Goal Jokes
126 goal jokes and hilarious goal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about goal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you love to laugh about goals in soccer (football) or other sports? Read this article to discover hilarious jokes about missed field goals, own goals, goalposts, and more. See funny quips about goalkeepers, Messi, and goal setting to lighten up your day!
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Funniest Goal Short Jokes
Short goal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The goal humour may include short target jokes also.
- TIL of a reality show where the goal is to do as much drugs as possible without dying or getting caught. It's called the Tour de France.
- I'm pleased to announce Reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world! The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content
- I'm halfway towards my goal of becoming filthy rich. Now I just have to have to figure out the rich part.
- Why do old people like golf? Just like in their life, the goal is to get the least amount of strokes before you go in the hole
- When I was young, I set a life goal for myself: I will buy a Lamborghini at the age of 40. This year, I've finally achieved half of the goal. I turned 40.
- In order to finish my 2016 resolution, i cut off my left leg... That way, I'll reach my goal of losing 20 pounds AND start 2017 off on the right foot!
- Before my buddy died I asked him if there was football in heaven. A few days later I saw his ghost. He said
"Good news, there is. Bad news, you're playing in goal tomorrow." - My boss got a new car... ..."Wow! that's a really nice car boss!"
"Lemme tell you something. If you set goals, work hard, and act determined, I can get an even better one next year." - the miracle of being a teen mom when you get pregnant young and your baby is born, hes feet are so small but even so he manages to stomp your dreams and goals.
- Decided to set myself a goal of 25 books this year. Finished last night! That Suess guy really makes some great reads!
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Goal One Liners
Which goal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with goal? I can suggest the ones about objective and mission.
- I had a goal to lose 20 Pounds by the end of the year. 30 pounds to go
- What do you call a girl who's preventing you from reaching your goal? A keeper
- I only had one goal in life: to become a better dad than my dad was. My dad beat me
- I started 2016 with a goal to lose 20 pounds Only 30 more to go and I'm there!
- What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts? Annette.
- I did it! I followed my goal to save $20 from each paycheck in 2020. I have $60.
- Our goal was to play D&D all day today but... No dice.
- How do you keep bears out of your backyard? You install goal posts.
- What's the worst thing that can happen to a football player? To have no goal in life.
- How do schools of fish meet their annual goals? They call in a-fish-in-sea experts.
- This years goal was to lose 15lb Only 20lb to go...
- What is an evil cow's ultimate goal? Udder mayhem
- Soccer is a strange game. Soccer is a bunch of people running away from their goals.
- What do vasectomies and breathalyzers have in common? The goal is to blow a zero.
- My one ambition in life: Set myself more goals.
Own Goal Jokes
Here is a list of funny own goal jokes and even better own goal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What are your career goals? Me: I'd like a job in agriculture.
Why?
Me: It's a growing field. - Did you guys see the goal from half field today in the World Cup? It was a great U.S. attack from Midway
- I brought my girlfriend to watch one of my soccer matches. When an opponent was about to score a goal, she stormed the field and prevented it with her bare hands. She's a keeper.
- I have achieved my life's goal of writing an entire theatrical performance made up entirely of puns. It's a play on words.
- If you're interviewing for a fast food job and they ask about your short and long term goals Short term : I want to work at McDonalds
Long term : I don't want to work at McDonalds - My parents told me to work until my bank balance looked like a phone number I'm happy to say that I've achieved my goal, and am retiring with $911.
- Ex wife to her departing Husband.. You'll never find someone like me again!-
Husband …
That's my goal! - My new year's resolution for 2023 Is to accomplish the goals of 2022 which I should have done in 2021 because I promised them in 2020 and planned them in 2019
- How many Polish soccer players does it take to score a goal? 2: One polish player to score the goal, and one polish goal keeper to try to stop him.
- My dog does back-flips when the Raiders kick a field goal....... my buddy asked me what he does when they score a touch-down and I told him I didn't know, I've only had him for 6 years.
Scoring Goal Jokes
Here is a list of funny scoring goal jokes and even better scoring goal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Which country have scored the most world cup goals? The mongoals.
- What's a geriatric? A German footballer scoring three goals.
- Neymar. Either he is going to score a Goal today or score an Oscar today.
One thing for sure.! - I'm glad that Saudi Arabia didn't score any goal in football match against Russia few hours back If not, their supporters would have yelled Allahu Akbar and the game would be stopped halfway.
- Did Torres play for every other EPL club before Chelsea ? .... Because he never celebrated scoring a goal.
- How many goals did Germany score? A Brazillion.
- A father was fetching his son home from a soccer game. Dad: How was the game, son?
Son: I scored three goals!
Dad: That's great! What was the score?
Son: 0-3 - The manager for Chelsea FC swapped their defender for another one. The opponent scored 2 goals back to back straight after. "Oops, wrong sub.", said the manager.
- Chuck Norris once scored a field goal, using a hockey stick!
- It's been my life dream to score a point at a soccer game... I finally accomplished my goal!

Score Goal Jokes
Here is a list of funny score goal jokes and even better score goal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Yesterday we lost the match with 3-1, but at least we scored once. That was our goal.
- You know what's it called when a man and his wife score in a soccer game? Relationship Goals
- Ladies, if your man stops the opposing team from scoring a goal... He's a keeper
- Part of a hospital was renamed in honour of an old man who scored three goals It's now called the j**... Hat Trick Ward
- How many p**...'s does it take to score a goal? Apparently more than 11.
Field Goal Jokes
Here is a list of funny field goal jokes and even better field goal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I left my illustrious football career behind to become a relatively successful farmer. Field goals
- Track and field is perfect for introverts. The goal is the be there the shortest time possible.
- Rumor has it that distraught Chicago Bear's field goal kicker Cody Parker tried to end his life recently. The bullet went wide right.

Entertaining Goal Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about goal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean purpose jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make goal pranks.
The engineer and the mathematician
A mathematician and an engineer are at a bar when the most beautiful woman either of them has ever seen approaches them.
She takes them to a football field and tells them, "I'm going to stand on the far goal line, and you'll stand on this one. Whichever of you reaches me first can do whatever you want to me."
"There are two rules, however. Your first move can only be to the fifty yard line, and each move following can only be half the distance of the previous."
The woman walks to the far side to the far goal line, and the race begins.
The mathematician, upon seeing her reach the goal line, breaks down in tears, because he knows that he can never make it to the far goal.
The engineer takes off immediately. He knows he can never reach her, but he can certainly get close enough for all practical purposes.
How do you keep the Kansas City Chiefs away from your house?
Paint a goal line on your driveway.
Its the Christians vs Muslims football game...
and the Christians score a goal. From his seat in heaven, surrounded by angels, God cheers.
after a while the Muslims score a goal. Again God cheers. The angels are now confused... "Whose side are you on, Lord?", they ask. "Niether", replies God, "I am just enjoying the game."
(modified from Catholics vs Protestants)
Breaking news... Brazilian goal tender tries to kill self at halftime.
He threw himself in front of a train. It went between his legs, so he's OK, but still, he's very upset over his performance against Germany.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.
What do you call a woman with no legs?
Noelene.
What do you call a woman standing between two buildings?
Elaine.
What do you call a woman standing in between goal posts?
Annette.
I have one goal in life.
To be shot by a jealous husband when I'm 100.
There is a group that works in secret and had an ultimate goal of lighting up the fifth letter of the alphabet.
While we don't know their true name, people have nicknamed them "The Illiminate E"
How do you beat the Islanders?
Give 'em a 3 goal lead
What did the footballer's girlfriend think when she saw him standing between some goal posts?
"He's a keeper"
I reached my goal of shedding 137 pounds this week
It's nice being single again
Goals:
0) Start indexing at zero
Why did the boy fail to become a footballer ?
He didn't have any goal in his life
Why did the necromancer fail to meet his quarterly sales goal?
He ran his business on a skeleton crew.
My goal in life is to get my face on a coin.
That way I can be the change I wish to see in the world.
My goal is to become the oldest person on Earth
I know it sounds like a long shot, but I'm making progress every day.
Just now I achieved a new personal best!
Why did the Toucan achieve his goal?
Because Toucan, not Toucannot.
My goal in life is always turn the negative into the positive...
which is why I lost my job at the h**... clinic
I've started 2016 with a goal of losing 20 pounds...
Seems like I've lost more, my ATM is empty
Last year I was quite miserable and depressed, so I made it my new year's resolution to turn that around.
Thanks 2016, you helped me achieve my goal and made me depressed and miserable.
My goal for 2017....
....is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I made a promise in 2014 and planned in 2013
My only goal in life is to be immortal
So far, so good
What was Jared from Subway's fitness goal?
Getting in to smaller pants
What's the goal of a Jewish football game?
To get the quarter back.
Where's the red light district in Vancouver?
Behind the Canucks' goal net
So i have this over the top gay friend..
He gets really screechy and table slappy when we watch hockey.
Slapping the table top and screeching in a high pitched feminine voice when his team scores a goal.
I wonder what in his past made him this way?
Was it caused by trauma?
Did he not get enough attention from his father?
Was he molested by his uncle?
Seriously people aren't just born Maple Leaf fans!
If a vegan becomes a vegetable, have they achieved their ultimate goal?
"The goal of golf is to play less golf"
"Yes, but I get much more value for my money per s**..., and I get to explore parts of the golf course that were never meant to be explored."
By launching a Tesla to Mars Space X has accomplished the primary goal of the Boring Company.
Avoiding LA traffic!
whats the difference between American soccer and Chilean football?
american soccer and Chilean football are pretty much the same except every goal the Chileans throw a communist from a helicopter.
Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up
Dad: That's a very low goal. Have some ambition
Child: How about being a doctor?
Dad: That's right!
Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....
Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?
Did you know that the entire highway system was originally proposed to be an elevated 'skyway'?
The lofty goal had to be brought back to earth when it couldn't get enough support.
What is a cats greatest goal in life?
To have a Purrrposeful existence.
What is it called when a group of transgendered people have a specific goal?
A trans mission
Attempt to set world record o**... falls short of its goal ...
"Not enough people came" - Stephen Colbert
What did Messi say in his goodbye letter to the soccer goal
You will be missed
Korea's second goal
was kind of a "Low" punch for Germany
My goal is to become an idiot savant
I'm already halfway there.
I set a goal to read the entire dictionary last week
but for whatever reason I lost all interest and stopped somewhere around apathy.
Goals.
My goal in life is to outlive my enemies. I'm looking at you Emma Morano, world's oldest person.
My goal is to become an optimist. I have done absolutely nothing for the goal so far ...
... but that's already a very good start!!!
Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?
Because they can't stop saving their work.
I asked a young chap what his life goal was.
He said, 'To curse at people from the top of a mountain.'
'Erm,' I frowned, 'really?'
He said, 'Swear down.'
Why do politicians always finish a football match with golden goal?
They believe in first past the post
My friend's life goal was to try c**... from all the different countries in the world.
He finally stopped at the Finnish line.
For 2021, I'm setting a goal for myself to find a girlfriend. One that is faithful and actually wants to be with me.
I just can't let the wife find out.
MOM: "No more TV until you finish your math homework!"
KID: "Aww, Mom! When am I ever gonna use math in real life? I'm gonna grow up to be a super rich rock star...I'll pay people to do math \*for\* me."
MOM: "Well, why didn't you say so? That's a wonderful goal! And I know exactly how to help you pursue it."
THE NEXT DAY
MOM: "No more TV until you finish your guitar practice!"
KID: "Aww, Mom!"
My girlfriend is so sweet and loving, plus she plays in goal for the local football team
She's a keeper
Some breaking English football news.
Arsenal are to allow their goal keepers, to train without a mask,
club doctors confirm.
There's no way they can catch anything..
Why does a well-done trans joke start off dark and turn wholesome?
Because the goal is a good transition.

