Goat Jokes
155 goat jokes and hilarious goat puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about goat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Take a break from reality and laugh at the funny goat jokes that we have gathered from around the world. From old goats to bad goats, and even a chupacabra, this compilation of jokes is sure to make any herder chuckle. Read on for a good time!
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Funniest Goat Short Jokes
Short goat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The goat humour may include short llama jokes also.
- Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong... I don't judge. Whatever floats your goat.
- Condoms 1272AD - arab Muslims invent the first condoms using the lower intestine of goats.
1856AD - English farmers improve on the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat. - In order to make a relationship work, you have to make a lot of sacrifices…. Which is why I keep a large number of goats in my garden…
- If you buy a goat for $10 and named him Mohammed, then sell it for $15. Did you make a prophet?
- What do you get when you mix Human DNA and Goat DNA? A stern police warning and a lifetime ban from the petting zoo
- What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? Alot of dirty looks and kicked out of the petting zoo, apparently.
- I read an article about a half-goat, half-man. But when I saw it was from The onion I realized that it was satyrical.
- Condoms were invented by Arabic-Muslims sometime in the 1400s using lower goat intestine They were later improved by the British in 1873 by taking the intestine out of the goat first
- I dated a hindu girl who would eat chicken or goat but not beef. She said it was a sacred animal. I didn't get it, i was raised catholic. Our god tastes like cardboard and we still eat him.
- Two goats were behind a Hollywood movie studio eating an old movie film. One goat said to the other, "Pretty good, huh?"
The second goat said, "Yeah, but not as good as the book".
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Goat One Liners
Which goat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with goat? I can suggest the ones about goose and donkey.
- What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the zoo.
- A goat, a drum, and a rattlesnake fall down a cliff... ba dum tss
- What do you get when you cross human DNA and goat DNA? Thrown out of the petting zoo
- What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? You get kicked out of the petting zoo.
- A goat, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff.. Baa- dum- ssss
- What do you call the best Runescape player in the world? The 'Scape GOAT
- What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Kicked out of the petting zoo.
- You know what really gets my goat? Chupacabras.
- How did the Muslim find the goat in the field? Very Satisfying.
- People tell me filling animals with helium is bad.. But i say whatever floats your goat.
- How does an Arab farmer find his goat in the sand dunes? Very satisfying.
- 2 goats were found to have dyslexia after turning up to a toga party.
- Some say putting helium in animals is wrong. I say whatever floats your goat.
- What happens if you get human DNA in a goat? You get banned from the petting zoo.
- What do you get when you mix human and goat dna? Kicked out of the petting zoo.
Old Goat Jokes
Here is a list of funny old goat jokes and even better old goat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Today is Stevie Nicks' birthday. She is 67 years old. I wonder what that is in goat years?
- What's the difference between a 44-year-old song and a goat? Paul McCartney can't milk a goat.
Mountain Goat Jokes
Here is a list of funny mountain goat jokes and even better mountain goat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a goldfish and a mountain goat? A goldfish likes to muck around the fountain...
- What's the difference between a freshwater fish and a mountain goat? One mucks around in fountains,
- [OC] Whats a mountain goats favourite name? Cliff
- Have you heard about the new show about mountain goats? Every episode ends on a cliffhanger.
- Why did the goat leave the mountain? He was suffering from vertigoat.
- What does rapping and mountain climbing have in common? A white goat is the best at them both.
- You guys heard the joke about the Brazilian mountain goat? It was bah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ad.
- did you hear about the Pervy shepherd?? he kept mountain goats.....
- A hobo and a goat are hiking up a small mountain. Who is the hill-billy?
- What do you call a h**... after he is all grown up? A mountain goat of course!
Sheep Goat Jokes
Here is a list of funny sheep goat jokes and even better sheep goat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Scots vs English Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Cause sheep can hear a zipper at 50 yards.
Why do the English wear trousers? Cause goats are deaf. - How do sheep feel about goats? Meh.
- Stop me if you heard this... Cows, sheep, goats, and/or reindeer.
- How do goats feel about sheep? Bah.
- You guys wanna know what I heard?! Sheep and goats!
- What do you call a Pakistani with a sheep and a goat Bisexual
- What do you get when you cross a cow, a sheep, and a goat? A milky bahh kid.
- What do you call a h**... who owns sheep and goats. Bisexual.
- As a New-Zealander it always annoys me when people think we all have s**... with Sheep. Silly people should know by now, it's also goats, horses, cows, basically anything with a hole...
Billy Goat Jokes
Here is a list of funny billy goat jokes and even better billy goat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Scientist have found a rare mutation in some goats... It's called the Billy gene and causes them to believe that the kid is not their son.
- Billy is the perfect name for a newborn goat. As a child, it'll be "Billy the Kid." As an adult, it'll be a "Billy Goat."
- What do you call a rich goat herder? A billy-ionaire!
- What do you call a singing goat that lives by the sea? Billy Ocean
Amusing & Witty Goat Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about goat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean giraffe jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make goat pranks.
A man enters into his bedroom with a goat in his hands.
His wife is reading a book when the man suddenly says: 'See, this is the cow I am having s**... with when you have a headache.'
Wife puts the book down and says:' Are you s**...? That is a goat, not a cow.'
'I've been talking to the goat'
The mailman
A mailman gets a new route in a rural community. Walking up to a isolated little farmhouse, he sees a woman out back getting hammered by a goat.
He looks at the kid sitting on the porch, and asks him "Hey kid, doesn't it bother you, what your mom's doing back there?"
The kid looks at him and says "NAAAAAAA!"
The first time I realised I was dyslexic...
Was when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
A city boy visits his friend in the country.
The country boy takes his friend out on his farm and says "I'm going to show you what we do for fun around here." So he takes one of his goats, sticks its head in the fence and starts having his way with it. After he finishes he says to the city boy "Your turn." So the city boy walks over to the goat and sticks his head into the fence next to it.
Since there have been a few math jokes lately...
Q1. What do you get if you cross a mountain lion with a mountain goat?
A1. ||mountain lion|| ||mountain goat|| sin θ
Q2. What do you get when you cross a mountain lion with a mountain climber?
A2. You can't - the mountain climber is a scalar.
Harry is taking a stroll through the woods....
...when he finds a large hole in the ground. The hole seems ridiculously deep, so Harry takes a small rock and throws it down the hole. Then he listens for the sound of the rock hitting the ground below. He doesn't hear anything, so next he tries a larger rock. Still, no sound. He looks around for something larger, and he finds an old railroad tie. He lifts up the railroad tie and chucks it down the hole. Still no sound.
Then out of NOWHERE, Harry sees a goat charging at him full speed from behind. Harry dives out of the way, then watches as the goat charges strait down the hole.
Harry is sitting there, perplexed, when a farmer approaches Harry and asks
Farmer: "Hey son, you haven't seen a goat around here have you?"
Harry: "Actually, Yes I did! It was the strangest thing, a goat just charged me full speed! I was just able to get out of the way. THEN the goat ran strait down that hole over there" as Harry points to the hole.
Farmer: "That's impossible, I tied that goat to a railroad tie"
What did the Goat living in Manama say when it starting raining?
"BAAAHH RAIN!"
Apparently Muslims invented the c**....
As it turns out, Muslims in the middle east one day came up with the brilliant idea to use goat intestines as a suitable c**.... It wasn't, however, until in 1827 when the British perfected the idea by taking the intestines *out* of the goat first.
A farmer is drinkin' in his barn one night...
and decides to go wake his wife. He grabs a goat and heads up to their barn loft, wakes her up, and says "Hey! This here's the pig I've been f**...' ". She replies, "But Earlie, that there's a goat.." "I was talkin' to the goat!"
So an Englishmen walks into a Welshmen's butcher shop...
And says "I would like a goats head please." And the Welshmen says "alright, one goats head." And then the Englishmen says "no I don't want a Welshmen's goat, I want an English goat." And the Welshmen says "oh you want an English goat alright, I will take the brains out."
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are running from the police....
.... they run into a barn to hide. The brunette hides behind a stall of cows, the redhead hides in the goat pen, and the blonde hides behind bags full of potatoes. The police come in and shine their flashlights on the cows. The brunette says "MOO!" and the police shine their lights on the goats. The redhead says "BAHH!", so the police move on to the potatoes. They shine their lights on them and the blonde says "POTATOES!!!"
What do you get when you mix a Puerto Rican with a goat??
A w**... eater that doesn't work.
In the 1700s, Muslims invented the first condoms. They used goat intestines.
Then in the next century, Europeans took the invention to the next level. They took the intestines out of the goat.
I wanted to play Goat Simulator...
...but my PC doesn't have enough RAM.
What do you get when you combine a goat egg and a goat s**...?
A Zy-Goat
I'll e**... myself out.
Yesterday I was charged with kidnapping...
That's the last time I fall asleep on a goat!
My wife said we each needed to make sacrifices to make our relationship work.
She was less than impressed with the dead goat I left in our kitchen.
What's the difference between a baby and A goat?
When my goat died, I couldn't bring myself to eat it.
What do you get when you add human DNA with goat DNA
I don't know but I was kicked out of the petting zoo..
What do you call a Mexican Goat?
Amigoat
Muslims were the ones that invented the c**....
Muslim's were the ones that invented the c**.... This was well before plastics so they used goat intestines. Then the British came along and stole the idea from the Muslims and improved it by removing the intestines from the goat.
In 1839 an Arab man made the first c**...
The c**... was made of goat intestines. In 1844, a British scientist revolutionized the c**... by removing the intestines from the goat first
What do you call an Arab riding a camel with a goat on a leash?
Bisexual.
Two terrorists in a bar
Two terrorists discussing in a bar. The waiter finds their behavior suspicious so he comes to their table and asks: "What are you talking about?"
t**...: "We are planning to kill five hundered people and a goat."
Waiter: "Why a goat?"
The first t**... says to the other: "See? I told you nobody will care about five hundered people."
What's the difference between a goat and a kid?
My neighbour isn't unknowingly raising my goats.
In the 15th century the Arabs invented the c**..., using a goat's lower intestine.
In the 18th century the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
Two Arabs sit in the Gaza s**..., enjoying a quiet pint of goat milk.
One takes out his wallet and starts flipping through the pictures.
"This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. This here is my second son. He's also a martyr!"
The second Arab nods, They blow up so fast, don't they?"
[Cringe] Why did the farmer bandage the goat?
Because it was "bleat"ing...
Arguing on the Internet is like s**... with a goat
No matter how good your performance, everyone else now thinks less of you.
Two Newfies are driving down a country road when...
...they see a goat with its head stuck in the fence. The first Newfie says to the other, let's pull over! So they get out of the car and the first Newfie starts having s**... with the goat. "Your turn" he says. The second Newfie sticks his head in the fence.
What do Muslim men do while foreplay?
Tickle the goat under it's chin.
What do you get when you cross human DNA and goat DNA?
A strongly worded reprimand from the university's board of regents, and an immediate withdrawal of your funding.
Apparently filling animals with helium is "a**...", pfft
Whatever floats your goat, I guess.
what do goats and humans have in common?
Their kids are nice and tender.
I hit a kid with my car last night
Then I realized it was only a goat.
I go into a bar in scotland
The bartender looks rather angry so I go up to him and ask what's up
He says 'you see that bridge over there' pointing outside. I built that. But do they call me Angus the bridge builder. Nooo.
'You see this bar. I built it. Do they call me Angus the bar builder. No.'
'But ye get caught with one goat..."
Two goats on top of a hill...
There are two goats on top of a hill eating grass. One says to the other I wish this was the kind of grass that gets you high. The other says did we not just climb this hill?
Do you know what really gets my goat?
Foxes.
Why doesn't the middle east teach drivers education and s**... education on the same day?
Because the goat gets tired.
What is the difference between an Albanian and a goat?
A goat can actually feed a family.
**What is the similarity between an albanian and a goat?**
The smell.
What kind of drug can you genetically engineer a goat to make?
Am-feta-mines.
The Muslims first invented the c**...
The Muslims first invented the c**... in the year 654 using a goat intestine. Christians expanded on this idea in 1364 by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
Thanks Reverse-Flash
Theoretically a goat can get impregnated by a moth.
Scientists have never attempted the experiment however, as they don't want to create more goth kids.
Two cows
Two cows were talking in a field.
"Aren't you worried about this Mad Cow Disease that's going round?"
"No", said the other. "I'm a goat".
A religious monk is approached by a demoness.
She tells him he must choose between three evils:
1. Kill a goat.
2. Drink alcohol.
3. Have s**... with her.
Knowing they are all against his good judgment, he decides to do whichever causes the least harm, so he drinks the alcohol.
He then proceeds to kill the goat and have s**... with the demoness.
Why don't Muslims have s**... Ed and drivers Ed on the same day?
Because they need to give the goat a break.
The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."
"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."
In 1272, the Muslims invented the c**..., using a goat's lower intestine.
In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
Two goats chew on a VHS tape.
The first goat says "*This film is pretty good"* and the other one replies: "*Yeah, it's OK but the book was better."*
What happens when you inject human DNA into a goat?
You get asked to leave the petting zoo.
My friend asked me to pet his baby goat. I had to decline.
I'm not going to jail for touching a kid.
Two hunters are walking through a wooded farmland...
when they come across a giant hole they can't seem to find the bottom of. They wanna know how deep it is, so they see a rusted anvil close by, drag it over, and throw it down the hole. Seconds pass, and they never hear it hit the bottom.
A few seconds later, a goat comes sprinting by, and jumps right into the hole. The farmer comes walking by and asks the hunters "fellas, have you guys seen my goat around here?"
The hunters reply "well he just came running at us 80 mph and jumped down into that hole there!"
The farmer says "well that can't be! He was chained to an anvil!"
Why isnt there driving lessons and s**... ed on the same day in the Middle East?
The goat needed a break.
Last weekend I was accused of being dyslexic at a party...
I think they were just jealous of my goat costume, because nobody else put in *any* effort. For some reason they all decided to just wear bed sheets to the goat party.
A woman was at the supermarket
A woman was at the supermarket with her kid and was about to check out. When she got to the cash register, all she had was a backpack. The clerk asked her why she wanted the backpack since her kid was still very young. She responded, "I'm going to stuff my kid in the backpack and carry him around." The people behind her in line gasped at how the lady said she was going to treat her kid. The clerk shrugged his shoulders and said, "Ok lady, whatever totes your goat."
What do you call a goat that works at a bakery?
A battering ram
Two men walk up to a hole
One says to the other, "I wonder how deep this hole is" then picks up an anvil near them and throws it down the hole.
After about 20 seconds, the men hear a goat running behind them and it jumps in the hole. "Woah!" they both thought.
Then, a farmer walks up to them and asks them if they saw his goat. The first man says that it just jumped in the hole. Then the farmer said "Impossible! I tied him to my anvil!"
What does ISIS think of their s**... slaves?
They're the GOAT.
What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat?
The answer turns out to be "banned from the petting zoo".
What did the goat say when it walked across the street?
Baaah
My friend likes to go around filling animals with Hellium.
I was going to tell him to stop, but then I thought to myself: "Hey, whatever floats your goat"
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of t**...! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?!"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
What do you get if you insert strands of Human DNA into a goat...?
Banned from the zoo.
