the mountain climber is a scalar.

Harry is taking a stroll through the woods....

...when he finds a large hole in the ground. The hole seems ridiculously deep, so Harry takes a small rock and throws it down the hole. Then he listens for the sound of the rock hitting the ground below. He doesn't hear anything, so next he tries a larger rock. Still, no sound. He looks around for something larger, and he finds an old railroad tie. He lifts up the railroad tie and chucks it down the hole. Still no sound.

Then out of NOWHERE, Harry sees a goat charging at him full speed from behind. Harry dives out of the way, then watches as the goat charges strait down the hole.

Harry is sitting there, perplexed, when a farmer approaches Harry and asks

Farmer: "Hey son, you haven't seen a goat around here have you?"

Harry: "Actually, Yes I did! It was the strangest thing, a goat just charged me full speed! I was just able to get out of the way. THEN the goat ran strait down that hole over there" as Harry points to the hole.

Farmer: "That's impossible, I tied that goat to a railroad tie"


What did the Goat living in Manama say when it starting raining?

"BAAAHH RAIN!"

What happens if you get human DNA in a goat?

You get banned from the petting zoo.

Goat joke, What happens if you get human DNA in a goat?

Apparently Muslims invented the condom.

As it turns out, Muslims in the middle east one day came up with the brilliant idea to use goat intestines as a suitable condom. It wasn't, however, until in 1827 when the British perfected the idea by taking the intestines *out* of the goat first.

What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?

You get kicked out of the petting zoo.

What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat?

Kicked out of the petting zoo.

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are running from the police....

.... they run into a barn to hide. The brunette hides behind a stall of cows, the redhead hides in the goat pen, and the blonde hides behind bags full of potatoes. The police come in and shine their flashlights on the cows. The brunette says "MOO!" and the police shine their lights on the goats. The redhead says "BAHH!", so the police move on to the potatoes. They shine their lights on them and the blonde says "POTATOES!!!"

You can explore goat chupacabra reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean goat builder dad jokes. There are also goat puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I wanted to play Goat Simulator...

...but my PC doesn't have enough RAM.

What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat?

Banned from the zoo.

What do you get when you combine a goat egg and a goat sperm?

A Zy-Goat

I'll escort myself out.

My wife said we each needed to make sacrifices to make our relationship work.

She was less than impressed with the dead goat I left in our kitchen.

People tell me filling animals with helium is bad..

But i say whatever floats your goat.

Goat joke, People tell me filling animals with helium is bad..

Condoms

1272AD - Arab Muslims invent the first condoms using the lower intestine of goats.

1856AD - English farmers improve on the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat.

What do you get when you add human DNA with goat DNA

I don't know but I was kicked out of the petting zoo..

2 goats were found to have dyslexia after turning up to a toga party.


How does an Arab farmer find his goat in the sand dunes?

Very satisfying.

Muslims were the ones that invented the condom.

Muslim's were the ones that invented the condom. This was well before plastics so they used goat intestines. Then the British came along and stole the idea from the Muslims and improved it by removing the intestines from the goat.

In 1839 an Arab man made the first condom

The condom was made of goat intestines. In 1844, a British scientist revolutionized the condom by removing the intestines from the goat first

Two terrorists in a bar

Two terrorists discussing in a bar. The waiter finds their behavior suspicious so he comes to their table and asks: "What are you talking about?"

Terrorist: "We are planning to kill five hundered people and a goat."

Waiter: "Why a goat?"

The first terrorist says to the other: "See? I told you nobody will care about five hundered people."

In the 15th century the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

In the 18th century the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

Two Arabs sit in the Gaza Strip, enjoying a quiet pint of goat milk.

One takes out his wallet and starts flipping through the pictures.

"This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. This here is my second son. He's also a martyr!"

The second Arab nods, They blow up so fast, don't they?"

Arguing on the Internet is like sex with a goat

No matter how good your performance, everyone else now thinks less of you.

Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong...

I don't judge. Whatever floats your goat.

What do you get when you cross human DNA and goat DNA?

Thrown out of the petting zoo

Condoms were invented by Arabic-Muslims sometime in the 1400s using lower goat intestine

They were later improved by the British in 1873 by taking the intestine out of the goat first

Some say putting helium in animals is wrong.

I say whatever floats your goat.

Apparently filling animals with helium is "abuse", pfft

Whatever floats your goat, I guess.

How did the Muslim find the goat in the field?

Very Satisfying.

A goat, a drum, and a rattlesnake fall down a cliff...

ba dum tss

Do you know what really gets my goat?

Foxes.

Why doesn't the middle east teach drivers education and sex education on the same day?

Because the goat gets tired.

The Muslims first invented the condom

The Muslims first invented the condom in the year 654 using a goat intestine. Christians expanded on this idea in 1364 by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

Thanks Reverse-Flash

Two cows

Two cows were talking in a field.
"Aren't you worried about this Mad Cow Disease that's going round?"
"No", said the other. "I'm a goat".

Why don't Muslims have sex Ed and drivers Ed on the same day?

Because they need to give the goat a break.

If you buy a goat for $10 and named him Mohammed, then sell it for $15.

Did you make a prophet?

Two goats were behind a Hollywood movie studio eating an old movie film.

One goat said to the other, "Pretty good, huh?"
The second goat said, "Yeah, but not as good as the book".

The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."

"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."

In 1272, the Muslims invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

A goat, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff..

Baa- dum- ssss

Two Arabs sit in the Gaza Strip (NSFW)

Two Arabs sit in the Gaza Strip, enjoying a quiet pint of goat milk. One takes out his wallet and starts flipping through the pictures.

"This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. This here is my second son. He's also a martyr!"

The second Arab nods, They blow up so fast, don't they?

Two goats chew on a VHS tape.

The first goat says "*This film is pretty good"* and the other one replies: "*Yeah, it's OK but the book was better."*

You know what really gets my goat?

Chupacabras.

My friend asked me to pet his baby goat. I had to decline.

I'm not going to jail for touching a kid.

Two hunters are walking through a wooded farmland...

when they come across a giant hole they can't seem to find the bottom of. They wanna know how deep it is, so they see a rusted anvil close by, drag it over, and throw it down the hole. Seconds pass, and they never hear it hit the bottom.

A few seconds later, a goat comes sprinting by, and jumps right into the hole. The farmer comes walking by and asks the hunters "fellas, have you guys seen my goat around here?"

The hunters reply "well he just came running at us 80 mph and jumped down into that hole there!"

The farmer says "well that can't be! He was chained to an anvil!"

A woman was at the supermarket

A woman was at the supermarket with her kid and was about to check out. When she got to the cash register, all she had was a backpack. The clerk asked her why she wanted the backpack since her kid was still very young. She responded, "I'm going to stuff my kid in the backpack and carry him around." The people behind her in line gasped at how the lady said she was going to treat her kid. The clerk shrugged his shoulders and said, "Ok lady, whatever totes your goat."

What do you call a goat that works at a bakery?

A battering ram

Two men walk up to a hole

One says to the other, "I wonder how deep this hole is" then picks up an anvil near them and throws it down the hole.

After about 20 seconds, the men hear a goat running behind them and it jumps in the hole. "Woah!" they both thought.

Then, a farmer walks up to them and asks them if they saw his goat. The first man says that it just jumped in the hole. Then the farmer said "Impossible! I tied him to my anvil!"

What did the goat say when it walked across the street?

Baaah

My friend likes to go around filling animals with Hellium.

I was going to tell him to stop, but then I thought to myself: "Hey, whatever floats your goat"

What do you get when you mix human and goat dna?

Kicked out of the petting zoo.

What do you get if you insert strands of Human DNA into a goat...?

Banned from the zoo.

This Goat walks into a post office

And says to the Postmaster "I need to send a telegram."
The Postmaster says "OK, what is it?"
The Goat says "I need it to say, maa maa maa maa maa maa maa." The Postmaster counts the words and says "Well, for the same price, I can put 4 more "MAAs" in for you."
The Goat looks at him and says "But then it wouldn't make any sense."

Guy says to a girl on tinder You can call me the GOAT Why? Cause you're the greatest of all time?

No, cause I'm gonna eat your bush

Billy is the perfect name for a newborn goat.

As a child, it'll be "Billy the Kid." As an adult, it'll be a "Billy Goat."

I was trying to milk a goat once...

One evening, I was going to milk a goat in the barn. As I started, the goat tried to kick me by her back leg. So I took a rope and tied her leg to one of the wooden poles in the barn.

I tried to continue, but she tried to kick me by the other back leg, so I took another rope and tied it to the other pole.

Then, as I was bending to start milking her again, my belt buckle cracked, the belt came loose and my pants fell down...



And my wife came to the barn...



There are some situations, you are just not able to explain.

Marital Misunderstanding

It's 4.00am. A man comes stumbling home and bursts drunk into his bedroom. He's totally dishevelled, stinks of booze and has a goat tucked under his arm. His wife sits up with a shriek and shouts:

"How dare you come home in that condition! And what's that thing under your arm?"

Her husband looks at her and says:

"This is the pig I sleep with when you're having one of your headaches."

"You idiot. That's not a pig it's a goat!"

"Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to my goat."

What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?

Kicked out of the zoo :(

In the US cops are called pigs, in Russia they call them goats.

A man shows up at a police station in Russia and says there is a dead goat on the road two blocks away. The cops are like There was no need to come here, call the city or whatever. The guy says Well, I thought when somebody dies the first thing they do is inform their relatives.

How do goats feel about sheep?

Bah.

What is the difference between a fish and a goat

One mucks around in fountains

What's the difference between a freshwater fish and a mountain goat?

One mucks around in fountains,

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the goat cow jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working goat movie studio goats piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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