Amusing & Witty Goat Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What's the difference between a goldfish and a mountain goat?
A goldfish likes to muck around the fountain...
The mailman
A mailman gets a new route in a rural community. Walking up to a isolated little farmhouse, he sees a woman out back getting hammered by a goat.
He looks at the kid sitting on the porch, and asks him "Hey kid, doesn't it bother you, what your mom's doing back there?"
The kid looks at him and says "NAAAAAAA!"
The first time I realised I was dyslexic...
Was when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
Since there have been a few math jokes lately...
Q1. What do you get if you cross a mountain lion with a mountain goat?
A1. ||mountain lion|| ||mountain goat|| sin ΞΈ
Q2. What do you get when you cross a mountain lion with a mountain climber?
A2. You can't - the mountain climber is a scalar.
Harry is taking a stroll through the woods....
...when he finds a large hole in the ground. The hole seems ridiculously deep, so Harry takes a small rock and throws it down the hole. Then he listens for the sound of the rock hitting the ground below. He doesn't hear anything, so next he tries a larger rock. Still, no sound. He looks around for something larger, and he finds an old railroad tie. He lifts up the railroad tie and chucks it down the hole. Still no sound.
Then out of NOWHERE, Harry sees a goat charging at him full speed from behind. Harry dives out of the way, then watches as the goat charges strait down the hole.
Harry is sitting there, perplexed, when a farmer approaches Harry and asks
Farmer: "Hey son, you haven't seen a goat around here have you?"
Harry: "Actually, Yes I did! It was the strangest thing, a goat just charged me full speed! I was just able to get out of the way. THEN the goat ran strait down that hole over there" as Harry points to the hole.
Farmer: "That's impossible, I tied that goat to a railroad tie"
What happens if you get human DNA in a goat?
You get banned from the petting zoo.
Apparently Muslims invented the c**....
As it turns out, Muslims in the middle east one day came up with the brilliant idea to use goat intestines as a suitable c**.... It wasn't, however, until in 1827 when the British perfected the idea by taking the intestines *out* of the goat first.
What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?
You get kicked out of the petting zoo.
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are running from the police....
.... they run into a barn to hide. The brunette hides behind a stall of cows, the redhead hides in the goat pen, and the blonde hides behind bags full of potatoes. The police come in and shine their flashlights on the cows. The brunette says "MOO!" and the police shine their lights on the goats. The redhead says "BAHH!", so the police move on to the potatoes. They shine their lights on them and the blonde says "POTATOES!!!"
I wanted to play Goat Simulator...
...but my PC doesn't have enough RAM.
You can explore goat chupacabra reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean goat builder dad jokes. There are also goat puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat?
Banned from the zoo.
What do you get when you combine a goat egg and a goat s**...?
A Zy-Goat
I'll e**... myself out.
My wife said we each needed to make sacrifices to make our relationship work.
She was less than impressed with the dead goat I left in our kitchen.
People tell me filling animals with helium is bad..
But i say whatever floats your goat.
Condoms
1272AD - Arab Muslims invent the first condoms using the lower intestine of goats.
1856AD - English farmers improve on the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat.
What do you get when you add human DNA with goat DNA
I don't know but I was kicked out of the petting zoo..
2 goats were found to have dyslexia after turning up to a toga party.
How does an Arab farmer find his goat in the sand dunes?
Very satisfying.
Muslims were the ones that invented the c**....
Muslim's were the ones that invented the c**.... This was well before plastics so they used goat intestines. Then the British came along and stole the idea from the Muslims and improved it by removing the intestines from the goat.
In 1839 an Arab man made the first c**...
The c**... was made of goat intestines. In 1844, a British scientist revolutionized the c**... by removing the intestines from the goat first
Two terrorists in a bar
Two terrorists discussing in a bar. The waiter finds their behavior suspicious so he comes to their table and asks: "What are you talking about?"
t**...: "We are planning to kill five hundered people and a goat."
Waiter: "Why a goat?"
The first t**... says to the other: "See? I told you nobody will care about five hundered people."
In the 15th century the Arabs invented the c**..., using a goat's lower intestine.
In the 18th century the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
Two Arabs sit in the Gaza s**..., enjoying a quiet pint of goat milk.
One takes out his wallet and starts flipping through the pictures.
"This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. This here is my second son. He's also a martyr!"
The second Arab nods, They blow up so fast, don't they?"
Arguing on the Internet is like s**... with a goat
No matter how good your performance, everyone else now thinks less of you.
Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong...
I don't judge. Whatever floats your goat.
What do you get when you cross human DNA and goat DNA?
Thrown out of the petting zoo
Condoms were invented by Arabic-Muslims sometime in the 1400s using lower goat intestine
They were later improved by the British in 1873 by taking the intestine out of the goat first
Some say putting helium in animals is wrong.
I say whatever floats your goat.
Apparently filling animals with helium is "a**...", pfft
Whatever floats your goat, I guess.
How did the Muslim find the goat in the field?
Very Satisfying.
A goat, a drum, and a rattlesnake fall down a cliff...
ba dum tss
Do you know what really gets my goat?
Foxes.
Why doesn't the middle east teach drivers education and s**... education on the same day?
Because the goat gets tired.
The Muslims first invented the c**...
The Muslims first invented the c**... in the year 654 using a goat intestine. Christians expanded on this idea in 1364 by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
Thanks Reverse-Flash
Two cows
Two cows were talking in a field.
"Aren't you worried about this Mad Cow Disease that's going round?"
"No", said the other. "I'm a goat".
Why don't Muslims have s**... Ed and drivers Ed on the same day?
Because they need to give the goat a break.
If you buy a goat for $10 and named him Mohammed, then sell it for $15.
Did you make a prophet?
Two goats were behind a Hollywood movie studio eating an old movie film.
One goat said to the other, "Pretty good, huh?"
The second goat said, "Yeah, but not as good as the book".
The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."
"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."
In 1272, the Muslims invented the c**..., using a goat's lower intestine.
In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
A goat, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff..
Baa- dum- ssss
Two goats chew on a VHS tape.
The first goat says "*This film is pretty good"* and the other one replies: "*Yeah, it's OK but the book was better."*
You know what really gets my goat?
Chupacabras.
My friend asked me to pet his baby goat. I had to decline.
I'm not going to jail for touching a kid.
Two hunters are walking through a wooded farmland...
when they come across a giant hole they can't seem to find the bottom of. They wanna know how deep it is, so they see a rusted anvil close by, drag it over, and throw it down the hole. Seconds pass, and they never hear it hit the bottom.
A few seconds later, a goat comes sprinting by, and jumps right into the hole. The farmer comes walking by and asks the hunters "fellas, have you guys seen my goat around here?"
The hunters reply "well he just came running at us 80 mph and jumped down into that hole there!"
The farmer says "well that can't be! He was chained to an anvil!"
A woman was at the supermarket
A woman was at the supermarket with her kid and was about to check out. When she got to the cash register, all she had was a backpack. The clerk asked her why she wanted the backpack since her kid was still very young. She responded, "I'm going to stuff my kid in the backpack and carry him around." The people behind her in line gasped at how the lady said she was going to treat her kid. The clerk shrugged his shoulders and said, "Ok lady, whatever totes your goat."
Two men walk up to a hole
One says to the other, "I wonder how deep this hole is" then picks up an anvil near them and throws it down the hole.
After about 20 seconds, the men hear a goat running behind them and it jumps in the hole. "Woah!" they both thought.
Then, a farmer walks up to them and asks them if they saw his goat. The first man says that it just jumped in the hole. Then the farmer said "Impossible! I tied him to my anvil!"
What did the goat say when it walked across the street?
Baaah
What do you get when you mix human and goat dna?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
What do you get if you insert strands of Human DNA into a goat...?
Banned from the zoo.
This Goat walks into a post office
And says to the Postmaster "I need to send a telegram."
The Postmaster says "OK, what is it?"
The Goat says "I need it to say, maa maa maa maa maa maa maa." The Postmaster counts the words and says "Well, for the same price, I can put 4 more "MAAs" in for you."
The Goat looks at him and says "But then it wouldn't make any sense."
Marital Misunderstanding
It's 4.00am. A man comes stumbling home and bursts drunk into his bedroom. He's totally dishevelled, stinks of booze and has a goat tucked under his arm. His wife sits up with a shriek and shouts:
"How dare you come home in that condition! And what's that thing under your arm?"
Her husband looks at her and says:
"This is the pig I sleep with when you're having one of your headaches."
"You idiot. That's not a pig it's a goat!"
"Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to my goat."
What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?
Kicked out of the zoo :(
What do you get when you put human DNA in a goat?
Banned from the petting zoo.
If you take goat milk onto the ISS...
... it becomes oat milk.
My daughter just made this one up⦠What do you call a unicorn with two horns?
A goat.
The nanny goat told her mate that she was pregnant.
She was kidding.
A goat farmer and his wife one day went to feed the goats.
Unfortunately for her the male goat was particularly aggressive that day and mauled her to death. During her f**... the farmers brother came from another town. His brother was amazed how many people showed up to the f**... and said "Look how many people came to pay their respects to your wife" In tears the farmer says " they are not here for the f**... they are here hoping to buy the goat".
What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?
Alot of dirty looks and kicked out of the petting zoo, apparently.
Three monks shared a caveβ¦
... each under a vow of silence. One day a goat walked into the cave, looked around, and walked back out. He was never seen again.
A week later the guy on the left says Black goat.
A month later the guy on the right says Grey goat.
A year later the guy in the middle says If you two are going to sit around arguing all the time, I'm moving out.
I took a photo of a goat and showed him. Guess it didnt like it..
His reaction was "Meh"..
A pastor is looking forward to dinner with a family in his congregationβ¦.
After church on Sunday, the pastor approaches the family and confirms their dinner the coming Friday. After making small talk for a few minutes, the pastor turns to the couple's 5yo. Have your parents told you what they will be making for us on Friday?
The child thinks a second and replies, Goat.
The pastor squinted and exclaimed Goat?
As the parents are speaking up to clarify, the child cuts in loudly. Yeah, yesterday I heard Mommy tell Daddy that Friday is as good a day as any to have the old goat for dinner!
I dated a hindu girl who would eat chicken or goat but not beef. She said it was a sacred animal.
I didn't get it, i was raised catholic. Our god tastes like cardboard and we still eat him.
What does a rapping goat call their verbal drum skills?
Bleat boxing
What do you call the best Runescape player in the world?
The 'Scape GOAT
