Goalie Jokes
28 goalie jokes and hilarious goalie puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about goalie that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Not all laughs come from athletes in the limelight; check out our favorite collection of goalie jokes. From old school lacrosse pros to Messi to the day-to-day of the faceoff, you're sure to find something to share with your lax squad.
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Funniest Goalie Short Jokes
Short goalie jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The goalie humour may include short goalkeeper jokes also.
- My son started dating a goalie for a women's soccer team and asked me what I thought of her. I said "Son, she's a keeper."
- Went on a date with a girl once and she told me she played goalie on her soccer team Right at that moment, I knew that meant she was a keeper
- My son's team won the soccer tournament, so the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards. It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
- After my son's team won the championship, the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards. It was the Father, the Son, and the Goalie Host.
- My dad and I were invited for dinner at the house of the soccer player Hope Solo. It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
- What do you call a dad and his son over for dinner at a famous hockey players home? .....
.....The Father
.....The Son
.....And The Goalie Host - At first, I was quite surprised to see my hockey team's goalie surrounded by beautiful women at the bar ...but then I remembered he's good at snatching pucks, and vice versa.
- Guy: Wanna go out? Girl: I have a boyfriend. Guy: It's just like soccer, just because theres a goalie doesnt mean you cant score.
- Why did the soccer player give his girlfriend goalie gloves for Christmas? Because she's a keeper.
- How are hockey goalies and some women alike? They only change their pads once after every three periods
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Goalie One Liners
Which goalie one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with goalie? I can suggest the ones about hockey player and hockey.
- Why cant a woman be the goalie for hockey? 3 periods 2 pads.
- Why should you never breakup with a goalie? Because he's a keeper.
- My girlfriend is the star goalie of her soccer team She's a keeper
- Women make terrible hockey goalies... Their pads only last one period.
- Did you hear about the Mexican hockey goalie? Jesus saves... A lot.
- Polish women are like goalies. They both change their pads every 3 periods.
- What does a hockey goalie say when his team loses? Awh, puck it.
- Why is Jesus such a good goalie? Christ saves all
- Why do dolphins make bad goalies? They always get caught in the net
- Why do women hockey goalies have an advantage over male hockey goalies?
- Just because there's a goalie... ...doesn't mean you can't r**... the net.
- What do you call ten Frenchmen who stand in front of their goalie for 90 minutes? d**....
Hockey Goalie Jokes
Here is a list of funny hockey goalie jokes and even better hockey goalie puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why are women so bad at being hockey goalies? Because there are 3 periods and only 2 pads.
- Why do girls s**... at playing hockey as goalie? Because there are 3 periods and only 2 pads
Laughter Goalie Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about goalie you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean soccer player jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make goalie pranks.
A British girl meets a guy...
And they hit it off immediately. The girl goes to her dad the next day to tell him about it.
"Oh, dad, he's just the sweetest! He loves dancing and photography, he's great with kids, and he volunteers at an animal shelter. He's funny, handsome, a great listener, oh! and he's a goalie for a local football team. Oh dad, what do you think?"
Her dad looked at her with an odd expression and said "Oh honey...
... *he's a keeper*"
Ten reasons why hockey is better than women
1: In hockey, everyone likes rough.
2: You only get 5 minutes for fighting.
3: Puck is not a dirty word.
4: You don't have to play in the neutral zone.
5: It is possible to score a few times a night.
6: When you "pull the goalie," nobody gets pregnant.
7: Missing teeth doesn't stop you from scoring.
8: You can always get new wood if your stick breaks.
9: The Zamboni cleans up your mess.
10: Periods last twenty minutes!
2 Poles are watching a Football game...
There is an attack by one team and the first Polish dude says:
-I bet you 20 bucks he will not score
-You are on - Replies the second one.
The attack goes through and the person scores. So the the first
pole reaches for his wallet, but the second one stops him saying:
-I cheated a little, this is a rerun I knew he'd score, keep your money.
-I also watched the game before, though I am still surprised the goalie let the same goal happen twice.
Blonde PE Teacher
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher at a school.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun k**... a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
Because I'm the Goalie!
A daughter takes her new boyfriend home to meet her parents
Her dad asks, "so, what do you do?"
The boyfriend says, "Im training in Madrid as a goalie. I'm hoping to work my way into the first team next season!"
The dad winks at his daughter, nudges her on the arm and says, "watch out for this one, he's gonna be a real keeper"
