Goals Jokes
89 goals jokes and hilarious goals puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about goals that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Goals Short Jokes
Short goals jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The goals humour may include short achievement jokes also.
- TIL of a reality show where the goal is to do as much drugs as possible without dying or getting caught. It's called the Tour de France.
- I'm pleased to announce Reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world! The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content
- I'm halfway towards my goal of becoming filthy rich. Now I just have to have to figure out the rich part.
- Why do old people like golf? Just like in their life, the goal is to get the least amount of strokes before you go in the hole
- When I was young, I set a life goal for myself: I will buy a Lamborghini at the age of 40. This year, I've finally achieved half of the goal. I turned 40.
- In order to finish my 2016 resolution, i cut off my left leg... That way, I'll reach my goal of losing 20 pounds AND start 2017 off on the right foot!
- Before my buddy died I asked him if there was football in heaven. A few days later I saw his ghost. He said
"Good news, there is. Bad news, you're playing in goal tomorrow." - My boss got a new car... ..."Wow! that's a really nice car boss!"
"Lemme tell you something. If you set goals, work hard, and act determined, I can get an even better one next year." - the miracle of being a teen mom when you get pregnant young and your baby is born, hes feet are so small but even so he manages to stomp your dreams and goals.
- Decided to set myself a goal of 25 books this year. Finished last night! That Suess guy really makes some great reads!
Share These Goals Jokes With Friends
Goals One Liners
Which goals one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with goals? I can suggest the ones about agenda and tasks.
- I had a goal to lose 20 Pounds by the end of the year. 30 pounds to go
- What do you call a girl who's preventing you from reaching your goal? A keeper
- I only had one goal in life: to become a better dad than my dad was. My dad beat me
- I started 2016 with a goal to lose 20 pounds Only 30 more to go and I'm there!
- What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts? Annette.
- I did it! I followed my goal to save $20 from each paycheck in 2020. I have $60.
- Our goal was to play D&D all day today but... No dice.
- How do you keep bears out of your backyard? You install goal posts.
- What's the worst thing that can happen to a football player? To have no goal in life.
- How do schools of fish meet their annual goals? They call in a-fish-in-sea experts.
- This years goal was to lose 15lb Only 20lb to go...
- What is an evil cow's ultimate goal? Udder mayhem
- Soccer is a strange game. Soccer is a bunch of people running away from their goals.
- What do vasectomies and breathalyzers have in common? The goal is to blow a zero.
- My one ambition in life: Set myself more goals.
Goals Scored Jokes
Here is a list of funny goals scored jokes and even better goals scored puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I brought my girlfriend to watch one of my soccer matches. When an opponent was about to score a goal, she stormed the field and prevented it with her bare hands. She's a keeper.
- How many Polish soccer players does it take to score a goal? 2: One polish player to score the goal, and one polish goal keeper to try to stop him.
- My dog does back-flips when the Raiders kick a field goal....... my buddy asked me what he does when they score a touch-down and I told him I didn't know, I've only had him for 6 years.
- Which country have scored the most world cup goals? The mongoals.
- What's a geriatric? A German footballer scoring three goals.
- Neymar. Either he is going to score a Goal today or score an Oscar today.
One thing for sure.! - I'm glad that Saudi Arabia didn't score any goal in football match against Russia few hours back If not, their supporters would have yelled Allahu Akbar and the game would be stopped halfway.
- Did Torres play for every other EPL club before Chelsea ? .... Because he never celebrated scoring a goal.
- How many goals did Germany score? A Brazillion.
- A father was fetching his son home from a soccer game. Dad: How was the game, son?
Son: I scored three goals!
Dad: That's great! What was the score?
Son: 0-3
Soccer Goals Jokes
Here is a list of funny soccer goals jokes and even better soccer goals puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I started watching football (soccer) because I could see it's very relevant to my life... Little to no goals.
- What did Messi say in his goodbye letter to the soccer goal You will be missed
- whats the difference between American soccer and Chilean football? american soccer and Chilean football are pretty much the same except every goal the Chileans throw a communist from a helicopter.
- How's the soccer game going? Good! It's 3-1 now. The first goal was made by Ronaldo and the other two by someone named replay.
- Which soccer playing Star Wars character is a prolific goal scorer? Chewbacca the net.
- I told my dad that all goals are just holes. He said, "I told your mom that, but now she won't let me bring the soccer ball to bed!"
- Why did the soccer coach become a high school counselor. Because he wanted his team to make more goals
- Chuck Norris once scored a field goal, using a hockey stick!
- It's been my life dream to score a point at a soccer game... I finally accomplished my goal!
- You know what's it called when a man and his wife score in a soccer game? Relationship Goals
Amusing Goals Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about goals you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean objective jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make goals pranks.
A Jets fan walks into a bar with his dog.
The bartender says, "Hey bud, no pets allowed in here."
The man says, "But wait! This is a special dog, you have to turn on the game to see. When the Jets score, my dog does flips!"
Sure enough, when the bartender turns on the game, the Jets make a few field goals and the dog starts flipping and jumping after each kick.
"Wow," said the bartender, amazed, "that's great! What does he do when they score a touchdown?"
"I don't know, I've only had him for two years."
How much time does it take to make ramen noodles?
About three German goals.
How did Paul, the octopus, originally die?
Torres went and asked Paul proudly, "How many goals will I end up with after thia this World Cup?"
Paul died laughing.
Pregnant Lady on the Train
A young boy ride's the train every morning to and from school. One day as we was getting off the train he saw how much of a rush this one pregnant women was in, so he stepped aside and said "after you ma'am," as he stepped aside and let her step off the train. From that day on they began to sit next to each other every single day, twice a day. They told each other about their days, their families, their problems, and their goals. They eventually got so close that the young boy was invited to the hospital just after the birth of her first child. at this moment she turned to the young boy and said, with a smile, "I'm going to name him after you"
Excited but a little bit confused the boy responded:
"I really appreciated that, but he's your child, I think you should name him first"
My boss pulled up in an awesome new car today
"Wow, that's a really nice car, sir. I'd love to drive one of those..." I said.
He said, "Well, if you set goals, you're determined, and you work really hard and put in the long hours, then I can get an even better one next year."
My boss pulled up to work in his brand new, expensive car...
I complimented him on it , and he said "well, if you set goals, you're determined, you work really hard and put in the long hours, I'll be able to afford an even better one next year"!
My boss bought an new car...
My boss bought a new sports car and parked it on his space while I was walking by him. I congratulated him to his newest purchase.
He said: "Well, if you work hard, set yourself goals, do overtime and work with determination, I will be able to buy an even better one next year."
My boss was honest with me today.
He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."
Do Individual Atoms Have Goals?
Yes, but they don't matter.
One of the main goals for Republicans is to close our Borders. Well, mission accomplished.
I hear they're going after Books-A-Million next.
Goals:
0) Start indexing at zero
Squad goals:
To have a squad
My boss was totally honest with me today...
He pulled up to work this morning in his sweet new sports car and when he saw me admiring it he said "Well, if you work really hard, set big goals and hit them, I can get an even nicer one next year!"
My boss pulled up in his awesome new car today
My boss pulled up in his awesome new car today and i complimented him on it.
He sat himself down on the corner of my desk, put his hand on my shoulder and he said, "Well, Ponyface, if you set goals, you're determined, you work really hard and put in the long hours, I can get an even better one next year."
A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog
The bartender says, "No pets allowed." The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Browns game and you'll see. Whenever the Browns score, my dog does flips." The Browns keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping. "Wow! What happens when the Browns score a touchdown?"
The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."
Despite all the hype, it was a mistake hiring a homeless personal trainer.
I've been high in tent city training every day, but its not helping with my goals.
Trump will have accomplished one of his goals the day he gets into office.
preventing robots from taking jobs
My goal for 2017....
....is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I made a promise in 2014 and planned in 2013
My New Year Resolution of 2016
Is to achieve my goals of 2015
Which I had should have done in 2014
And promised in 2013
And planned in 2012
And to remember to write 2017 instead of 2016
Relationship Goals
I want my relationship to be as long as a CVS receipt
A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog......
A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, "No pets allowed."
The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips."
The Jets keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.
"Wow! What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?"
The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."
I don't want to just get motivated. I want to be driven.
Like, literally, I want to recline in the passenger seat while someone is driving me to my goals.
Chewbacca's son enters his first hockey season
Chewbacca's son enters his first hockey season this year. With his impressive skating abilities and the number of goals he scored...
Its no wonder he won the wookie of the year award.
Sorry.
My friend told me one of her life goals is to have s**... in every state...
I can help her with "unconscious"
One of North Korea's long term goals has been to eradicate poverty.
It sounds way better than eradicating the impoverished.
Football players are so optimistic
They have such high goals
I don't get what the big deal is with spiders. Why is everyone so scared of them?
I got to know the spider living in the corner of my room. We talked about our dreams and goals, he wants to be a Web designer.
My boss rolled into work in a sweet new ride...
I said "Nice car, I'd kill to drive one of those!". He says "Well, if you set realistic goals, work hard and are determined I can get an even better one next year".
Article on the future of L.A. rapper "Post Malone" was withdrawn from print by local mail service.
Or;
Post on post-Post Malone's career and goals was postponed from posting by postal service.
What are your career goals?
Me: I'd like a job in agriculture.
Why?
Me: It's a growing field.
Women have to goals:
1.To get married.
2.To look single.
Today I told my boss that I liked his new car...
He said:
If you set goals for yourself, work hard and do your job properly, I'll be able to buy an even better one next year.
Goals.
My goal in life is to outlive my enemies. I'm looking at you Emma Morano, world's oldest person.
As a farmer, my days can be a bit lonely. I find solace in discussing my dreams and goals with my animals. Well all of my animals except for the horses, never the horses...
I wouldn't discuss anything with that group of neigh sayers.
I'm gonna catch a little fox and put him in a box
And then at least one of my childhood goals will be achieved
The comparisons between Trump and h**... are a bit unfair...
...h**... actually achieved his goals.
Jeff Bezos' Advice
An Amazon employee greets Bezos shortly after his successful spaceflight and gives him a hearty congratulations. Jeff responds, "Well, if you work hard, set yourself goals and work with determination, I should be able to squeeze in 2 more flights before Christmas."
If you're interviewing for a fast food job and they ask about your short and long term goals
Short term : I want to work at McDonalds
Long term : I don't want to work at McDonalds
I left my illustrious football career behind to become a relatively successful farmer.
Field goals
Part of a hospital was renamed in honour of an old man who scored three goals
It's now called the j**... Hat Trick Ward
Today my boss arrived at work with a very cool car, and I congratulated him.
He said: "Well, if you set yourself goals, are determined, work hard and do some over-time, I can get myself a better one next year."
My new year's resolution for 2023
Is to accomplish the goals of 2022 which I should have done in 2021 because I promised them in 2020 and planned them in 2019
